Feeling embarassed by dressing in front of spouse

[maya1love]

Hi all:

Was just curious how many of us feel embarassed by getting dressed in front of our spouses? Is there a reason for this feeling? Are there specific items of clothing that make us feel embarassed like just wearing bras and panties with no wig on? Would be curious to hear your thoughts.

[Rachael Leigh]

If my wife was one who accepted I might be a little intimadadted not sure embarrassed is the right word.
However its not likely ever going to be an issue.
Now I will say I have been dressed in front of her a couple of times but not a usual situation.

[Debra Russell]

I have and depending on her reaction it can be uncomfortable/embarassing - panties, nightgown = no pblm in her presence, everything else can be an "adventure" and generally gets a :hmph: She doesn't seem to mind seeing me dressed - just not getting dressed but shows some sort of interest in what stage of being dressed I am in if she walks in unexpectably Oh:idontknow: and some times it's too much..............................Debra

[maya1love]

Hi ladies -- so is it that we are uncomfortable because she might feel uncomfortable, or is it because we feel uncomfortable on our own? ;)

[Jenelle]

My gf is very accepting so there is no issues on her end. I have no problems already being dressed in front of her but I feel weird getting dressed/undressed in front of her.

[Annaliese]

I have no problem dressing in front of her, with everything except a wig. For some reason that is the only thing that bothers her I would be alright with it if she was.

[dana digs sweaters]

Hi Maya, no spouse and No embarrassment at any level of dressing in front of SO
Why? No secrets kept. No secrets to hide. :)

[Dianne S]

I feel a little funny getting dressed in front of my wife, especially when it comes to putting in the breast forms. They're silicone and look a little like actual breasts... it seems weird to see them sitting on the dresser waiting to be inserted.

Once I'm dressed, I'm fine.

[Leslie Langford]

My wife neither wants to see or meet "Leslie" - nor even look at a picture of her, so it's really a non-issue in my case. And after 42 years of marriage, the odds of that ever changing range somewhere between zero and nil...

Funny thing is, there are at least a dozen GG's whom I have gotten to know over the years and who have met "Leslie" on numerous occasions (make up artists, nail techs, photographers, writers, boutique owners, consignment store owners etc.) They are super supportive, enjoy "Leslie's" company, are always happy to see her, treat her just like any other GG, and I feel totally at ease being dressed in front of them.

[Kate Simmons]

My GF has absolutely no problem with me dressing in front of her, nor am I ever embarrassed.. Although the first time I did it her eyes came out of her head and she said "whoa" when I put the wig on. She said she thought I was a completely different person.:battingeyelashes::)

[cdterri]

For whatever reason I feel uncomfortable if she sees me in a bra and forms

[PaulaJeanette]

Oh heavens, yes. Embarrassed...that is the exact word that I feel! Although my wife knows that I cross dress (she has know for a few years) but has only seen Paula dressed once for a few seconds. She came home early from work and caught me dressed in lingerie, pantyhose, and heels. Ever since that moment, I have felt embarrassed for her, mainly that she knows and saw me. Because I don't wear make up nor a wig, basically, when she saw me, what she saw her was her husband's head on top of a female body. I can't imagine what an in-congruent image that made in her mind!

As for the discomfort, I believe it is mainly mine. She once told me I need to get over it and I know I should but it is a big step. Maybe someday...

Thank you Maya for starting this thread...

[kendra_gurl]

My wife has seen me hundreds of times fully dressed and transformed. I am comfortable with that.
She has seen me undressing while still in makeup and wig. I am comfortable with that.
Sort of as in this tootsie clip.

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Dustin+Hoffman+Tootsie&FORM=RESTAB#view=detail&mid=91608C9D865B34AED26491608C9D865B34AED264

Now think of Dustin Hoffman in that same clip in his foundation undergarments and padding and makeup but without the wig covering up his taped forehead and wig cap. I am NOT comfortable with that.
It is not a very attractive sight for her and I don't even look at myself in the mirror at this stage of dressing.

[maya1love]

I agree that it can be embarassing for us as men to be seen just wearing lingerie and makeup without being fully dressed. I think we may feel less than men in the eyes of wives.

Kendra, I have always found that clip in Tootsie to be so cute!

[Caden Lane]

When I was trying on new outfits in front of my GF, it was the first time anyone had seen me fully dressed. So I already had anxiety on board. But once I got past that, I noticed that I didn't want her to see me in any transitional state of dress. I didn't want her to see me without my wig or see me in my lingerie, forms and wig without my outer clothes. Keeping in mind, she's seen me in panties before.

I think it goes back to the fear, shame and guilt that I grew up with. Those things are dying a slow death within me, but they've been a part of me for so long, they are almost all I know. So finding joy in my dressing has been a hard road. But her acceptance has helped immensely. But I think it just goes back to shame and guilt. With time, I think it will fade away.

[Beverley Sims]

I read some of these replies and then wonder why some don't understand why their wives are not accepting.

Well it is the same underlying situation as to why you feel embarrassed.

Be tactful in what you do.

[kendra_gurl]

So True Beverly.

[Suzanne F]

I don't feel embarrassed at all. I do get anxious as she can be critical at times while I am dressing as far as how the clothes are fitting or hanging. It is better if I can get finished before she sees me if possible.
Suzanne

[Mickey M]

My wife is very tolerant of me and tells me she
wishes she had my figure. I'm 5'8" 135 to 140
I'll just say that she is not, but luv her.

[Nikki A.]

My wife was tolerant in the right mood but not accepting. However the closer I appeared to looking female the worse she would push back. So it was at most a little adrogenous just to keep the peace.

[Nadine Spirit]

Nope, no embarrassment, she has seen me in every possible stage of dress/undress. Maybe somewhere in my memory is a faint tickle of an idea that years ago, like maybe 20, I was possibly worried, but that is so tough for me to remember it quite possibly could be a fake memory.

I think that my lack of concern is because she has been with me every step of this journey, so way back when, when I was only partially dressing, she obviously saw me not completely dressed.

On a side note, I find it interesting how many of you feel weird about your SO seeing your forms.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Maya, I love this thread & reading the responses to date. I can't comment since I am in the closet, but I love reading everyone's responses . Mickey-- 5'8" & weighing 135 lbs.-- my green eyed monster wants to devour you. What a figure you must have!! Peace, mel

[MetalGurl]

I can't speak from experience and say "Man, did I ever feel embarrassed!" because I never have. But I do think I would be embarrassed and probably would be for the first few times. However, I think that is mostly due to the fact that I've always been self conscious and overly concerned with what other people think of me my entire life. Needless to say, it makes what I do even harder.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Long answer : Hell no! It's rare that she wears anything girly or feminine. And because of that, most of the time I can look better than she does (especially with makeup). I'm not going to be embarrassed by that.

[lingerieLiz]

My wife doesn't mind seeing me put on panties. I don't need or wear forms so putting on a bra is easy enough. I do feel weird and tend to walk into the bathroom though. She doesn't mind nightgowns but doesn't like real lacy ones.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I feel a little embarrassed sometimes, I'm not dressing as a woman, (no wigs, forms or bras) but I am experimenting with various types of skirts, also stockings (thigh highs actually) sometimes pantyhose, though I'm getting fed up with those, and the thing that is most surprising to me, thongs. I had always said that thongs could be pretty sexy, but most people don't have the butt for it. These days, I'm in pretty good shape, fantastic shape for my age, and it's turning out that I do, have the butt for thongs. (well I think so, it may be that I'm kidding myself??)

My GF refuses to wear them, mostly because she thinks they are torture devices, I would like it she would try some of the newer, seamless ones, she definitely has the butt for them! I feel weird somehow having her see me in one. Not sure why. Same with thigh highs, uncovered, i.e. no skirt.

[sandie]

I dont know how I feel she has come into the bedroom and chatted with me about things without batting an eyelid but I do feel a little bit uncomfortable I wish I could accept it like she does

[Aylineira]

I've never felt embarrassed except for when I told her initially. But as far as what I'm dressed in, I normally put dresses on that goes to the knees and doesn't show a lot of skin anyways and so I'm never revealing in any sort of way that could get myself embarrassed.

[Nikki50/50]

The first time was not so much embarrassment, as it was a severely high self-conscious vulnerability. After that, it was nothing. Mainly due to my wife actually preferring to watch me dress (and undress) and enjoys it very much. Personally, I suspect she enjoys nit-picking as I go, kind of like a side-seat driver (which she does, and also why I don't drive when we get in a car together HAHAHA).
The only thing she adamantly refuses to watch is when I put on make up. Let me clarify: I don't put on make-up, I'm "not allowed". She does it for me LOLOLOLOL.

[Lynn Marie]

The first few times my lady friend saw me I was enfemme. I was in drab for our first meeting/date. Yet I do feel awkward dressing in front of her. It just seems a little ridiculous. I love being her man and also her "girlfriend" out on the town. She likes both of me and often wants Lynn to go out with. She loves my CD girlfriends and is really quite a hit wherever we go. Actually we're both quite a hit when out. We both love entertaining and being in the center of the party. I know I have the best of both worlds and I'm grateful. I just like being a "hunky boy" in front of the ladies even though they feel so much more at ease with me enfemme because I became non-threatening then.

[trisha kobichenko]

Hi, I came out to my spouse a couple of years ago. Some times dressing is welcomed, sometimes accepted, sometimes not so much. I struggle a little with what is the right time to dress, and how to 'announce' my desire to dress. Haven't got a handle on it yet. Sometimes I ask, and get the response 'Do what you want to do, why I are you asking? Other times I don't ask, and get either acceptance, or no response...not sure how to handle no response.
Would love to hear how others deal with this.

[carolynn2fem]

I know I would be uncomfortable dressing in front of her because she is uncomfortable with it. If she was to get past that I'm not sure how I would feel. I know that I would like/lover her encouragment

[Marcelle]

Hi Maya,

Early in my dressing I was completely unwilling to let my wife see me unless I was complete "en femme" (make-up included). For me it was a psychological barrier I could not leap in that I did not want my wife seeing her "man" partially clad in female garb. It wasn't until she brought it up in one of our "CD chats" that I took the leap to let her see me partially dressed (no make-up, wig) girl clothes. It has become common place now as when I am at home dressed, I seldom wear make-up (too labour intensive just to watch television and chill). However, I still won't walk around the house in just panites and bra in front of her as that is still one barrier I can't leap . . . yet.

Hugs

Isha

[Jillian Faith]

The only time I was slightly uncomfortable dressing in front of my wife was when I did my tucking thing, Her eyes got a little big but once I explained everything she was fine ans so was I. Now I can dress, undress, wardrobe change etc. in front of her with no embarrassment.

[Krisi]

I'm not embarassed being dressed in front of my wife but I'm a little embarassed getting dressed in front of her.

The panties are no problem, I wear them every day. It's putting on the forms or wig that I would rather not do in front of her. Once they're on, no problem.

[Heather-Hill]

Hi Everyone, my wife has come to terms with it to some extent, however, she stipulates ;
1. She doesn't see it, so I am banished to the bedroom on my own.
2. I am limited to 1 day a week full en-femme but I can wear under garments a little more frequently ( but again she does not want to see them ) !
3. Purchasing of feminine items is done without her input.

I first CD'd over 30 years ago and she used to see me dressed quite often and occasionally helped with my makeup especially if I was going to a TG meeting. Due to work commitments and relocation etc plus raising a family it all went on the back burner.
For some reason my CD'ing came back with a vengeance and she fears a return to the 'bad old day's' ......oh well maybe just maybe.!

Hugs
Heather

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maya, I think that it's a little bit of guilt and shame.
My wife tolerated me but it's a DA---DT kind of thinggie
she doesn't want to see me as Orchid.

[maya1love]

I'm not embarassed being dressed in front of my wife but I'm a little embarassed getting dressed in front of her.

The panties are no problem, I wear them every day. It's putting on the forms or wig that I would rather not do in front of her. Once they're on, no problem.

I can understand that -- I guess it's like a woman changing in front of her spouse -- she may not want him to see everything!

[bridget thronton]

I think it is a modesty thing - having your spouse watch you go from naked to clothed takes some getting used to. My spouse sees me dressed all the time (and I do not scurry for cover if I am not fully dressed any more)

[Kiva]

I've been out to my wife, and dressing in front of her from time to time, since 1986. I still feel uncomfortable.

[MustangGirl]

My current wife does not mind me wearing panties, pantyhose, and night gowns. She is not accepting of me dressing fully, so no, I am not embarrassed getting dressed in front of her because I never have. She has seen pictures of me fully dressed.

My late wife was very unaccepting when she first found out. It took some time but she finally came around to being fully accepting. That being the case, yes, I was embarrassed the first few times I got dressed in front of her. As time when on, it became easier. Sadly, just as we got to the point of going out with me dressed she got sick, and then passed away.

[ColleenA]

When I first dressed in front of my SO, I felt most awkward putting on a bra (I don't wear forms). Any other article of women's clothing had a corresponding piece of male clothing. Panties? Boxers. Blouse? T-shirt. Skirt? Pants. Dress? Pants and shirt together. (For some reason, I had little embarrassment putting on pantyhose, which is a poor correlation to socks.) But why would a man need to put on a bra? It is an irrelevant item for us. So I felt kind of ridiculous being observed as I put on something that I had no use for.

Eventually, though, that embarrassment diminished, and now I ask her to play with or fondle my "boobs" and bra.

[samantha rogers]

I don't think I would be embarrassed, though I am unlikely to find out...sigh...my wife, though she knows, has no interest in seeing me dressed.:sad:

[Flik]

I have no problem dressing in front of her, with everything except a wig. For some reason that is the only thing that bothers her I would be alright with it if she was.

Exactly the same with my Girlfriend. Growing out my hair though, will see what I can do with it.

[Cheryl T]

I felt embarrassed for a while after I came out to her.
I think it was mainly that it was new and I didn't want her to think less of me (whatever that would be).
Now it's just as routine as anything else and neither of us feel embarrassed at all.

[Eryn]

I certainly felt embarrassed at first. It was my hindbrain still telling me that what I was doing was wrong. As we both got more used to the idea it doesn't bother me any more.

[Paula_Femme]

...However the closer I appeared to looking female the worse she would push back. So it was at most a little adrogenous just to keep the peace.

I've heard of this before, sounds a little like the "Uncanny Valley (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny_valley)" response that has been observed in the fields of robotics and computer animation... the film "Polar Express (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Polar_Express_(film))" was another good example.

[noeleena]

Hi,

A little different this part.

in 1959 my Mother had major surgery, she was in the San for 9 months breast and lung and large scars on her front and back, i was about 12 and had to do her dressings back and front, and help dress her, plus wash her as well. i did a lot of help in other ways as well.

So there would be no reason for me to ever be embarrast in and around others ever half or undressed , later with Jos not at all the only thing that did and does embarss myself is how i look, im just who i am and thats never changed,

how do i say it, im not embarrist with my clothes, im more embarrist in my facial features, because i dont look more like who i should, no im not jealous of other female's more disapointed in myself, Jos would help me in picking clothes we did that together and i spent evenings doing my makeup if it was good okay and other wise i was told get it off and redo it,

...noeleena...

[LICutie]

ok, am gonna reply before i read others posts so that i will be uninfluenced in my answer.

i definitely would feel embarassed by getting dressed in front of a spouse... and almost everyone i know for that matter. eek. that's probably because i am 99% closeted. but maybe a wife could love my little secret and it could rekindle the flame of our relationship?

maybe a reason for this feeling for the embarrassment is cultural conditioning embedded in our core?

it would be great if we could just be who we are and allow others to be who hey are as long as no ones forcing anyone into anything they don't wanna be or do...

specific items of clothing that make me feel embarrassed, none... although i do feel incomplete until i am as transformed as fully as can be even crudely (yet that has never stopped me from feeling and being in touch with my femininity even if just in my mind or birthday suit or dressed in any level).

[susan lewis]

I have my wife put on my makeup and help with clothes and wig when hse has the time. She likes for me to look as passable as possible, and keeps me from too much makeup and too high on the heels. I use to feel little funny undressing but now love to lounge around in regular clothes with my makeup still on. I am lucky she accepts it and is part of my feminine side.

[vallerie lacy]

I can relate to feeling embarrassed by getting girlied up in front of my wife. After thinking about how silly it was to feel that way, I decided to make sure that she saw me getting dressed. I really enjoyed it. Did you ever think that if she was supportive of your dressing, than perhaps she might want to watch? Enjoy the opportunity that we who have supportive wives or girlfriends are so lucky to enjoy.

[LelaK]

Fear of Being/Seeming "Odd"
I suppose there may be several reasons we tend to get embarrassed. I've never had a spouse or live-in GF, but I've had embarrassment.

Think of "all" of the things that have ever embarrassed you. Looking odd tends to be embarrassing, until you get used to it, when it no longer seems odd. Why is it embarrassing to look odd? I think it's because we fear that we won't be accepted by loved ones. We fear rejection and abandonment. Even if we have adult reasoning that knows that's absurd, we often retain a childhood subconscious certainty that it's true (that we'll be rejected).

Shorts
When I was about 5 Mom tried to get me to wear shorts and short-sleeved shirts in the summer time, but I was self-conscious about my looks. I thought my arms and legs were skinny and ugly and maybe too white. I guess I felt I didn't measure up to my role models, my parents, who were good looking.

Glasses
I started wearing glasses when I was 11. I hated to have to wear them, but I got used to them quickly (maybe I felt that they made me less ugly) and I never let anyone see me without them for many years, because I thought I looked odd without them. One time in grade school I was with my class standing in a circle for choir practice. The frame of my glasses had a crack. I may have rubbed my nose, and then one of the glass lenses fell out of my glasses and made a loud enough thud on the wooden floor. I felt embarrassed, of course, then, without taking my glasses off, I picked up the lens and put it back in the frame. Somehow it stayed there. Then I acted as if nothing happened, my usual way of handling embarrassment.

Patches
Dad went to work every day, so my brother and I had to do chores each morning and evening feeding the livestock. We wore old clothes to do chores in, but one day I forgot to change my pants before going to school. They had one or two patches on the butt. Walking into school, I heard my neighbor classmate snickering to his friend. I quickly realized I was still wearing my work clothes and that's probably what he was snickering about. So for the rest of the day I tried to make sure no one could see my patch/es.

Identity
I think identity is especially an issue for crossdressers. Most of us long to be feminine, at least part time, but that's not how others identify us. We fear to reveal the identity we have of ourselves, because loved ones may reject us as strangers, unlovable. When we dress etc we can have somewhat of a new identity and some of our SOs can accept that; some can't. But while dressing maybe it's just the fear of looking odd and the subconscious fear again of rejection, despite our knowing that's generally ridiculous.

Compare how you look dressing to how you may look in other embarrassing circumstances. How would you feel if you found out there was something unflattering on your face in the presence of others. Such things can feel degrading. We can lose our favored identity in the minds of others.

[shawnsheila]

I would love to dress up in front of my wife but I dont think she is ready for that yet :(

[edith]

I have mixed feelings about dressing in front of my wife, and she has said she doesn't want to see me dressed. So it's a moot point for now. :-/

[ossian]

I also would like to be the dressing in front of the wife and have it over and done with, but I'm stuck. I'm ashamed. She says she accepts me as of right now. And I have memories of her not accepting me last summer. I'm cautious, I'm ashamed and yes I love my wife. I'm so screwed.