Roommates

[Diana L]

Last night my wife and I were talking and she referred to us as "roommates". It was the first time she has said that. It is true though. After almost 40 years of marriage our relationship has gone from husband and wife to roommates and friends. We discussed this a bit and she also said that since starting HRT, I have become a much nicer person.

[LeaP]

And how do you feel about the comment?

[DeeDee1974]

The good thing is that you remain roommates and friends. It might even be the case for a lot of traditional marriages after 40 years.

After my wife and I were divorced we lived together until our house sold. Then she moved to the suburbs and I stayed on the city. Now she comes and stays at my place in the city almost every weekend so she can have more of a social life. It's nice to have someone to go to brunch with on Sunday morning. We also have gone on a couple vacations together post-divorce. It's fun.

[Jorja]

Roommates, you can't live with them, you can't choke the sh$# out of them! Never again. They eat all of the food and can't go buy more. They can't help pay the rent and think they own something. They can't clean up after themselves and call you an a$$ when you complain about it. I don't mind someone who will help carry the load but most roommates I have had don't.

[Diana L]

I have felt for sometime that we are roommates and also good friends. We share the chores and are equal partners. The only complaint I have is that sometimes she uses my makeup and then when I need it it is all gone. But that is a small thing. We enjoy each other's company and still do almost everything together. The downside is that due to my work I'm still very much in the closet but the hormones have made that tolerable for now.

[Amanda M]

If it is working for you both, that is delightful. I can assure you that there are so many - what shall I say "normal" - marriages which after forty years are just a sink of mutual contempt and hate. Bless you both!

[Rogina B]

It is very possible to live under the same roof living very different lives,in my opinion. But there can be no anxiety,jealousy,dreaming of the "way it should be"[and related animosity] for it to work.It isn't like there is the desire to make more babies..With today's costs,sharing the roof can make sense for both if a divorce isn't divisive... especially if there are kids involved. But the design of the arrangement takes cool thinking,and that is rare.

[I Am Paula]

This is my situation exactly. We are roommates that enjoy each others company, we eat, and watch TV together. We sleep in separate rooms, and sex is just a memory (that's fine, the male role was becoming uncomfortable).
My marital woes are well known on this forum, but things are stable right now (fingers crossed). It will never return to what it was, and we both seem to accept that.
My wife is just starting to realize that we can be in a same sex marriage, without her being lesbian, and living separate lives. That's a big step.

[Krisi]

Depending on what she means by "roomates" it might be a sign that she can begin dating other men. I would be very sad if my wife though of me as her roomate.

[Chari]

All commitments go through many levels in a relationship. You have reached another one, perhaps because you both have continued to communicate and discuss issues openly! As we get older (wiser?), our needs change, and it is always wonderful to have a partner that accepts and understands our changes. Enjoy.

[Rogina B]

Depending on what she means by "roomates" it might be a sign that she can begin dating other men.
It is way better to be friends sharing the same roof than the alternatives..No one owns another person..she is entitled to make new friends as are you..Goes with staying together...

[mechamoose]

I would think the roommate comment was hard to hear at some level.. but perhaps she has drawn a dividing line between your original self and who you are now. I think I hear that you want to stay together, she loves you, but the girl you doesn't feel the same to her. She *likes* the female you, but she doesn't feel the same to Her as He did. People change many times over 40 years, and managing those changes breaks a lot of couples.

If you feel love and friendship with for each other, respect personal AND shared spaces (something all long term couples need), and genuinely Give A Sh!t, then you are ahead of the game.

To me, honest and open communication, even when it makes you uncomfortable, will always be your best course of action. Sure it may make things break, but if speaking the truth causes a problem, the problem already existed. It just wasn't acknowledged.


<3

- MM

[ArleneRaquel]

It's lovely to have an understanding wife. Good Luck & Best Wishes !