What if Your Best Male Friend...?

[GeminaRenee]

So, here's a hypothetical I've been modeling a bit in my mind lately. It was inspired by a post from another member who has a close friend whom they thought might have cd/tg leanings, so the member, desirous of a potential shared bond between the two, tried to encourage the friend to reveal any trans-orientation. Results were less than optimal, I guess.

That got me to wondering: if my one of my closest male friends came out as CD, how would I feel about sharing that new commonality with him?

No matter how I try to model the idea in my head, I have to say that I don't feel like I would be comfortable in becoming bosom CD buddies with any of them. Maybe I should clarify: of course I would accept/encourage any sort of non-cis gender expression, should any of them ever come out as such. But if Friend X came out about it, I don't feel like I would be in any hurry to go dress shopping with him or the like.

I've been trying to isolate the why of this, and I think it's for a couple of reasons:

-For one, I've known my closest male friends for up to 20 years now. My relationships with these guys were forged around activities like racing cars, lifting weights, fishing, climbing mountains, chasing girls, listening to loud music, and drinking lots of beer. The idea of such a drastic shift in paradigm is almost too much for me to wrap my mind around, let alone enthusiastically embrace. I should emphasize: it's not that I wouldn't be supportive (or they me, for that matter - one of the reasons that my closest friends are my closest friends is that they are impressively sensitive, thoughtful, and open-minded for guys - otherwise they'd just fall into the realm of guy friends that I generally just sort of tolerate), I would just find it difficult to process the development.

(As an aside, thinking about this has given me a new appreciation for the SO who has had this sprung on them after years and years. It must be incredibly difficult to assimilate all of that new information, and reconcile it with the concept of the person that you've grown to know after all of this time.)

-For another thing, giving thought to this topic has made me realize, once again, just how compartmentalized my male-ness and female-ness are. Behind closed doors, or with certain people (for example, my female friends who I am out to), I have gotten much better at not drawing such a definitive line between the two - and therefore a more accurate picture of my whole self. But in most situations, or with guy friends, I am reluctant to wipe out that line to any significant degree. And the more I think about this, I wonder what the implications are. Does this mean that I am more ashamed of myself than I would like to admit? Am I less secure in the person than I am than I have lead myself to believe?

Not that I'm asking for answers to those questions from all of you - those are things I have to sort out on my own, and in time. Funny how much of a puzzle I can still be to myself, huh?

So, I'm curious about how some of you would react. If your best male friend suddenly revealed a cd/tg propensity to you (and you to him), would you enthusiastically embrace it without question and run off to Macy's to try on shoes? Or do you think it would be something you would be more reluctant to share completely, at least at first? Or would it be something else altogether that I haven't even considered?

[samantha rogers]

I think I would be overjoyed. I have never kept a lot of close male friends, I expect having something to do with the anxiety of my own GID. So the few I maintain (not counting many I classify as associates or acquaintances rather than friends) are very special to me. Keeping this side of myself secret and apart from those real friends is a cross to bear. If one of them came out to me as CD I doubt I could contain my enthusiasm. I would probably be a total wreck of tears and joy.

[Hell on Heels]

First off I'd have to get over the shock, I can't imagine that any of my guy friends are CD. Once I was sure they weren't pulling my leg, or trying to get Kristyn to come out of the closet, and they were truly CD. I think I would share with them. Maybe not the whole shoe shopping thing, but at least my story, provided they shared teir's, and build on it from there.

[sandra-leigh]

I can think of at least two of my male friends whom I would feel comfortable going Shopping with. I can think of at least whom I would not be comfortable doing that with. It is perhaps no coincidence that the two I would feel comfortable with, I have already told about my being transgender, and the other two I have not told and expect them to take it badly.

[GeminaRenee]

I guess I should include that it's not that I wouldn't be open to talking about it with any of them. Of course I would - they could come out to me about most anything without fear of judgment. And I certainly would be happy for them, and happy for me to know that someone that is important to me is in the same boat - or at least a similar boat in the same fleet. But I think it would be difficult indeed to then incorporate dressing as part of the friendship, in the way that dressing might form a large part of the friendship between myself and someone that I knew to be cd/tg from the get-go.

[laura.lapinski]

GeminaRene:

This was an awesome post with original thinking. Thanks. My thoughts parallel yours. I agree. I have this very compartmentalized, and on further review I think that is OK. We don't share all the stuff we do with our spouses with our friends. We might joke with them in generalizations, but we don't go into details. Even less so with our co-workers. I suppose you shouldn't be overly concerned with your compartmentalization of it since we compartmentalize lots of things for reasons of appropriateness and consequence.

Still, I also agree that we should be as authentic to as many as we can about who we are. I think that, for me, is a work in progress. Honesty is the best policy for our own or best well-being. Easier said than done.

[PaulaQ]

I'd be totally cool with it. I'd help them through their fears, help them come out if they needed to, and I'd definitely go shopping with them. I'd be thrilled, honestly. I'd be delighted to give them tips on makeup, and help them choose clothing. I'd DEFINITELY help them go out en femme, when they were ever ready for that.

As far as CDing together - I can't really answer that. For me, these are just my clothes, so spending a day trying on different outfits together would feel a little weird. I'm not saying I wouldn't do that - but it would definitely be atypical for me!

This will NEVER happen to me, but I'd sure be thrilled if it did.

[noeleena]

Hi,
I have 6 bestest friends 3 male and 3 women , for the time from 19 59 on they were my real friends they were / are older than i so we were very close, now two of the men i worked with and we did lots togeather, so thats my background of my 6 friends one has since past on 3 of those i saw about 7 years ago and thier acceptance of myself is no different

They knew me as a kid and 7 years ago they saw and met me as a woman. we can talk about things that we did and are still close as friends and when i catch up with them again we just carry on as before,

can i talk about cars yes i do with friends next door a bit more up market what ever, over my head type thing yet the basic's are the same so i help out when needed, some of the guys would be thinking whats this chic, well more, old bird, he he ..... know any way, well grounded in trucks heavy farm gear cars and any thing on wheels . they soon find out this chic does know what she's on about so im treated with respect and we get on very well.

So you see just because im a female and muck up to my armpits im not some old bird who knows nothing plus i have thier young daughter over here and i take her out with me,

So when you talk about mates or guys you get on well with if they are real mates then what you wear or in my case being female does it relly become an issue for myself even after what 55 years, of knowing my friends and men who were are lovely mates,

I know i had a lot of difficultys with men and hated being around them, yet i had 3 lovely guys who were/ are close to me you know thats really so so neat , i know youll never know what it means to me i dont expect you too, it really does something to me they keeped me safe and i really enjoyed thier company.

...noeleena...

[Katey888]

Fascinating thoughts, Gemina - very searching... and you make a huge point about why SOs find this so difficult to deal with, and in some cases, impossible to reconcile with their earlier relationship.

I think a lot depends on the nature of ones friends and relationships... all of my male friends now have been business colleagues in the past - the context of that friendship is more limited than folk you might grow up with at an earlier stage in life... I can understand why you would find it more difficult to cope with such an apparent radical change in one of your friends' personalities.

I'd like to think that I would be able to talk about it and share a similar discussion to that which we have here.. To have someone to talk to, who understands, and whom one already trusts, would be too good a chance to miss... How that might develop further...? Hard to tell...

Seems like you've hit a very deep reason why many folk have difficulty understanding any of us... thought provoking...

Thanks Gemina - great thinking and honesty...

Katey x

[Shari]

Wow, great post Gemina. It has the gray matter percolating.
Once I was able to get my jaws closed and process the info a bit more, I think I would say okay, that took some guts to tell me that. I would be supportive and not turn them away.
By the same token, I would need some time before I might come out to them. I certainly wouldn't gush and say welcome to my world. I'd need to know if it was actually true. That would take some time to process.
Given time and acceptance I might come out to them later on. Shopping? Who knows? Dressing together? Another question mark.
Did I already write "great post"?

[Milou]

Actually, I just found out that my best friend is a crossdresser (wow, coincidence) and that we have more things in common than I initially thought. He even helped me with some stuff, but I try to limit crossdressing as much as possible.

[GeminaRenee]

Thanks everyone for the responses. Very thought provoking. Just a couple of points I wanted to respond to specifically:


I have this very compartmentalized, and on further review I think that is OK. We don't share all the stuff we do with our spouses with our friends. We might joke with them in generalizations, but we don't go into details. Even less so with our co-workers. I suppose you shouldn't be overly concerned with your compartmentalization of it since we compartmentalize lots of things for reasons of appropriateness and consequence.

Still, I also agree that we should be as authentic to as many as we can about who we are. I think that, for me, is a work in progress. Honesty is the best policy for our own or best well-being. Easier said than done.

You do raise a good point about compartmentalization. It can be a useful survival strategy, and not just pertaining to crossdressing. I think there's often a fine line though, with things we compartmentalize. We can quickly go from keeping things in neat "piles" to bottling things up in a dangerous fashion. I know that's not always an easy juggling act for me.

The other thing that concerns me about compartmentalization in my life, is that I often feel like it reflects insecurity or shame in who I am. I don't like that feeling, and I'd often like to think that I'm above it. But the reality is not always so convenient for me.

As you say, though - everything's a work in progress.


I think a lot depends on the nature of ones friends and relationships... all of my male friends now have been business colleagues in the past - the context of that friendship is more limited than folk you might grow up with at an earlier stage in life... I can understand why you would find it more difficult to cope with such an apparent radical change in one of your friends' personalities.

A good observation, Katey. I have known all of my close guy friends since high school. In a way, this would make it easier for me to come out to them, if i were to choose to do so - while simultaneously making it more difficult for me to process the same information about them, were the shoe on the other foot.

Interestingly, I am out to 5 female friends now. 3 of the 5 are women that were business colleagues at one point. I am still cautious about telling women, but it's interesting the dichotomy between the sexes, in that I am willing to tell women from a setting that I would probably never share with a guy from, yet still find difficulty with guys. Even when the roots of the male relationships should provide a more fertile ground for that sort of revelation.

I guess that says a little about what is expected from men from a cultural standpoint, doesn't it?

[dominique]

Good post. If that happened to me I'd need to take some time to digest the news. For it would change the whole dynamic of our relationship, also I'd wonder why all of sudden he decided to tell me. As me telling him I would have to see how our relationship and how effects the group. I'd have to wait a long time to out myself to him just to see if its for real or not. Maybe after that time I'd like to shop together.

[CarlaWestin]

Gemina, Thank you for capturing and exposing that little thought that's been tinkerbelling around in my head. I have a best friend that has been like a brother for well over 50 years. I've shared every personal thought, emotion and life event with him except crossdressing. Oh there's been the occasional laugh about being home alone wearing the wife's panties and stuff. As of late, he's adopted an unfortunate homophobic, born again stance in his life which uncontrollably seeps into conversations. Although I ask him to respectfully keep his religious prejudice comments to himself, the stupid $hit just comes right out. Just as this behaviour infuriates me, I can only imagine what the outcome of, "what if I told you I love wearing women's clothing, wearing makeup and having breasts?" So, in conclusion, I think I like things just the way they are.

Interesting, meeting new male friends that CD is a non-issue but, having an old friend disclose CD'ing to me would be, well, at least, adventurous.

[natcrys]

To answer the question in your last paragraph.. yes! :D

If he's totally cool with it.. then yes.. I'd be doing the same as what I have been doing with all my female friends to whom I've come out as Tassia.

Now, for the rest of your post.. I do understand that part where you're hesitant mixing the two worlds.. because some things will definitely change. And you're the only one who can judge if that will work for you.. talking about racing cars and beer one minute.. and then talking about shoes and make-up. It took me a while doing that with my friends.. and they aren't (as far as I know) CD/TV/TG. But now it feels quite natural!

[MsVal]

Phew, that's a lot to take in this early in the morning Gemina, but I want to post my first thoughts, with a possible follow up after more consideration.

My initial thought was gleeful acceptance with a great many ongoing conversations about all things CD. That was okay, but other questions come to mind.

What if I wasn't sure that the friend was sincere?
What if the friend's CD interest was something I don't enjoy (e.g. fetish)?
What if the friend had just made a general disclosure and wanted to disclose me as well?

Then, there is the definition of "friend".
"Facebook friends" are the sort that wished me happy birthday, only because facebook told them about it.
"Friendlies" are those I can talk to about nearly any impersonal thing.
"Close friendlies" are those I can talk with about personal things but only if it comes up in conversation.
"Close friends" are those that can be phoned at any time with confidence they will help.

You've posted a very interesting, very introspective, very thought provoking piece, Gemina. I hope it attracts a lot of attention and more excellent followup posts.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Rhonda Darling]

GeminaRenee:

First, echoing others, GREAT TOPIC.

I've actually given this some thought in the past, but those thoughts have never been focused until reading your OP and the responses. I have a few different groupings of good/close friends, with some crossover among those groups. Most of those friends at times reflect the stereotypical personae of testosterone laced males who absorb sports, professes machismo, are mildly to wildly misogynistic, occasionally speak conspiratorially and derisively about gays and gay marriage, and lump any male who wears any female clothing as a fag, tyrannie, queer, etc. One on one it is easy to chastise any of them about their views, insensitivity, and to tell them that I don't appreciate or share such views. Get a few together and it's a whoe different ball game. Speak up in defense of women, gays, lesbians, or CD/TS/TG and you are accused of having too much estrogen, or no balls, or being part of the problem and not macho enough.

All that is prologue for this. I suspect that among all of them, there is at least one closet gay, possible a closet CD, and a few who like me don't like listening to the bull crap coming from otherwise decent guys. I guess the guys I'm describing would fit the current understanding of bullies. So, how to tell those who may share any of my attitudes, gender choices, etc. from among the larger group? If one were to reveal herself to me as CD/TS/TG, I would be naturally skeptical and cautious. I've spent most of my 63 years hiding in plain sight and avoiding revealing Rhonda to other than my wonderful SO and to the lovely ladies of the CD groups that I belong to (and of course, to the great SAs at all the stores and shops that I frequent). The last thing I would want would be to be baited into revealing myself as Rhonda to someone who may suspect or who may have seen me online and who was seeking confirmation of their suspicions.

If I found them to be earnest, I would reveal Rhonda and do all that I could to be supportive of them. Going shopping together would be a distant goal. Going to dinner or to a movie, or to museums, etc, would be much more likely.

Your mileage may differ.

[PaulaQ]

One thing I think that makes a big difference for me is that I'm out as trans to all of my friends. I've asked them for acceptance, so I'd assume they'd expect it from me as well.

[Rob]

I would think you would treat them the same way you treated them before they came out and be 100% open to whatever future developments might occur like shopping for whatever they might need... especially if they asked. They are a friend and friends have each others backs regardless of gender identity, right?

For the record i have no CD tendencies nor am i transgender, i am simply here to learn and be a friend to my friend who is transgender and YES, i went shopping with my friend. Well okay, i did my version of shopping, which was me and my 2 boys followed the women (Wife, Eva and my 2 girls) around while they shopped. Me and the boys tried to entertain ourselves and stills stay out of trouble, mostly successfully i might add.

[Beverley Sims]

With a best friend it would take a lot longer to get used to.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
Casual acquaintances are much better to assimilate.

[GeminaRenee]

Thanks for all of the insightful responses. It's interesting to hear a cross-section of views, and consider a few things that hadn't occurred to me.



What if I wasn't sure that the friend was sincere?
What if the friend's CD interest was something I don't enjoy (e.g. fetish)?
What if the friend had just made a general disclosure and wanted to disclose me as well?

Then, there is the definition of "friend".


This had never occurred to me, given the context of my relationships, but I can see how each could be a question someone else might ask. In my case, when I say "close friends," I truly mean that. As in, we've been through thick and thin together, we've seen each other's best and worst, and I would say that we trust one another implicitly. One reason that these guys are my best friends is also that they are not members of the misogynistic, homophobic, insensitive crowd. If they were, I wouldn't be as close with them as I am. Those sorts of people I keep at arms length, and regard rather warily. I also would have no reason to doubt their sincerity. I've never known them to be dishonest or deceitful, and certainly not the type of guys to play tricks like that.

Of course, I realize that the mileage of others may vary. But that is what I had in mind when I used the term "closest friends."


I would think you would treat them the same way you treated them before they came out and be 100% open to whatever future developments might occur like shopping for whatever they might need... especially if they asked. They are a friend and friends have each others backs regardless of gender identity, right?

For the record i have no CD tendencies nor am i transgender, i am simply here to learn and be a friend to my friend who is transgender and YES, i went shopping with my friend.

First of all, Rob, it makes me very happy to hear that you're that supportive of your TG friend. The world needs more friends like you, and not just guys. And yes, you're right - friends do have each other's backs, no matter what. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have my friends' backs, or support them, nor would I worry too much that they wouldn't do the same for me.

The difference, though, is that there are more "moving parts," as it were, in a situation with two cd/tg people - which was the general intention of this hypothetical. And now that I've asked the question and digested some of the responses, I realize that the real stumbling block (for me, anyways), would be my own gender exploration that might cause discomfort. It wouldn't be simply adjusting to perceived changes in a friend. It would be that, plus baring a side of myself to a friend with whom the whole thing had heretofore been completely hidden. I don't mean to minimize your experience at all, believe me. But I would have to imagine it would be one thing to watch a guy friend try on a high heel for the first time, and another thing entirely to be asking one another "how do I look in this sundress?"

In any event, great discussion.

(:

[Rob]

But I would have to imagine it would be one thing to watch a guy friend try on a high heel for the first time, and another thing entirely to be asking one another "how do I look in this sundress?"
(:

Lolololol. The shoes and commenting on wigs and clothes and makeup was odd... it got really weird when you start discussing sexuality and transgender, my mind is still a bit torqued over that one but we did have fun with that conversation and ended up laughing about it.

Now that said you mention your own gender exploration. I think i have to admit i was viewing that from my own point of view. When i look at it from the point of view of having that discussion and going through it my self it gets really off the wall... so point taken... :) Thank you!

[trishacd]

When i was a young gurl i came so close to telling
My best friend about me. To this day i am so glad i
didnt tell him.I would be hesitant to tell anyone who
Has mutual friends.Even if he had good intensions everyone has
a friend who they think they can be discrete,before you know
It everyone knows.I wish i could call a friend and tell em
about a new dress or heels i bought but its risky.
Once you let the cat out of the bag a lot of things can change in your
life.
Good luck
Trisha

[MsVal]

Darn it Gemina, you're making me think, and I don't care for the things that I'm thinking.

Sorry, I overlooked the part where you said closest male friend. But it got me thinking about all my friends, and how I would categorize them. Sadly, I have no close friends. Zero. Null set. I haven't for nearly 45 years. I may have two close friendlies, but that's about it.

Sheesh... I sound pathetic.

I quit hanging around with the guys when I got married, and eventually lost track of them. I didn't miss them. I had a wife and kids, a career, church, and volunteer involvement. Who needs Guy Talk when I really don't care for most of what they talk about anyhow (sports, toys, boasting, sex...)?

It would be cool to have a cadre of female friends, but it is not worth the disrespect it would show for my wife and our marriage.

So, I guess that I have very little substance to contribute to your excellent post, Gemina.

Best wishes
MsVal

[GeminaRenee]

Val,

I would disagree that you have nothing to contribute. You made me consider the question from a different perspective than my own, when I am so often inclined to forget that the world doesn't revolve around me! (; I'm certainly glad you wrote.

Also, your statement about having female friends being a show of disrespect towards your wife and marriage - do you think that's really true? Or that's just the way it would be perceived? This is an issue that dances in and out of my life. I do have a group of close female friends, and certainly a lot more than your average guy. And I learned way back in high school that I never wanted to push away friends in favor of a partner. So the issue comes up again and again - women I date are not comfortable with my female friends. And I'm not going to push them away for anyone. It's not as if I can't control myself sexually; I'm not an ape in a zoo. It's not disrespectful, it's not a threat - these friendships are only perceived as such. And apparently that's what makes them so.

Anyways, I digress. Thank you for your contributions. (:

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Virtually ALL my guy friends are bigger and more manly than I. I would be incredibly surprised to find out that any of them were crossdressers... How would I react? I most certainly would not judge them (duh... how could I?). And I would probably be very supportive. And yes, if someone did come out to me, I would immediately tell them about my own activities.

My opinions of them would generally not change. I can't see how this would damage my relationship with them at all. In fact, I think the opposite would happen. We would become closer because now we are sharing something highly personal with each other.

While this is not at all the same situation, about 10 years ago I was considering moving in with one of my friends that I have known since public school. (Still to this day, the longest running friendship of anyone I know). Believing that this was going to happen, I got him on Yahoo messenger one night and basically outed myself. Mind you, at this point, he had already seen me dressed at a Halloween party a few years prior, so the prospect of me adorning feminine attire was not at all difficult for him to imagine. And in our conversation, I used that experience to warm him up to the news. I dropped the bomb on him, and he totally took it all in. Had nothing negative to say about it. Full acceptance. I was so happy to finally tell somebody (other then my girlfriend) about Tracy.

This relationship has remained strong, to this day. And he usually comes to visit me about once a week. And yes, for almost all of his visits, I am fully dressed. While my girlfriend has no real problem with my activities, she generally doesn't spend time with me when I'm dressed. He's the only person that I can spend any time with being Tracy. So I always look forward to when he comes down. For this reason alone, I can easily call him my best friend.

[MsVal]

Val,

I would disagree that you have nothing to contribute. You made me consider the question from a different perspective than my own, when I am so often inclined to forget that the world doesn't revolve around me! (; I'm certainly glad you wrote.

Thank you. I often see things from unconventional perspectives.


Also, your statement about having female friends being a show of disrespect towards your wife and marriage - do you think that's really true? [...] women I date are not comfortable with my female friends.

If I had female friends my wife would feel uncomfortable. I believe it is important to respect the feelings of my wife and my wedding vows.


Anyways, I digress. Thank you for your contributions. (:

You're welcome, and thank you for the very thought provoking thread.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Tracii G]

Sounds like you are reading too much into it.
If I had a friend that came out I would let them know its OK and I don't have a problem with it.
If they wanted me to go shopping with them then I would.

[GeminaRenee]

Tracii, you may just have fewer hangups to sort out than I. (:

[Marcelle]

Hi Gemina,

Interesting question. If I had a close male friend who came out to me as CD I would be there for him as I expect he would be there for me. Would I run off dress shopping with him? Most likely not the first thing on the "to do" list. As you articulated this person would have become my friend through experiences we shared "en boy". As such, I would most likely want to continue the friendship in that manner . . . after all, we did not suddenly stop being guys, we just share a common like. Would I want to explore that side of ourselves into our friendship? I would think "yes" but we would have to take some time to integrate that portion into our friendship.

Hugs

Isha

[Lori Kurtz]

I think our answers to this question have to vary depending on what CDing means to us. For me, because CDing is a highly sexual act, it would be highly fraught emotionally. I would be excited and scared: wanting some sexual interaction but afraid of it, and afraid of the possible complications.

[sanderlay]

Since I'm already out, full time in what I do, it becomes a lot easier for me. I would certainly be there for my new TG friend to give them my experience and advise. I would shop with them if they were comfortable being around me in public. I would not dress with them. This is a friendship and not a relationship, if that makes sense.

But I believe strongly that we should not lead each other. What I mean by that is this is an individual journey for each of us. We must come to understanding on our own and on our own individual path. What's good for me may not be good for another. Sometimes that means making mistakes to learn certain lessons. We must respect each others right to make our own decisions and not blame the other person for the consequences. Take responsibility for yourself and what you do.

Perhaps what I'm thinking is a given but not always with all people. I prefer not to assume. There are lines that needs to be respected in every friendship or else it's not a friendship, TG friend or not.

[Patty F]

Great post, I had a male friend several years ago and we both had accepting So's, we would go to dinner together as four girls but him and I never went shopping or anything. It was nice even when we met in male mode to be able to talk about anything, like a new dress or jewelry, whatever we didn't have to hide anything. Sadly he moved away and we lost contact.

[Nikki50/50]

You seem to have quite nicely illustrated precisely what, in a nutshell; your projection of what your friends would be put through were you to come out to any or all of them. The irony here is palpable lol. But here is my own insight, having had this actually happen... I hope it helps.

First, I want to point out that whether or not you are a CD, the only real difference a friend coming out to you would make, is that AS a CD, you would be far less likely to judge-or at the very least, judge that person negatively. That's the only difference.

Second, the fact that said friend DOESN'T know you are also a CD says that said friend is putting a SEVERE amount of trust in you by welcoming you into a part of her soul that very few, or no-one at all, has ever been allowed into before.

Those things being said; I can move on to a breakdown of the only logical outcome, embracing the implications of where the friendship would go from that point of revelation, so-to-speak:
That friend comes out, as a CD... and would undoubtedly, at that point; stand soul-naked before you, awaiting either an affirmation of her trust in you, or a soul-crushing rejection. It is at this point where you, as a CD yourself could only give that supportive acceptance, as to do anything but would place you in a special category of hypocritical monstrosity. Mind you; immediately revealing that you are also a CD may not be a good idea. Let that come on its own, when at the VERY least, enough time has gone by to let your friend re-collect her nerves from the shock of revealing Herself (for me, it was almost two weeks, whereupon I got a shock of my own: my friend had already long suspected I had a hidden alter-ego). Don't fret over letting some time go by, BELIEVE me, your friend will understand any trepidations at this point; probably better than you yourself do LOL.

Ultimately, the situation is this: You now have a new friend to get to know. More specifically, a new FACET of an already known friend, which should make it easier to assimilate. In time, your own revelation to this friend is inevitable. New memories and events will unfold in friendship where you get to know one-another, anew. That "commonality" will reach a point, eventually, where that shopping date, or a girls-only lunch meet-up could very well become possible. Probable, even. As for the impact own your own psyche, I can all but promise that it will be nowhere near as bad as you seem to fear it could be.
In the end, it is trust. That person shows enough trust in you to accept what may very well be there deepest secret, by (as stated in the beginning) welcoming you into a part of their soul that few or none have been allowed into before.

You will either return that trust, or you will betray it.

[GeminaRenee]

Thanks, Nikki. Great input - and interesting to hear from someone who has actually been through it. Sounds like you handled it quite smartly.

[Nikki50/50]

To be fair...and completely honest, it was MUCH harder to introduce my 'other me' to my wife...who turned out to be not only accepting of it, but went so far as to help me with it. She does my make-up, as my own make-up work in her words "Epitomizes Horrific" LOL She won't let me do it now.
Anyhow... I remember meeting that other side of our friend that first time. My eyebrows definitely went upwards. My verbal reply was simply "Cool. The look suits you."
But our friend and I didn't start doing our "Girl's night", until a few YEARS had passed between her revelation, and my own subsequent revelation... and funny enough: It began as an impulse. We were visiting, dropping off some boxes left over from their move into a new house, and when we got there, she was completely dressed, drinking a Gin/Tonic, cigarette in-hand. This was the usual. We hung out a bit, and left shortly before noon to get on with our Saturday. Right before we got to the door, she said "Hey you two should come over later tonight, I think I need a Girl's Night." And so it was. LOL
These days, I can't imagine having known him/her any other way. I feel as though I know the complete person, and additionally; I feel grateful and privileged that I have people whom are close and that I care deeply for, who know the complete 'me'.

[MetalGurl]

If a close male friend came to me with the same common interest, I think... I think I'd be secretly ecstatic. The chance to sit down with someone and discuss likes, dislikes, gather opinions, and share secrets face to face without fear of judgement with someone who I'm already close with would be uplifting and probably take a huge weight off my shoulders.

[SabrinaEmily]

All my close friends know about me, so I'd wonder why he'd taken so long to tell me.