Inquiring Minds want to know / number 3

[FAB Forum Mods]

We once again have questions from our GGs.
We love all the input and we Thank You.
As always if a question does not apply just put n/a

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

[Jenniferathome]

1) Not regular enough to experience that. I always ask first so as not to infringe on her time. If she says "no" there is a reason, going out, friends, whatever...
2) The same. I'm the same guy.
3) NA
4) Never done that. Never will. Silly.
5) Beautiful? No. I see a remarkably changed guy who might pass a glance test as a woman. I do think the female me is attractive but I can't be objective about the male me. It's just me.
6) No. That's a ridiculous notion. Women can't feel threatened by a man posing as a woman unless they are super insecure. Just makes no sense. We are not women and not better looking than our women.
7) Chores are chores and not tied to gender roles. Share the load is the only reasonable thing. A guy can mow the lawn in a skirt if necessary. Or, he can mow the lawn, take out the trash, fix the car and THEN dress. How do you get a man to leave the pink fog? Kick his ass and tell him x, y, or z is his JOB, regardless of dressing. A conversation about chores before dressing can be a good route too.

[Caden Lane]

1) tomorrow is another day. Life is about balancing needs versus wants. And sometimes my needs can be out slanted by her needs and sometimes her wants.
2) I'd like to say the same, as I am the same person. But I do feel kinder and gentler when I'm dressed. So that's a tough one.
3) I stayed because I made the vow for better or worse. Even if she wasn't going to honor that, I was going to try. I also saw my marriages as obligations once it was clear Love had taken a back seat.
4) N/A - can't relate to that fantasy or fetish.
5)I see a mother version of me staring back. Let's be honest, look at my avatar. I'm not beautiful. But I am me. And I'm doing the things that my brain is wired to do. That in turn makes me happier and a better person.
6)preposterous notion. A woman would have to be über insecure to see me as more beautiful or as a threat to her femininity. Also, I refer you to the quote in my signature block.
7)communication shouldn't stop when the cross dressing topics stop. And gender roles don't define chore roles. Fair is still fair. Make concessions, make compromises. But do not compromise yourself. If it takes letting him do the yard work in sports bra and yoga pants, make that concession, if it's reasonable and neighbors won't notice. But it goes back to fair is fair.

[Judith96a]

1) Doesn't apply!
2) Doesn't apply either (don't dress around my wife)
3) As someone else said -"for better, for worse, in sickness and in health" - besides which it's NOT the end of the world
4) Doesn't apply either!
5) Beautiful? Depends on how you define beautiful ;) ! Seriously, I see a woman and I like what I see.
6) No! That's just silly. Any CD who come out with that needs some head reduction!
7) doesn't really apply but... CD time = 'play' time!

[Nadine Spirit]

Ha, funny questions.

1 - Honestly, the couple of times it has come up, I do get a bit annoyed. I try to balance my desires, and while I dress regularly, that really means, generally 2-3 times per month, maybe a couple more if I am lucky. During vacation times it is generally more. But I have added these days up and it comes out to about, at most, 50 times per year. When I see 365.25 days per year, I don't see 50/365.25 as really balanced, it is far more in favor of days I dress as a man. For the record, this situation very rarely has come up, and if it has Jules generally has a reason behind her suggestion that I not dress, like we have to do something that day, and I follow her suggestion or discuss options with her.

2 - I treat her the same.

3 - NA

4 - I don't know. I don't know if we own anything that matches???? Hmm....????

5 - No. I see a guy. Unless I have been dressing for more than a few days. Then I kind of see a female. Beautiful though? Hardly.

6 - Gosh I really hope no GG feels threatened or is jealous of me. I don't see any reason why they should. Maybe I could see one area, that I work my little bootie off to stay in shape. I have one GG friend who has told me she is impressed with how hard I work to maintain my weight. But facial looks? I don't think I am anywhere near gorgeous. Really that thought is ridiculous.

7 - I have read of CDs like this, and I find it amusing. They wont do "guy" work, cause they are dressed as a girl, but then they don't like doing "girl" work either. Oh, okay, I get it, it is vacay time! Ha-Ha. Look honey, I am going on vacay, I am putting on a bra. Tres funny! Suggestions? Oddly enough... encourage them to dress more. At one time I looked at dressing as vacay, because I would dress and then only do fun or relaxing things. It made it so that dressing was my little escape time, and I longed for it. But then the more I dressed the more I realized I can't spend all of my time this way, and besides I am romanticizing CDing. I then began to force myself to dress and do regular things. Like shopping, or getting the car fixed, or yard work, or dishes, or laundry, or ????? And as well, I also forced myself to go do fun things while dressed as a guy. I think that so many guys stay closeted because it forces them into an escapism mode. They have to only dress, in the bedroom, by themselves, and no one can ever know. They exclude themselves from the world and create a "time out" for themselves. Then they think, oh well, I deserve this time off, and expect somebody else to pick up the slack. So, encourage them to get out, regardless of what they wearing, leave their work for them to do, and under no circumstances should you pick up the slack, that will only enable them. Okay, I am babbling now, sorry.

Thanks ladies, fun as usual. I love being encouraged to really think about things. :)

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

1. I only spend about 25% of my time en femme so it is not really an issue. My wife and I have discussed this aspect and she told me to dress when I feel like it. We normally discuss our social calendars ahead of time so if she is planning something for the two of us to do, I treat those as Isha no fly days as I prefer to do things with her "en boy".

2. I treat her the same as I am no different "en femme" or "en boy" with the exception of clothes and make-up that is.

3. N/A

4. We don't buy matching clothes period. We do share tops and shoes but never buy the same thing unless it is by accident. If that happens we just laugh and agree not to wear it at the same time.

5. Umm . . . no. One look in the mirror and it is glaringly obvious I am a guy to me and anyone around me. The closest I get to that feeling is "okay still a dude but from a distance you should blend".

6. With my mug . . . not a chance. I'll be the first to admit there are some stunningly gorgeous TG gals out there but this gal is not one of them.

7. My wife and I share everything outside and inside. Some things she won't do outside which normally involves the chain saw but then again I don't mind. Indoors I prefer to vacuum (love my Dyson) and cook. However I do all my chores "en boy" as doing them in gal clothing does not appeal to me. My suggestion would be to have a discussion as your SO is being completely unfair. Relationships are about shared responsibility in all things. If your SO won't listen to reason then I recommend you let him/her know that chores are done "en boy" vice "en femme" since girlie weekend precludes him/her doing anything whereas when he/she was "en boy" at least the outdoor chores were covered off.

Hope this helps.

Hugs

Isha

[Lorileah]

another walk down memory lane for me. As usual this is how I used to be when I had a wife/SO and considered myself a CD

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

I was annoyed usually

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

b- different and how? I was very withdrawn and sullen and would avoid talking to her

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?
Sometimes. Usually yes but only when I smile

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

No, why should they? I am not threatened by them. Well tere was this one time in a bar which I didn't know was a womyn's bar and ....

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

Suggest someone gets a timeout. In my life, nothing was gender specific as far as work went. Both my Wife and GF would roll up their sleeves and crawl in dirt and muck to help. I had less fear then so if I thought something was dangerous I would strongly suggest they didn't help (let me tell you sometime about falling off the roof on top of my wife...) Let's see what would my wife do if I acted that way...um...well there would be no food, my clothes would pile up, the lawn would be deep and we would get little notes from the HOA. As we aged though a lot of the mechanical and technical things were farmed out to outside sources. She grew tired of four letter words as I was doing the work. Funny though, I used to be the one doing the dusting and vacuuming but now that I am alone neither get done very often...just proves that two hands make lighter work

[Cindy J Angel]

3. That is a big one I stay because I got hurt at work and can not work. I am ret from navy and ehin I get my ss then maybe I can. I love my wife
She did not sign up for this so you can't blame her for not liking it.

7.when we both work we split the loan inside and out with me cutting the grass and doing a car worth but now I do all the housework the card work.

[ColleenA]

1) NA - she doesn't care much how I dress any time, since it doesn't interfere much with what else I do.
2) I treat her the same, although I ask her to treat me differently, i.e. appropriate to my gender presentation.
3) NA
4) Wearing women's clothes helps me feel womanly. Wearing the same item I know a real woman is wearing enhances my connection with women by a level, just as wearing a used bra I bought off eBay gives me an extra connection to real womanhood.
5) I try to minimize looking in the mirror when dressed. The only place I exist as a beautiful woman is in my head.

6) I honestly laugh when I hear any CD or drag queen state that they are more woman than (name any GG). To me, they are measuring themselves on one level only - and a very superficial one at that - how much they have glammed themselves up. I understand there is so much that is mundane in a woman's daily life that I have no desire in mimicking or "experiencing" - an unfulfilling marriage, crying children, rebellious teenagers, being unappreciated and underpaid at work, monthly periods and other hormonal swings, unrealistic societal (and hubby) standards of beauty, shopping, cooking, bills, shouldering the greater burden of aging parents, etc., etc. Forty years ago, when I started dressing, I asked myself if I might be transgender. I realized then, and have never wavered, that I am not cut out to be all that a woman is. What I say is that I would want to be a woman only if I could have just the good parts.

7) I concur with Nadine. It's so easy to let dress up time be vacay time or play time. But that doesn't cut it when you're dressing for anything more than an hour. If you don't get to sit around and eat bonbons, why should hubby's alter ego get to? "Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option." Hmm, look at what I said in #6 about wanting only the good/fun parts of being a woman.

[mechamoose]

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

I don't have room to answer the other ones, but I can say that my wife and I try to not even be wearing the same colors when we go out. If we find we match too much, one of us goes and changes.

Now, will she *borrow* a top from me? Sure.. but have matching ones? *shudder*

- MM

[Stephanie47]

(3) DADT means exactly that, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I am assuming my wife knows I dress when she is at work. I do nothing to rub her face into something she is find confusing or objectionable. Since we have not had a long conversation about cross dressing in decades, I don't know what she really thinks now. Has she evolved? I'm sure she does not know of my extensive wardrobe, but, that's DADT.

Why stay? I really don't have any desire to live my entire life en femme. I enjoy being en femee on occasion. It is relaxing. I also enjoy being all male the majority of time. If I ever find the reason what started my journey, maybe I'd unfemme myself. My wife is a good girl. She has her own faults and past experiences that she is not proud of. I would deem myself very selfish to force my desires upon her.

Yes, my wife did not sign on for a girlfriend. She does not have lesbian tendencies.

(5) I see a woman my age. I do my best to avoid closeup mirrors. I prefer the full length mirror and the image at about ten to twenty feet. I know I look like a man in a dress. I remember not liking to receive a kiss from my 82 years old grandmother because she had whiskers. I'm not fair behind, although I do take a close shave when getting en femme.

[Laura912]

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do feel? That has never happened but I would say sure and then make certain that I had not done anything with the dressing to disturb her.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

Generally about the same but maybe I am a little less volatile and more kinder.

3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?
NA

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO?

NA

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

No. I see a well groomed woman who looks OK for her age.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

It is not my opinion. My wife and I have joked that I do heels better than she does and there are some clothes that fit me better because of being slender and taller.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

Get an arbitrator for both of you. He is manipulating you with the purge threat. Also, you are in a partnership and he needs to do his share. Of course, my response is based on the data you have provided.

[kendra_gurl]

1. I dress on average twice a week and my wife always knows in advance of those times. What few times she has mentioned any reason why it might not be a good time I'm okay with that.

2. While we are both the same people we were before I dressed I'd say that we try to do things slightly differently while I am dressed. That alone makes this answer we both treat each other differently


3. A really long time ago this applied and it's very simple. Love, commitment and family are way more important

4. I don't have anything matching to my wife. As for your husband perhaps if its just panties you could see it as a form of flattery and appreciation of how you look to him in them that he wants to feel as sexy as he thinks you are

5. While I know exactly what I see is an illusion, most of the time I am very satisfied with the appearance of a female looking back at me. I do believe for a lot of cd's they only see the clothing and the wigs rather than the whole package.

6. Not threatened or jealous of the whole look but yes there are times when my wife or other females have said they wished they had my legs or my hair or could fit into a dress like that. Not all at the same time mind you. but it does happen.

7. Sorry but this is more about your lack of self esteem. You are partners and its time you stand up and tell him if he wants a girlie weekend its got to be a fully girlie weekend and if he is not willing to accept that you will show him where giant size trash bags are.

[Katey888]

Fab questions, folks - gave me a chuckle reading them again... OK, here goes...

1) N/A
2) N/A
3) N/A
4) N/A - do think this is a little odd - but hey, whatever floats your boat...
5) Nope - I see me, looking somewhat feminine and maybe not bad looking, but not a beautiful woman... that would be insane..
6) I can imagine that uninformed GGs would be more concerned over the sexuality of their SO rather than the look... Why would a GG be jealous of a guy in makeup and a dress..? And not even a camp guy at that... :)
7) My suggestion: Tell him to grow up, man up and get a dose of responsibility - doing what we do does not preclude any of those things. Admittedly my circumstances are unusual, but I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, car and building maintenance, etc. - sounds to me like a big, fat, lazy excuse....

Sorry I couldn't have answered more - hope that helps - Katey x

[sanderlay]

Question
1) n/a

2) n/a

3) n/a

4) n/a

5) No. I see myself, not a man not a woman. If I look deep, beyond the mirror, I see my True self. The clothing helps me to feel and reflect into myself and show the world. Without the clothing, on my male body, without my jewelry, I don't feel my feminine side. My feminine is not acknowledged and she feels hidden, covered over. It's like I'm ashamed to reflect my feminine side to others because of some stupid social rules.

(FYI: I do not wear makeup. I'm not trying to present as a woman, but neither am I trying to present as a man. I'm trying to be myself.)

6) No. I'm not trying to be you, I'm trying to be me.

7) Chores go on no mater how you present or see yourself. No tasks is man's or woman's work. Tasks are not gendered. You may be more talented with certain tasks but that does not excuse you from them. Also be respectful of time, yourself and your partners. Work hard. That may mean wearing more practical clothes to speed along a task when time is limited. But don't use that as an excuse to not have some fun. Life is not about toil and misery. Put love into what you do. It will reflect back at you, your partner and your guests to your home.

[reb.femme]

1) If she asked me not to dress that day, I would do as requested. Would ask why though?

2) She doesn’t do physical contact when I’m dressed. She is hetero female so I can see her point.

3) Not applicable.

4) We don’t do matching clothes, as she always says it makes us look more like twins.

5) I don’t know about a beautiful woman but it’s not that bad either. I like my female appearance.

6) She definitely feels threatened…..NOT! Wife is 100% gorgeous in my eyes and I don’t hold a candle to her.

7) We share, although she does more of the housework than me. Either way though, I’m fully domesticated from hovering, washing, ironing and cooking. We grew up together (from mid teens), so we developed together. Sounds like your SO is from the Cretaceous period :heehee:.

[Zylia]

1/4: No SO (by choice), so N/A.

5: Kinda depends on how much work I put into it and/or how dark it is. With the same effort, the average 'genetic girl' will look infinitely better. I think I look alright for a dude who's trying to look like a lady though, but feel free to rip me a new one the next time I post a picture.

Edit: after reading a few other reactions and giving the question some more thought, I'm not sure if I should feel offended by this question. "Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?" What do you mean, "really"? I'm a guy so I'm an ugly woman? Do YOU (GG) really see a beautiful woman looking back in the mirror? Not everyone is a fashion model and I do my best regardless of my genetic 'handicap'.

6: Genetic girls in general? That's not what I think. Most genetic girls look better anyway, so it wouldn't make sense in the first place. However, the feminine beauty ideal is not the exclusive domain of those born with the right genes, ultimately some cross-dressers and/or transwomen will look better than some genetic girls by some standards.

7: Don't blame it on cross-dressing, blame it on him being a lazy bum. Some ass whooping is in order. If he can't dress and do his chores, maybe he shouldn't dress so much.

[samantha rogers]

1/ - Unsure. So far it hasn't happened.
2/ - NA I don't dress in front of her.
3/ - Its complicated...thats why I have a therapist...let me get back to you.
4/ - NA Seems silly to me, but then, I don't understand maid costumes either. LOL To each their own I guess.
5/ - Absolutely...though I probably need glasses...lol
6/ - Idk
7/ - Huh? I don't unerstand this question.

[Hell on Heels]

Question

1- N/A
2-N/A
3-N/a
4-N/a
5-No woman for sure, beautiful person maybe, but mostly I'm just surprised at the transformation.
I don't think anyone could possibly recognize me at a glance, and certainly not from a distance.
6-No, I'm more concerned that the GG's would think I'm foolish for wearing a dress and makeup.
7-This one is probably slightly N/A, we both do work, although I do work from home, she has the better wages, always has.
being the"closeted" house husband, if you will, there are no girlie weekends. However, I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, house repairs, auto repairs, and yard work. Among a few other chores that need not be discussed. Doesn't sound so bad, right? Now add a second home to the list, guest house, and garden.
How do you get your "guy" to keep his duties up? I'm not sure, Put the toilet brush in his hand, point at the toilet, and say don't forget the second bathroom!
Then go change the oil in the car!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[ReneeTX]

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

No problem at all. As much as I need my girl time, she also needs time with her man, and the children need time with Dad. Above all else, my family is top priority. I would be lost without them.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

I'm still praying and waiting for the opportunity to dress in front of my wife. Baby steps...

3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay? n/a

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

I wouldn't know, that has never appealed to me. How about asking IF that appeals to me instead of assuming that it does? I don't think the thought of that has ever crossed my mind. I'd likely catch hell for even thinking that was a good idea to begin with.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

No, I see me, and I am NOT a woman. Really.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

I think that if a GG is jealous or feels threatened by how I look, then that GG has issues of her own that she needs to deal with. My wife had self confidence issues and self worth issues that were caused by the alcoholic b_stard she calls her first husband. He did the world a favor and drank himself right into the ground. Together, we have both worked on those feelings, and it has brought us much closer. There is only one woman in our marriage, and I strive every day I can to make my wife feel special.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

I don't give marriage advice, as I'm still figuring it out myself. All I can say is that my life and duties as a man have not changed. I fix the vehicles, I mow the lawn, the garage is MINE. And when my wife is working nights, I cook the kids dinner, I bathe them, I make sure they have clean clothes for school the next day. As a family, we are a TEAM. That is what I teach my kids. Everyone has a role to play. We all pick up the slack if someone's priorities have to shift temporarily, like when my wife is on a night shift, or if I'm volunteering at the fire station for the night. If I start to slip, trust me, she let's me know. The same goes both ways, as she is just as far from perfection as I am.

It's plainly obvious that you have built up a decent level of anger and resentment, mainly because of the way you word your questions, assuming that my answers are going to fit within your preconceived conclusion. I'm also not saying you have no right to be angry, because if I behaved the way I've seen some of the other husbands on here behave, well...I would not be anyone's husband anymore. I hope, with everyone's contribution, that you find the answers you're looking for. Good for you for having the courage to get on here and ask the hard questions.

[PaulaQ]

Once again, I'll reply from the perspective of a transitioning transsexual, even though it pains much of the TS forum when I say that! ;)

1. By the end, before my transition started, I was *at best* morose and withdrawn when presenting as a male, which I frequently did to accommodate my wife and family, and to insure our safety in the tiny rural community where we lived.

2. The short amount of time my wife saw me dressed I treated her differently - she didn't want me to touch her. So I didn't.

3. N/A - we separated and are divorcing.

4. N/A - my wife would've absolutely freaked out about this, no way that would've flown with her.

5. I saw my real face - that of a woman - when I was dressed. I didn't always see it. I see it almost all the time now, after 7 months of transition - just myself, naked, coming out of the shower. There's still plenty of evidence I'm male - but when I look at my face, I see myself now, and like the woman who looks back at me. This is a real first, I always hated my image in a mirror, and hated myself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Am I beautiful? I can't say - but I mostly like what I see now finally.

6. I think my wife felt threatened because my dressing brought up issues within herself about her own gender and sexual orientation that she simply wasn't prepared to deal with, as well as unresolved issues about her parents. I think it's possible that some of us might trigger some body image issue of their wife - a petite and very slender CD with a larger woman, for example, if she was uncomfortable with her size. In my case, I know that my wife is a beautiful woman, and that I'll never compete with her in terms of looks.

7. N/A for me. The situation seems quite unfair, and I don't really have a suggestion, except to perhaps try to communicate with your spouse to tell them that you are trying to find a compromise between "all or nothing", and that you are fine with their dressing - but that you need help, and that they need to pick up their share of the load - just as in ANY relationship where you share a home.

[mechamoose]

Apparently I missed some things I was able to respond to. That is what I get for sneaking in post checks at work!

1)N/A

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

A: Kind of both. The 'role swap' thing happens a little more intensely, but its the same role swap. I guess my being more girly helps her be more male and if anything, she treats *me* more gently.


3)N/A

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

A; As previously mentioned. Ick. We aren't a person and their pet puppy.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

A: Nope. But I like what I see.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

A: I think that GGs are not really sure what to make of me, but as I have presented more femme at work, I have had more "Hello"s and chit chat from the ladies at work. Subtle, but I notice it.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

A: Roles are parts to play. Each person in a relationship has things they do well and things they don't. Gender has nothing to do with it.

<3

- MM

[julia marie]

Questions 1-4 don't apply. Divorced and living alone, so no SO.
5. No way that I see a beautiful woman. Happy to look decent and hope that I still pass at 20 feet
6. If a woman is jealous of my looks she really needs help or a bag over her head
7. Being single, all chores are my chores, no matter what I'm wearing. However, it was that way before I got married and (split chores as needed) while I was married (without the en femme dressing). Haven't we outgrown the 1950s concept of women cooking and cleaning (and raising kids) while men work, mow the lawn and take out the trash? Note, if I don't don't cook I'm going to be awfully hungry, but at least I won't have to do dishes.

[Cheryl T]

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.
My Spouse has never done that but if she did then I would just accept her wish. There have been times when we have been out and I've asked her what else she would like to do, but she didn't feel well and wished to go home but didn't want to end "my time". I just told her there will be other days and we went home without either feeling cheated or hurt.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?
A. I treat her the same. The same love, the same consideration.

3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?
Not applicable.

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".
I don't see the appeal of matching any of our clothing. Our tastes are different and we are individuals. We help each other to look our best and make suggestions but would never go out wearing matching anything. I just don't get it.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?
No, there is no "beautiful" woman looking back, just an average looking woman and I'm happy presenting that way.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?
I don't think any woman would be jealous of how I look or threatened in the least. My wife told me that she feels that way at times because I am slimmer and she feels I look better in some outfits but she's never felt threatened.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?
I don't know about suggestions, but I do take care of all the "outside" items, car, lawn, pool, etc and actually when dressed I do more of the inside chores as well. I help with the cleaning, laundry, etc and she's always telling me that's her job, but I love to help.



Perhaps I'm unique...I sure hope so and I think she feels I am as well. I certainly know she is and I love that.

[Eryn]

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

This hasn't really come up because I don't usually dress unless we are going out. If she did ask this she would have a good reason and I would naturally go along with it.


2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

Differently. In male mode I'm her husband and a gentleman. I act accordingly. When dressed, I'm a female and her friend so I don't do the chivalrous things that I would do in male mode. These would be out of place for a woman to do.


4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

There's a certain symmetry involved and perhaps the idea of sharing a common experience making it more authentic. I've not done this outside of a couple of items of sleepwear. We have different tastes and needs in other items. Occasionally we will share a clothing or jewelry item, but we don't have duplicates of those!


5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

No, I see a 50something woman with a rather craggy face looking back. The fact that my initial impression upon seeing my reflection says "woman" is enough for me.


6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

Very few GGs would be threatened by my looks! Some strangers have said that they admired my height or slimness, but that really falls into the category of polite conversation. They would say the same to any tall, thin GG in the same situation.


7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

Not much of a suggestion from me. It's a fact of guy life that we're supposed to rise to every "mechanical" challenge that comes along. Stopped up drain? Guy job. Car won't start? Hubby will deal with it. Tree needs trimmed? It's the man's job. Broken computer/dvd/microwave/dishwasher/etc.? Same thing. Who drives when driving conditions are challenging? If a man can't handle these occasions he is looked down upon and not stepping up to the challenge is not really conceivable. There is a lot of stress being the "person who can handle any eventuality" and part of CDing for me is escaping from that responsibility for a time, at least in part.

In male mode I do these tasks because that is my skill set, not because they give me any pleasure which is probably exactly the same situation as women and their stereotypical tasks.

[Steph_CD_62]

1) I dress a couple times a week. If my wife asked me to stop, I would stop for her. I would not be as happy but I love her with all my heart.

2) I treat my wife the same

3) N/A

4) N/A.... she has her style and I have my style, completely different.

5) When I look in a mirror, I see a man wearing women's clothing

6) I know my wife dressed me once, and when she got done she said I looked better than she does.

7) Chores are just that, chores. We both cook, clean, do dishes & laundry, cut the grass and do home repairs.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow's another day. I enjoy dressing but I'm not obsessed with it.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

I don't know, honestly. I think I behave the same when dressed, and treat my wife the same. Our topics of conversation might be a little different - I never talk about dressing with her when I'm actually dressed, but we make jokes about it when I'm not.


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

Not Applicable

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

I think it is the level of acceptance it shows, particularly if you go out together. "Not only do I allow my SO to cross-dress, I actively participate." That is cool.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

Nope. But I sometimes see a woman looking back, sometimes when I'm not even dressed. I really enjoy those moments!

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

HAH! Most of the gurls here look so much better than I do, and there is no comparison with a GG. There are a few of us whose photos really are gorgeous, though, and I can imagine that there would probably be women who were jealous of them. I did have a woman tell me my lingerie was nicer than hers, years ago, but that's because I wasn't buying lingerie for regular use - and I was looking for sexy, not usable.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

This one is beyond me. If your Husband can't see how unfair that is, and even when you point it out to him, he doesn't respond, I don't think there are any words I can give you to help. Maybe you could get him to come here and see what other crossdressers have to say about that situation?

Deedee

[natcrys]

Currently, I don't have an SO.. but I used to have girlfriend for 2 years.. and I envision my next relationship to be quite similar in terms of the crossdressing aspect.

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.


Since my ex-girlfriend was actively involved (make-up, photography, shopping, etc) I would not be annoyed, but slightly worried.. so I would ask her about the reason(s).

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife


a- the same
[-]b- different and how?[/-]


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?


N/A

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".


This is sooo not my thing.. and I have always wondered this myself whenever I see a husband and wife skiing down the slopes in matching (and often hideously tacky) outfits! :brolleyes:

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?


From most angles and in not too harsh lighting, yes.. I do! The kind of woman I'd never dare to ask out on a date.

Like Zylia has pointed out.. what is up with the "really" in that question?

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?


My ex-girlfriend never felt threatened by the way I dressed and looked, but I do know of some SO's of my t-friends who are a bit. I chalk that one up to confidence and self-esteem issues.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?


No need for a therapist with a fancy PhD: you have a lazy husband... period!

[Connief]

1) Ok, no problem, maybe tomorrow
2) A, the same, she was still my wife (divorced after 26 years)
3) I stayed because I loved her and use to love being married
4) I never could understand this. But, look at how many couples will wear somewhat matching outfits and not CD related.
5) I wish! lol no
6) Wishful thinking by some. A GG has no reason to feel jealous.
7) I agree, totally not fair! It takes two to make a household work. Chores should be shared no mater how your dressed.

[Princess Grandpa]

1) n/a. She has never requested I not dress.

2) I treat my wife the same regardless of how I'm dressed.

3) while N/A to my life, it's not really hard to see why someone wouldn't necessarily leave their wife over non acceptance. While yes CD is a big part of some of our lives, it's certainly not our whole life and therefore DADT policies wouldn't be all there is to a marriage. I

4) we were in Vegas and this cute little waitress noticed our matching nails. "That's so cute" she says. "You two should wear matching outfits too". We looked at each other and ran with it. Knowing GGs don't typically dress alike, I continually offer her opportunities to back track her position. She has no desire to give up this mating thing we have going on. She's working it into our daily wardrobe as well as our clubbing wardrobes.

5) I do not. I see an exceptionally homely woman looking back. I don't really see a woman. The only way anyone thinks I'm not a dude in a dress is in the dark from a far distance. I do see a very happy person. One who feels complete for perhaps the first time in my life.

6) there isn't anybody threatened by how pretty I look. Some of my new friends are pretty enough to cause those types of feelings I suppose.

7) I wish I could offer advise. One needs to do their homework before they can go out and play. It's an old lesson perhaps but one your SO would do well to remember.

Hug
Rita

[Jacqueline Winona]

I can only help with a few, but here goes:

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

N/A. I'm truly only an occasional dresser and enjoy my male side at least as much.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

I'd like to think the same way. I'm usually alone, so this may be another N/A.

3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

I realize this isn't what she ever wanted to deal with, The fact she is happy letting me get my girl on every now and then, even alone, means a lot to me as I know it's a huge sacrifice.

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

Only have one thing that matches, and she actually gets a kick out of it (it is barely considered attire). But, not my thing to match.
5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?
Only in my dreams. I'm fully aware that I'm not ever going to be considered beautiful unless I lose a ton of weight in some areas but gain in others, which isn't happening.
6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?
No. I do think there are some parts of my body that women might envy just because of God's grace, but I don't take it too seriously.
7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?[/QUOTE]
Wow, how about reminding him that this isn't a turn-on for you, and the fact you're putting up with it (good naturedly as well, I assume) should mean it's time for him to get off of his antiquated ideas of what works for each spouse.

[Kate T]

1. Truthfully, initially can be a little bit frustrated. It generally passes pretty quickly. To be honest it's pretty rare that she actually asks me not to dress.
2. Honestly I didn't think I treated her any differently. And I certainly don't deliberately. However as I have posted in another thread at this stage our communication is slightly different though it is more of a subconscious thing from both of us. We are working on it :)
3. Not applicable
4. Don't get it either. My mother tries to do it for our daughters and they HATE it! I suspect it is a version of "dumb love" i.e. doing something for someone that YOU would like, not what THEY would like.
5. God No!! Most of the time I just feel happy and comfortable. All dressed up to go out for a function yes I guess I think I look good. Beautiful is not a term though I would use. And self praise is not my thing. Occasionally I see a confused fool and wonder what the hell I am doing, but I'm not one to wallow in self pity so those moments are fairly isolated :)
6. It's a bit newbie thing and a reflection unfortunately of most mens vacuous self obsession and the fact they think everything is about themselves.
7. Oh. Yeah. Problem. See number 6 answer. Your husband is wallowing in self obsession and needs to revisit planet earth. Give him a kick in the arse and tell him being a REAL woman is about doing the jobs that need to be done to make sure that your family is safe, happy and secure, irrespective of what you wear. We've never been big on "girl jobs" vs "boy jobs" in our house anyway. We do whatever job is necessary. Some jobs she is better at / prefers (e.g. she's a much better cake / biscuit cook, I'm better at meals so usually cook dinner), Some there is a physical element to e.g. she just cannot physically handle the brush cutter for long periods, as we live on almost 2-3 acres I sort of get the job of brush cutting the scrub and horse paddock.

[GeminaRenee]

Any questions pertaining to marriage are past tense, as she's now an ex-wife, FWIW...

1) I don't ever recall this being a problem. Early on, after I had told her about my dressing, I recall one time when she came home and opened the shower curtain to find me shaving my legs. I could tell she was a little miffed, so I asked her about it. She told me that it was a little much to have all of this laid out at once - even though she was generally accepting and enthusiastic. That was all I really needed to know that I should avoid overdoing things. I learned to hold back at times, and she became used to it, and that was enough to make things mesh quite well.

2) Generally the same. As she enjoyed the amorous aspect of my dressing, there was about a 99% chance those joys would come to fruition, but it's not as if we weren't frequently inclined to begin with. Honestly, I think my coming out to her made things more even in the long run. I was free to let the feminine aspects of my personality flow around her no matter how I was presenting. She would often comment on that.


3) N/A

4) I never saw appeal in that, and I don't think she did, either. I don't even recall it being discussed. We always picked out different clothes, though we'd often share items that fit both of us.

5) No. I'm not a woman, and I don't see a woman. I am sometimes pleasantly surprised at what I see, finding it difficult to process that the image could be me, that I could look like that. I do generally think that I look good - for a guy who likes to dress up like a woman. But I have no illusions about it - or maybe it's better to say, at least not that illusion. It should also be said that I sometimes only see a flawed guy reaching for a dangled carrot. I try to avoid turning on any light that are too bright on those evenings... ha.

6) I think that's a preposterous notion, generally speaking. Maybe in some rare cases, but I think that the CD who thinks that is more than likely lost deep in the pink fog, with dead batteries in his/her GPS unit.

7) Not sure. Sounds pretty selfish to me. I guess if it were me, I'd just need that stated in no uncertain terms. Maybe some sort of reminder that acceptance isn't carte blanche to depart from the realities of life. Sorry if that's not helpful.

[Amanda M]

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

Not a problem at all!

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

I suspect I may be gentler


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?
N/A

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

We don’t. Her fashion sense and mine are different!

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

Of course! Well…………

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

I’m not one for sweeping generalizations, but I know that that is what happens to some GGs. More threatened than jealous, though – in that many women feel that their femininity is being devalued or surpassed by their partner’s.


7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

I don’t see chores as gender related. It’s time for parenting in reverse!

We humans only indulge in behaviour that brings reward of some kind. Only when that reward (whatever it might be) disappears, or the consequences of our behaviour promise to be unpleasant do we consider changing what we do. Like a child, your husband is going to have to learn to accept boundaries, and you have to give him reason to change

Here is the clue to sorting things out. When you are faced with non-co-operation – give him choices, and make sure he understands the consequences of his choice – and always follow through.


He also needs to understand that if he does not start to share the load, there will unpleasant consequences. They need to be spelled out to him very clearly, with clear emphasis on the fact that they will apply immediately. These could be, for example, from no more cooking or washing done, or a withdrawal of “ home comforts”.

Make it crystal clear to him what you expect – more help in the home, no demeaning remarks, controlling his temper.

This may sound harsh, but unless he is given a reason to change, he will not. By being soft, you are just encouraging his behaviour, and not helping him at all.

Stay calm, remain objective and avoid drama, but stick to your guns. NEVER scream or shout – always keep focussed on what you want out of a discussion and remember if you resort to screaming and shouting, you’ve lost the argument.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

1. This normally never happens in our marriage, in the rare occasion (company, or intimacy where she wants male side) I of course get annoyed, pout, act like a child, whine but for only for a short amount of time:o. My girl time opportunities are rare these days, and basically all of my male time is spent thinking about being in girl mode.

2. I'm going go with different but not by a lot. Mainly I'm in a happier better mode, and more affectionate, that’s also when my cooking skills begin to come out, and the nice romantic dinners take place. Although when it comes to an activity like taking pictures I'm basically just like my male side when exercising, or watching any TV show or Steven Segal Movie:o. I'm obsessively into every detail which means it's more of a solo activity best spent alone.

4. I'm actually not into that. I've somewhat developed my own style which I feel is unique to me. At best their might be one particular dress or type that I've bought the same type as my wife, but that's because she beat me to it. Also our sizes our similar so she just takes all of my clothes that she likes. Even when I attempt to hide them, she finds there locations!:eek:

5. Yes, unfortunately for me the camera say's otherwise around 95% of the time which gets very depressing and sad.

6) No, even in girl mode I still consider myself to be an artificial fake girl so there's nothing to be threatened by. My look is done by a lot of smoke and mirrors, and especially when seeing my deleted photos there is no way any sane GG would ever even remotely be jealous. Unless maybe they are really trying to bulk up their arms and shoulders.:straightface:

7) I will start by saying very bad/unethical on his part. I would almost suggest call in him out on it and actually tell him to go ahead and purge everything, you are cleaning doing housework this weekend etc. I will admit I am a slob/lacking a natural ability to clean do house work. What usually works for me is the following theory- "Making the bed, picking up clothes, cleaning, not being a slob etc. means less nagging from the Mrs." "Nagging is never enjoyable" "Yes I want to dress this weekend but I do not want to really get a constant barrage from my wife over me being a slob." "Therefore being neat and helping with chores will equal less nagging."

In all actuality my wife has actually told me this concept which was taught to her by my mother, and by some of my GG relatives :eek:! "Need to keep husband in check and compliant, turn on the red light with him and be more stern with him!" In all seriousness it is out of love that he should contribute. Time for me to check out and start cleaning the bathroom toilets!

[Connie D50]

We once again have questions from our GGs.
We love all the input and we Thank You.
As always if a question does not apply just put n/a

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.
Not upset just roll with it.
2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how? A lot of time I do more things around the house I think it's to thank her for the time and the understanding.


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?
NA

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".
I don't buy matching cloths I do enjoy wen she wears my cloths or jewery.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?
No I hope to see a reg. women who is happy.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?
Not at all
7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?
This one is a personal I don't care dressed or not in today world both have to do what ever it take.

[Jolene Robertson]

1. I dress most days (mornings and /or evenings) she has never asked me not to, unless we are going to be intimate. So a non issue here.

2. About the same although she says I appear to be happier and more open in conversation.

3. N/A

4. We have different taste in styles so it doesn't happen.

5. Nope, just a dude in a dress.

6. I think that is preposterous, we are still guys. There are some on here who do come a lot closer to passing than me but it is still just a guy in a dress.

7. I actually do more of "her" chores when dressed. I guess it adds to the fulfillment of the role. I would just tell him if you want to feel like a "woman" then assume the Whole role, put on your big Girl panties and "Man up".

Just My Openion!

[Krisi]

1) She doesn't have to ask. I know when to dress and when not to.

2) The same.

3) N/A.

4) No appeal.

5) Nope. An old lady at best.

6) Nope.

7) N/A.

[Claire Cook]

Great questions for those of us lucky to have supportive wives. It will be interesting to see how GG's react to our responses.


1. I dress for part of every day, but always temper that. We both seem to know when Claire is appropriate or inappropriate, so I am happy to defer.

2, Sue says I am more talkative and more interesting to talk to. I think I am more appreciative of her needs when I'm dressed (and I hope that spills over to when I am not dressed.)

3. N/A

4. We don't do that. I do wear some of her old clothes, but only because they are too worn for her. (I especially appreciate her old floppy bras....:battingeyelashes:). When Claire buys clothes for her, I try to match her taste, not mine.

5. I see me.

6. I doubt it, but I have had GG friends say "You look better than I do" ... probably because they aren't wearing makeup and I haven't managed to mess mine up.

7. Claire is more than happy to do housework, and I'm finding that I'm probably more domestic than Sue. We don't do girlie weekends at the expense of other things.

[Gypsy Sam]

1.DADT only dress when my day off is seperate from wife's.
2.n/a
3.Learned to accept DADT.
4.n/a
5. I wish.
6.Newbies or vocal few.
7.Few people want to cook and clean. One partner may place a higher priority on those chores, while the other not so much. Reward positive effort as a accommodation to you, disinterest is that persons priority.

[Sally24]

5. I'm not sure beautiful always applies but yes I see a woman staring back at me. In fact in male mode I often see Sally with no makeup looking back at me.

6. I don't "imagine" my wife is jealous of how I look. She has told me straight out that sometimes she is envious. Now the major thing there might be that she has gained a lot of weight over the years and me not so much. I don't know how common this reality is but in my situation it is a fact.

7. The husband should earn his free time like all of us do. Either do the boy work, or the girl work, or pay someone to do it for him/her. Refusing to do your share is selfish and not very appealing or feminine!

[Teresa]

ASWERS :-

1) I only dress when the wife is out.
2) as above
3) Eventually DADT can be worked round but if my wife couldn't live with it and wanted a separation I would have to accept it.
4) Wife doesn't know I shop so anything matching would just be a coincidence.
5) Yes, (the man can be improved on)
6) Has seen me partially dressed and showed her my avatar picture but never made a comment.
7) I work from home so I do outdoor maintenance and domestic jobs and cook the meals, it's only fair if she has to work.

[Tina_gm]

With exception to #3 none of these apply much to me or at all. I do not fully dress (make up and wig and often not even a full outfit.) I do not dress in front of my wife. As to #3, my arrangement with my wife is a modified DADT. I do not speak of any specific dressing that I do. I do not get out or leave out clothing that I am going to or have worn. We do have discussion about CDing and gender related topics from time to time. So it is not a complete DADT. Would it be better if she was more comfortable with it all? absolutely. I am sure she feels it would be better if this was not an issue at all. I guess for me, it is a fair compromise. I went from never dressing or being able to express my femininity to being able to do so on a semi regular basis. (about 3x per week) and also shave a majority of my body hair and am just able to be myself around her, which at times can be feminine in certain ways.

I tend to look at it all like so many other compromises made in a long term relationship or marriage. I could play more golf, more poker, hang out at a bar after work etc etc. We all make significant compromises for each other and in general in life. To me this is no different. I now get to express femininity that I never did before, which is a good thing. And why mess with a good thing....

[Sarasometimes]

4 I don't get that either. Especially if you have said it doesn't do anything for you.
5 Not a gorgeous women. Just me expressing myself in my appearance and getting to indulge in typical feminine activities like applying makeup, playing with my hair (wig) figuring out my outfit.
6 No, I think GG's may have difficulty figuring out why we feel the need to crossdress and may think it is tied to homosexuality. Women can readily convey through their appearance a look that runs the full spectrum of gender expression. From borrowing their spouses shirt or buying clothes in the men's department to going for frills and lace.
7 I think that he needs to figure out what chores he is most willing to do to contribute to your collective existence. Sounds convenient to me. Other option is start doing less and see if he notices. Wash your clothes, buy foods you like, clean your sink... Con't say if this would work since I know neither of you. Just a blind suggestion.
I'm in DADT and I do laundry, she irons, I fix and build stuff and she rides the lawn tractor (she like doing this).

[S. Lisa Smith]

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is another day.
2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?
N/A She never sees me when I dress.

3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?
She knows and is kinda supportive.

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins". N/A

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ? No, but I see an attractive one.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few? I have had some of my GG friends say they are jealous of the way I look. Are they really, probably not.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions? We split the chores. She cooks, I clean up, etc.

[CynthiaD]

1. I dress fairly regularly. She never asks me not to.
2. I treat her the same.
3. N/a
4. None. I don't like my wife's taste in clothes. I asked her once about matching outfits, and her reply was essentially "no way!"
5. I see a woman, but she's not beautiful. Seeing a woman is enough.
6. No. I don't know how others feel.
7. I'm happy to help with any and all household chores. I'm willing for these things to be my job alone. My wife doesn't want my help. My wife loves to fix things, and handles automobile maintenance. She also likes working in the yard, but is much more sensitive to the heat than me, so I used to do all the lawn maintenance. Now that I'm old, we hire a lawn guy. I can't tell you how to handle your own spouse, but in my opinion being a woman is more than just sitting around being pretty. If you're going to put on the dress, that should mean that you accept everything that goes with it: cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, taking care of the kids, and everything else.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Fab 4 ,
1. NA
2. NA
3. We have been married for 50yrs. and no one's going anywhere.
4. NA
5. I think that I look feminine enough to pass.
6. NA
7. I've been retired over five years now and due to my wife's health
I do about 75% of the house work, And that's on a good week.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

1. This has actually never happened. Not saying that I don't dress when she's around, but I do make sure that she knows that I am going to. However, for the other 90% of the time, I reserve my dressing activities for either when she is not home, or has already gone to bed.

2. I want to think that I treat her exactly the same, but I've never actually asked her this question. Similar to question #1, yes there are times when I am dressed, and she is around, but I don't spend any real time around her when dressed. I might visit the kitchen for a drink or something, but that's about it.

3. N/A

4. N/A

5. While I would never admit to seeing a 'beautiful woman' looking back, I can at least say, that I am pleased with my appearance. Enough so, that I can almost fool myself. However, even in saying that, I can always see 'me'. When I look at my own reflection, I never feel the same female 'presence' as I do when looking at a real woman. But I think that comes from the hardwired expectation/reality (of being male) that my sub-conscious mind imposes on my senses.

6. Not sure why anyone would feel 'threatened' by a guy wearing womens clothing. Is there a situation where a male could be any more vulnerable and non-threatening? I don't know... As far as jealousy is concerned, I might be a little narcissistic when I say this (hey,...I'm a crossdresser after all, we all have a little narcissism in us :P ) but I don't think it is unrealistic to say that there's a small percentage of women who, at the very least, could think to themselves, 'he looks better than I do'. And I'd be lying if I said I've never looked at a woman before, and though to myself, 'I can look better than her'. Keeping in mind of course, that I'm not exactly talking about 'models' here,...if you catch my drift. The majority of women, with even the smallest effort (if any), could easily look better than I.

7. You accept his dressing activities (which in itself, he should be highly grateful for), and all he contributes to the household is car maintenance and lawn care? WTF? THAT'S IT!!?? Compared to your every day, every week schedule, how often does he even need to do those things? Excuse me for saying but, that's F'kn BS! You clearly have more 'chores', and do them them with more frequency than he. You need to establish some FAIR rules.

If you ask me, he's eating the steak, and throwing you the bone.

I most definitely do (at minimum) 50% of household chores. Meal preparation? Like 90% of the time for me (but that's MY choice. I enjoy cooking) And these have NOTHING to do with my dressing activities.

[suchacutie]

1) Our agreement is that when my wife wants her man, for whatever reason, she gets him. She married him and if she needs him emotionally that need should be satisfied. She knows I need Tina time and being considerate has never gone unrewarded.

2) When I'm Tina we are girlfriends and we treat each other that way.

3) n/a

4) n/a

5) ROFL...beautiful??? omg...in my dreams. My goal is to appear feminine. It would be terrific if I felt not repulsive :)...having said that, I do think I've pretty much gotten neutral. In many ways I prefer not to be attractive so as not to attract attention.

6) My wife is jealous of my legs. I'm jealous of her everything else. Outside if that, she is the teacher and I am the learner.

7) Well, call the bluff and get back to where you were. Barring that, this is a marriage problem not a cd issue. If she won't help, you can sit back and do nothing too. The best would be to show how unreasonable this arrangement is and suugest that mutual respect means everyone pulls their weight...in all genders.

[Jenny Green]

1. I am not out to her or anyone, except here.
2. n/a
3. Based on her reaction to various things over the years, she would not be supportive if I came out; it would strain our marriage; and it would be embarrassing to me. I stay and accept this as I'm fine keeping this to myself and not adding to her load. I don't understand this part of me, so why add it to someone else's load?
4.n/a
5. A guy is in the mirror. The face of a woman is in my imagination.
6. If a CD thinks that, he is fooling himself.
7. I do most of the house chores, because my wife's health isn't so good. I also do all the outside stuff, too, with help from our wonderful sons.



We once again
have questions from our GGs.
We love all the input and we Thank You.
As always if a question does not apply just put n/a

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

[jennCD]

1) NA - I do not dress fairly regularly, or even just regularly for that matter

2) NA - I have never dressed around my wife so I have no way of measuring how I treated her.

3) NA - I don't feel I'm unhappy about it

4) NA - My wife's tastes in fashion do not match mine.

5) It has been a few years since I dressed but I don't think I've ever seen a woman look back from a mirror, let alone a beautiful one.

6) I don't believe anyone is jealous of my appearance as I do not look gorgeous in any sense of the word.

7) If your husband's only answer is to purge, then let him. Eventually he will see that's not cost effective and maybe even suggest sharing the chores.

[Jillian Faith]

1) Not regular enough to experience that. I always ask first so as not to infringe on her time. If she says "no" there is a reason, going out, friends, whatever...
2) The same. I'm the same guy.
3) NA
4) Never done that. Never will. Silly.
5) Beautiful? No. I see a remarkably changed guy who might pass a glance test as a woman. I do think the female me is attractive but I can't be objective about the male me. It's just me.
6) No. That's a ridiculous notion. Women can't feel threatened by a man posing as a woman unless they are super insecure. Just makes no sense. We are not women and not better looking than our women.
7) Chores are chores and not tied to gender roles. Share the load is the only reasonable thing. A guy can mow the lawn in a skirt if necessary. Or, he can mow the lawn, take out the trash, fix the car and THEN dress. How do you get a man to leave the pink fog? Kick his ass and tell him x, y, or z is his JOB, regardless of dressing. A conversation about chores before dressing can be a good route too.

I'm fairly aligned with Jennifer on questions 1 - 4

5 When I look in the mirror I typically see a fairly attractive female, far from beautiful but average. When I look at pictures of myself in femme I sometimes see the proverbial "Dude in a dress".

6 With all due respect you're kidding right? Not sure how me dressing enfemme is going to intimidate any GG!

7 Again for the most part I agree with Jennifer maybe not cutting the grass in a skirt but if both SOs work chores should be shared

[Tanya+]

1 I underdress pretty discretely around my wife, she often feels me up to see what is going on under there. She hasn't asked but i like to give her something on the rare occasion she makes requests, so of course.

2 B (underdressed) i tend to be more sensual, and possibly because i am more aroused and grateful. So i am generally more attentive.

3 N/A

4 I wouldn't, but i wouldn't say no if it was an option, i think it boils down to standard guy's fantasy-lesbian experience. I wouldn't survive long if i treated my wife like a porn perfumer.

5 The trick is to not be too objective of course : )
I always see the same thing in the mirror, so it is the differences that stand out, and that is the feminine. The is also an aspect of acting, of inhabiting a new persona, i think some of it would have been cured by our generation having access to drama classes.(?)

6 It is probably nicer to think they are jealous rather than feeling pity? I also think that an aspect of ourselves that has been hidden/repressed failed to mature with our other traits, so some of us might be stuck in the bitchy teenage phase? More realistically i worry that my wife feels that i find her sexually inadequate, whereas this is just a personal quirk that awoke inside me when i was 4 or 5.

7 if he is behaving like that particular kind of child, then make girlie time a reward for ticking off the chores, with extra special acceptance for Little Miss Lazy. or if he has lucid adult intervals, sit down and write down lists of chores/responsibilities side by side and ask him what he thinks is Fair. Or see a gender counsellor and begin with your acceptance and then let the professional explain it .


The theme of this thread is the dramatic self-indulgence that seems apparent, and i feel this might be semi-reasonable when beginning to accept that girlie side of ourselves, BUT we need to grow up fast and be functional adults; we still need to be honourable people who hopefully meant our vows and respect our beautiful spouses. It can't be any nicer being taken for granted by a man just because he is wearing lippy.

[jjjjohanne]

1) I don't dress openly regularly. I underdress often. If my wife asked me not to dress, I probably would not dress. However, she never wants me to dress. If I had something that I wanted to go to and had plans, and then she asked me not to, I would be frustrated. Sometimes dressing is driven by sexual energies and aborting a plan would create similarly difficult to accept disappointment. But, I have never died from disappointment. :) She's worth it!

2) When I am dressed, I am normally not around my wife. When I am around her, I am normally wearing shorts and hose. I try to not make it offensive for her. If I am on the bed watching television, I will cover my legs, etc. An interested associated question is, "When you are dressed, how does your wife treat you differently?" My wife avoids hugging me where she can touch my hose waist band. She won't play footsie in bed while watching television, etc.

3) I love to dress, but I love my wife more. I would never want my dressing to damage our relationship.

4) I've never bought us matching panties, but I have thought it would be nice. I don't know if I am smart enough to put the feelings into words. It seems like it would be a secret, all-day long hug from her. It would be us doing something together akin to dancing. It would feel like love and acceptance. Perhaps it would feel naughty or kinky too. Perhaps it would be similar to whatever thrill a woman might get when she whispers to a man she is not wearing underwear.

5) I never consider myself a woman nor try to look like one. When I look in the mirror, I am looking for wrinkles, untucked garments, and whether I look bad. It is hard to find pretty clothes that fit me correctly because of my height.

6) I feel like a woman *should* never be jealous of me. I have been told by women that they were jealous of my legs. I have wondered how it makes overweight women feel when they see me in my outfits. I have skinny looking, man hips. My wife has occasionally commented on how she wishes she had my hips. I never want to make a woman feel bad about herself. It has worried me before that I might cause someone to say, "Even that man looks better than me." Again, I think an overweight woman is still prettier than me... but women don't always think like men, now do they.

7) Crossdressing seems to be inherently selfish. If he is not doing his part of the work, then he is being selfish. Yelling and nagging probably is not as motivating as asking. Perhaps asking, "I have a problem I need to have fixed. When you are dressed, you don't do work around the house. I need help getting this stuff done. Can I hire a hansome young man to help me out while you do your thing. (No wait, that's not what I should have typed.) How can we change things so that you can dress and everything still gets done with your help?" Engage his manly problem-solving side. That motivates a lot of men. Just venting frustrations to him might not trigger as useful of a response from him. Consider going to a marriage retreat with him. They address relationship frustrations at those things. This question says, "I have a communication problem in my marriage".

[Michelle Crossfire]

1. I don't dress regularly enough for this to be an issue. The only time this is even close to being a topic is going out. she still refuses to go out with me enfemme. Other than that, it is a non issue.

2. the same, she is my best friend

3. N/A

4. N/A

5. i think so, wife does not think so as much

6. I don't think GG's have anything to worry about with me

7. We work opposite schedules most of the time, so whoever does the necessary chores, does them. Certain things i do due to the nature of the chore (i.e. fixing things) and certain things she does because she is better at them than i am.

[StephanieDragg]

1 I am dressed in something feminine, or fully dressed every day, sometimes she just says "Really ? "
2 same but I act more feminine when fully dressed
3 been married 30 yrs for better or worse I love my family
4 no appeal to match with my wife, then I'd be in jeans and sweatshirts and tennis shoes and cotton panties
5 yes
6 while I am out I get a lot of nice comments from women, mostly comments regarding my outfits, heels, hair or my makeup, they are always very complimentary, I never felt any woman was jealous of me at all
7 I continue to do my manly chores around the house, work full time and have my own sm business, I keep the lawn cut, maintain the house and cars as needed, all that stuff gets done before I go out. I did take over the grocery shopping and whatever errands I can run also which I very much enjoy doing while dressed

[GingerLeigh]

1) I rarely dress. Only when my SO seems tolerant do I even bother.
2) I treat her the same. I don't want to push the envelope too much by behaving femme.
3) Not a DADT situation.
4) I look for things she'll like. That way it'll get more use.
5) I feel I look bad but feel good inside.
6) Threatened no. Not by me, never been outside the house.
7) I do everything I normally do including cleaning and cooking, general maintenance, cutting the lawn, car stuff. You know, the stereotypically guy things.

[Julia Red]

1) I dress regularly but only when she's at work, so she never meets Julia. She knows it, but never asks for me not to do it. If she did, I would need a good reason, otherwise I would be annoyed because it's not everyday I have the chance and I already respect her wish of no CDing when I'm with her. But if there was a good reason, I probably wouldn't mind.

2) I don't dress around my wife, but I treat my daughter the same when I'm dressed. I think she treats me better tough.

3) I stay because I love her, love my daughter and want to stay with them no matter what. Besides, I think that if she doesn't want a divorce that already shows she has some level of acceptance. Also, I have hopes that she one day understands it like I do and see I never mean any harm by doing it.

4) I like to emulate other women, so what better woman to emulate than my own wife? In my mind it shows I love the way she looks and want to look like that too.

5) Yes, definitely. And I think she keeps getting prettier as I'm learning to do a better makeup, getting better clothing etc.

6) My wife feels threatened about my feelings for Julia, but not about how I look when I'm dressed, as far as I know.

7) I share all chores with my wife. I really think it would be unfair letting her do all the work, because we both have jobs and need to be well rested. I don't agree with this black and white male/female role (if I did, I wouldn't be a crossdresser), so why would I put her in this situation just because she is a woman?

[Mistyjo]

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day. I do dress regularly and my wife has asked me not to dress before and there always tomorrow

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

The same



3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

N/A

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

N/A

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

Yes when i am fully dressed and i look in the mirror i see Misty looking back


6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?


I don't think GG's fell threatened or jealous of how i look when fully dressed


7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?


Start asking him to do things for you when he is dressed ( ie. go get gas for the mower or go to the store and get some thing for dinner ect.) I do all the cooking and outside work we share doing laundry and house cleaning

[Krististeph]

1) She rarely asks, but if there is something going on and she want's to go out, I'm usually au fait with it.

2) I spend more leisure or quality time with her, as opposed to when we are housecleaning or doing repairs or work & school items from home. I'm almost always dressed when i do her fingers and toes.

3) If it were not for my wife, I would have transitioned most likely, so there is an element of regret, but that's life. No regrets mean no yearnings and no reaching beyond one's grasp. I dress more when she is not around- mostly because I am embarrased by a number of somewhat age inappropriate outfits i love to dress in for fun, as well as my other 'regular' girl stuff.

4) We only do it unisex-style, although i HAVE purchased a number of outfits similar to hers over the years.

5)
When you look in the mirror fully dressed, Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?
Absolutely! Except for the beautiful part, and the woman thing too. The outfits look fair, (sz 14 is not svelte) and i'm a tad on the mesomorphic side. When I'm doing makeup with the lighted magnifying mirror- I think it is because of the close perspective- I actually like the image looking back at me. I think it is too big to get the whole effect at once, is why the up-close is more tolerable than the medium distance. Kind of quirky.


6) GGs never threatened by my feminine looks or charm, but perhaps my bravery that I can enjoy their realm despite the 'written invitation'.

7) Do tell him how you feel, but do not let it come across as anger or hurt (yet, at least). Explain you would hope to show him how it could be fun- a little housework in an outfit specifically for that- and then a reward of getting to change into something nicer when done. And it would also mimic the actions (medium tern) and manifestations of the classically perceived 'woman's world' so he could increase the breadth of his 'realistic female' feminine understanding.
Purchase the following as carrot:
a: French maid (or just plain maid) dress (decent quality- not cheap costume) include crinoline, heels/boots, gloves etc.
b: 50's era dress /shirt-dress. Purchase apron for it.

Or just dress him up cute or fetishistic, apply light to heavy-ish restraints and not let him loose or let him undress for a pre-agreed time. If you might get into that sort of thing or want to try it. :-)

-kristi

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

1) She never asked me to not dress, she's pretty cool so I do it as much as I want but I also know she would prefer me not to so I respect that as well.
2) I treat her the same, either way, she is my best friend.
3)Does not apply to us.
4)We have some matching clothes but only because we like some of the same things, she bought us matching nities several times, just in different colors.
5)In my mind's eye I see a beautiful young girl, in reality I see a man in a dress but that's OK for me.
6) Do I think GG's feel threatened? Hell no, you girls are the best and I only wish I could be more like you.
7) My wife say's I get all the fun and good things of being a woman and none of the bad stuff, she's right as always. I also have to do all the man stuff so we have a pretty good trade off. I did all the woman chores that she does when she was laid up with back problems, it was the worst 8 weeks of my life, didn't hardly ever dress because I had no energy left to do it, and yet I was doing the normal woman chores, go figure. Please don't judge, in our house we do the traditional husband / wife things that a family did 75 years ago, old fashioned I guess but that's why my wife says I get all the good and none of the bad.

[Samantha_Smile]

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

Accept it. Try again another day.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

I try to treat her the same, but she can be very guarded around me.


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

n/a

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

n/a - But I'm guessing that would appeal to those who see their wives as strong feminine influences.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

Nope, but I try my best to get close to it.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

Actually, despite your derisory wording on the issue, yeah, I do think that.
I think it's mostly down to the fact that GGs don't spend all of their time glammed up to the 9s where as TVs and CDs often will because they have limited time and want to look their best.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

Have a rational discussion with him and put it to him that although he has a feminine side that he needs to express, he also has responsibilities that he needs to uphold.
So either mow the lawn en femme, or postpone dressing until it's done.
Easy.

[Allison Chaynes]

1. Annoyed, but it doesn't happen often, and when it does, I accept it and move on. I stick to the agreement we have, for the most part. I will wear women's clothing that can pass as masculine or androgynous at times.

2- the same, mostly. I do think I'm more willing to go the extra mile in bed though :)

3 n/a

4) I don't know, maybe it's a way of you accepting her for that part of who she is.

5) Not usually, but that's a self esteem thing I think.

6) Newbies mostly. I don't think anyone's threatened by me "looking better" as much as fear of losing her man.

7) I'd make him see a therapist to understand his impact on you by his actions. Clearly, he's just being selfish. I'm unemployed right now, and I do everything around the house. I expect the wife to occasionally help with a task or two maybe once a month. Our agreement has always been if one of us works, the other does most everything around the house. If we both do, we split it up accordingly. Neither of us has issues picking up the slack for the other if one of us is having a bad day, and it's been that way for the 12 years we've been married.

[MissTee]

1) Never been asked that, but have been asked, "Why aren't you dressed," or "When do I get to see Misty?" It's probably best to know that I dress around her but it's not like all the time. I also spend a significant amount of time in man mode. Knowing that, if I was dressed and she did ask I would be concerned at what's wrong.
2) The same
3) N/A
4) I don't do this often as we have different style tastes. When I do, it's because I find the item too cute not to share, but we usually do not wear them at the same time and be twins. I find that creepy, too.
5) Heck no. I don't spend a lot of time in front of the mirror checking myself out. I choose to dress and simply feel attractive. That's enough for me.
6) You're kidding, right?
7) Sorry, hon, but that's a cop out. Dressing hasn't made me sorry and lazy. I have accountabilities as a husband and I still choose to do all the guy stuff. I also help clean because I enjoy a tidy home, and I love to cook. I enjoy the experience of cooking and cleaning while dressed, but if I can't dress I still do the work. Sounds like he's using dressing as an excuse, which would in turn will have you come to resent dressing. I suggest you have a talk that focuses on responsibility and the need to jointly share in the work. Something along the lines of, "Look, I wouldn't care if you wanted to dress like a giraffe, but I need you to help out around here."

[AliyahS619]

1. Hasn't happened.
2. The same.
3. NA
4. I don't really see the appeal of matching either. Individuality is an important part of being a CD, so I'm not sure I understand wanting to match.
5. Yes! I definitely like the girl looking back at me!
6. I don't think they're jealous at all.
7. I feel more inclined to do certain chores when dressed. I would try to make him to do the more "girly" chores when dressed. Maybe, throw on a feminine apron or other "uniform" that's identified with both being a female and doing certain chores.



We once again have questions from our GGs.
We love all the input and we Thank You.
As always if a question does not apply just put n/a

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

[LizGirl]

1) N/A
2) N/A
3) N/A
4) I find it a bit odd, to be honest – but no more so than couples who buy matching jackets or other more traditional clothing. Be your own person, regardless of your gender identity.
5) No, but I see someone who's putting the effort in, and can look at least reasonably cute when he puts his mind to it. That'll do me for now.
6) I'm pretty sure that they don't, and if they do, they really shouldn't.
7) If you're a man or a woman in a relationship, you should share the chores *all* of the time, regardless of whether one of you has a penchant for dressing as the opposite sex.

Just my 2¢ :)

Liz x

[stacey.eyes]

1)How feel if asked NOT to dress? I accept it, because I value the times when I can and don't want to push past her comfort limits.

2)When dressed, how treat wife? I feel girly and happy and probably am a bit more agreeable, look for ways to reciprocate.

3)How respond to nonacceptance? N/A

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes? None whatsoever, we have different tastes and look good in different things.

5)What see in the mirror? Yes, a cute girl (maybe not "beautiful woman") looking back.

6)GGs feel threatened or jealous? No way, the farthest thing from my mind.

7)Division of labor by gender? I already do most of the cooking and still do all the "guy" things. Would do laundry, but she won't let me.