Wife made a comment

[Nadina]

Let me preface this with I am not someone that dresses a lot, I dress at random times when the urge hits me and its just a few hours if I am alone but I feel amazing when I do it.

My wife was doing some "spring cleaning" and was getting rid of some of her clothing (her big clothing she has lost a bunch of weight) but has kept her old clothing for the past few years but has decided it was time to get rid of it. We were packing boxes and bringing them out to my truck, I asked "are you sure that you want to get rid of these?" (for more than one reason obviously) and she says "Did you want to keep them?" Now I know I must have turned pale white when she said that and I got that feeling you get when you're 16, have pretty girl in mind and are walking over to her to ask her out. Everything in me wanted to say "yes I do, I feel amazing in that dress right there" but instead I said "why would I want your old clothes?" to which she responds "for rags or whatever" (I use old Tee shirts as rags all the time) and now I have no clue if she was being serious or if it was tongue in cheek kind of a "I know you like wearing this stuff" way.

The box of clothes is in my truck as I type and I really don't want to get rid of them but if they are not rags the next time she sees them there will be questions.

I get the feeling that she has a feeling that I like doing his but am not sure and don't want to rock the boat so to speak if she honestly meant take them for rags. I am not in a place where I feel like I can or want to let her know that I feel sexy in womens clothing and at the same time....

I don't know what I expect for posting this maybe random post but I wanted to get it out off of my chest so there it is.

opinions? suggestions?

Thanks
Nadina

[edith]

Sounds like you really want to tell her. So tell her! There are a lot of "I told my SO" threads on here, read through some. Let her know it's important to you

[AllieSF]

If you can find a place off site to store them, maybe you could do that and figure out how to let your wife know of your growing interest in women's clothes. If it never happens then you can donate the clothes to a thrift store for recycling.

[Paula_Femme]

Hi Nadina

If you go to the "Loved Ones" forum you'll see lots of painful and heartbreaking posts from girlfriends and wives who found out about their boyfriends/hubby's CD-ing after years, even decades, of being together; what hurts, in almost every case, is not the CD-ing itself, although that can be bad enough, but the years of lies and deceit, the secret life lived without their knowledge.

Trust is the most precious component of any relationship; it can take years to build, and only seconds to destroy, and once destroyed or shaken, it can be VERY difficult to rebuild.

I'm sure you're scared to tell your wife, fearing that she'll run screaming for the hills, but what do you think she'd do if she came home and found you "dressed," or if your simple question above started to raise her suspicions that something wasn't quite... "right?"

I think that eventually you're going to have to find some way to tell her, HOW you do that I couldn't possibly say. When, or if you tell her, it needs to be in a controlled situation, and you'll need to be able to assure her you're still the same person she married, that this is just a different facet of your personality, you're still "you," and your feelings for her haven't changed.

Now, the operative word in that last paragraph is "eventually," I'm not suggesting for one moment that you just blurt it out today, tomorrow, or next week - "Hey honey, guess what, I'm a cross dresser, can I borrow that cute little skirt?!?!?!" - that never works! And let's face it, not all reactions are positive, not by a long shot, no matter how gently and reasonably you explain things. I've lost relationships because of my own "needs" in the past, but those were in the early stages, thankfully, before either of us had become too emotionally invested, and not after years of marriage.

There's a private "men only" forum, the GM Forum (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?36-GM-Forum-(Genetic-Males-Application-Only-Group)), perhaps you could join there and ask others how they revealed this side of themselves to their wives/girlfriends, and what the outcomes were; hopefully some of the answers there, and elsewhere in these forums, will be applicable to your own situation and help you formulate a plan, either to be open with your wife, or keep it to yourself.

I hope you find the strength to do what's right for you, AND your wife.

Wishing you all the best
Paula

[Beverley Sims]

You need to find a safe place for them.
One day the big question will surface........

[Megan Thomas]

I'd take them to goodwill this time around. Don't mix keeping these clothes with telling your wife, if that's what you want to do. I'm pretty sure she'll be upset if you tell her later on and then have to explain you kept them too. Also, if you do use them as rags then isn't it going to upset you when using them as such?

Keep things simple. The alternative can be very messy.

[Marcelle]

Nadina,

Do you have a reason to believe your wife knows other than this one comment? Have you left evidence lying around such as make-up which is not hers, a wig, clothes, or pictures? Have you been seen by someone? Do you borrow her clothes and perhaps not take care in putting them back the same way or state you found them? If you answer "no" to these questions, then I believe you are reading far too much into the comment. If your wife knew you were cross dressing, it is unlikely she would take this approach whether she supported or not. It is more likely if she was upset she would have confronted you or gone into silent mode (you would have noticed other changes in her interaction with you). If she found out and was supportive, she would most likely have said "I know about you dressing in my clothes so let's work on this together". I truly believe it was what it was . . . use my clothes for rags. You indicated she just lost a lot of weight. Taking the time to finally shed yourself of those pre-weight loss clothes is cathartic and offering them up as rags . . . well, it more akin to "off to the rag bin you go clothes I don't need you anymore" than "here dear I know you are CDing".

As to telling your wife. Sweetie that is a big decision. Some will say you need to tell her because you are lying and if you truly believe that then you should do so. However, while many here have had good reactions from their SOs upon disclosure many others have had the exact opposite so do not take this decision lightly.

To provide some Solomon like judgement with your clothes dilemma, store the ones you like (pick the best of the best) and shred the rest to rags.

Hugs

Isha

[Katey888]

Nadina - sounds like a tough one but there are often at least two perspectives on what you could do... at least you hopefully already feel a little better by talking about it... :)

You say you dress at random times and not a lot... If that's the case, and continues to be, why tell at all? What if this feeling declines over time and you've opened up now when just being a little reticent was more prudent...? If this is a case of simply the buzz from wearing a few items every now and then, it may not be worth risking a rocking boat...

On the other hand, if you think this is something that might be developing (and take care how you interpret anything you read here, we tend to major in positive stories, but there are also some excruciatingly negative ones around...) then you might have hit a time when it's right to explore being more open - and there is plenty of good advice on here on how to go about that. But even if you think this might be a feeling that is growing for you, you still always have the option to keep it closeted... Once you've revealed that strange thing that we all share to a greater or lesser extent, there's no putting the genie back in the bottle, and no one can really predict how individuals are going to respond to a revelation of a predilection that is still largely taboo for the muggles...

Read lots, consider this very carefully for a goodly period of time - after all, you've certainly spent years knowing this and getting to this stage, why rush into anything now...? :)

Prudence is my byword here... still securely unrevealed myself..

Katey x

[Wildaboutheels]

And another one bites the dust. [That was a song from years ago]

You have fallen victim to FIC or pink fog. Call it what you will. It's very common here.

"Let me preface this with I am not someone that dresses a lot, I dress at random times when the urge hits me and its just a few hours if I am alone but I feel amazing when I do it."

THIS ^^^ along with everything you have posted since you arrived... Definitely looks like a hobby simply as an avenue to O land. Nothing at all wrong with it. No different than using magazines or porn.

Opinion/suggestion?

DON'T tell her. Looks to me like you simply want to ease your conscious.

She may say "I'm cool with it"

And she may say "Pack your bags you pervert".

Only YOU can decide if it is worth the risk.

Don't let Forum Induced Courage ruin your marriage.

[Michelle V]

Yikes! You know your wife more than anyone else in this world, is she ready to hear what you have to say? If so don't do it the clothes in your truck do it for your relationship and your piece of mind. If you feel like your relationship is going to take the truth of you being a CD go for it. When I told my wife I had left a garter in plain site and she tough it belong to someone else, I love my wife so much and would never cheat on her so I found it funny and a relief to know that at that moment my CDing was the lesser of two evils so it worked out for me. I wish you the best either way.

[Karren H]

I've repurposed clothing my wife and daughter have discarded more than a number of times.... nothing wrong with that imho..... just like there's nothing wrong with not telling your wife..... not like you were lying... She didn't ask if you crossdressed? From experience.... telling can Efff up your life big time.... don't for it unless your sure of a positive outcome.... no mater what the"holier than thou" group says! Is your life.... not theirs.... live it as you wish.... :D

[jjjjohanne]

If you had a bag of rags in the garage, you would have a great hiding place for your clothes, or an excuse to have a bag of ladies' wear. However, I lean toward believing that a crossdresser should tell his wife. But, since I don't know your situation or your relationship, I should avoid giving you direct advice.

[mykell]

nadina, i just revealed this past january, read all the good posts and thought about that outcome,
she made comments about this or that and i thought she knows and that was her way to deal with it,
i was 1000% WRONG, hit her like a ton of bricks, you SOs comment was in the context of rags,
sooo if you tell prepare for the worst, settle for anything better, wright a letter to her to back up your thoughts, i explained everything i needed to tell her but all she heard was transvestite!!!! where did you get the clothes was her only question. it could have went either way, and im sure it will remain that way for the rest of relationship. hardest thing ive done in my life, you have to do whats best for you financially, mentally, physically and morally. you live with the result. i wish you the best whatever the outcome of your decision

if you would like to PM feel free to do do so, only happy to assist anyway i can.

by the way were DADT, hoped for better, but happy shes still here, anniversary today and will be proposing again tonight....

BTW nothing wrong with picking out some items you like to keep....

[Annaliese]

Take the clothes you want to wear, use the rest for rags. Tell when you are ready, some are never ready, either way its ok.

[Krisi]

I'm going with Megan's answer.

[MsVal]

Two things, the clothes and the coverup.

Buy your own clothes. Never wear hers. Cut those castoff garments into rags and be seen using the rags. This will achieve two things: First it will visibly demonstrate to your wife that they are unneeded. Second it will prevent the possibility of her ever seeing you wearing them or having them in your stash. Very few women are so understanding, so accommodating that they can comfortably look at their husband while he is wearing her clothes.

I am among those that promote full disclosure, as early as possible. This is not to be taken lightly. Disclosure carries with it a great deal of risk. However, the accidental discovery of your clothes in a box, or worse, your clothes on YOU carries a substantially greater risk.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Jenniferathome]

...

I get the feeling that she has a feeling that I like doing his but am not sure and don't want to rock the boat so to speak if she honestly meant take them for rags. I am not in a place where I feel like I can or want to let her know that I feel sexy in womens clothing and at the same time....

...
Nadina, why do you have this "feeling" that she knows? If it is noting more than an occasional offhand comment, then she does not know. Women do not think their husband is a cross dresser. It's not in their scope of possibility. If you keep something and do NOT turn it into a rag and it is later discovered, you will have a very weird conversation on your hands. I am an advocate here of telling your wife the truth. I lied about my cross dressing for decades so I am no different than you. I also believe that any relationship with a solid foundation can survive this revelation. Survival aside, it WILL be a shock.

Until you are ready to come clean, respect her intent. Either give them away or turn them into rages but do not keep them and hide them.

[5150 Girl]

Ok,see'n as how she don't know, Here is waht I'd do... Make 3 piles...
#1, pick a few of your faves, put them in your stash...
#2 Goodwill a few
#3 the really bad ones, turn into rags.
Now, you can say "I turned the old/ratty ones into rags, and Goodwill-ed a few of the better ones. This way when she sees some of them are not in your rag pile you have cover. You will also have backup if she should check to see if some of her things turn up at GW....

[Kayla C]

I'm with Jennifer on this one.
Women generally don't consider their husbands as possible crossdressers.
I believe that it is very far from the realm of possibility for the average wife.
The only way you can be sure she knows is to tell her and that is a difficult decision only you can make.
As Mikell mentioned, it is easy to misjudge the outcome.