Adverse Side Effects

[Kathryn Martin]

http://thechronicleherald.ca/sites/default/files/imagecache/ch_article_main_image/bm_cartoon/Brucex03%20RGB_13.jpg


This is a funny way of pointing out adverse side effects of transition and surgery. Appeared in local paper this morning. And that is just one of them.

What kind of general life side effects have you had?

[arbon]

bankruptcy............................

[whowhatwhen]

I wonder why FtMs get no representation really.

[DeeDee1974]

I work in Human Resources which is for the most part majority female. Yet at my company the highest ranking members of the department are mostly men. Even more frustrating is most of the men move from leadership in other areas of the company into HR. The perception is that HR is a way to take it easy at the end of their careers.

[Kathryn Martin]

Dee Dee,

Yes it is an interesting phenomenon. For instance, the difference in respect I am afforded in my profession has so very subtly changed. Sometimes, I am talked down to, get patted on the head figuratively, talked over etc. Not because I am a woman with a medical history, but rather I am unequivocally not a man. Without realizing it the boys have subtly changed how they deal with me compared to before. And - I am quite happy about it because they have integrated me into their world view. Interesting.

[Amy A]

I haven't had any noticeable side effects yet, but I work in a small team and we are about to bring in 3-4 freelancers to work on a big job. I've been given the task of heading up the project. It will be really interesting to see how the freelancers (all male) will react to me and how much respect they give me.

Great cartoon (and like the new profile pic Kathryn :)).

[Kate T]

Kathryn

Curious. Doesn't the patronising annoy the crap out of you? Haven't you just swapped one set of discriminations for another?

[Kathryn Martin]

Kathryn

Curious. Doesn't the patronising annoy the crap out of you? Haven't you just swapped one set of discriminations for another?

I am not sure what discrimination you are talking about with regards to the first set. Wasps, or perceived Wasps are generally not discriminated against. The situation I am facing now has two aspects to it. Firstly, the way women are treated even in today's day and age in a professional context is not only annoying it is quite frankly beyond belief. I saw it and see it everywhere, it's mostly subtle, it's pervasive and speaks volumes about the power dynamics in our society.

The second aspect that I was addressing above is quite different. I am a woman, I lived on borrowed time because I was perceived as a man, especially by men. It colored their behavior towards me. I am now three years post transition (in fact 3 years and 4 days to be precise). No distinction is made between me and any other woman in the room. The guys just forgot, it's not conscious. To me that is exactly where I want to be. Why would I want to be treated differently from other women?

[Kate T]

Sorry, didn't explain myself. WRT swapping one set of discriminations for another I was meaning discrimination against non conventional gender expression be that TS or CD or whatever then walking into a new set of discriminations being that against women.
Second question I get what you mean about wanting to be accepted as a woman but you said you were happy about being discriminated against and patronised. I am not happy about ANY discrimination, I really don't care whether it confirms my identity or not. So I just find the idea of being happy about it a bit incongruous.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Kathryn.

Im in a better position than many i know , now as you know i did not transtion or change from male to female or female to male, because of how i was born.

i entered into the building trades age 17 1/2, i had allready done two years in cabinet makeing and french poiishing 19 65 on, for myself yes i was percived as a soft male keeped to myself and knew nothing about the male facts of life, in other words life and talk in the smokeo room ,

i was not part of that and i could not take thier langauge of what they said and talked about concerning those of us who were / are female, so i walked out the door and sat by myself i could not say any thing i was the apprentice .

had i said any thing im not sure what would have happened let alone say to them i was female so i carried on being percived as a male so at least learn my job craft,

you know what i was rebelling hated being around men just total ...HATED.... it. and i could do nothing just endure it, the work was good just having to be there with those men,

I settled down after some 2 years or so and got stuck in and learnt my trade. thankfully i did have a neat Boss my only real one and had two lovely older men teach me ,

They really were lovely and really good to me, so i got by, i was with them for just over 5 years,
Oh yes most people treated me quite well though some knew i was not how do i say this,

a little different not a male in the sense of a real blue blood male fact is they knew more about this kid . just not a word,
When my time came to live as a normal female over 20 years ago i told Jos and our family and every one else . whats changed for myself as a person ,in many ways not much . yet in others im so very different because i have grown into being a real woman,

And over the last 7 years i have been accepted as nothing other than a normal female that has grown up to become a woman and with that has come an acceptance that surpass's any thing i would have had , had i been a male , why,

Body wise im strong light and fit, so to do my work as a chippy i had to be so im included into my womans world as a strong women who gets stuck in and helps , nothing is a bother,

the men see me as a woman yet who was trained by men in thier world yet is not part of yet accepted into it i have an open door into my side as a woman and respected in the mens .

even the men come to me for help because they know ill do what ever, with in reason of myself as a woman,

I was given a higher rank and both men and women respect that rank that i have,

Now those who dont know me will no doubt look at me sideways till they understand im not a threat to them and the funny thing for me is they will talk with those who know me and then come along side me and are quite happy doing so. so i have been given a prviledge that was very unexpected, .

Iv allso seen the change in attitude of some men who would if you like walk across the road to bypass me change to i need you can you help , it took time and when they got to know this strange weird what ever person to, oh you are a woman after all. and female to boot,

That is what has been so wonderfull so neat and really just so ....LOVELY....I mean i cant ask for more,

...noeleena...

[DebbieL]

Even as a male I was obviously effeminate. In high school, most of my friends were gay or at least assumed I was gay. I went to a women's college where I was considered "one of the girls", even having access to the girls' dorm after normal curfew hours. Even my lovers considered me more like a woman than a man.

At work, I was still perceived as a feminine male. They respected my knowledge, because I was driven to learn as much as I could about my profession. I trained myself in computer technology from chip level to processors to programming to networking and eventually to UNIX, CP/M, MS/DOS, computer clusters, and internet technologies such as TCP/IP, Web Servers, and Web Browsers - even in their infancy. I spent most of my career taking new technologies from the "bleeding edge" of research labs to the leading edge of corporate IT centers.

Even with this, I was frequently chided for being too feminine. They never put it that way, more like "you're so NICE", "You need to MAN UP", or "You need to get tough with these people". My brain was feminine, my face was soft and tender, my features were soft, my arms long and delicate, my legs long and slender. Even when I gained weight, most of it was in by belly and my butt, which was very hard on my knees and spine.

When I transitioned to the point where I was working as female, people related to me differentl. I found that I didn't have to raise the pitch of my voice artificially, even in my normal talking voice I looked and sounded like a 40+ year old woman (I'm actually 58). My softer and gentler manner was considered nice and supportive, and as a result, I was challenged less often. On a few occasions, I did find that one manager started trying to keep me from talking. He would get upset that I interrupted him when he started making false assumptions or when I challenged those assumptions and his erroneous conclusions that resulted. On the rare occasions when I did have to come down hard on someone for poor quality work, or not resolving a problem, they would try to joke and say "Not so much a lady today". I would volley back with "I'm usually a nice angel, but when you try to clip my wings, I just start flying my broom, and you won't like that one bit".

I have 34 years in my industry and have a solid history of producing remarkable results, even though most people perceived me as effeminate, possibly homosexual, and not terribly aggressive. My children are fully grown, I am active in my church, enjoy singing in the choir (though my voice is up into the tenor range now). The usual excuses for not paying women well don't apply.

I serve others in a number of different ways. I never wanted fame because I didn't want fame to become a barrier to my transition. I didn't want huge amounts of cash, because I didn't want to have the temptation of booze or drugs for myself or others in my life. I have a good life that has lasted much longer than I ever expected. I've survived a heart attack in 2001 and a stroke in 2007 and since transitioning I'm happier and healthier than ever.

I have paid off all but one of my credit cards, and have a really good credit rating. This was just in case I did have to take a cut of some sort after transition.
I doubt this will be the case though, since my employer has a very aggressive diversity program including strong women in leadership as well as strong support for LGBT employees.