A not very pretty girl.

[Alice Joyce]

Hello, I have been out a few times of late as Alice all dressed up and wearing a little make up. I have done this during the day which is a first for me. In the past I have only been out at night as I have previously mentioned. (easy to hide) I have been confident, walking through shopping malls and so on. I even went into a shop and brought a coffee, sat at a table and consumed it. All in all I feel happy with myself.....EXCEPT for how I look. My body, clothes, accessories etc I wear are nice and femme. I wear perfume(Love wearing Perfume:). When I look at myself in the mirror................I get upset.......I think I look awful, even a little ugly. I think to myself is this because I am used to seeing me as a man........I really do not think I look at all like a woman.......Upsetting. ???? WT Alice:sad:

[Carmen]

Hi Alice,

I'm certain that many of us go through these times of doubt. I know that I do.
Sure there are the few here that are blessed with less masculine features and thusly are able to bring out their most femme appearance with less effort than I need to.

Yes...I also saw the 'guy' lookng back at me in the windows. I became dissapointed and discouraged. And I knew that I could do better with myself
So I worked at achieving my most femme look possible. Based on my facial features and ethnicity, I practiced and practiced my makeup and hair until I arrived at the look that was my own look.

Yeah, I used to look at myself in the mirrors or store windows and that bomb of dissapointment and frustration would hit me.
Now, I look at myself and smile broadly at the results looking back at me. It's working!
The guy dissapears...and the inner girl leaps out on the stage saying, "here I am!".

So look beyond the guy, and see the girl within.

[ArleneRaquel]

Very sound advice & an excellent post Carmen !

[Kate T]

I agree with Carmen, she has put it very well.

Are you a good person or not? If you are a good person, let that shine through, when that happens the exterior really is just that. It's a VERY hard lesson but one that you MUST learn of you wish to be at peace with yourself.

[ArleneRaquel]

We all have strive to look as best that we can, but we all know also that its whats' on the inside that really counts.

[LelaK]

I tell the mirror and the camera, "You liars!" Then I look at the clothes etc and see the truth. Then I revise my face a little at a time.

[ReineD]

Alice, it's not your outward appearance that attracts people to you, it's your inner self. To turn this around, think of all your loved ones and your friends. I'm sure they're not all model quality handsome or beautiful. This doesn't make any difference to you, does it? You still think well of them, you enjoy being with them, and you value them in your life?

[Chickhe]

Try this... take a picture of yourself. Then put it away and look at it in one week. I guarantee what you will see will look different from how you feel you look today. Your brain is a filter between reality and you. I can't say you look ugly or otherwise, but I know there are a lot of really ugly looking people out there who are beautiful and good loking people who are very ugly if you know what I mean, its mostly attitude?

[KaceyR]

Have to agree with all of the responses. And sometimes it's fears and anxieties that mess with your own perceptions...
I've gone thru a bout where my outings haven't been so hot. Or my attempts anyways. Maybe I put too much on myself by starting my first outing by having a makeover by MAC... It'd seemed to me that while that was a great first day, makeup attempts only seemed to get worse and worse as I kept trying. Eventually I gave up a bit on getting out due to not feeling 'good enough' makup-wise. Missed breakfast meetings, and delayed shopping trips for proper dresses occurred.
I think I was just trying too hard to be 'perfect' with it. And anxieties and insecurities got to me.
Finally got out to dress barn (still not perfect) and talking with the SAs there said I looked fine...
I know I'm not as good as what the makeup artist did that wonderful first time out. (Can't draw a good even line for brows or eyeliner...:/ ). But in reality I guess I'm at least "good enough" to partake in the world. (They don't run away screaming anyways :))

So relax, let your character shine thru, and have fun. And just keep practicing for the rest.

[rob921]

We are all beautiful, beauty is within, as long as your happy being who you are that's all that matters, that's why we do what we do, not for other people to think something about us, but because its who we are and what we want for ourselves, if we can't be happy being that then no matter what well never succeed with being ourselves, so don't worry about anything other than how you feel and what makes you happy

[AprilMayy<3]

I agree with Carmen, as well as Chickhe. Taking a picture of yourself and looking back on it about a week later really does help.

[Katey888]

Alice - don't despair - we all go through that, I'm sure...

Carmen has managed to condense into just a few paras here some really excellent advice for you and all of us, actually... :cheer:

A lot of success has to be about finding the right look for us as individuals - something that GGs spend a lifetime and an awful lot of their waking hours actively doing! We have to experiment, practice, take photos, share them here (always nerve wracking!!) and be prepared to go back and be a little self-critical (not too much! It is supposed to be fun and positive for us, after all..:)) and just keep trying.

Persevere, Alice - you're massively brave to go out at all, I haven't yet... keep practising! :hugs:

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Alice,

We all go through this. Remember, you have been looking at a "guy" in the mirror your entire life. It is difficult to not see a guy as that is what we are. However, we are our own worst critics when it comes to looks especially if you venture out because we are more self conscious among the vanilla world. I found that I just embraced who I was and let the world have their own opinion. I interact with others kindly, smile and always look up when I am out. Do people know I am a guy? Most certainly but then again I am a guy. Am I pretty? Nope but then again pretty is a subjective call. Be pretty on the inside and that will shine through on the outside regardless of your gender presentation.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Hi Alice,
Although I've never been out fully dressed in the day I suppose the question is "what do I want to happen ?" You want to blend in and not be made fun of. I sat in a coffee shop yesterday and looked around at the women, many had little or no makeup on and if you imagined their hair pulled back some looked quiet manly. The mistake we make is we have to try too hard and end up over doing it, not many of us would end up on the front of a glossy fashion magazine so don't try and achieve it.

[Erica Marie]

Alice they may sound kinda harsh, not towards you though. Even alot of gg's dont look very pretty and they are out and about and enjoying their lives. Im not trying to be mean or rude. But it is how you feel about yourself on the inside and not your appearance. You just have to say "who cares what THEY think". One suggestion is to try different things. Switch up your outfit, switch up your hair style. The other thing when you look in the mirror, smile back at yourself.

[Claire Cook]

I echo what everyone has said -- beauty does come from within. Just let your inner self shine through, and always remember to smile!

[Krisi]

Take photos and videos. Then study them. Look at what can be changed to make you look more feminine. Facial expression? Posture? Walk? The way you carry your arms and hands?

Women have been female their entire lives and these things are natural to them. Crossdressers have to work hard at it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Alice, It sounds like you are your own worst cretic.

[noeleena]

Hi. Alice,

I dont know if ill meet up with you this trip or not, ill be in Sydney then to Melbourne hopefully for a few days, then to Tasmainia for 5 weeks, june coming..

this not looking feminine enough or looking like a woman is no easy row to hoe for us ether you know i have the same or similar struggels as a female with male facial features, i dont find it easy, never did 56 years ago. its just the same,

Yet acceptance comes from accepting our selfs as we are, and then find other aspects from with in that make up our lack's, it makes little difference what i wear, so i just make the best of what i have, and try to leave it there,

my many friends dont make an issue in fact and yes for myself how to get embarriast and red in the face, at our Edwardian big do over the week end 3 weeks ago, i was told i looked lovely and and many were surprised i look so lovely, and , oh dear the complments,

then got told by my close friend she found out and complimented me more so i was red in the face, yes i get embarriast because i dont feel im at all pretty or much like a female in my looks,

So i struggle in a different way .

as id say a woman = female can wear her clothes and bring them to life , i just wear the clothes and thats all. I have nice lovely clothes thats not an issue ,= = i am .== so even being female its like...... yea well.....

...noeleena...

[kimdl93]

It's hard to see yourself as others see you. Look around. You'll see that what you believe of yourself is true of other people. Not everyone is attractive. Such is life.

[Beverley Sims]

Like everyone else here Alice,
I can only say familiarity breeds contempt.
You are familiar with yourself as a male and you should not let this shine through.
You know how you look, others don't so all they see is a female from their point of view.
You are probably being too harsh on yourself and the photo trick works well if you take them regularly and observe your progress.

Measure success by the amount of unfortunate incidents you have.
Not had any?
That is a good start.

[Karren H]

I have the same issues..... I take a photo and think.... "damn I look good" but then I look in the mirror and think "damn I look awful"..... I still don't know which image other people see but it upsets me to no end......

[TxCassie]

Alice,

I agree with all that has been said. I too experience the very same thing. As much as we want to present feminine, I think we want to see ourselves feminine more than anything. While, we talk about "passing" when in public, I think the real "passing" test is when we look at our selves in the mirror. If we see a woman looking back, we will feel everyone else will see the same and that may or may not be true.

It's funny that when we are en drab mode, we have such strong feminine feelings and we may be critical of our own masculine appearance. We may see the feminine qualities in our masculine appearances. Yet, when we dress, and apply makeup, what do we see, a man wearing make-up. YUKS!!!!! LOL :brolleyes:

But hold on, just a second dearie.... give it time. Keep practicing with your makeup and most importantly, RELAX! :battingeyelashes:

Like everyone said, let that woman in you emerge. You have to remember, even though we have our feminine feelings, we are so used to keeping them under the surface, un-manifested, we are used to being a man with the woman hidden inside.

Now, that you are dressing, and applying make-up (if you do), you don't have to keep Alice inside you, suppressed, hidden. Let her emerge to the surface. Believe you are Alice, and Alice smiles, tilts the head, likes to twirl, is relaxed and confident she is real, a valid person... when that happens, you will begin to see Alice looking back at you. Your face will look softer, movements more fluid, and your male self, while hints of him may remain, in time, he will take a back seat.

It takes time, remember Rome was not built in a day, and Alice is worth more than a day. :battingeyelashes:

Cassie :daydreaming: :love:

[sanderlay]

Alice...

To let that girl inside shine through you just need to be yourself. As many posts are saying here it's not what the mirror reflects that counts. It's how you feel and what's inside that maters, the real you. You must look beyond the mirror to see the real you, and not with your eyes... your heart. I try hard to wear clothing and jewelry that helps me feel this so my body begins to reflect what I see with my heart, what I believe helps me look feminine. And that helps give me the confidence to go out and let my inner self shine through this body, my face. It becomes who I am because of my confidence in who I am.

With that self confidence I hold my head up and smile, and almost everyone loves a person who smiles.

(Great posts everyone!)

[Candice Mae]

Testosterone is an evil we all fight, some of us have higher levels some have lower levels. Hormones have a big effect on the way you look, from facial features, height, weight distribution, and muscle tone. I have low testosterone for my age so I have softer features, I'm barely 5'7", have a feminine figure with breasts. As far as CDing and being a TS I've won the genetic lottery. Which is beneficial now, but was terrible growing up as a man looking like a woman.

We all have to work with the cards we were dealt, some just get better hands then others. And the thing to understand is that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. If your just gonna be a CD there is no need to go over board and do any body modifications or take hormones. Just keep working at improving your look, and in the end you will be the best you you can be. Cause in the end all that matters is that you like the way you look, others opinions and comparisons to others do not matter.

[LICutie]

aww.

but what is very pretty about the thread is that we all seem to share this plight (conversely could be looked at as delight and maybe that's the other side of the coin).

i love the replies because they are so comforting, too.

i agree that to a certain degree we are gifted/shifted with certain raw material from nature; not just males but females too some just look more masculine and others more feminine.

but there also is how we work with what we have; the nurture and cultivation.

i say somehow we need to forgive and love ourself even imperfectness.

though i too am similarly fighting/dancing with love/hate my sexuality and gender identity...

[MonikaTirola]

Alice, welcome to womanhood! :)

All GG I know are not happy with one way or another how they look. They don't have the luxury of blaming the guy in mirror like us. ;)

[MsVal]

Suppose the subject of this thread was "A not very good golfer"?

I believe it's fair to say that nearly all golfers want to be the best they can be, and some of them imagine themselves good enough to win back the entry fee or more in a tournament.

Unfortunately, most golfers have real lives that interfere with golfing. They may only get out a couple times per month, far too seldom to perfect their game. It is unreasonable and frustrating for them to compare themselves to those that started as kids and are out nearly every day. So what should they do?

I believe they should:
Understand their limitations,
Know their strengths,
Play as good as their abilities permit,
Enjoy the game, and
Compare themselves only their own best game.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Alice Joyce]

Hello Noeleena,

So lovely to read your words, and thank you for replying to me. Although being Alice is who I enjoy being far more than my male side, I do struggle at times with the way I look. When I`m dressed up at home,(alone) away for work (staying in a motel) or out and about, I LOVE the way I feel. Walking past a shop, glancing at myself in the window is a nice feeling and I rather like the way I look. This looking in the mirror stuff is my main cause of dismay. You might say well don`t look in a mirror.............But I do. If I have my make up on, lipstick and all, my sunglasses...........well I don`t feel so bad. Noeleena, I guess the thing is I just want to pass as a woman. I absolutely Love being a Cross Dresser, Being Alice is my Most Favourite part of my life. I sincerely mean this.............I wish I could be Alice all the time.

I do like the idea of meeting up with you when your in Melbourne............Would be really nice. I have yet to spend anytime with a woman like you.......a Cross Dresser. Isn`t it a wonderful feeling being a woman (or as best we can) As I am writing this (nobody home except me and my puppy and cat. they won`t tell on me) I am dressed up, bit of lippy, and as you well know the feeling is beautiful. I have a night out with some cder`s in a weeks time. Was invited to attend by a lady I know. There will other folk attending with various fetishes...........I have been told all is cool and folk are not the type to judge me. I am a little nervous, never been out to anything like this before. I am so excited, will leave home as Alice, drive to the place, and walk in as Alice. All up I will be in Femme mode for around 10hr`s........8 of these hours with other folk.

So not sure what to do from here? Are we able to keep in touch via Cross Dressers.com? Don`t know my way around here very well yet.

Warm Thoughts, Alice

[Alice Joyce]

Hello Karren, This is easy for me to say, but, I don`t think you should be too hard on yourself. I THINK YOU LOOK REALLY NICE. I hope to put my very first pic up today, not sure how I will go. Warm Thoughts, Alice

Hello Carmen, And thank you for your kind words. I understand what you say and will try harder to be at peace with my lot, I do LOVE and ENJOY so much being Alice.......I really must practice my make up and I do need to buy a nicer wig. Warm Thoughts, Alice

[Carmen]

Alice you are most welcome.

Last year I went in for a wig fitting done by an expert. I was 'en drabbe' but I explained to him that I crossdressed.
He understood and took a few moments to stare at my face, then he said "be right back hun".
He selected 2 styles. The one that I'm wearing in my recent photos is a darkest brown with mild red and blonde highlights.
He knew exactly what would work for me, and even with no makeup I saw myself in a very different light. That wig brought out my particular features perfectly! (my eyes teared up)
His next selection he referred to as my 'party piece'. It's a wavy mix of dark to lighter browns that is past my shoulders in length, and is a lace front wig, meaning that it is to be attached across my forehead and it creates a real scalp and hairline and is nearly impossible to detect.
Again he knew what I needed and I bought both wigs.
He asked me to return dressed so he can show me how to adjust it properly. (he also asked me out to which I declined)

To sum this all up sis...the right hair and style will elevate your appearance tenfold.
I can't wait to try out that lace front wig on my next time out!
Carmen

[Adriana Moretti]

Alice.....dressing is really all about whats inside....also keep in mind we are all our own worst critics....dont let anything get you down.

[Alice Joyce]

Even though I have never met any of you Girls, it IS nice having friends like you, you have helped and inspired me in such a lovely way my words can`t quite explain. Thank you Ladies SO much...................

Since my earlier posts on this title, reading your replies, thinking a lot, reading again...........I have stopped being so hard on myself, been out and brought a new wig and comb, and am feeling a lot better. I am home alone. So I dressed up in some of my favourite clothes, beautiful under garments, and shoes. I put some make up on (brought a gorgeous bright red lipstick) then combed my new wig and put it on. Feeling really happy. Looked in the mirror and...........well I am certainly not super attractive, but I think I look nice. I still have clothes/make up on whilst writing this. The kind words, advice etc from you ladies is so nice. I have decided to attend my "Night Out" next week wearing this outfit, wig and make up. I do understand I still have a lot of practice to preform, but I can now move forward with some excitement. Isn`t it a beautiful thing being a Cross Dresser? The Woman you want to be, wouldn't it be even more beautiful if you could be the Woman you want to be more often, or better still, All The Time. I assume some of you have quite a lot of freedom. WT, Alice. Lots of Hugs.

[Beverley Sims]

Alice,
What was the reaction when you bought your wig and comb?

That is an advancement... With a wig, you look nice.

Tell us a little about your "Night Out" and what it entails?

[Julia Red]

I know I don't look like a girl. I am a man and probably will always be a man who wears a wig and skirts. I don't see myself prettier than most girls and would be probably disappointed if I tried. I see the "guy" staring back too.

BUT, I also think this guy looks better as a girl, so that keeps me going. Also, my confidence got a boost when I started showing Julia to other people.

- a couple of female friends said I looked good and had very nice legs;
- my daughter is harshly honest and criticized a lot my female look in the beginning, but I took it as a challenge to improve it. Now she compliments me regularly;
- even my wife said with a resigned face that I really looked cute (and she don't have any reason to say that because she doesn't like me dressing, so I know she's being honest).

Now I am improving my makeup skills, wearing a corset, choosing clothing that fit better the shape of my body, shaving my legs, and doing many things to look better en femme, and it's paying off. I'm feeling very confident.

[mechamoose]

Confidence goes a long way. If you doubt yourself, others can feel that. Even if they don't know why.

We humans communicate on a LOT of subliminal levels. It isn't all about 'passing'. It is about 'believing'.


“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.”


― W.C. Fields

- MM

[Allison Quinn]

I have days like this also, on those days I try my best to look into the mirror and find things about myself that I like and focus on that and then find ways to fix the things that I don't or hide them etc. It looks really silly staring at yourself but when I do that while getting ready for the day it seems to give me a huge jump of confidence as long as I try to keep a positive mindset about it. Like Carmen said also I sort of achieved my own look and my own appearance that I liked after playing around and it has made me much happier about it. It's hard at first but I know you can achieve the highest level of confidence possible :)

[Alice Joyce]

Hello Beverly,
When I went to purchase my Wig...............It was all good. I had bloke clothes on, but under that I was wearing some of my Ladies panties, bra and so on which always makes me feel great. I know the lady serving me noticed my breasts, this didn't bother me at all and she was cool about it. Together we chose a Wig that suited me, it was a strange feeling as she helped me fit the Wig, doing Girly stuff and chatting. With my comb I am able to make my Wig look pretty. Have not cared for Wigs as much in the past. Nice experience.

My "Night Out". I have been invited to attend a Night Out at a sort of Fetish Club. There will be other Ladies (Cross Dressers) there apart from myself. I can`t tell you how excited I am about socializing with other Ladies.........Me as Alice for around 7-8hr`s. I have been assured that all folk attending will not make fun of me or be judgmental. I am not sure what Fetishes the non cding folk are about, but, I also are not judgemental. So Beverly this Night Out is my Very First as Alice. I hope to have some pic`s taken.
The evening I suppose will be a bit like a party, music etc. I do not drink alcohol, so will be having a nice cup of tea.....don`t know why I told you that.
Warm Thoughts, Alice

[Christen]

Alice, there are some very pretty girls around here, but I'm not one of them. I too admire you for being brave enough to set sail in to the real world. I'm very much a stay at home type.
We're all a bit different. I get pleasure from dressing as a woman. I want to do that to the best of my ability, look the best I can but also have to accept that I do not have very feminine features. I don't have a need to go out. Not that I wouldn't like to, just don't need to. Sometimes when I'm dressed and the makeup's on I feel great, other times not so very great.
What am I saying .. we just have to accept ourselves and do the things we need to do and are comfortable with. Enjoy being the person you are.

Christen x

[noeleena]

Hi, Alice.

Thank you, . been a while since we were going to meet at the Ball in Sydney, and an other matter came up.that stopped that,

So others understand i have known Alice for a few years, and we have had many talks,

and i will send you my details so we can this time have our get together,

i know the concerns you have and have had , im just so glad your doing so well. okay not every thing yet you know it takes time and to achieve what is good you know what im saying .

Im still on TGR, so use my account there if you get stuck

You know, its so lovely to know your doing so good,

Take care and Hug's,

...noeleena...