I am out (to my ex)!

[bas1985]

I have done coming out to my ex today, in front of the family mediator.

:confused2::confused2:

Her first reaction has been "calm" because in her class (she is studying to become a nurse) there is a MtF... I did not know that... what a coincidence. So she does know the subject and she has said that she is also pretty and nice, even if she says that she does not know what a woman should dress because she overexposes her breasts with too much cleavage. :o

The second reaction has been to tell me to do what I want but not in front of the children.

The third reaction has been: "but cannot you wait? The kids want a dad, not two moms".

"they beg you, they want their dad all days!!!"

(ironically in these 3 years she has denied me their company for reasons totally extraneous to transition...)

I told her that my disphoria has been latent for these years and probably all the legal wars she and her family did, the thin layer of male "persona" that I have developed did not resist and crushed.

No one's fault. It happened.

Well... I understand that she has mixed emotions.

After the meeting I apologized for the marriage, maybe I was not her "man".

She said that this was the cause of her distaste in sexual contact with me, "I married a man who felt a woman".

...

in any case she said eventually that she would speak to the lawyer to get advice.

I know her lawyer, she is a Roman Catholic lawyer and probably she will suggest to my wife to burn me at the stake. :brolleyes:

But, all in all, I thought worse... I accept her fears, I hope to make her feel that this is not dangerous for the children.


---

Just for the note: I had to come out to her, because the social workers knew of my desire to transition (they noticed me in drag when I went to gender therapy) so I could not delay any longer.

Friday I will have my answer to start HRT.

In any case this was the last step... I would not have accepted to start HRT before telling my ex, so all in all this might be the best...

I told her at the end: I am just a parent who loves the kids as you do. I hope she understands.

[Rachel Mari]

I'm sure that was a pretty scary action on your part and congratulations on going thru with it.

She is your ex but you're both in the thick of it and all the wounds are still fresh and on going. I hope it all turns out well for both of you.

[I Am Paula]

A great post. This must have been liberating, and heart wrenching at the same time. You have to do what you have to do, and somehow convince her that having two moms is not the end of the world. Kids are like little sponges, they absorb what is around them and hold it. If your transition is handled in a realistic, and sensible manner, they will accept you, and grow up just fine.
I think you realize it is time to move on. You have done what was needed, now time to reap the rewards. I hope someday your Ex realizes that you, and the kids come first, and her comfort with you is a distant second.
Every time I read one of your posts, I feel for you, and your difficult situation. But you always seem to be handling it right. Keep doing that, and you will win.

[RADER]

I know her lawyer, she is a Roman Catholic lawyer and probably she will suggest to my wife to burn me at the stake.


I am Catholic, and I know for a fact that they gave up that practice because it was against the law everywhere but in North Carolina.

Good luck in your endeavors, you have rites to see your kids and be with them. Nobody can Deni you that.
Rader