Shared stuff or your own stuff

[Jordan-NH]

So interesting conversation with the SO the other night. She supports my dressing but is still far from comfortable with it. We're currently talking about moving in together and since we're the same size for many things, she mention the possibility of me getting rid of my things and just wearing her's.

Now this struck me as very odd, but she explained that for her it's easier for her to accept my dressing if I was just to wear her clothes and not my own. She didn't really have an explanation as to why. And I'm on the exact opposite side, I would feel kind of... odd wearing her stuff. Unless she gives me something to have as my own, it just doesn't feel right. And I guess I just like my stuff to be my stuff.

So I was wondering, how to others feel about this?
SO's - Would you rather share or keep separate.
CD's - Other side of the coin, does it matter to you who's clothes you wear or just as long as they're a good fit and style?

[mechamoose]

That says to me that she sees your interest as a kink instead of a condition. :(

If you are ok with that, then enjoy the play.

If not, you need to talk more.

<3

- MM

[Jenniferathome]

My wife and I share each other's things however, 1) I can wear only a little of her wardrobe as I am much wider than her and 2) we do not have the exact same taste in style or color do we each like only a portion of the others things.

How can one develop a style if it is dictated by another? My impression is that she thinks that with your own wardrobe, you are more "serious" about cross dressing than if you simply wore hers (part timer).

You two need to have a discussion about what cross dressing is and is not.

[Ashley Lyn]

Wouldn't work for me... She is more into 'old lady dresses' if she has to, and I like the frilly-pretty stuff..
If you really like what she wears, I suppose it may work, but doubtful... (I like my own stuff), and she know it..

[CD_blue]

I have "My stuff" and she has "Her stuff" but with that said if it can somehow fit us both then its up for grabs for either of us. I am wearing her pajama pants now for example heh. We have different styles/taste I would for certain want to be able to pick stuff out for myself.

[darla_g]

my wife and i can always share some stuff. I encourage it particularly if i buy something nice, i would like to see it get more use. Some things like shoes are completely different since i have larger feet

[natcrys]

It sounds like a plausible reason from your SO's side. And I hope that it's really true.

But if I may be the slightly cynical person in the room.. I know what Admiral Ackbar would say.

And for the people who are not familiar with Star Wars: "It's a trap!"

[dana digs sweaters]

Yes it does matter who's clothes I wear. My style is just that. Her style was developed before we met.
Sharing clothes? Sure! :)
It is a fun part of my dressing. Very proud to be out with her when she is wearing something (usually a top) of mine.
Especially when one of her girlfriends gives her a compliment on it :)

[looking_good]

Mine are mine. Hers are hers. But if she wants to borrow or lend, I am thrilled!

[Christen]

My wife and I are also pretty much the same sizing, and I have until recently borrowed her clothes, without her knowledge. And she has some really nice pieces that work well on my frame, but, recently we talked a little about my crossdressing and she said she doesn't like the thought of me wearing her things, so that's that. I (try very hard to) stick to my limited wardrobe.

[Beverley Sims]

I stopped sharing with my girlfriends when we stopped sharing a house together.

[Kate Simmons]

I used to in prehysterical times but nowadays I like my own stuff.:)

[samantha rogers]

Ha, even if my wife was open to that it wouldnt work. My style is way different, and our sizes are nothing alike.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brittany, What happens when you purge all of your things and she changes her mind ??

[Allison Quinn]

I started out sharing with my girlfriend and now I have my own stuff and sometimes she borrows my things. Rarely due to size differences I can borrow her stuff :P I'ts fun. I at first needed my own things but now I just want things that look normal and I can wear xP

[Deedee Skyblue]

I don't usually try to delve into below-surface motivations, but this seems to me like an attempt to gain her control your dressing. My opinion: you should have enough of your own things that you can satisfy your own needs without relying on her clothes without sharing. Sharing is like the icing on the cake.

Deedee (who is thrilled when my wife wears something of mine)

[trisha kobichenko]

keep your stuff. this looks to be about control, and if she owns the clothes, she may feel that she owns when and where you can wear them. just my take.

[Krististeph]

She occasionally sees things of mine she likes- usually a stretchy thin knit with lycra- and appropriates it (asking of course) then i'll steal it back after a few years when she has not worn it...

Yes, we both are imprefect, quite so (obviously... :-) ) We are different in size so sharing is a rare possibility- but we do, after a fashion. I always have spare hose, etc, stuff she needs when we have to dress up to go out (she rarely dresses formal without an occasion), and she is not concerned with having the proper accoutrements until that day, so it falls on me to be prepared. Be a leader, just the Trans Scouts.... :-)

I could see that- Boys in skirts, chopping down trees... with an air of delicacy. (Last 70' footer I took down landed 2.5 feet off the aimpoint at the tip- I'm telling you- don't screw with the CD wielding power tools...) :-)

[Diane Lynn]

My wife borrows my cloths when she wants something new. Her co-workers always complement her on her new outfit. She washes them, and go back in my closet. Undergarments are off limits.

[Amanda M]

Half of my stuff WAS her stuff!

[Zylia]

I'm not in a relationship right now, but I wouldn't be comfortable with that idea. Unless I explicitly borrow something, I wouldn't wear anything my SO 'owns'. I prefer to have some sense of ownership, not just of clothing, but of life in general.

It really sounds like a major restriction your SO tries to ease you into. It can only complicate things.

[Teresa]

It could be that she thinks she may be able to control your Cding or some GGs do like to share clothes, ( my wife and sister in law often borrow outfits off each other !) I doubt she's thinking about storage space when you move in together . I love the feeling of sharing with my wife and she knows that,( she's a 10/12 and I'm 12+ ) she says she doesn't mind along as she doesn't know, I do wear most of my own things now. Underwear and shoes are all mine, no sharing, I love buying underwear and a male size 8 shoe is not going to go into a womens size 3, annoyingly she has cleared out some lovely shoes !

[Marcelle]

Hi Brittany,

My wife and I share certain parts of our wardrobes (tops, sweaters, shoes) however we can't do so with pants/jeans, dresses or skirts because I much narrower in the hip department and these items would not fit well. I don't have a problem with sharing but we still each have our own wardrobe. I would ask why she would feel more comfortable with you getting rid of your stuff in favor of hers as it does seem like there is more of an underlying reason than just because.

Hugs

Isha

[Skyeyes]

I think it would be nice to share. I'd love my wife to make that offer to me.

[carhill2mn]

I am a firm believer in each person having their own "stuff". There may be instances when sharing by mutual consent is OK.

[natcrys]

I think it would be nice to share. I'd love my wife to make that offer to me.

Mutual sharing sounds very good!

But that's not the case OP is discussing, this is about OP only using SO's clothes.. and that could end in SO controlling when/if dressing happens.

[Eryn]

Our loved ones have very mixed reactions to the concept of sharing things. Some are really into it, to others it is anathema, and there are many views in between.

Mimi and I sometimes share each other's clothes and jewelery, but draw the line at underwear. We wear some of the same sizes but have different body types so our sharing is somewhat limited.

[Jason+]

I'm torn two way on this. If it's a crutch for her to have enough initial control over the situation to give her time to process and become more comfortable with it moving forward it might be worth looking into. If that is the end state some of the warnings on control seem to gain more weight.

My wife has never been and likely never will be a big fan of it. There are a few things we share and some that were bought for that expressly. Our tastes are largely different and for the most part she is smaller than I am. The actual mechanics of just wearing hers would play a big part in how well that would work for me style aside. Is it free reign, are there specifics that would be off limits? Would you have to "ask" each time? Will she be comfortable with your wearing her things out assuming that you go out?

Perhaps the thing to do if you are interested is to box and store your things but not outright get rid of them while you sort out the specifics and come to an understanding you both can really live with.

[Jean. Ann]

I had so much rather develop my own style

Jean Ann

[Cheryl T]

We share whatever we can. Sometimes she buys a pair of shoes that are a touch too tight and she asks me to wear them a little to stretch them.
We share tops mostly as I wear a smaller skirt/slacks size, but we do also share stockings, bras, dresses at times and help each other with makeup.


Sharing is wonderful, but it's nice to have my own things that I don't have to ask to wear.

[JamieG]

My wife and I each have our own stuff. She'll occasionally borrow something of mine (with permission), and will hand me down things she no longer wears. Is it possible your SO is concerned about closet space? Or somebody wondering why there are two sets of women's clothes in your house? Or maybe she just doesn't care for your sense of style and is trying to find a diplomatic way to change it? If I were you, I would insist on having some of my own things, but say that you would welcome her opinion on what would look good on you. If she can be more specific about her concerns, hopefully the two of you can work together on a solution.

[MissTee]

We share a lot of things. Tunics, skirts, sweaters and tops as well as some leggings and stockings. Then we drift apart on style. She doesn't like dresses and I do; I feel frill on some things is adorable and she feels it's goofy.. I like a bit of bling with my jeans; she prefers plain. Separate wardrobes have never really been an issue with us and we certainly don't mind sharing. BTW, I do 90% of the clothes shopping. Most of what she has I either bought on-line or coaxed her out to a good seasonal sale to shop in person.

As others have said, I would think your SO is looking to exert some influence on your dressing by her request. Not sure what influence that would be, but it does sound like she's erecting a boundary for some reason. Best thing to do is talk about it. I'd love to hear the response, too.

[Jillian Faith]

My wife and I are about the same size on the bottom and can share some skirts, shorts and Capri pants. Her legs are longer so sharing long pants are limited a little i.e. long pants she wears with flats I have to wear heels, pants she wears with heels are too long for me. We can share some dresses depending on the cut. I'm larger up top and typically take 1 size larger top so sharign tops is very limited. Shoes are a definite non starter.

[Mollyanne]

I REALLY don't think that sharing her clothing or anything else is a good idea. Your personal taste in clothing and make0up may be totally opposed to her conception of what's good for her and not you and vice versa.

Molly

[Jenelle]

It is funny as it has taken my a couple days to think this over before I could reply.

This is my reply to the general question:

I did have a brief conversation with my gf about borrowing clothes. She was borrowing one of my fleece jackets (man's) because she had split coffee on hers and needed a light jacket to wear. I jokingly said "Yeah don't get use to borrowing my clothes". She then said "I am sure you would want to borrow my clothes." which I replied "Even if I could fit in them no I wouldn't. Those are yours. Now your shoes would be a totally different story." I went on to explain that the last thing I want to happen is I go to pick out an outfit but cant because she has borrowed something. She immediately got it and said "I never thought of that."

As to the OP's situation:

As others have mentioned this does not appear to be an altruistic gesture, this is more about her wanting control of the situation. I would not do it. I also would not consider moving in together. "She supports my dressing but is still far from comfortable with it." While that is positive it is far from positive for someone who is considering living together. Sure you might be able to make it work but you might not.

[Katie Oxford]

In answer to the OP's point, I agree too that this sounds like an attempt to gain some type of control over the dressing. If the SO doesn't give an explanation when asked, that suggests that either she doesn't know why herself, or that she does know and is ashamed of why. Talking sounds like the way forward to me in either case.

In general, I try to avoid treating my SO's stuff as my own, although she has made it clear that I should consider myself welcome to use much of it. This stems from past experience - borrowing the clothing of other females around me without their knowledge, dating from early puberty - this always felt like bad karma (but so irrestible in a world back then where I didn't dare possess my own female clothing for fear of... Well, fear mostly), but it took a long time to stop doing it - rather addictive behaviour. Tonight is something of an experiment - with her explicit permission, I'm currently wearing a pair of her leggings that I had rather fancied when she bought them. All very relaxed, but I still think I'll buy myself a similar pair rather than use hers again.

[NicoleScott]

If you "accidentally" ripped or stretched a couple of her favorite garments, she might change her mind.

[Katie Oxford]

Hi Nicole, not sure if that's a reply to me or not...

If so, we're pretty similar sizes - in fact, I'm slightly smaller in most aspects. Not likely to stretch them. And too big in the feet to even think about wearing her shoes! Also highly respectful of her clothes, and unlikely to damage them - hence content of previous post.

But I suspect you were talking to someone else, and just happened to show up under my post?

[Allison Chaynes]

We have our own stuff, but sometimes I'll buy something we both like, and she steals it. I usually stay out of her things since I'm larger and might stretch them. She likes to tell me if I buy something that fits her, it's hers.

[Allison2006]

Can't share with my wife, our sizes are too far apart. Would love to wear a pair of heels she has if I could fit into them though...

[Karren H]

Tell her that she should get rid of her things and wear yours!.... most likely she's going to make you purge your stuff then forbid you to dress.... women always thing they can change men....

Personally I don't tough my wifes clothes... makeup... anything... besides the fact I'm smaller than she is... she has the worst taste in womens clothing! lol

[AmyGaleRT]

My fiancee and I have different wardrobes, because we're mostly different sizes...but there are times she's insisted I wear something of hers, like a necklace or a hair clip. Also, recently, she borrowed one of my cardigans because it was a bit cold out. And, when she's donated some of her clothes in the past, she's let me look through the bags; I got a dress and some nice tops that way. And, when I got my ears pierced, I gave her all my old clip earrings (that weren't originally "converted" and that now I was converting back), because she doesn't have piercings herself.

- Amy

[lingerieLiz]

I've worn my wife's things from time to time in the past. She has worn mine also and confiscated a few things by having them altered to fit her. The bad part was that I wore one of her favorite dresses on a business trip years ago and ruined it. Dang she looked so cool in it and I quit wearing her clothes. Today there are some things that we wear of each others. More by mistake or convenience. We wear some of the same size tops and have some duplicates in them and a couple of jackets that match.

[NicoleScott]

Katie, my reply was generally directed to the OP, but I agree with you that the insistence on wearing her clothes is a way to control (limit) his CDing. I've always been in the "get your own clothes" camp. Sharing hasn't been an issue with me since I was a teen, being the same size (shoes, too) as my older sister. My wife is rather petite - no way I could wear her clothes.
My suggestion about stretching/ripping was half serious, half tongue-in-cheek. I don't go for sabotage.
Maybe it's time they had a discussion - why he wants his own clothes and why she doesn't want him to.
p.s. I only refer to "him" for clarity when discussing couples. No disrespect intended.

[Karen kc]

mine is mine, hers is hers, since I m a lot larger than her. But she has worn a couple of lite weight sweaters of mine, and I didnt mind a bit!

[Nadine Spirit]

Brittany - My wife and I would have no problems with sharing anything that fit. Though we often say we will borrow something of the others I don't know if we ever have. Oh I do occasionally borrow one of her belts.

But... I don't think your situation is really about borrowing each other's items. Her desire to have you only use her clothes is an indicator that there is a miscommunication between you two on what exactly cross dressing is for you. You are not talking about sharing each other's items, she is telling you to get rid of your stuff. Not a good start to a relationship IMO.

[StephanieH]

My wife wears quite a bit of my stuff over the last couple of years and I pretty much never get to wear any of it. Actually pretty dam bitter about it to tell the truth.

[Annaliese]

If you have your and she has her, then you have twice the clothes to share.

[mechamoose]

I know I'm coming at this from a different angle than most of you.

When I go out to an event, my wife is willing to open her closet and jewelry box to make me as pretty as possible. On the other end she has stolen/borrowed my things. (Hey Girl, I haven't seen that aqua skirt since it arrived in the mail!!!).

My wife is the exception, rather than the rule. If your partner isn't as accepting, I would think she would object to you using her stuff unless you had her permission first. If you get her 'buy in', even better. My wife *likes* me in pretty things.

- MM

[pantyguysb]

My girl and I have strictly agreed to separate stuff!

[immike]

Brittany-It does not matter to me now.I have bought alot of new clothes of my own online,but for years,in secret,I wore my
mothers clothes&she had a treasure trove of outfits,tops,blouses,short mini skirts,her dress slacks,her pantssuits&her good skirtsuits,which I had a chance to wear,as well as her shoes&heels.Many times I would open her pantyhose drawer&lift a fresh
pkg of beige,or black pantyhose,put them on&proceed to go into mom's closet&try on her dresses&heels&got bolder over time&
soon I would be wearing one of her good skirtsuits/w a silk blouse&I'd be already wearing pantyhose,so I would just step into a
pair of her heels,walk around the house with drapes closed&sit at her makeup table&try on wigs&do makeup

[MustangGirl]

My current wife does not accept me fully dressing, however she don't mind me under dressing, and wearing night gowns to sleep.

My first, late wife was fully accepting, and we had hers, mine, and ours. We were very close in size, except I was several inches taller. So, we had 1 bra drawer, and 1 panty drawer, some for hose/garter belts. I had my own blouses/tops, and skirts( I never wore slacks/pants).

It sounds to me like she is trying to come to terms with you dressing as a fetish. Thus, wearing her things help her deal with it. I hope the 2 of you come to a understanding.

[kevsgirl]

This is all very new to me but here is what I have thought about so far....
No I don't want to share, in fact I found my favorite pair of wedges broken last night, I don't know who did it but the strap is busted as if someone with a foot 3 times bigger them mine tried them on, not accusing anyone just saying. There has been other mysteriously stretched out items or busted zippers.

I don't have a ton of clothes to begin with so to lose a few favorite items really puts a dent in my collection.
I want him to have his own stuff with his own style however I want to be involved in picking it out and buying it.
He's still new to it also, as far as having the option to have his own stuff goes, up until recently it was just what he could manage to squeeze into of mine. I don't want to force my style onto him, I'm pretty sure he does'nt really want "my" style anyways. I'm very vintage/bohemian where I think he wants to lean towards the more feminine and pretty, at least when I'm asking him what he likes and we are looking online those are the types of things he'll have me click on and take a closer look at.

I honestly do not like the idea of him browsing Victoria's Secret by himself and just buying all kinds of stuff, I get what feels a lot like jealousy. But this is all very knew to me and eventually I might get to the point where I don't have to be involved in every aspect, but for the time being that's how I feel.

[laceydoolittle2013]

That's a interesting situation your in, mine was all about me getting my own and that has helped her with it. I cant say I have seen anyone saying that they have a SO that wants them in theres. I think it could be great and cheaper in the long run plus encourages you to stay up on current fashion.