Told The Kids

[Aly Cat]

Yesterday, my youngest son asked me why I was wearing girls shoes. I had a pair of black flats on. My first reaction was to just say...because I like them. They are comfortable. Then I decided that since they have been asking their mom questions about why I wear makeup, girls clothes, paint my fingernails etc, it was time. She refuses to answer their questions and had told me that I needed to talk to them. After I said my first reaction, I said...ok, I need to explain to you guys what is going on so that you have answers to your questions.
I explained that in this world, there are all kinds of people. With those many different types of people, there are those who are born as boys and girls who don't feel they should have been born that way. I then went into explaining how girls and boys have different feelings inside, and have different interests. I explained that even though I was born as a boy, how I feel inside and the interests I have are more like a girl. I told them that since I was very little...much younger than them...I have felt this way. My oldest son made a very intelligent observation. He said...well that would make sense since you grew up with just sisters. I explained that that may be part of it, but deep inside, I feel like I should have been born a girl. I told them that dressing like a girl makes me happy because it makes the outside match with how I feel on the inside. Neither of them could understand the "why's", but heck, even I don't understand that. They did understand that this makes me happy though and they both told me they wanted me to be happy. So all in all, it was a good conversation. I didn't want to go to deep into transition and all of that because I don't think they need to know any of that. They are still very young. 7 and 9. For now, this is all they need to know. It answers the questions they had and gives some basic foundation for when they are older and I can explain the transition.

The funny thing is that when we were headed out to the store, my youngest wanted to ask me a question unrelated to our conversation from earlier. He was like....mommy...I mean daddy.....well, I guess I could call you mommy right? My response was...you can call me daddy for now. We laughed and then he asked his question about what to eat for dinner. All in all, it was a good day.

[Jenelle]

I really like how you answered the questions for them :) It is great they seem to be taking it so well but I do wonder if in a couple days they will flood you with questions. I was like that as a child, my parents would explain something to me. I would think on it for a couple days then let the flood gates open on them.

[Bria]

What a burden must have lifted from your shoulders as you were tell your childern that! I think that you did an excellent job of explaining what they need to know now in a form that they can understand. I'm sure that you were very aprehensive about what the reaction might be, but it seems that it went very well, congatulations!!

Hugs Bria

[Leslie Langford]

Eva, you appear to have handled this delicate issue in a very transparent and honest fashion, and your kids' responses seem to attest to that. But that was also the easy part.

The hard part is that you have now transferred the onus of handling this life-changing information and knowledge directly onto them, and it doesn't appear that your wife has your back here, either. This may be an otherwise fairly straightforward matter to deal with within the confines of your family, but the real challenge will be how they handle this in front of their friends and schoolmates once it becomes public knowledge and all kinds of questions begin to be asked (not to mention the reactions of the "haters" out there).

Hopefully, you will be working closely with your children going forward (as well as coaching them appropriately) so that there will be minimal trauma for them to endure in the face of others' potentially negative reactions...

[Katey888]

Sounds to me like you handled this the best way you could, Eva - openly, honestly, and without drama.. :cool:

At some point you have to accept that you can no longer fool them or simply deflect their questions - of course they'll continue to have questions, and you're right not to even think of broaching the topic of transition, but hopefully they can have time with the right support and a continued absence of drama to absorb and grow up with this revelation.

And kids do have a way of coping - sometimes with far worse things in life... :)

Thanks for sharing that Eva - happy for you and your family...

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

Eva,
Normally I am against telling children so young, but in the case of transition it is good to prepare them for what is to come.
I wish you well.

[PaulaQ]

I'm really happy that this went so well for you Eva. Surprisingly enough, young children are usually more OK - the older we get, the harder this seems to be to accept. I'm really happy for you, hon! :D

[Teresa]

Hi Eva,
Have your kids seen you partially or totally dressed and if so as everyday or tarty ? How they have seen you is going to make a difference when what you've told them sinks in, do you look like mummy or a GO-GO dancer ? Also did your wife go along with your explanation ? I had shivers down my spine when I read this, your eldest son is the age when I got stuck on CDing, you can't stop his inclinations but I don't think I would encourage them either. What are they going to tell their school friends ? My daddy wants to be a girl !
I hope you don't live to regret not waiting a while!

[Michelle V]

That is a very beautiful and emotional story. I admire your determination in becoming who you were meant to be an staying strong when sharing with your kids. I hope things continue to go this smooth with them, because after all is said and done the only people that really matter are our love ones.

[Aly Cat]

I should follow up that after the talk, I cautioned them against talking to their friends / classmates about it. I explained to them that as difficult as it may have been for them to understand, it would be twice as difficult for their friends since they do not have all the details. I did tell them that not everyone is as accepting as them and that there are in fact mean people who may get upset. I told them that it would be best not to tell their friends so that no one is mean to them because of me. They understood and agreed by saying that in conversations, details get forgotten and they wouldn't want to say the wrong things. Did I mention how intelligent my children are? Gah I love them. I told them they could always come to me about anything. Either related to this topic or otherwise. I am always there for them no matter what. I have never talked down to my kids belittling their intelligence. I always treat them with respect and of course, cater the details to their level. I hope I did the right thing. I hate how everyone has been treating them. Keeping them in the dark and ignoring their questions as if they aren't important. I will always treat my kids with respect and make sure that they know their questions and opinions matter.

[kimdl93]

You handled that very well.

[mechamoose]

You did the right thing and handled that well. Being honest with your kids isn't just about truthfulness, its about showing them how the world really works. We have the power to change the future by molding our children's views. I have wonderful children who accept my sparkly-toed self. They are now practical parents who accept 'differences'.

My 3 year old grandson wants Meridia's dress from 'Brave'. My daughter shrugged it off while his dad flipped a bit.

"That's Mah Girl!"

- MM

[Aly Cat]

Hi Eva,
Have your kids seen you partially or totally dressed and if so as everyday or tarty ? How they have seen you is going to make a difference when what you've told them sinks in, do you look like mummy or a GO-GO dancer ? Also did your wife go along with your explanation ? I had shivers down my spine when I read this, your eldest son is the age when I got stuck on CDing, you can't stop his inclinations but I don't think I would encourage them either. What are they going to tell their school friends ? My daddy wants to be a girl !
I hope you don't live to regret not waiting a while!

My kids have only seen me partially dressed here and there. Jeans with flats and a tshirt, a skirt once (though that was only because I couldn't wear pants...got kicked in the jewels and had to wear something open down below) they have seen the makeup, painted nails etc. I'm not one for going all loli. That's not my style. I like skirts and dresses and stuff like that, but it's all pretty conservative. I'm no GO-GO dancer lol. I explained that not everyone is like me and that if they are just boys, then that is what they are. Nothing wrong or right about it. Both of them are all boy through and through and I encouraged them to be just that if that is who they are. I'm happy with how it turned out.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Eva, My daughters are 45 & 47 and this is something that I never want to dump on them.

[MsVal]

There are stories about events following the death or serious illness of a parent. In some stories the kids find suspicious things with no explanation and their imagination provides the lurid details.

One of my intermediate term goals is to make a full disclosure to my family. I am almost certain that it will be dismissed as a weirdo by some of them, but I would rather die a truthful weirdo than a lying weirdo.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Rob]

Kid's are resilient little buggers in the first place... but yours are intelligent and were raised well. They were not raised to be judgmental... they will adjust and as long as you love them they will love you back in kind.

They are not nearly as misguided and judgmental as some of the other people you've had to deal with... :@

[Aylineira]

I'm definitely not looking forward to the day when I have to tell my kids. I definitely think with you dressing at times that they probably always knew but always wanted to know why.

I really like how you worded your answer Eva Lynn. I'm going to have to remember it for the future.

[Aly Cat]

My thing was, I'm going to be transitioning as soon as possible which is going to raise much bigger questions then just...why are you wearing girls shoes? I thought it would be best to somewhat prepare them for what's soon to come. It certainly wasn't something I was looking forward to lol. It was just one of those conversations that had to be done. Kind of like the birds and bees conversation (I have yet to have that one...SO NOT looking forward to that one!)

[Ginger Jameson]

It's good to hear these things can go so well and be handled so admirably.

I've been debating lately having the same talk with my kids (minus the transitioning portion). When I came out as bi to my daughter about a year ago it was kinda forced on me. She thought she might be bi and was very worried about it so we had a nice long talk. It really bugged my son that I'd come out to her first, and I'd promised her my silence so all I could say was that I had to do it and it wasn't a planned thing. Now she's started noticing my jewelry box and clothes that wouldn't fit my wife but don't belong to her. It won't be long before she cracks the code and I feel like I need to come out to my son first so there's not a second incidence of "her over me," regardless of how accidental it would be.

[mechamoose]

"Because I'm a girl in a guy's body. The clothes & shoes make me feel more like ME"

Your kids will get it. Really.

- MM