Quality vs Quantity

[Jenniferathome]

I have observed over my time on this forum that cross dressers tend to not only buy way too many things but also hold on to them, seemingly, forever. I'll put myself firmly in the "buy too much" camp as currently, I have 12 dresses hanging in my closet which is one more than my wife and perhaps almost as many skirts. AND this after recently thinning my wardrobe. Now keep in mind, I am strictly an occasional cross dresser. I could wear something different every time I dress for more than a year with what I own! What I did notice is that all the things I sent to GoodWill (a reseller of used items donated, for our non-US friends) were my cheap buys. All the clothes I kept were quality material, well fitting and fundamentally looked better than the cheap stuff.

I think we cross dressers buy things and keep them like trophies. That's kind of weird because they are just clothes. Somehow I think buying and keeping clothes it's sort of a validation of ourselves as cress dressers. But why buy junk just to have it sit?

My wife always tells me that 1) you need something each season (those of you in SoCal, AZ, FL, and Hawaii don't know what I mean but trust me there are seasons.) and 2) WHERE will you wear this item you are buying? Again, I only go out occasionally so and evening gown is not in the cards but for that matter even a LBD would be a rarely worn item (yet I have two).

So what's the moral of this diatribe? For me it is:
1) Buy less and buy better. A $100 dress is more likely to be worn than 10 $10 dresses from ebay. While there is an occasional great deal on Ebay, $10 buys a pretty cheap dress. On a related note, less buying will make wives happier too.
2) Buy something for each season
3) Thin the wardrobe every 6 months so that the wardrobe is always about the same size.
4) Clothes are not trophies, they are made to be worn and discarded.
5) I need even FEWER shoes! That's a hard one but Zappos allows for returns up to a year!
6) Quality is always better than quantity

[Maria 60]

So true, my. Maria closer has some older fashion in it but some dresses or skirts are a little out dated but they feel, fit and look so good on me. I don't throw anything out,my wife thinks I collect because if something happens to us I will have a big collection because I will be to embarrassed to buy fem things on my own, she is right. All my life I struggled with the cross dressing always wanting things and couldn't get them now that I have many thing it hard to throw them out, I just keep remembering where I came from and don't want to go back.

[kimdl93]

Good advice. Most of my purchases now are made with a pretty good idea of what works for me, and most are bought in a brick and mortar store so I can try things out and get the SAs input. But I still have some wardrobe failures in the back of my closet that need to go to goodwill . It's not that I hoard them....I just don't take the time to cull them out. Perhaps this spring I will!

[Beverley Sims]

The only junk I seem to buy are cheap department store singlets and shorts that go out of shape quickly.
most rejects go into a plastic bag and get sent to Goodwill after a further six months.
Some "fashions' find their way back into the wardrobe for a while.
I do not buy a great deal theas days.
I tossed out some lingerie and bras the other day.....

Because they were worn out and in bad shape all round. :)

[Adriana Moretti]

great advice...i am real picky with clothes, it has to really jump off the rack for me too pick it up, then i will think do I really need this.??..most of the time the answer is no....i can go shopping for days and not find a thing....and Quality over Quantity is exactly it...

[devida]

Good policy. I try to know where and what everything in my closet is and about every two months donate what I know I am not going to wear, usually to Amvets. Since I wear mostly femme clothes and am crazily sensitive about the way everything fits and feels I routinely change my clothes three to five times a day so it is essential to me that I wear clothes I like. This doesn't seem to relate much to how much they cost or even what size they are advertised as being, weirdly enough. I am reluctant to spend more than $100 on any piece of clothing since I am afraid I might like them too much and then I would be in the same place I am in with the food I eat, only the best and purest ingredients, i.e. Pricey organic! I would need a higher income to do that with clothes.

[Robertacd]

You forget that not all GG's are the same. My wife has tons and tons and tons of clothes and shoes and still shops for clothes.

She probably wears less than 10% of her entire wardrobe on a regular basis.

[Erica Marie]

Jenn you are very very wise. I too have a trophy closet. Why? Maybe its part of an earlier post I had. About OCD. Maybe a trait of crossdressers is ocd and hoarding. I have learned over the years a few really nice outfits are better than a bunch of ill fitting and dated ones. Even though I still have a crawl space full of bins, but the current nice outfits have made themselves home in my bedroom dresser.
Goodwill here we come !!!!!

[bimini1]

Now this something I struggled with up til a few weeks ago. I decided at the urging of my wife to go thru my closet and thin it out. There are CDers that just collect beaucoup of one particular item. 100 panties or somethig like that. I never understood the point of that but to each his own that is not my experience.

What I can't seem to get enough of are these dammed cute spring summer maxi dresses. I must have 20 of these. I said enough I am putting on brakes. I too get out occasionally but seem to want to shop like I am a real female. It's like I need something for every possible occasion.

[Amy Fakley]

Granted, I don't have the "too many clothes" problem (yet ... though some day, no doubt). But reading this over, I definitely identify with "clothes as trophies". There are a pair of (now, fairly beat up) black suede pumps that I will probably never, ever toss out. They're the first pair of girl shoes I ever had the nerve to go out and buy ... and I bought the wrong size! I had to have double the nerve to take them back (in dude mode, none the less) and exchange them for a pair that fit ... that I tried on in the store, just to be sure!

They're so special to me in that way ... a momento of that point where I finally crossed a threshold of boldness.

I can see how this will someday become a problem, because nearly all of my clothes have a story like this attached to them. It takes such an epic amount of nerve for me to go out into the world and spend my time browsing a dress rack (while all the time my mind is just screaming "you know they're all staring at you!" -- even if it's not true -- though some of the time .... yeah, people ARE staring).

Because of that, most all my clothes actually DO feel like trophies in a way, LOL :-)

[Erica Anne]

Jennifer,
You make some great points in your post. I have been down that road many times, and prior to moving I thinned out many items that fell into the low quality department. However I also thinned out items of quality but were either worn, torn, or just did not fit any more. No trophies for me except a skirt that I bought many years ago while I was going through a divorce. It has always been my favorite, I am losing weight so there is incentive. In the past few years, I only buy items that will fit or have been custom made just for me. I would agree on the seasonal items. Great post....

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah kind of a "Monroe and Main" thing vs "Anthony Richards". :heehee::)

[josrphine]

Hi Jennifer, Yes we all go thru that cloths thing is it because our wives are all right with us dressing . My wife an i were the same size in cloths an shoes, I have dropped 40 lbs. so I am now a size smaller then her. We have send a ton of cloths to goodwill and the salvation army stores. I am now in a 7 pantie and 16 skirt, she just wants new cloths. It is not a problem it is what most women go thru . It is great to have smaller cloths as I am being told that I am looking more an more like a women, this from my wife an her friends that we go out with. Last month at church dance this women asked me to dance , as I don't know how to follow she stop an asked me why. I told her that being a man this was new to me. She stopped dead in her tracks an said WHAT!!!!. Your a very good looking women an I felt your breast an they are real, I thanked her an we had a nice talk that night. Did that make my month.

[Nadine Spirit]

I will go with quality over quantity. Generally the better quality the item is the more use I get out of it. But it has taken me some time to learn that. I used to just buy cloths because the were female and they fit, and I ended up with a closet full of crap. Over time I have exchanged out the crap for some nice quality items. I still have quite a large wardrobe, but I do wear it all, and if I don't it goes bye-bye.

[BLUE ORCHID]

I" guilty as charged I have so many nice clothes and shoes and I live each piece.
If I get something that I don't like it's back to the return desk.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

1 trenchcoat, 1 long jacket, 63 dresses, 26 tops, 6 sweaters, 4 skirt suits, 2 blazers, 8 skirts, 6 pairs of leggings, 26 pairs of shoes, 4 purses.

If you guessed that I like dresses,...you would be CORRECT. :D

Unless something doesn't fit right, doesn't flatter me, or is just plain damaged... I find it very difficult to get rid of things. But I guess I really should try and slim it down....eventually. :heehee:

[NikiMichelle]

I too have a horrible time getting rid of any kind of clothes or shoes I have bought no matter what!?

[RenneB]

Dang.... you nailed me girl. I'm a very cheap buyer and this has got to stop. While some of my buys are really great, the vast majority of the closet is not well made. I think I'm going to have to purge a little bit of the closet. If I haven't worn it in the last 6 months, chances are that I'm not going to...

Thanks for the post....

Renne.....

[Jilmac]

Well Jennifer, this is a very interesting thread. In my case I am a hoarder times two. As a guy and a skilled tradesman, I'm what is known as a toolie, I have a collection of hand tools, power tools and machines that I seldom use but are there in case I feel the urge to build something, and I'm constantly adding to that collection.

As a girl I have an over abundance of everything feminine. I have two dressers filled with panties, bras, and assorted lingerie, and two clostes filled with dresses, skirts, tops, sweaters, wigs, and accessories. and I have a rack with about 40 pairs of shoes. I'll have to admit that I get more use our of my clothing collection than my tool collection, which proves that I'm more at ease with dressing than with building.

[Greenie]

I agree with this. I don't buy new things very often, but when i do I like to buy pieces that will last a while. I am in a size I would like not to be in, so in the meantime, goodwill and nothing new for me. But when I get down to my goal size I am going to White House Black Market for all new work wardrobe. :)

[ophelia]

For me it's not the stuff, it's the treatments. And forget transgender makeover studios. Tacky ripoffs...I love getting made over at regular real spas and salons. Nothing beats seeing a professionally made up she/me emerge in the mirror as they remove the hot rollers and style my wonderfully smelling hair. With limited finances for "femme" days I can only cross over a few times a year. And I find myself needing a higher class salon each time. So I guess it is "quality" over "quantity" in my case. One of my best experiences has been at an AVEDA spa with a training program. Students work so hard for you at a lower price and you get AVEDA quality products.

[Lynn Marie]

I keep my enfemme wardrobe in just over half of a closet shared with my tool chest used for other hobbies and interests. This forces me to continually upgrade my wardrobe rather than continually adding to it. Probably 80% of my clothes are from Goodwill. My last 2 outfits came from a Betty Page store and cost nearly $300! Scared myself.

[Krisi]

I am slowly learning that many things look great on the hanger but not so good on me. I am trying to keep that in mind as I shop and I'm doing better than when I first started shopping for female clothes. I do need to go through my stuff and donate the stuff that doesn't look good on me.

[Sharon B.]

I much prefer Quality especially in shoes the cheap ones hurt my feet, I also buy quality under-garments and prefer quality dresses and skirts they seem to wear longer then the cheaper ones. The tops are harder to find as I am tall and they usually are short in the sleeves if I want a long sleeve. This is why I much prefer dresses.

[wanagione]

I agree with you, quality is better. I also buy classic and that way it's always instyle and saves money.

[ophelia]

What I've learned from magazine Like Lou Lou, and Chatelaine and TV shows is to really think about "ensembles" when I buy something.
I love thrift shopping for classics, but my rule of thumb is that it's not a bargain if you can't use/wear it.
I have my measurements on a card in my wallet and I shop with a tape measure.
Filling your closet with frivolously purchased items saps your cash and makes it harder to get out of that closet!

[Krististeph]

I suffer from similar tendencies. One thing that helped was having my wife decide what I should wear, another story. Now I've got new stuff numbered, and will pick one at random and wear it. Always more fun than just knowing it it there i the closet.

Since CD has an element of secrecy, it is way too easy to fall into the fear of loss mindset- and grab anything and everything when the opportunity arrives.

One of the turning points was when I finally bought a cheer outfit. Not a costume. Costumes are cheap & flimsy. After too many years, I splurged one halloween. "Only" $200 or so, including thin streamer poms- (like they had in the 70's & 80's) a skirt & shell with nice trim and piping. I put the name of my wife's alma mater on it, along with her school's colors... When my wife first saw the uniform- she was impressed- heavy quality material, well sewn and fitted. SO worth it.

Pretty much now I'll restrict dresses or outfits to costing a fair amount- medium upscale i guess. Never been unhappy with the purchase- in fact, even having shopper's remorse for not saving the money and getting something even nicer!

Yes, fad -wear is fun, but quality classics are worth investing in.

[Mink]

I often wish I could go back in time and be a bit smarter about purchases...

I wish I had like 1/3 or 1/4 the amount of stuff I have but just the best stuff and then only buy really nice or special things

hate feeling like it's a compulsion or addiction and yeah just collecting clothes that may not fit that well or look wrong

[darla_g]

I agree with the basic premise that Jennifer makes. I have. Too much stuff and have been contnually buy more. I do go through and mostly donate old stuff I don't need anymore.

[natcrys]

I will readily admit I have a lot of stuff... and when I moved 3 years ago.. I did get rid of a lot of clothes that I had in my possession for years, sometimes even more than 10. Nowadays, I do try think in terms of complete outfits and ensembles.. what could go with what?

Realising that a cute LBD can be worn in 5 different ways by using different belts, scarves, shrugs and shoes has saved me quite some money and wardrobe space. :)

However, I still prefer to buy cheap except for shoes since I don't want ruin my feet (I'm already walking in 4 or 5 inch heels.. no reason to exacerbate the situation. So most of my dresses are still under 20 euros unless it’s something really really special.

I just can’t spend a 100 dollar on a dress knowing that I want to mix it up every time! :p

[Lexi_83]

I own more bras than my ex-wife, and three different sized breast forms, and that's just for starters......