Hey everyone

[Xcindyx]

So I just came out as transgender to my friends and family. I was honestly expecting to take that secret to my grave but now that it's out in the open I'm starting to feel kind of lost. I've had gender dysphoria since I was a child and after telling everyone about it my dysphoria seems worse than ever. I just have a lot of fear about transitioning, I feel like hrt might not take for me and I'll just look like a man in drag, I feel like I don't know if I have the guts to go through with srs either. I guess I'm just looking for advice or words of wisdom from people who have been there. Any comments would be much appreciated.

Also included a picture of myself. Do you think I'd be able to pass?

[jennloves55]

I don't think you will have any problems. You already are very beautiful. I love your outfit by the way.

[ArleneRaquel]

Hi & welcome darlin. You are already a gorgeous lady.

[arbon]

Go out and see if you pass or not.

[traci_k]

Cindy I agree with Arbon, go out and give it a try. The best thing is that you still have youth going for you, don't wait for another 20 years of testosterone to ravage you. You look pretty attractive in your profile pic. Just find a good therapist and explore. If you're suffering the effects of GD now, it generally only gets worse as you grow older.

Hugs and best wishes!

[Xcindyx]

Honestly I don't pass now. (At least in my mind) I'm just really scared that I still wont pass after starting hrt. I want to transition but I have a lot of social anxiety and I don't know if I could handle transitioning and being full time if I still end up completely not passable.

[arbon]

You might not pass after hrt.

You do have youth on your side though, so hrt is more likely to help you that way then it is for people who transition when older.

Personally the look you have in the photo I don't like, you'll stand out to much. Is it a goth look or something?

[Xcindyx]

I'm sorry you don't like my style, when I go out normally my look is just a male version of the same style. I don't mean to whine about my problems either, I'm just now dealing with something that I hid from everyone I know for my entire life and it's just a lot to deal with. I'm just trying to find the courage to do what's right for me and honestly I'm having a lot of trouble finding that courage.

[arbon]

I'm not trying to be mean, I just don't like it. Especially since you are already afraid of getting more attention. Short skirt, black tights, high black boots and that make up (or bad lighting?) people are going to look more closely, you'll stand out.

But I'm boring in how I dress, so I don't know.

Is transition restricted by your ability to pass? Why?

[chelyann]

please dont take this wrong
you look really cute ,i dont think you look a man in drag.. but if you looked a little more mainstream you would pass with out any problems and no body would give you a second look .
try not to be so hard on your self , you already took the first big step coming out so it should start to get a little easier GOOD LUCK on your journey.....

[Rianna Humble]

I'm sorry, I've got to say it. Transition is not about "passing", it is about aligning your world to the reality of your gender.

It is OK to have doubts, in fact I get worried when people come here who have or will accept none, but I'm not sure from what you have written what your expectations are from transition.

Although we cannot diagnose you, it would help us to advise if we had some clue as to why you say you have had gender dysphoria since childhood and why you are so reluctant to take steps that could cure the dysphoria if you have it.

Have you sought professional help? Are you seeing a reputable gender therapist?

[Janelle_C]

My suggestion is find a good gender therapist that can help you figure out what's right for you. I think it's reasonable to have lots of fears, fear can keep you in your closet for a long time. a good gender therapist can help you with those fears. I hope find the answers you are looking for.

[Chickhe]

Just do it. What I mean is, do something so you can learn what it is you really need to do. Don't allow fear to hold you back.

[Starling]

If your look suits you, Xcindyx, that's what matters, not what anyone else thinks. The thing is to be comfortable in yourself. Just make sure you're pulled together, gather up what you need to take with you, and step out the door. You'll find out pretty quickly if this is what you want.

:) Lallie

[Angela Campbell]

"Passing" is a lot of things, not just face and body. There is so much more to it. Spend time in public and get comfortable with it.

[Marleena]

Cindy for a TS woman it is more about integrating into society as yourself (a woman). At least that's the way I see it. There is FFS, BA and SRS, etc. available to meet those goals depending on what you feel you might need (or can afford). Finding a gender therapist is way more important at this stage for you.

[Chari]

You have taken a big step in telling others about your feminine side! Many of us never do. Where ever you are on the gender scale, YOU must always be comfortable and confident in how you are presenting. It appears you have some "future" fears, but no one can predict the future, and the "what if's in our life. Please consider talking with a professional gender therapist to discuss your concerns, hopefully pointing you in a positive direction. As for "passing", some times we are our own worst critic. Try going out & about to an area that is safe with a trusted friend. Enjoy.

[Xcindyx]

Thanks for all the responses everyone. I'm moving across the country at the end of the month so I haven't gotten a therapist yet. I figured it would be best to wait till I got there and then found one.

[LeaP]

From the standpoint of someone who would not present like that, there are some interesting implications for someone who does (cross-sex dressed, that is).

One is that it may get around the passing problem by hiding more. I agree that it attracts a certain amount of looking and attention, but still…

Another is that some people may view an outfit and make up like this as costuming. That is, they may view you (assuming you are read) as simply a guy into this kind of stuff. In other words, reinforcing maleness rather than suggesting femininity.

There's nothing wrong with the look per se. To each their own.

[arbon]

Another is that some people may view an outfit and make up like this as costuming. That is, they may view you (assuming you are read) as simply a guy into this kind of stuff. In other words, reinforcing maleness rather than suggesting femininity.
.


I have a ts friend she comes across more like alice cooper then as a woman, and thats what gets reflected back at her by people. They don't take her seriously as a "her" . I have heard it from a lot of people that know her, and whenever I have been out with her people are constantly starring and not so friendly.

No one will hire or give her a chance though and feels like she is not treated very well. But she is happy I guess, its her look.


Xcindyx - Are you looking at all the steps in transition and considering how to do them? Therapists, hair removal, legally changing your name, getting comfortable being out in public (your going to have to afraid or not). There is a lot to consider. Take one step at a time.

[whowhatwhen]

Thanks for all the responses everyone. I'm moving across the country at the end of the month so I haven't gotten a therapist yet. I figured it would be best to wait till I got there and then found one.

It doesn't hurt to start looking now since some may have waiting lists, plus you get time to research them and maybe ask around the TG community where you're moving to if they have any recommendations.

[Kathryn Martin]

Honestly I don't pass now. (At least in my mind) I'm just really scared that I still wont pass after starting hrt. I want to transition but I have a lot of social anxiety and I don't know if I could handle transitioning and being full time if I still end up completely not passable.

I take it from your comments that you are not living full time as a girl. The picture looks like a bedroom picture so many have taken at some pint in their journey. Can I ask how old you are? You just came out to your family, and how did that go? Why do you think that you might look like a guy in drag? From your picture it is difficult to tell what you look like. Are you wearing a wig or is this your natural hair? Passing is not only about appearance. Dudes in dresses get clocked for completely different reasons that necessarily appearance. Hormones do a lot of things including change your body, affect your brain, make you grown boobs and shrink your testicles and if combined with anti-androgens reduce your testosterone sometimes significantly. You say you have experienced dysphoria since you were a child? tell us more about that.