Apologised to my wife !

[Teresa]

Going back to my thread "A big step in the right direction", it went well and ended fine but I began to feel in limbo, no ground rules were laid down and I know my wife was thinking, " he'll just have to get on with it ". I began to feel more guilt about the things that weren't said and the issues that didn't get dealt with. I should have been happier but was getting more depressed so today I apologised for not feeling happy and being disinterested in working on the house and other jobs.
First I asked her how she felt about me wearing her clothes ? she said she wasn't happy but along as she didn't know she wouldn't stop me. So I asked her if she wanted me to get my own, then I confessed that I had sorted through stuff for the charity shops and had sort of recycled them, which she thought was funny, she then added that she had no idea but she would ask from now on if I wanted anything ! I'm happy with that because I get to wear clothes that I found her attractive in and it hasn't cost anything.
There are still issues pending like the clothes she doesn't know I've bought and she hasn't questioned about underwear or shoes, all of which are mine. I also don't know if she has noticed my shaved legs and upper chest or is choosing to ignore it.

I pressed her about ground rules because I didn't want to upset her in the future, she made it clear that she would take no part in it, she only wants to see the man she married but if she catches me out so be it. At all cost she doesn't want the grandchildren to see and spoil the love she sees I have for them.

I'm saddened that possibly for the rest of my life part of me will always be a stranger to my family and friends, they will be missing out on perhaps a better person.

[Katey888]

Teresa - it's a good thing that you apologised - real contrition can often be a good healer.. :)

I hope you don't mind me picking up on a feeling - which I may be wrong about, so you have my apologies if it is - but are you perhaps pressing a little too enthusiastically for the ground rules and also to touch on these peripheral clothing issues which your wife seems hyper-sensitive about (for obvious reasons).

I realise that you want to get the ground rules in place so that you don't upset her - but I just get a feeling it's perhaps a little too fast for her...?

Unless you think she's deliberately stalling? Can't say that would be a surprise.... Do the same thing with my wife when I'm not keen on something... :)

Just thinking and saying - good news that you're still communicating and she can see something amusing in it all!

Hope that keeps going well for you.. :hugs:

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

Teresa,
You have made great inroads, at least you are not going underground now so to speak.
I would take it slowly and carefully from now on with careful consideration to your wife.

[AllieSF]

Most steps forward are good. From what I am reading here, it sounds like you had a partial revelation to your wife. Maybe you need to consider having a full conversation with her when the time is right and lay it "all" on the line. She knows but does not know the full extent and the details. She needs to know where you have been, are at now, and at least what you think is true about you for the future. You are actually in a very good situation with her and may jeopardize it with those other little known details coming out at the wrong moment.

[Chari]

Teresa, You ARE moving in "the right direction", and hopefully that will continue! Always best to communicate, listen, go slow, and set some guide lines with each other, possibly DADT. Guessing that your wife is about the same size (in something's) as you, which can save a lot of $, but can also create problems if "you look better in her old clothes than she did". Only if she asks about "Teresa's clothes" should you bring it up. Asking her once in a while about "how to do this girly thing" may ease her into accepting your femme side. Remember, your femme side is part of you as an individual & IMO will never go away. Enjoy.

[Jaylyn]

I have found that especially with my wife true open feelings are a must if I want to get something accomplished. She now has helped in molding me in a true looking type gal. I don't dress as much as like but she helps me pick out clothes and even brings me something sometimes for Jaylyn. Like eye lashes she is a rep for she has practiced on me a bunch and even ordered me a tube of them. I just love having a relationship like that so much better than hiding our feelings....

[Anna H]

I'm Very happy it's going better for you....I recall once being a bit worried for you.

If she finds any humor at all in it, that's a very good sign. The only advice I could
offer is what you already know....just let her absorb it at her own pace. It'll
take her some time, but it's better if she has all the time she needs.

I think it's going to end up going well for you. I don't know why I say that, but
I do have a feeling that it will.

:happy:

[MsVal]

I'll soon be in a very similar position Teresa. As you may recall, when I made my disclosure last fall it did not go well. Things settled down in a couple days and we still love each other. My wife's workload was about to pick up dramatically so I said almost nothing about it since then. When it slows down and we reopen the dialog in a month or two I will attempt to secure some kind of agreement that includes a follow-up discussion in a couple of months.

Here are some things that I have been contemplating.

Things I want to discuss:
I will not dress when she is around.
Presenting as the man she married whenever we are together.
The ability to purchase and discretely store feminine articles without having to hide them.
Set a date for follow up discussion that evaluates how it is working.

Things I hope to discuss as near term goals, achievable upon acceptable performance:
The ability to occasionally visit CD friends in public or semi-public (e.g. group meeting) settings.
Minor body modifications (e.g. pierced ears, body shaving)

Things I hope to address in some future discussion:
Disclosing to family
Dressing when she is around

Best wishes
MsVal