Sharing your Knowledge CD with the newbies

[Briana90802]

I've always noticed that there is quite a range of ages here. The younger or less experienced CDers and the more seasoned CDers. (no disrespect intended)

So my question is for those who have been doing this for a while.

What is the ONE and most important piece of advice that you would give the newbies from your experiences as a CDer?

Thanks

BTW sorry about the title. Dyslexia. Should Read "sharing your CD knowledge with the Newbies"

[Adriana Moretti]

glad you started this....cause I have been thinking the SAME thing....my question is IS there younger gals here??...or dont they have a section for them that us older gals are not allowed in? Thanks to the internet...its a whole new world for them....however the relationship advice you gals all have is priceless. My advice being a single gal who NEVER offers relationship s/o advice would be practice & patience slow & steady wins the race....and its not a race either....LOL...hope that made sense ! oh...enjoy the journey and have fun with it.

[Michelle789]

I am a younger gal, although it depends on what you consider to be "young" and "old". I'm 33. I see plenty of people on this forum who are under 40 and plenty under 30 too.

[michellekhoo]

Best advice you could ever get is enjoy yourself, and dont be afraid to be who you are

[Mistyjo]

My advice is be honest and open with yourself and live life like there's no tomorrow

[ArleneRaquel]

Never, never trust a male who wants you as a CD friend. Check him out,viamany phone chats, when you meet him in person that meeting place must be a public place of your choosing. In a relations always tell the other party that you are CD. Be extra careful of your surroundings. I have be at this for over 50 years and I am living as a woman 24/7 for almost ten years. I am always around this site and I am always willing to be of help whereever i Can. Best Wishes to all !

[Eryn]

Best Advice: The world is not on a hunt for CDers and most muggles aren't even aware that CDers who blend into public exist. We are generally accepted in the presentation we show as long as we act as though we belong in that presentation.

[ArleneRaquel]

Eryn,
Great advice and very true. But we must IMO be on guard for the haters & bullys.

[Eryn]

But we must IMO be on guard for the haters & bullys.

I agree wholeheartedly. The point of this thread was to give a piece of advice and you had already covered this issue. My defense against this is to only go places where I feel comfortable. Like most GGs, I won't go anyplace where haters and bullies might actually feel as though they can get away with bothering me. I find it puzzling that some of us seem to actually like places where this danger exists.

[Joanne f]

Hello Briana,
times have changed so I have to answer this in a different way as to how things were years ago when maybe the answer would have been think very hard before you say anything as there was very little information to be had at that time for anyone close to you to understand what was going on let alone yourself .
Be true to yourself but at the same time respect others, it is always sensible to listen to advices but that does not mean that you have to take it , I have this thing in that if you ask 3 people the same thing and you get the same answer then that maybe the right answer , 3 different answers then forget it lol, ( I think my wife thinks I have gone senile when she hears me do that OK maybe I have lol) and it is always easier to start as you wish to go on than it is to leave it to later in my opinion .

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you Eryn. I never go enfemme to places that might be hostile. My next door neighbor is a rayjing homophob and just living next door to this guy gives me the willies !

[sandra-leigh]

Adriana, there is a private forum for those up to age 30.

My first-best advice: You will probably never find out "why" you are a cross-dresser, so anguishing about "why" is not likely to do any good; be more concerned with what you are going to do now that you are what you are.

Even if you did figure out that (e.g.) "It is because your 2-year old sister dropped a Barbie in your crib", knowing that is unlikely to help now.

[Persephone]

So many things come to mind...

First would be to learn to be yourself, to be comfortable in your own presentation so that you live your life confidently in the gender of your choice.

Second would be to master the moves and all the details -- what clothing suits your style, what makeup works for you, etc. Someone in my life once taught me that you have to be Competent in order to be Confident and it is as true in your CD/TG/TS life as in any other aspect of your life.

Third would be to get past the guilt, the angst, and all of the negatives in your life; we share a special gift, not a curse, the gift of travelling beyond the prescribed roles that "muggles" spend their entire lives in. We have been granted special passports, diplomatic passports if you will, giving us freedom, we should enjoy every moment of the gift.

Fourth would be to avoid being CD/TG/TS -- no, I don't mean trying to give it up, I mean to avoid being caught up in perpetual T-ism. Be yourself, the woman or man you were intended to be, not some perpetual "pit polisher" wallowing in some sad state of being continually "trans." "Trans" implies a temporary state of motion from one place or one gender to another; no-one wants to spend their life between places, forever trapped on the subway, the plane, or the bus, and so "trans" should mean moving forward, not staying "trans."

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Wildaboutheels]

Don't let FIC [Forum Induced Courage] ruin your life and/or your SO's life.

[Babbs]

If you wear a wig, wear one with bangs, if you want to get close to passable. To me they look the most realistic because you can't always tell its not grown from your own scalp.

[sandra-leigh]

Second would be to master the moves and all the details

On the other hand, do not get too caught up on learning these things. Provided your clothing is not "indecent", then your larger concern should be whether you enjoy or get satisfaction out of wearing it. By my third time out in public, I wore something that I knew was "not my colour" and was likely to attract attention, something that I would never come close to "passing" with, and I didn't care that I looked like "a guy in an ugly skirt": I had fun.

If your purpose is to look "as much as possible" like a stereotypical GG, then, Sure, study what you have time for. But don't forget that the time you spend studying the details could instead be time you are out there dressing, probably imperfectly, but experiencing being dressed instead of just reading about it.

If you are at camp or at the beach and amateur "pick up volleyball" is happening, are you going to be spending your time watching playbacks of your games and practicing aiming and so on? Or are you going to run over and join in for the fun of it, knowing full well that chances are you will make mistakes?

I never studied movement or sitting or sneezing femininely or the like. I just went out and lived. All along I have been accepted by most people, and now I live that way full time. But I never tried to be "the perfect woman": I became a typically imperfect person, who happens to be female.

[Katey888]

Good question... and good responses... even if some went beyond the ONE that was asked for... :D

I think of answering this as if I were telling myself ... err.. hum.. years ago - what would I want to hear that would help? And it would be...

Embrace this part of you - do your best to integrate this with your life entire - accept that while it may appear strange to others, you should treat it as a gift and an insight that so few people experience in this world.

Celebrate it!

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

What I repeat practically every day. Just always be yourself.:)

[Kate T]

Understand, and love, YOURSELF. Treat others, cis and noncis whatever, with the same love and respect you wish to be treated. Everything else will fall into place.

Oh right, thats just life advice. Then again thats all this is, just bits of life.

[stephNE]

It's tough to get down to only one, but....
Relax, be yourself, and enjoy being a CDer. Most of our worries are about people spotting us, and the truth is most people don't even see us or know.
The others have had some great responses too, such as be safe. There's no reason to put yourself in dangerous situations.

[Majella St Gerard]

Be confident

[samanthasolo]

Self acceptance is the key to happiness regardless of your choice to stay behind closed doors or venture out into the real world. If and when you decide to step out you already realized that this is about YOU DOING IT, it is not about what anyone else is going to think. Your confidence is not only the most important thing that is going to make you take that first step, but it is also the biggest factor that is going to provide you with a pleasant enjoyable experience. Dress appropriately for where it is you might go and wherever that may be, Just Act Natural!!! Be aware of your surroundings, relax, be comfortable, and don't concern yourself with fears of what others perceptions might be.

[Lynn Marie]

Make friends. It is good for the soul. This forum is a form of social gathering. So if you take this just one step further and cultivate real life friendships can you imagine how wonderful that would be? I like people and find them fascinating.

[Krisi]

There is no "ONE and most important piece of advice" that covers crossdressing any more than there is one piece of advice you would give a golfer, biker, singer, etc.

Not only are there several "degrees" of crossdressing, each of us lives in a unique situation as far as family, job, etc.

Having said that, I will contradict myself by saying this:

Learn all you can about crossdressing. Join and participate in forums, watch youtube videos, buy books, and most of all understand what you are doing and think about the possible consequences. Remember that what one or several people suggest may not apply to you.

[natcrys]

I would agree with Krisi that it's quite hard to just give one piece of advice and that would be the most important thing. And that is just not very practical,.. in this thread alone, I've seen some very useful and great tips and it would be quite foolish not to pay attention to any but one of them! :p

To stay in the theme of the thread though, I'd offer this.. accept yourself and get rid of the guilt (if there is any)!

There are many tutorials, videos, websites, blogs, etc. to help you achieve the look, mannerisms, fashion tips and all that good stuff. But learning and mastering it will go a hell of a lot quicker if you have accepted and embraced this unique and beautiful side of you! :)

[Lexi Moralas]

My advice is be careful but don't be afraid! Get out there and do the thing you want to do while you are young and single.
I think a lot of us girls on here would agree that by the time we got the nerve to go out in public we wished we had just sucked It up and done it years earlier! Shoulda coulda woulda's suck ! Lol

[shawnsheila]

Hmmm. I'm not expert (37 years old) but I have been out an about as my femme persona abroad and at home. I would say, be safe, be confident, be honest with your SO and have a good time :) All of this sound easy but each one has its challenges. Longbeach is a pretty TG friendly city. LA is one of the cities I roam in fully en femme :)

[Beverley Sims]

Learn, makeup, mannerisms and dress sense.

For me it has to be San Francisco and Las Vegas.

[Krististeph]

Something I picked up- it's a small thing but it is fun to practice- and you can even do this en-drab (not crossdressed)-

To look more feminine: In so much as reasonably possible or practical, try to keep your elbows down, along side your waist. Watch how feminine girls stand or sit- the elbows are never casually flung out like guys do. This is a subtle but powerful indicator of gender within our society.

Also, do the same thing with knees- together when ever they do not need to be apart.

Have fun!

-Kristi

[Caden Lane]

Ladies of crossdressers.com , If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.
That shame and guilt you feel isn't you or your thoughts. It's thoughts and feelings that society had forced upon you. Shed them like you would shed a poorly sized dress.
Do not purge thinking that it will go away. Purging only leads to regret and a drain of limited financial resources. Secure your things away safely until you sort out your feelings.
You may never understand why you do this. But what you need to do is learn to accept you as you are, before anyone else can accept you as you are. Love Yourself, and others will learn to Love You. Seek out a trust worthy Gender Therapist. Therapy is a good way to learn to accept and Love yourself, and through that, you will more easily shed that shame and guilt I spoke of earlier.
Be social, make friends who crossdress, learn from them at every opportunity. Go out dressed, allow yourself to grow. Don't stagnate yourself out of fear. That too also leads to regret. There is many a CDer who wishes she had started going out when she was younger and prettier.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

[Jodi]

Always remember that none of us are completely passable as women. Don't expect to be passable, but concentrate on being presentable. You will be read by some, more or less. Expect this to happen. Be confident and be who you are. have fun with it.

Jodi

[Helen_Highwater]

I'll base my reply upon the premise that we're talking about a CD'er who wants to be as feminine/convincing as possible and not one who wears a dress and say's to hell with the world.

Observe (and experience) what GG's do. By that I mean walking, gestures, sitting, standing up, getting into/out of a car, carry a bag/purse. There are a myriad of things and these change depending upon age. And lets face it, if you're going to spend a king's ransom on clothes, forms, makeup, wigs and all the paraphernalia we , dare I say it, covet, you're not going to want to end up looking like someone who's dressed for a stag do bet. So I suppose I could sum it up by saying, "Do your homework".

[sherri]

This is a very important subject, I think. My top three tips for a youngster are:


There's nothing wrong with the sexual aspect of gender expression, and if it's only about that for you, fine, but keep in mind that there is little emotional reward in promiscuity. A better approach would be to focus on the whole person -- in other words, make sex part of a relationship, not the whole point.
The majority of CDers are probably not candidates for full-blown transition to life as a woman, in which case, keeping your gender expression in perspective and achieving a balance is extremely important. We all give in to the pink fog and daydreams sometimes, but remember, life is about more than skirts and lipstick. Don't make foolish choices and don't burn bridges.
If you do feel like you are destined to be a full-time, totally "out" femme person, and that feeling never goes away, then again, remember, your life isn't just about what gender you are. You're still going to have to make a living, you'll still want love, etc., and you need to prepare accordingly. You'll have to try even harder than a non-TG person. In fact, the only transsexuals I'm aware of that are leading successful, satisfying lives realized the obstacles and challenges of their choices and prepared for success. Advanced college degrees make a difference, as does choosing a career field where you can fit in and succeed. And if you find someone who loves you for who and what you are, realize the gift you've been given, be faithful and love them back. If this is the life you want you're going to have to make it happen, so be smart about it.

[Debi]

Always be upfront with a partner about your CDing or your Trannyism, before it goes too far. You have to face the fear of rejection, but you shouldn't move forward and marry and so on without being honest. You owe it to your partner and you owe it to yourself. Life is FAR better when you don't have to hide who you are.

That is probably my best piece of advice.

D x

[darla_g]

General advice: enjoy yourself & never feel guilty

Specific advise: learn contouring techniques it makes a huge difference in a feminine look

[Karren H]

I say let them learn from their mistakes... we did! do.... lol

[Lorileah]

Rule #1. You are not strange or weird or perverted. You are normal
Rule #2. Life is short, even if you think right now you have forever you don't.
Rule #3. Be happy, you need to be happy. Life should be fun
Rule #4. You don't know everything. Your SO has a brain and you should allow them to use it. Don't make their decisions for them
Rule #5. Have confidence, this one is important no matter what you wear

I would say don't worry about details like walking or hand motions or anything anyone says "all women do"...they don't and when you get too detail oriented you will stand out even more. Be you, everyone is different.

[Nadine Spirit]

Rule #1. You are not strange or weird or perverted. You are normal.

Lorileah stated my 1 piece of advice quite well.

[Leslie Langford]

My fundamental advice would be to realize that the first time you step out into the big, bad world en femme, there really is no huge flashing neon sign hovering above your head shouting out "Crossdresser! Crossdresser!" for all the world to see, and that no townsfolk brandishing lit torches and pitchforks will descend upon you to drag (no pun intended - LOL!) you off in chains.

If one is reasonably "passable" - bonus points, but even if not, most of us can blend in without attracting too much undue attention. As others here have said, it's all in the attitude and the presentation - if you dress appropriately for the occasion, act the part, and above all, show confidence and conduct yourself as if you own the place, others will pick up on that positive vibe and respond to you accordingly.

Whenever these types of discussions are raised, I am always reminded of that priceless line from one of my all-time favorite movies - "Hear No Evil, See No Evil", starring Richard Pryor as the blind character and Gene Wilder as his deaf counterpart, with the comedy centering around how those two (mis)communicate given their respective disabilities. When at one point Gene's character makes reference to the fact that Richard's character is black, he is astounded and replies incredulously "I'm black??? Does my mother know?"

We should all be so oblivious to our male sides when going out en femme, just go with the flow, and savour every moment of it... ;)

[sanderlay]

The ONE and most important piece of advice I would give is...

Confident in Yourself as a Person, your Self-Esteem.

[Eryn]

Always remember that none of us are completely passable as women...

By the severe criteria we impose upon ourselves, a lot of GGs aren't passable either! Luckily, the general public is much less judgmental than we are on ourselves. This politeness about the failings of others is what allows us to enjoy relative freedom in public.

[Chari]

No matter where you are on the gender scale, always be comfortable and confident with your presentation! Enjoy.

[Lorileah]

By the severe criteria we impose upon ourselves, \

:yt: we dissect way too much

[julia marie]

Remember that many women are actually pretty accepting and non-judgmental when they meet/deal with a CD. Surprising but true, at least in my experience (sales clerks, waitresses, etc).
However, they aren't terribly accepting when it comes to seeing that the "woman" in the next ladies room stall has her toes pointing toward the toilet while peeing.

[Wildaboutheels]

I seriously doubt that ANY GG who waters here ever worries that her "runway strut" while wearing heels makes her look like a man. [For all you CD busters out there] Nor do I think any of them toss and turn incessantly all night in bed because they don't have a voice like Jaclyn Smith.

But...I could be wrong.

[Eryn]

...when it comes to seeing that the "woman" in the next ladies room stall has her toes pointing toward the toilet while peeing.

IMO, it must be vanishingly rare that a CDer would be so insensitive as to do this in a ladies' room. It might have happened at some time, but I doubt that any of the CDers here would do that.

[franlee]

Since the question was the One most important thing. It is don't try to rationalize (or overthink) what you are, just enjoy it with common sense.

[Amy Fakley]

hehe, seems like everyone has the deep stuff covered.
Here's something practical that I learned the hard way.

this is the right way to get makeup off:

http://www.amazon.com/Neutrogena-Makeup-Remover-Cleansing-Towelettes/dp/B0010XUU9M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396313526&sr=8-1&keywords=makeup+remover

especially eye makeup. And if you're needing to get it off more than once a day (hey it happens) ... and especially if you're needing to shave your face makeup-close every day for more than a couple days at a time, you'd better get to moisturizing or your face is gonna be a mess by the end of the week. I find this to be a good investment as well:

http://www.amazon.com/Cetaphil-Fragrance-Moisturizing-16-Ounce-Bottles/dp/B001ET76GW/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1396313610&sr=8-3&keywords=cetaphil

look ... nobody tells you this stuff when you've been a dude your whole life ... LOL, finding out the hard way was rather irritating <pun!> :-)

[jamie-upstate]

Exercise, eat healthy, and dress age appropriate

[Paula_Femme]

I would say be true to yourself, AND any potential partner.

I have absolutely zero hang-ups about my CD-ing, and I've always been up-front about it when starting a new, potential, relationship.

Sure, I've had Women walk away because they can't/don't want to deal with it - no judgement here, it is what it is - but better to find out at the beginning than down the road when you're both becoming emotionally invested in the relationship.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Don't worry, be happy? Just relax, think about what you are doing and have fun. Get the best wig you can afford (assuming you need a wig). Watch how women move. You are not alone...

[Leslie Langford]

Well, Eryn, I have to 'fess up that sometimes I do this - so guilty as charged, Your Honor.

But let me say in my defense that I only do so when I am in the ladies' room by myself, or else where the stall's walls and door essentially go to the floor so that it is difficult - if not impossible - to see which direction my feet are facing.

Yes, I understand the protocol that we CDers are expected to follow when using the ladies' rooms and I generally subscribe to that, as well as follow it religiously where necessary. But seriously - have you seen the state of some of these washrooms? And here I had always been led to believe that we males were the ones who typically soiled the washroom facilities, didn't clean up after ourselves, and more often than not, didn't wash our hands after doing our business either.

So yes, when I encounter such situations, I feel no guilt in exercising my male privilege by taking advantage of the anatomical benefits that Nature has bestowed upon us, if you catch my drift...

[Briana90802]

I'm really surprise that's all people have to say.

[Jenniferathome]

Assuming you go out....

1) Dress like a street walker and you will be treated like a street walker.
2) Present yourself for the occasion. The mall is not a ballroom.
3) No, you do not pass as a woman. Now enjoy the experience.

[Persephone]

Yes, I understand the protocol that we CDers are expected to follow when using the ladies' rooms and I generally subscribe to that, as well as follow it religiously where necessary. But seriously - have you seen the state of some of these washrooms? ... So yes, when I encounter such situations, I feel no guilt in exercising my male privilege by taking advantage of the anatomical benefits that Nature has bestowed upon us, if you catch my drift...

If there are no seatcovers perhaps you might take a moment to cover the seat in toilet paper or "hover" like other women do?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[JennyLynn]

Be true to thine self. But, never think where you are now is where you must stay.

[JennyLynn]

Forgot the last part.....know where you want to be

[sometimes_miss]

Hmm, advice. It would have to be, remember that you're primarily dressing for yourself. If you want to feel like a girl, use the visual and tactile clues to best effect. Unless you're among the 1% that can truly pass, don't waste all your time in front of a mirror working on that, wear what you can see on yourself from your own viewpoint. The tactile feedback of physically wearing things that FEEL different is also a constant reminder of what you're doing, whether that is just feeling as if you're a girl, or getting the sexual excitement from it. And try to figure out what it is that spells 'girl' the most to you. I forgot for nearly 30 years how much an effect having long beautiful feminine hair defined 'girl' to me, and when I finally got around to buying a long pretty wig so that the hair was always withing my visual field, and feeling it brushing on my skin, etc., that was the moment that transformed how I felt about myself.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Briana, Your mirror can be your best friend one minute and your worst enemy the next minute.