Late bloomers, sad or glad?

[sherri]

Like so many others, I discovered my femme self relatively late in life. And like so many others, I've had those mirror moments when I think, oh if only I had started this when I was young, when I could have been so much prettier, when I might have had a chance at love. Ring a bell?


I left the conservative constraints of home as soon as I could and spent my 20s in the far more liberal environment of the Texas hill country. Those were freewheeling times of discovery, antiestablishment, hippies, feminists, make love not war and I relished it all. Had I gotten wind of crossdressing back then, had there been an internet or established support for lgbt, I strongly suspect that I would have given it a shot. In fact I'm nearly certain I would have.


I was a nice looking guy then, but in between the ideals -- not the hunky macho, but not quite the frail beauty either. I was slender, had small feet and thick hair, but when I look at old pics I can tell that my in-between face would have kept me from being truly pretty the way some of these amazingly beautiful young tgs are these days. But I could have been attractive, certainly more so than now.


How far would I have taken it? I honestly don't know. While I might have started out in secretive exploration, knowing my nature and the affinity I would later discover, it's easy to see me being sorely tempted to run with it, taking hormones, wanting implants, hair removal, etc. Somehow I doubt it though. I think I would have more likely straddled the fence just as I do now, exploring yes, totally committing no. It might have depended on finding a circle of accepting friends and whether I could have found a viable life for myself -- in other words, a long shot.


What kind of life would I have had if I had committed? Even today, young tgs struggle to find love, a life. So many have paid dearly for their choice. So many wind up in the sex trade. So many miss out on so many things. Would the net result have been as fulfilling as my daydreams? Somehow I doubt it. Among the costs I would have to count the relationships I've had, the wonderful kids I have who mean everything to me, the option of balancing an admittedly limited self-realization with the more conventional comforts and joys of life. That's the thing about all-the-way, so many options are limited in a repressive climate.


Today's tgs, on the other hand, do have internet and support groups and greater cultural exposure, even a little more tolerance, and yet I know they struggle and sacrifice. It will still be a generation or two before cultural acceptance happens -- if then. I often wonder if we are doing them a favor with our admiration and empathy and encouragement to explore and persist. I worry about what it will cost them, what they will miss out on. Then again, I wonder about what they will get to experience that I have not.


So, am I sad or glad, hmmm. Both, I think. I do wish I had discovered this at a young age and gotten to have that more care-free experience of youth, that vivaciousness, that fun. I'm a little sad that I didn't. At the same time, I'm glad the shortsightedness of youth didn't set me on a path of great cost and, perhaps, great regret. I'm glad to have experienced what I have, and loved the ones I love. I'm glad I did finally discover Sherri before it was too late, that I didn't miss out on it entirely.


Besides, deep inside me, where the me with no name lives, there's a cute young gurl in cut-offs and sandals and a ponytail "dancing with the boys, breakin' their hearts like they were toys".


:-)

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Sherri , I too am a very late bloomer; the desire & need did not return for four decades. I attribute the totality of stressors that eventually rang my cd alarm clock . Candidly , I was so confused & sad when the alarm went off. I didn't know how to handle these feelings & why a man of my age would even consider wanting to dress as a woman. It goes simply beyond dressing . It has been the evolution of the reality that femininity is a major part of my soul . After battling the demons that hounded me along this evolutionary path , I have found peace in knowing that Melissa is alive, needing to be expressed & happy in knowing that she is part of me. I am glad that you too have found that Sherri is part of you & brings you that inner peace that you so deserve. Thank you for the good post, mel

[dana digs sweaters]

Thanks for sharing Sherri. Enjoyed your insight.

[Danielle/Mo]

Every time I see a thread on this subject I get depressed. I went out for the 1st time at age 43, although I had been dressing since the age of 4 or 5. If I could have embraced this big part of me in middle school or high school, I would have been able look better with a young body and face. You pretty much had to hide this as a matter of survival when I was younger. I have said before that when I see how pretty and passable some of the younger transgenders are ( with resources we did not have at their age ) I get so depressed that I lock my bedroom door and cry. On the other hand if my life would have been different I would not have the 3 kids and ex-wife that I have now. So maybe it turned out OK.

[mikiSJ]

As for being TG, I am a late bloomer. I am also glad it is happening now and not in the '60s, '70s, '80s or '90s. I don't think I could have put up with the discrimination/hate/exclusion I would have face back then and probably would have done something I would end up regretting.

I have a girlfriend who fully transitioned in the early '80s yet kept her self under the radar for nearly 10 years, partly out of fear but most out of non-acceptance.

[Martha G]

I donned a dress for the first time at age 59. AND WHAT A DRESS IT WAS!

Never really had the urge to CD but have often thought that it would be fun.

I went to a costume party as Charley's Aunt.

I wore a late 18th century dress with a large hoopskirt , wig with curls, makeup, bonnet, string purse and a pair of yellow satin pantalettes with plenty of lace.

I had such a good time I have developed more female costumes such as a Midieviel Duchess, a Southern belle, A Grande Aunte and have become an expert impersonator of elderly women.

This year my costumer is fixing me up as a beautiful witch for my Halloween extravaganza.

The rest of the clothing you see me wearing came from a friends resale shop for little or no cost.

I am glad I did start developing female characters. They are catching up with my male ones.

Also I love to dress out as Martha Stewart, hence where my name came from.

What I am doing now is making up for lost time.

I wonder if this was just dormant in me over the years!

If the dress fits, wear it!

[CynthiaD]

I've been crossdressing since I was three, but didn't really embrace it until I was in my 50s. In retrospect, I suspect I made the right decisions along the way. I wanted certain things out of life, and my decisions enabled me to get them. It would have been nice to come out fully in high school or even earlier, but I'm absolutely certain there would have been disastrous consequences.

[Tracii G]

Late blooming has its advantages but younger people do have an upper hand these days.

[suchacutie]

It is very easy to go into fantasyland and imagine how wonderful it would have been to have understood about Tina when I was 20. I was actually pretty then, and you can just see where that line of thought would take us.

But the reality is that instead of thinking about my feminine self, I was busy meeting my future wife and establishing that relationship...a relationship that eventually led us (34 years later) to discovering Tina together. Ok, so I "missed" 34 years of exploring Tina and letting her live her life, but the support of a truely loving wife is so strong that I can't imagine having done this any other way. I never had a moment's doubt or guilt or any of the other negative emotions that we've all seen written about here.

Ok, so I missed a few years of Tina, but I like the way it turned out, and I can just imagine how much of a mess it could have been had Tina already been a part of my life in 1970!

No regrets! :)

[Nikki A.]

Neither sad nor glad. I've dabbled with crossdressing from a young age, but never trully started dressing until my late 40s and didn't start going out until I was in my 50s.
I raised two great kids and have had a decent career. This makes me happy. Now if I had started ast a younger age how different would things have been. Curious would be a great third choice.

[kimdl93]

I'll hazard a bet that darn few of us reach the end our lives without regrets. I have a growing list, and coming out too late and too little doesn't make the top five. That is only because I have some other really colossal regrets. The others are irrevocably gone...I can't make amends or do-overs. This one thing I can still do.

[sherri]

Omg, these are such wonderful responses. Very touching. I hope this continues ...

[franchesca]

so happy I read this thread and all the encouraging responses! This is something I've been struggling with lately and when I see franchesca in the mirror I cant help but wonder... but I also know I would have missed out on so many amazing events in my life! Am I glad or sad to finally have franchesca in my life at 42? Maybe a little of both but more importantly I'm happy... to me thats priceless

[NathalieX66]

I'm in my forties.......better late than never. I feel awesome!

But had today's world of transgender been around in the 1980's , i would have been there in a heartbeat.

The internet and digital camera killed the Polaroid camera.

Today, my shoes hit the same places anyone would ever go.....not some back alley or secret club.

[Alice B]

I'm a very late bloomer and not sure I would have explored this side of me at an earlier age. But, as I look back I see hints that I ignored. I was considered very much a man, not overly macho, but played lots of sports in high school, college and after. My three professions (retired from all) were also "mainly", thus opportunities would have been very limited. But, I now know that my first wife would have been totally on board if I had wanted to dress. However, that would not have been enough for the marriage to last. I guess I'll simply enjoy what I have now.

[Eryn]

I didn't come to terms with myself until my middle 50s. Do I regret not doing it sooner? Of course, but the fact is that I wasn't ready to do it then.

[Ume123]

In my 50s but it's such a rush and so much to do to be a better girl.

[KaceyR]

I get the same feelings somewhat. But it's mixed with general life unfulfillment things as well.
48 yo, never married... Really only had one girlfriend loooong ago.
Only acted on CDing since last Sept-Oct..but with ideas of it in the background for ~2 decades prior.
So aside with the wishes that yeah, if only... and feeling in general a bit 'life-wasted' (accomplishment wise) for 3 decades...it all kind of hits hard at times on me as well.

Someone needs to work up some age reversal stuff...haven't they found that dang fountain of youth yet???
That'd be better worked on than yet another Viagra or somesuch...:/

[Barbara Dugan]

I am a late bloomer I joined this site on 2008 just a few weeks after I started dressing, I have to admit that when I was a little kid there was another TG kid at the neighborhood, she was treated miserable by her family and society in general that left an impression on my views and feelings about the way I used to feel about myself, so what I did was put everything under a rug and try to pretend , It is a little bittersweet look at old pics of myself on male mode and to think ''wow I bet dressing then could had been so easy''

[Princess Chantal]

I am very thankfull to have been a late bloomer (mid 20's). The chances of me being in the happy place with my dressing and life (that I am in today), would definitely be unlikely if I weren't.

[Princess Grandpa]

While I do lament the lost opportunity to be a young hottie, I clearly wasn't ready to accept myself back then. Probably my wife wouldn't have been able to cope either. As happy as life is right now I have to suppose everything happened exactly as it should.

Hug
Rita

[Adriana Moretti]

I am happy where I am at ...just wish the internet came along sooner...it would have saved me from some makeup disasters

[noeleena]

Hi,

Doubt id be where i am now had i not been through some hard issues,
in some ways to teach me how to be strong in my self and as a woman. had i opened my mouth and said im female, i know things would have been very different,

I have no regrets as to how my life has been most of it i have enjoyed, of cause there were times it was hell. yet in all of it its helped me to be who i am , im content happy busy being with my many friends and very involved with our groups,

none of this would have taken place more than 20 years ago because i was not ready certinlay as a normal female / woman. fact is i could not have done it i know it would have been a total mess , and the time was not right for me as a person or as a woman, late bloomer no , a baby just after the war years yes,and only just lots of issues .

For myself i knew , when the time would come every thing would be worked out , how i had no idear i just knew, it has and its been fantastic and so lovely, and i cant ask for more because iv been given so much, its really just so neat,

...noeleena...

[Camilla]

I agree totally Eryn ;-)

[flatlander_48]

I'm 65 and started dressing as an adult about 13 years ago. Earlier would not have been good for me. My first wife would not have approved, or anything close, and the kids might have been a factor. However, at that time the 2 of them would have been out of and nearly out of the house. But, these days one is almost 900 miles away and the other is a little over 600.

Professionally things wouldn't have been peaceful either. I'm a mechanical engineer and I sometimes spend a fair amount of time in factories doing machinery installations. There's a lot of free testosterone among the production and construction folks and the hint of something other than masculine would not be good.

While it probably would have been good to come to some realizations earlier, I would also have to recognize some significant downsides.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sherri,

I had my first dressing (complete en femme) when I was 17 and though not a stunning beauty, I was quite pretty (IMHO). It was a time of exploration, my first year in the military, posted to Germany, met a gal who was shall we say was "out there" when it came to gender fluidity and all things that make a young 17 year old male go . . . hmmm. I did it once and though I remember liking it (a lot) I left her apartment the next day and never went back . . . after all I was a guy and a soldier much too manly man for that. I did not dress again until 32 years later.

Am I sorry to be a late bloomer. Yes in that I missed out on exploring this side of me earlier on, having hair, smoother skin, less body hair. However, the choices I made and the life I experienced brought to my loving and supportive wife, my wonderful daughter, a great career and in a way shaped Isha to who she is today. So from a purely aesthetic (young and fresh) point of view it would be nice to have all that back. To what counts . . . my life experiences good and bad . . . not sad at all and if I was given the chance to live it over, I would do the same thing.

Hugs

[Claire Cook]

I've been crossdressing since I was three, but didn't really embrace it until I was in my 50s. In retrospect, I suspect I made the right decisions along the way. I wanted certain things out of life, and my decisions enabled me to get them. It would have been nice to come out fully in high school or even earlier, but I'm absolutely certain there would have been disastrous consequences.


Cynthia, this pretty much says it for me. Wouldn't it be nice to be growing up in today's atmosphere? I read about so many of you who embrace CD/TG at younger ages. I'm pretty sure that if were growing up today I'd be embracing it too, probably in a big way.

[Martha G]

Better late than never!

[Krista1985]

Well mine 'hit' in the early/mid twenties.

There wasn't much of an urge to self femanize before then, but I did have some TG fantasies and stuff. Sort of glad it came for me when it did and not too much before. I think it'd have been rough to go through it in HS, glad I had a good and high functioning adult brain when it happened to kinda put it into perspective and do some self reflection. Earlier in life, I was too overly concerned with fitting in and being CD wouldn't have squared with that desire.

[MsVal]

That's a great topic Sherri, thanks for starting it so eloquently.

Okay, I was becoming aware of "it" and began to embrace the softer side of me in my early 60s, and crossdressing for real less than a year ago. That ought to qualify as a late bloomer.

Had I done this earlier I would have certainly had more but quite different personal satisfaction, but at what cost? It's hard to say for sure. I have no regrets, I've had a wonderful life. It hasn't always been good times. I've walked through the valleys, but they serve to make the mountain tops that much higher, and I've scaled a few of those too. If I embraced crossdressing earlier I would not have had those same mountain top experiences, and the valleys may have been deeper.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Tina_gm]

always felt it, always fought it for 30 years. yes I regret the internal battle I waged with myself. I am only now beginning to travel a path of acceptance I should have been on for maybe not all 30 years, but a majority of them. So much wasted energy fighting something that cannot be overcome.

[sherri]

I have little doubt that if I had had this much information (the internet, mostly) when I was in my 20s, I would have most certainly given full-blown CDing a whirl, and that I would have found ways to circulate and interact with others as a TG, whether or not I chose to come out to close friends. The question that intrigues me is how far I might have taken it. Would I have been satisfied being a semi-closeted part-timer like I am now? I tend to think the answer boils down to two things -- social interaction and sex.


If I were living a solitary life at the time I can easily imagine craving transition up to but not including SRS, and it's not unlikely that would also have led to a newfound penchant for bi-sexuality. Obviously it would have also required coming all the way out of the closet. I was not a recluse, however, I was a red-blooded, girl crazy youngster and I cannot imagine making a choice that significantly lessened my chances of dating girls. That alone might have been enough to make me hesitate about transitioning. And most of us are so socially motivated when we're young, vulnerable to peer perception and pressure, fearful of rejection. It would have been difficult for me to jeopardize straight relationships, and I'm not sure how appealing I would have found the gay culture at the time. Plus I've always had a fear of poverty, so there's that whole thing too.


Thinking it over, I'm inclined to believe I would have stuck with crossdressing. Oh, I might have done some hair removal but not HT or implants, bad as I might want them. Fond as I am of my "what if" daydream, and I am fond of it, the trade-off would have looked too formidable. And there is comfort in that realization, grateful that I didn't make a choice that would cause so many problems and frustrations, and relieved that I didn't miss out on an experience just because I didn't know it was an option.


There, I feel better. I'm glad we had this talk. :-)

[Beverley Sims]

I was not a late bloomer, but if the Internet was available like it is today my life may have been quite different.
I had the opportunity but not the commitment to transition when I was twenty and helped two others on their journey.
I met them, both still single about fifteen years later. They had been very successful and good subjects for the change.
They had both male and female partners in their time and were quite happy.
Me, I was happily married to a woman.....
I am still happy but sometimes wonder what if?

If I had made the swap, I would still wonder "what if"?

Silly isn't it?

[flatlander_48]

No, it isn't silly. Whenever we take one path, often it gives rise to speculating about what might have been. But, idle speculation is all it can ever be because we can never go back and recreate exactly the same circumstances even if the situation seems similar. We just can't...

[Vikky]

Hi Sherri

I have come to CDing in my mid 60s and have no regrets. I am realising I probably suppressed ideas of CDing for a long time, but now I have more time and WOW – I enjoy it.

Vikky

[sherri]

Hi Vikky. That's a wonderful outlook. Suppression is an interesting phenomenom, hindsight feels like an awakening sometimes. And don't you find that maturity lends a certain peacefulness to the experience, being able to enjoy it without a lot of stressful expectations? I had to work through some of those, but now I think I can interact with others better than I might have when young.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Sherri -- Late bloomer entry here to.

I have a friend who wrote a poem that started: "Could have, should have, would have." I don't remember the rest but that's all that needs to be said.

Once in a while, I still do let myself go back in time but I'm much less obsessed about it 18 months after truly committing to being fem when I can. My spirituality says something like, 'there is no past, there is no future, only now.' I do find happiness when I think that way.

Besides, knowing my addicted mind, I probably would have died of aids in the 80's. I certainly would have not have the really nice life that I have now.

If my father would have only let me wear that ballet slippers that my mother wanted me to wear at the age of 2. He didn't but now I do.

Peace :hugs:

[Martha G]

Sherri,

I have no regrets wearing a dress for the first time at age 59. It was a beautiful antebellum style with a 115" hoopskirt worn for a costume party.

Yep, I'm a late bloomer



http://i346.photobucket.com/albums/p410/bessielouquimby/CharleysAuntShowOffHerDress_zps8cce010f.jpg (http://s346.photobucket.com/user/bessielouquimby/media/CharleysAuntShowOffHerDress_zps8cce010f.jpg.html)