Am I good looking?

[Jenniferathome]

My wife assures me that I am by the way but I can state with candor that I've never thought I was good looking. I know I'm not Quasimodo but good looking....? I rarely look in the mirror, even when I shave, I usually walk around (electric). I don't look because what am I really going to do? I got what I got. My hair is buzz cut so there is never a "hair" issue, I'm well past acne so what's left? Spinach on my teeth? So basically, I'm a dude and as long as there isn't a booger hanging from nose, I'm good to go.

But in girl mode, I am very conscious of my appearance. Part of it is that I want to make the best presentation possible so that when I am out, I'll not traumatize the normals. A related component is that I am amazed at the change that I can make. Clearly, women don't think this way. Women augment with makeup, cross dressers change. So I look at every small nuance of my face as I apply my makeup. When I'm done, I step back and self appraise. And I'm appraising a different face in the mirror, not the "me" that I am in guy mode. I can look at that image and think that's an attractive woman. So how nutty is that?! Pretty nutty in my book but I do it.

So the question is, as a guy, do I really not care or is it that my options are so limited, there's no point? Is this is just self-indulgence I justify as "what women do?" At the end of the day, maybe it's just socialization. I really don't know. I certainly don't think about being "good looking" when in guy mode, but I do want to be "good looking" in girl mode. That's kind of weird. Why do I care? Is this your normal as well?


UPDATE: 1250 ish views and 40+ replies tells me this struck a chord somewhere. Here's the general summary: Cross dressers overwhelmingly report putting little to no effort into their male side. Wow. Only three women commented thus far but a general consensus exists: "Men, put in some effort, your wife will appreciate it!" kind of sums it up. Guys, we have to try harder.

[Chari]

Just taking a guess that you have been a guy longer than Jennifer has been around! You may be so used to seeing your guy side, that like most guys, it almost never changes, and perhaps your guy may be a bit boring, while Jennifer probably pays more attention to details - hers and her surroundings, which can create some excitement and challenge. Try not to be so critical of your guy side, but please do enjoy all the facets of your entire being.

[mykell]

hit the nail on the head jen,
i obsess after every photo session , i keep a mirror at the tripod so i can check my look before the timer goes,
never fails, if i have a good smile, too dark, eyes closed, great color,
do an adjustment with editing, shiny face but the clothes look better,
will this look better with that, thank good i dont go out id never be ready !! yesterday was the first day i thought i would try while looking in the mirror, then the editing began and pic, pic, pic,
like everyone says were our own worst critics, even in guy mode, but i give it less thought....

[Jamiegirl1]

I really care how I look in femme mode,want to look as pretty as I possibly can with my little knowledge of applying makeup.....I really don't care what I look like in guy mode,and you are right ,in guy mode we are very limited on what we can do,but as women,we can change our looks sooo much by different wigs,short or long dresses,casual or dressy...it is sooo much fun to be feminine...and yes I too am amazed at the woman that looks back at me in the mirror and I actually think she is attractive.....I don't think you are nutty,just really happy about who you see in the mirror......happy dressing! Jamie

[GretchenJ]

Hi Jenn

Great question !! This response is coming from a guy who despises having his picture taken, who eye will move to the flaw in the face, or the nose, or the chin or any other unflattering feature

As Gretchen, easily 95% of the pictures go to the recycle bin immediately after viewing. I think that there are maybe 5-10 pictures that I sort of like of myself.

But for what we do, it's doubly tough - as not only are we are trying to use makeup as GGs do to enhance our look, but we are also using makeup techniques to hide or downplay our mainly traits, be it shadow, or cheek structures, etc.

[Alice Torn]

Beneath the skin, nobody looks good.

[Michelle V]

I have seen a lot of before and after pictures of CDs and find most to be a lot better looking as females, either they do an amazing job with hair and makeup of I really can't find the male appearance attractive at all. Me, as long as my wife finds me attractive I don't worry much about my male appearance. But I agree with you Jennifer, I do place a lot of effort into appearing if not passable at least not horrible in my female form.

[Jenniferathome]

Michelle, maybe that's a piece of the puzzle. My wife loves me and thinks I'm attractive so it really doesn't matter after that. I'm not looking.

[kittypw GG]

I find it sad that you don't care what you look like as a man. Your options are certainly not limited. There are very stylish hairstyles for men and the clothes are just as abundant as women's clothes. I work with quite a few guys that never look the same every day. Their pants, shirts and shoes are always different and stylish. If you are going to love yourself you need to find a way to love all of yourself. Not just care about how you look as a girl. Unless you really want to be one. Put some of your efforts into the man you are or things will certainly get out of balance.

[Ezekiel]

As far as I've seen arround, this is pretty common in crossdressers. They just don't care about themselves when not dressed, they place all emphasis when going to dress to the point of obssession some times. Autogynephilia on a emotional level I say. I guess myself included... because this sounds close to me.

[Jenniferathome]

Kitty, maybe you are right. Perhaps I've been coasting. I'm guy me 99.9% of the time. Perhaps a little effort is in order.

[Anna H]

Yep, you're good looking. Both ways.

I'm not attracted at all to guys, but I can admit when one is a good looking guy.

I try to get my wife to tell me that I could go out and not be too badly noticed
when dressed. She still tells me I look like a man. Lucky for me she's pretty
straight about it. I'd easily convince myself I could go out shopping...lol!

I think if I were in a place where I could go out with other CD's, I wouldn't care.
But, alone, I'd need to be closer to actually passing. Not all the way, as that
ain't possible, but just enough to sneak by unnoticed.

As a guy, I don't care, and the rougher looking I am...here where we live..the
better.

As a girl, I can't go out, so just taking a zillion pictures and getting the few
acceptable ones will have to do for me.

I didn't even know my hair was grey til a few months ago. I never paid any
attention. Getting old gets here before one knows it. Take advantage while
you can...;)

[julia marie]

I'll disagree on guys not caring how they look in guy mode. I do think the options are limited. Sure, I could change my hair color, but it would mean pouring the dye into the shower drain. But, seriously, look at the limited colors and styles that are available to men, and how it's only in the past few years that products other than acne meds were available to help a guy's facial appearance (and even now there really isn't much). Plus, there is the societal factor, and we aren't encouraged to delve into experimentation in improving our appearance.
One of the great things CD is that we can experiment, money allowing.

[darla_g]

I know exactly what you are talking about girl! i wouldn't say i don't care about my male appearance but the options are much more limited. I can select my pants (5 or 6 different hues) and then a matching shirt (no tie or jacket required unless customers are in). its pretty boring. I may wear some jewelry (necklace or bracelet if desired) if i am inclined but nothing like Darla gets to wear.

with Darla there are tons of options! many wigs , which outfit , and what makeup look. In fact i do plan out all my dressing sessions so i don't waste time.

[Miriam-J]

It's much the same with me, Jennifer - right down to the buzz cut. About the only thing I do for my guy appearance is wear contacts and a decent shirt, and I hardly give it a thought. In gal mode I fret over makeup, matching clothes, and every nuance of how the clothes lay over my body, and I worry about my appearance much of the time - even checking makeup in the car mirror on my way to destinations.

I like to think that someday I'll be more comfortable and relaxed in gal mode, but the amount of work it takes to be convincingly femme makes it pretty unlikely.

Miriam

[Connie.Marie]

Jennifer,
You took the words right out of my mouth. Almost every line of your post could have been written by me. So if you're Nutty, then I'm NUTTY too.

Hugs, Connie Marie

[Barbara Dugan]

I agree with your wife you are good looking on male mode take it from someone that really admire and pay attention how males look

[AmandaJean]

Jen,

Count me in as one of the NUTTY bunch!

In my case, I'm extremely attracted to women, they just have so many options for different looks. When I dress it's fun to look at myself and see a partially attractive woman looking back in the mirror or in photos. But when I'm in drab mode... it's more like "that guy looks familiar, time to take out the trash". LOL

[Nadine Spirit]

A few years ago I realized that I was doing this same thing. Not so much with my clothes, as I have a fashion bug whether for male or female clothes, but in terms of my face, as a male I would barely even glance at it in the mirror. Also as a male I never noticed all of the little annoying things like the stray nose hair or the couple of weirdo hairs growing on top of my ears. But once I noticed this massive imbalance I have tried to correct it. And am now doing a much better job with caring for myself equally in both modes.

[Jenniferathome]

You know Nadine, I think my wife deserves more from me! Perhaps one does not need to be vane to be the best you can be.

[Amy Fakley]

yeah that's pretty much the same deal for me. I've never cared for myself in guy mode. I'm a short, scrawny vaguely effeminate guy. There's not much I can do about that. I'm not gonna grow anymore, LOL. I keep my weight in check and get exercise now and then, and I try to make sure I don't look like a slob but, the best I can do as a guy is "meh ..."

... But I can be completely gorgeous in girl mode, and I really really like that. I like being able to look in the mirror and say ... "I really love the way I look" and just mean it and believe it in a way that I just could never achieve in guy mode. It's not that I hate my dude side, it's that I'm sort of indifferent to it honestly ... all the best parts of me seem to come out in girl mode.

this thread is a great corollary to that other "what happened to make you want to crossdress" thread. For me the answer is "discovering that I could feel so much better about myself as a girl". I don't even know if I can be "good looking" as a guy. Honestly I don't think I can, LOL.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Jennifer, this is probably as simple as you're just more appreciative of feminine beauty because you're a heterosexual guy so never put much thought into the guy version. Women like attractive men but that's not the main thing we really look for in a partner, as I think everyone understands. I think men are just more visual, especially when it comes to all things female. It makes sense you'd put more effort into your female outfit as it's what your eye admires the most. And that's not because you're out attracting other men or anything, before anyone assumes that's what I mean! It's just how you're wired and it's also a socialisation thing as this is what women do.

But Kitty's right, men can look amazing when dressed well and you have the looks to do this, so go jazz yourself up and surprise your wife. She will be tossing out your plain man clothes in no time - then both sides of your wardrobe will look beautiful.

[Jenniferathome]

Best explanation yet Tink! I think you're right. And the visual thing also explains why women are always better looking than the guy they are with (we all know this too;-)).

[Princess Grandpa]

I find myself much more concerned with appearance when we go out if I'm en femme than if I'm being a dude. When I dress as a man I need jeans. Any jeans will do. I need a shirt. As long as it doesn't clash, any shirt will do. When preparing for a night out as Rita every detail of the outfit is scrutinized and discussed. Julie always does a marvelous job on my make up so that's not really a concern. I'm not even close to pretty but I'm happy and I do fret over every aspect of my appearance. And I can't pass a mirror lol

Hug
Rita

[LilSissyStevie]

I honestly can't tell what a good looking guy looks like. When I was still working, some guy would come into the lab and the women would start making salacious comments about him after he left. I would be completely amazed that they would think this guy was attractive. Yet some other guy would be deemed unattractive and I would be clueless as to why. In fact that's the main reason I was able to convince myself that I wasn't gay. When I finally accepted that I "must" be gay due to my strange sexual predilections, I went looking for a "hot guy" to initiate me and couldn't imagine what one looked like. I was doomed to be attracted to females.

I've always been lucky in that a significant percentage of women consider me good looking. Lucky because if I was even mildly unattractive, I would have died a virgin since I'm so unaggressive in matters of sex and romance. I asked a girl out on a date exactly one time in my entire life yet I've never been alone except when I wanted to be. Most times it goes no further than the initial attraction because most women like to be pursued and I'm just not built that way. I've been told innumerable times that I bear an uncanny resemblance to a certain movie star heartthrob of the last generation. We're both older now and not so sexy anymore.

Oddly enough, I always got more attention from women when I dressed down. When I dressed up, I was perceived as stuck up or gay. I've been told more than once that I was "too good looking to be straight." lol! I guess when I dress down I don't seem vain. Nowadays my male uniform consists of overalls, logger boots, long sleeve t-shirt, sombrero and my hair (what's left of it) in a long braid in back. The cows and chickens don't seem to care one way or another. I don't go out in public much anymore and when I do I dress to be unnoticed. I only CD in private and, of course, everything has to be perfect according to my motto - "every thing worth doing is worth doing to excess."

[PaulaQ]

@ Jennifer - what you describe is a pretty typical symptom of mild gender dysphoria. No argument that you are male identified, but you have a feminine side and she wants to be pretty. I think you are very presentable, and dress well and attractively.

[Wildaboutheels]

This is simple Human Nature and nothing more. Easily verified at any Dating site. Time and time and time again, whenever it comes up. A man's "looks" are seldom at the top of women's lists of desired traits for a partner ... unless the women are teens or early twenties. Men on the other hand of almost any age will usually have attractive in first or second place on their lists of wants.

A better looking guy has only a slight advantage over an average guy...as far as landing a FEmale companion.

Is it because women are less shallow about looks than men? No, it's because few women are "turned on" by a man's physical appearance. It's simply contrary to their most basic programming.

Few men are going to spend all the time, money and effort on their own "presentation" that females do, because they are likely to NOT benefit in any way, shape or form. Manufacturers are not going to produce products for men that nobody will buy.

More proof can be seen by simple observation. It's very rare to see a "good looking" guy with an average looking woman. The opposite is not uncommon at all. "Hot looking" women are seen with average looking men all the time. But more often than not the man is "successful". "Successful" men are more likely to make "better" fathers for any offspring.

The dance has been this way for a long time and it's not changing anytime soon although men are becoming ever more obsolete in general. [and both science and research support this]

I am "fortunate" enough to have only one mode, where my only concern is making sure my fly is zipped.

[Amanda M]

Jenn - completely nutty, just like you! Male slob, elegant female.

[Brenda B]

Hi Jennifer,
You mention you have a buzz cut. Are you able to grow out your hair? With my long hair, I can see both sides of me even in guy mode. Give me a comb, and I can effect a feminine look easily. It' s certainly human nature to have our self-doubts. But you're very good looking as Jennifer, and you've got great legs!
Regards,
Brenda B

[Martha G]

Dressed as a female, I look quite attractive and pretty. I don't look like the same person. As a matter of fact I look ten to fifteen years younger.

As a male I look my age or older.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Successefull men are better fathers, successefull in what way ,

how does that work,
that gets me off the hook does it not, i would not say i was successfull concerning money or being in a top job i never climbed any ladder or pushed my way over others,

Yet none of the bridges or commercial building's or other buildings iv designed and built have fallen down i employed others to work for myself i was well trained, so was i successfull spos not
We have 3 grown up adults and 11 grand kids 18 of us in our clan. not successfull no i quess your right,

spos your not when your ....only.... a woman. ya dont count in a mans world.

Still not successfull, im in charge of a multiy millon $ complex have others to work under myself , maybe i see success in a very different way, your right i never was successfull how could i be im not a guy, so maybe i am as a woman would that count i'v got little else maybe im successfull in other ways , hmmmm , maybe,


...noeleena...

[Teresa]

Hi Jennifer,
Most guys never question their looks, I always close shave every day thinking I'm ready to put makeup on but when your hairdresser asks if you want you ear hair and eyebrows trimmed you realise male mode is not being taken care of. Makeup is just addictive once I did what Mikell did and took pictures of the stages, viewing them is weird seeing the guy disappear, maybe we are just actors and we're getting into character, Jen you could be right we're not just nutty but nutty actresses, not another name to live with !

[KayleeDahl]

Hi Jennifer,
I can totally relate to not looking at (you could almost say avoiding) the mirror in guy mode, and an over abundance of it in girl mode. Until you brought it up, i don't think i even realized the contrast.

I wouldn't say i'm a shlubby male, I do care about my appearance there, and although its not half as fun as the girl wardrobe, have a pretty big guy wardrobe. I will shoot a glance at the mirror, confirming my hair is the right mix of messy vrs neat, but don't dwell there and enjoy the moment like when in girl mode.

I think this is probably due to two reasons -
1) When getting dressed as a girl, there are so many more variables to consider - how different pieces go together, and how to emphasize the female and minimize the male. When dressing as a guy its way easier to pick a shirt, pants and shoes that match and be ready to go.
2) I think we all derive alot of enjoyment & re-enforcement from the mirror in girl mode. For a long time the mirror and the camera were the only ways to experience Kaylee because she was hidden from the outside world. Developing self without any exterior feedback would be difficult, and until a person starts going out, the mirror and online communities are the main places we get that feedback.

Hugs!

[Camille15]

It's very much the same for me. Case in point, I spend oodles of time researching and online shopping for Camille. But I've desperately needed new male clothes for work for some time, and I never seem to make the time to go buy them. Just not that excited by the idea. My wife gets baffled. I do care how I appear as a guy (more so since I started CD'ing), but not enough to invest major time into it given all of the other stressors to juggle in my life.

But when I look in the mirror and a girl looks back, the rewards center in my brain lights up like an xmas tree. I feel pretty and happy, enamored with how I look as a girl. It makes me want to keep doing it, find other pretty clothes, work on my look even more, etc. Some of this is likely b/c a part of my brain is and always has been wired in the way a girls' is, and so it's exciting and pleasing to let that part come out and grow. And also, at some level, there's probably a part of my male self that's shocked and pleased to see an attractive woman standing there. Plus it's a great escape from stress and life as usual. All in all, it's very reenforcing, exciting, and fun! As a result, I want to do it more, and keep doing it better. I think it's a natural consequence of how my brain is wired, and is why people get addicted to other things, too. I'd guess it's something similar for many folks here.

Camille

[carhill2mn]

I am very conscious of how I look when en femme. I want to present as nice an image of a woman as I can. Although, I try to look nice as a man, there is much less with which to work!

[kendra_gurl]

Remember in all the threads all the post on why its okay for women to wear mens clothes but not the other way around, this thread explains pretty well why they like wearing jeans and a shirt. At times they don't want to have to bother will all that other stuff either and who can find fault in that.

I find all the makeup techniques and clothing looks very exciting to experiment with which is why for me the transformation is more enjoyable getting there than when it's achieved.

Even a stick figure looks better in a dress

[Beverley Sims]

As a guy I feel pretty ordinary, but put on a dress and I want to set the world on fire.

[Amanda M]

Jenn - just realized I did not answer your question. Yes you are, GF!! Big time.

[Julia Red]

I love to see the woman in the mirror. She keeps getting prettier evey year.

But the guy in the mirror could look better, be taller and stronger. The thing is I don't care that much about his appearance, so usually I won't bother doing something about it (especially about the "stronger" part). My wife compliments him tough. There was one time when we were at a rock concert, and she said "Oh my, I was looking at all these other guys... and you're the best looking one here". Everytime I say that girls clothing are better she try to convince me that men can have many options, which I disagree.

[Eryn]

I'll observe that I pay more attention to my appearance in male mode now that I have gained the opportunity to express myself in female mode. Part of is it because I now have access to better fitting jeans and I think of colors more creatively. Before I became an active CDer I exhibited the male engineer trait of optimizing my wardrobe so that I could get dressed in the dark without mismatches. Now I select even my male wardrobe from both sides of the aisle, take better care of my hair, nails, and skin, and have the pleasure of selecting earrings even in male mode.

Good looking? I'll leave that to the eye of the beholder! :)

[Greenie]

Maybe becuase in male mode, its effortless. You don't need to blend, or be "passable". You are just a plain old dude. Of course your wife thinks you are good looking in male mode, its what she married! I don't think inherently anyone could be with someone else they didn't personally find attractive.

I love how Luca likes to look good in male mode. When he gets ready for a date and he puts effort into "dude" luca, its awesome. You should make your good looking male self shine every once in a while. I am sure your wife would like it.

:)

[Stevie]

Jen I know you have been wearing make up lot longer than I and also gave me the push in the right direction. I'm still a newbie at this but I am more self conscious about my appearance now than ever before especially after applying make up. To answer your question I would say this is a natural reaction.

[franchesca]

Guess I'm "nutty" too... in guy mode I avoid mirrors as well as cameras. In girl mode mirrors are a magnate that I cant pass and my SO teases me when she catches me snapping selfies all the time. As a woman I love what i see in the mirror!

[devida]

I am constantly amazed at how badly men dress, how little care they take with their presentation, their figures, and, apparently their daily hygiene and health. Even if I wanted to be so slovenly my wife would not allow it. She always dressed me and would not let me walk out of the house without her approval. I am eternally grateful that during the years I was clueless about my presentation she took care of me. I wince at the way I dressed before I met her because my first wife just did not care how I looked because, as it turned out, she didn't care about me. Now that I take an interest in my appearance I spend more time on dressing, personal hygiene and make up than my wife (shaving my body takes a long time) . But I do think it is shameful how badly men dress and present themselves. So guys, remember, even in drab people are looking at you and the way you present yourself reflects your self esteem. Women really try hard to look at least presentable. Why don't men? Do they not like themselves or is their sense of male privilege so great that they don't think they need to bother?

[mechamoose]

They aren't ignoring it. Most men don't *see* it.

There are two topics here. One is Male Cluelessness. The other is Self Perception.

Males are males. They do practical. They do efficient. We do pretty.

From an artist's standpoint, I can say that we *always* think our art sucks. Others see cool and interesting, we see our mistakes.

From a 'pretty' standpoint, *confidence* is one of the best things you can show to be considered pretty.

- MM

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenn, When I'm En-drab I always try to present in a decent manner with not a hair out of place.
And when En-femm I try to look the very best that I can.