How do you wish to be perceived?

[Marcelle]

This post is more directed at the TG/CD side of the house as our reasons for dressing (in whatever manner) vary in response to our perception internally (self) or externally (world). However while I am fully cognizant that for our TG/TS sisters it is not so much perception as it is about correcting mismatched gender, I also welcome your responses if you so desire. In addition, this is not limited to those who go out or dress/present a specific way but everyone regardless of presentation. :)

Yesterday a GG friend of ours came for dinner and the topic of my weird panic attack came up. Now this GG friend has been out with me as Isha on several occasions so she was a bit surprised at the panic attack. She thought perhaps the odd look really challenged how I wish to be perceived externally (the world writ large). When I got such a hated look it brought home the reality that I was perceived as a guy and momentarily short circuited my resolve. Plausible I thought but then I have never perceived myself as anything but a guy dressed as a girl.

So I was thinking about that comment this morning and thought . . . Do I really wish to be perceived as a woman when I am out in the world? I mean I always talk about blending, I employ the subtle art of camouflage when out and about (girl clothes, wig, make-up, walk, mannerisms) all designed to present female. If I interact with people I soften my voice to make it sound more female. I have even gone as far as laser beard reduction to ease the use of make-up. But do I really want people to perceive me as female. My internal perception (what I see when I look in the mirror) is all boy. Externally . . .hmmm . . . food for thought. :thinking:

If I take all the things I do in order to appear female when out and about then a prima facie case can be made that externally I wish people to perceive me as a woman. However, the internalized perception (boy) is strong and let's face it I am fooling nobody when I have to interact or people come in closer for inspection. So even though I am going to great lengths to appear female, I know I am not nor will I ever be or to my current knowledge want to be a woman (no insult to GGs or TS gals intended). But still, part of me has a desire to be seen as a woman by others and why is that? Perhaps it is validation for all the hard work that goes into my presentation or who knows a deep seated wish to be female ( slightly right of the CD line on the curve) and I have just not embraced that yet. Whatever the reason, I will have to admit that while I know I am not a woman, I do have a bit of a desire to seen as a woman when out if truth be told. However, I do not think of myself as a woman when out because I am a guy . . . make any sense?

So my question to you is . . . how do you perceive yourself internally (self) when dressed and/or what is your wish for external perception (to the world) irrespective of whether you go out or not.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Hi Isha,
I guess you're going to get a range of answers but I suppose the more we push the envelope the more highs we get, your panic attack maybe caught you out and knocked you off a high, it certainly caught you unaware ! I accept that I have a female side and have to try and satisfy it but sometimes it swings me way out of my comfort zone and I also accept my Cding was and still is sexual so I know there is always an end point when I get back to normal. I suppose if I look at like that I have no reason to be out, it will serve no useful purpose only possibly end up in a situation like yours.

[Raychel]

Hmmm, very interesting thoughts, Isha. Something that a psychologist would have a good time with.


I certainly am not that person, I had all I could do to finish High School. but that is another story and another thread. :doh:


How do I wish to be perceived, I am just me, I wish to be seen however the see-er prefers to see me, I hope that they see a nice person, no matter how
I am dressed, I know myself on the inside I am just a guy in a dress, Not trying to be a woman, not trying to talk, walk, or in any way act like a woman
I am just me, a guy that prefers to dress in women's clothes.


If the world see a guy in a dress that is happy with himself, that would be great,
Buut most likely they will see a guy in work clothes, that isn't so happy, :sad:

[Kate Simmons]

It's almost another form of the question: "Why do I do this?" Personally, I like the feeling it gives me of being a full spectrum person and being able to express my feelings and happiness.For all intents and purposes when I'm out en femme, I AM a woman. I challenge anyone to prove differently, the obvious plumbing notwithstanding. I never attempt to copy anyone else as I'm my own original female person. When I perform I DO lip synch but I give my own version of a song with my actions. Hell, I do a mini performance every time I dance at the club and usually have the floor to myself the first couple of hours(llke last night). I love what I do really, simple as that Isha. :battingeyelashes::)PS: The term I used with one person at the club last night was "Testosterone generated womanhood".

[AKKaren]

:straightface:I think most CD's would love to be perceived as female when we are dressed...but the grim reality for me is that I am built like a linebacker....sigh...I see all these younger girls here who can blend in better and think about what life would have been for me if I had all this knowledge back in my teens and early 20's...I am sure things would have been different!
I am who I am....accept me and I will accept you.
Karen

[ArleneRaquel]

Kate Simmons hit the nail on the head for me. I just love dressing enfemme.

[Adriana Moretti]

interesting thread...although for me it is way to early to think that much...i can say this...i personally am the same person no matter which way I am dressed...and feel this may come easier for those who live in areas where this in normal...like bigger cities...i noticed yesterday 4 guys who were dressed very androgynous and im using that word kindly...all they needed was heels and lipstick...i grew up partying with drag queens ...they are the same person....and i fell into that groove... a groove that says " hey..I'm me...it's ok...deal with it....im gunna do and dress how i want...

[Kim_Bitzflick]

My answer is simple. When I am presenting as female, in my mind, I am female. When I'm out, I would like people to treat me as such.

[Launa]

Hhen presenting as female I would like to be addressed as such however it is not the gender that I identify with so I will suck it up when I'm dressed and someone calls me sir.

[JanetM.]

AKKaren hit the target in the center for me. That is exactly how I am. I too wish I had started much earlier than I did.. So much time wasted hiding in a closed room. As I am now venturing out, I like to think of myself as female and try very hard to act the role. It is such a departure from daily life, almost like I have become a second person.

[carhill2mn]

I think of myself as a "pretend woman". I do my best to look like a woman and act like a lady but I know that I am not really a woman. It is my hope that others will perceive me as a woman.

[Katey888]

Heavy stuff for a weekend, but at least that first glass of cabernet has my varnished nails around it already...

OK - how do I perceive myself when dressed... Start with an understanding that in much of my regular life many aspects of Katey are supressed - so once the transformation is complete, my feminine side predominates in my mannerisms, posture, movement... but I don't think I've changed internally any perceptions, it's more like a segment of me that normally is held in check and invisible to the external world (but known to me) is suddenly back in place, completing the whole.
What is my wish for external perception - I would like that initial perception (at least..) to be as female... and in most cases, of course, initial perception is just that fleeting, cursory glance that we give strangers - you know the sort of thing: nice clothes, nice hair - like those boots - now mind back on wherever I was going... If it's no more than that - then that's successful blending.

What I find is a little strange sometimes, when I'm reading or posting online here, I think of all you girls as... girls... I check myself sometime and have to think (with the exception of those who are GG and TS) - is that right? But of course it is - because isn't that the way that we want it to be?

I've said before that I'm certainly not an effeminate guy, but how can I possibly deny that I don't have a huge chunk of feminine in me tussling for airtime...? It's a mind bender - but the cabernet is helping... :cheers:

Katey x

[MssHyde]

when I'm dressed I feel like an actress

[CynthiaD]

I would love to be perceived as a woman all the time, regardless of how I'm presenting. I'm always disappointed when people call me "sir" in male mode. (Silly, I know.)

[AmyGaleRT]

I perceive my inner self as bigendered, with both male and female parts to my soul. When I present as Amy, I bring "her" to the foreground and "become" her. I look at myself in the mirror, dressed as Amy, and I think of myself as a woman. I would hope that people would perceive and treat me as such when I'm out; so far, they all seem to.

(I suppose, with my long hair in a ponytail and stud earrings, someone could perceive me as female even in male mode. If someone did do so, call me "ma'am" or some such, I wouldn't be offended, just amused.)

- Amy

[GretchenJ]

Ok so I just had my second margarita, so I am good to go now

My thoughts is that I am 90% me 10% Gretchen. When I am out as her, internally I am female. This part has no obstacles in my way, as it is limitless in my head. My physical appearance is a major part of this , because I feel the makeup on my face, the hair from my wig on my neck, the breeze on my legs and it's makes the internal presentation complete.

Externally, I want to blend, and be out and about and socialize as much as possible. So when out, I dress age and event appropriate , but I do not wear sweats and a t-shirt to the mall, even though some GG do, because, I can just as well do this easily in male mode.

So, like you, there is only so much control we have over our external environment. It's doubly tough, because we don't want to be outed, but if we are so good at our external presentation and someone stares, is it because he/she spots a dude in a dress or does someone find us attractive, or admires our fashion sense. It really is a double edge sword.

On my last trip out, the best experience ever happened to me. I was on line, ordering food, when a woman with 2 small kids in front of me, turns to me and apologizes for taking so long. I respond in my best voice that it was no big deal, take your time. So now I have spoken, that's it, I am busted. But 20 seconds later, she starts general conversation with me today, the weather, kids, etc - just "girl talk". As I walked out I said to myself... This to me is the end game, the final destination, I don't want to be a woman full time, but when I want to be Gretch, I can do so (some days I will be clocked) , but there is hope

[ClaireCole]

I think I want to be perceived as either a girl, or a convincing crossdresser when I'm all dolled up. I don't mind either way actually, because I am actually a crosdresser so I don't need to pretend I'm not. I'd like to think people don't see a "dude in a dress" but at least a dude that looks good in a dress.
Internally it all depends on the day of the week, I'm a bit gender fluid; so sometimes I hate doing guy things, sometimes I love it. I'm always in "girl mode" before I want to get dressed up, so that's how I see myself. But occasionally I feel like a girl dressed as a guy. This is the most confusing part for me.

[Beverley Sims]

I like variety, Perception of myself in whatever mode I am dressed.

[sherri]

I want people to know I am a gender bender, but I want it to be apparent that my scale is tilted to feminine. Sure it would be easier if I was perceived as a GG, but besides the fact that I could never pull that off, GG is not who or what I am.

[samantha rogers]

Isha - I know quite well that I am a biological male, and yet I also know that I have a GID, and my essential "person" is somewhere in between, neither all one or the other. I don't live in a binary world, not inside myself, though I do not begrudge or judge those who do. I, in my heart am somewhere in between, searching for a way to live that authenticates that reality. Some days I present male and play that part quite well, like today when I spent the entire day working around the house with my son. But when I dress, the other side swings fully to the fore. When I am out I not only present female, I AM female. And what others think, for me, is irrelevant. I hope I look female, but I certainly am thinking female and feeling female. It is what allows me to remain somewhat sane.
It is for me, not for them. Of course, having others accept and reinforce that internal reality is great (make that wonderful), but it is not essential. When I am out I simply am me, and female.
Sadly, this world forces those like me to choose between binaries. If given a perfect world, I would swing happily and giddily, day by day, from one extreme to the other and all points in between, simply as the mood struck me. That would allow the balance I seek.
Meantime, I end up either fully male or fully female, and both sides take turns.
So, to answer your question, when I am out I am 100% female, through and through. And it is for me, not anyone else. To satisfy my soul.
Does that help?
Hugs

[GretchenJ]

Samantha stated my feelings -perfectly, we must be twins !!!

[samantha rogers]

Maybe just sisters, Gretchen! You are a lot prettier than me...tee hee...:-)

[NathalieX66]

I perceive my inner self as bigendered, with both male and female parts to my soul. When I present as Amy, I bring "her" to the foreground and "become" her. I look at myself in the mirror, dressed as Amy, and I think of myself as a woman. I would hope that people would perceive and treat me as such when I'm out; so far, they all seem to.

(I suppose, with my long hair in a ponytail and stud earrings, someone could perceive me as female even in male mode. If someone did do so, call me "ma'am" or some such, I wouldn't be offended, just amused.)

- Amy


Sums me up in a nutshell.

[Miriam-J]

This is a lot of food for thought, Isha. I've been back and forth on my feelings about this over time, especially in the last year. Let me preface my comments by noting I'm very much a part-time crossdresser - at best once or twice a week - though I do pass reasonably well and get out into public quite regularly.

My first pass on this was that I always thought of myself as a guy internally, but wanted to be perceived as woman by the rest of the world. This was consistent with my evolving ability to pass as a woman in my appearance, motions, and voice. I was very conscious of my shortcomings, and "knew" that I was most certainly a guy inside.

This perception shifted somewhat in September when I had the opportunity to exist in gal mode consistently for a week surrounding the Southern Comfort Conference. To my surprise, I found that I really enjoyed being in gal mode full time - and that I began to think of myself as female in some very significant ways. It was dissatisfying to return to my normal life upon my return. I managed it, but it brought doubts about what would happen were I to enter gal mode for an even more prolonged time (something really not feasible in my life at this time).

I've discussed this repeatedly since then with my wife and the couple who are our best friends. The female friend is convinced that I should really give full immersion a chance, including being treated as a gal by a guy in public. I'm not sure how this would work in practice, but I'm curious. I suspect that in this circumstance I would indeed begin to feel even more like a woman inside. But I also think that I will always think of myself as guy in part, just as I now always think of myself as gal in part. Perhaps this is really what it means to be transgender - to be neither guy nor gal entirely. I can accept this as it seems consistent with the notion of a continuum between guy and gal.

Thanks for the great food for thought.

Miriam

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Being a genetic male, I am very aware of the subtle differences between male and female bodies that are subconsciously recognized as one gender, or the other. Even when I get fully dressed with forms, curvy pads, and shaping garments (which help a LOT with hiding some of these male traits) there's still some things that no garments, and no makeup wizardry can hide. Because of these visual differences, I have accepted that I can not pass 100% of the time. Keeping in mind of course, that being a CD makes these 'cues' more obvious to me.

However, enough of my appearance is so drastically different from my male one that I am willing to believe that under the right circumstances, lighting, and viewing angle, I could be perceived as female. And of course, I would want this to be the case most of the time. However, all of this trickery would be absolutely destroyed once I try and speak with anyone. At that point, I wouldn't expect anyone to be fooled.

Now, whether or not someone can read me, it's how they treat me that defines 'passing'. I actually don't care if somebody reads me, provided that treat me respectfully. That's the best I can hope for. If that's what I get, I am happy enough.

So, I think that the most 'comfortable' situation would actually be one where the person that you are interacting with actually knows what's going on, but doesn't have a problem with it. Best case scenario would be, of course, if the person showed interest in your appearance, or even paid you a compliment. Wishful thinking, yes... But it would most definitely make my day. :)

[LelaK]

I dress to please myself. I'm glad everyone else is free to perceive us however they like.

There is an exception though. I don't want anyone to feel threatened by my appearance. Some may imagine that we're trying to steal their lovers. Others fear that we're sinning and promoting sin and a sinful society. I'd rather not be around such people when dressed.

My own perceptions have changed. In the 90s I perceived crossdressers on tv talk shows as mostly ugly female impersonators. But in the last 2 years or so, I've come to perceive you all as lovely ladies. Even though I know you're "males", I see you as girls. I'm not sure how that happened, but I like it.

I've never identified much with my body most of my life. I see it as my vehicle through life. And I'm a woman driver (of my vehicle), with my own definition of woman, or feminine. It doesn't involve sexuality. It involves beauty, gentleness, caring etc.

Oh, and by the way, Isha, I'm sorry for your panic attack. I can certainly imagine how that must have felt. I hope to hear whatever you may have learned from it all. It's good of you to share such personal feelings with us.

[sanderlay]

My Mental Self
For me... being myself is what I want to feel. This is my internally self. This is my feminine and masculine self in balance, feeling both the masculine and the feminine inside my body and feeling it will be alright in my own skin, in my male body. This is also my self confidence, self esteem, of who I am, along with other traits I'm not listing.

My Physical Self / Presentation
My preferred gender presentation would similar, an androgynous male body with masculine and the feminine clothes and traits, leaning more to the feminine. I prefer to be known as a person and people use genderless words. I feel more honest and open presenting this way than I ever did presenting as just a male. I am who I am.

[Dena]

I used to think I wanted to be believable as a female, and tried my best to pass. I haven't had any bad experiences while dressed, everyone seemed willing to "play along". I've been laughed at when I started going out. I would rather inspire laughter than anger. I never had anyone react to me like that old man (that I'm aware of).

I don't think anyone who has given me a second look has thought I was female. After I got a handle on colors and styles, and makeup application, I found that I liked to be recognized as male. It struck me that going out crossdressed was kind of a macho trip, and I stopped doing it.

[Taylor Ray]

"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery,
non but ourselves can free our minds." (Bob Marley)

The discrepancy of which you speak probably exists for many GG's in this country.

"The lonely girl gazes upon the magazine cover and longs to be "perfect"..

When she looks into the mirror she begins to criticize herself and to find herself wanting."

Although the perfect form may have immediate benefits, it is more often than not ultimately found to be wanting and hollow.

The truest beauty lies somewhere between the ideal and the real:

I'm sure we have all experienced it at some point:

That strange mixture of beauty and complete uniqueness:

Not the perfect face of a magazine, but that alluring presence of a beautiful soul....

[Christen]

So my question to you is . . . how do you perceive yourself internally (self) when dressed and/or what is your wish for external perception (to the world) irrespective of whether you go out or not.

I'm a guy that likes to dress as, and pretend to be, a woman, I don't perceive myself to be one. Dressed up, I'm just that, dressed up, just me but with my bigger than average feminine percentage on show. If I got out there, big if, I'd love to be perceived as a woman, but within 100 yards, 80 at best, I wouldn't ever be convincing enough, so I don't expect that to happen.
Actually what I'd really love is for people to just be nice and not worry about 'which gender is she/he?', but I guess that's too confusing.

Christen x

[LizGirl]

Hi Isha,

Despite many years of working out what it means to be CD, I've yet to have the courage to head out en femme. So while I can't speak from experience, I can still say what I'd hope to get back in return.

The way I perceive myself internally is as someone who's genetically male, and is actually quite comfortable as such, but is also putting in the effort to present as female in all of the external ways that matter when I dress. I know for a fact that I'll be hyper-sensitive to each and every response I encounter, even if positive, when I finally make it out en femme as Liz. In a way, this actually helps me to appreciate what it must be like to be a genetic female, and to always be aware of how people are judging and assessing you. But it's still mildly terrifying :)

I don't think for a minute that I'll be mistaken for a woman if I have to speak to anyone. I have a deep voice, and bizarre as it sounds, this is the bit that I'm most scared about - that I might actually pass physically, at least from a cursory glance, only to be found out from a conversation. So I'd probably try and avoid any interpersonal contact as a result.

I guess the language I've used in the answers above sums up the underlying problem, which is that I'm sufficiently worried about the outcome to not try it in the first place :) The very fact that you have the confidence to head out there, and to occasionally encounter people who don't know how to respond, wins a lot of respect x

- Liz

[Felicia Dee]

...once the transformation is complete, my feminine side predominates in my mannerisms, posture, movement... but I don't think I've changed internally any perceptions, it's more like a segment of me that normally is held in check and invisible to the external world (but known to me) is suddenly back in place, completing the whole.

I feel this way, too. Also, I have had similar thoughts to what "sanderlay" so beautifully said... Point being, when en femme, I see a woman in the mirror and in my mind, I am one... until I'm not.

[Eryn]

My self-perception doesn't change. I'm always me.

Now, when dressed I'm able to express myself more completely both through clothes and through the interactions I have with others. I'm still learning about that and I think that it will be a life-long process.

In male mode, my manners of dress and interaction are limited. I don't like the strictures of that presentation.

[Cheryl T]

How do I wish to be perceived??


Hi, I'm Cheryl!

[MsVal]

There you go again, Isha, making me think. Well ... here's what I came up with:

I see myself as a single minded person that has some strange and variable combination of traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine characteristics. At any given time, I may present, or wish to present more of one and less of the other. I say "wish to present" because I consciously avoid the cognitive dissonance that would come when presenting as a male and exhibiting female characteristics. It would be far better to exhibit characteristics consistent with the presentation.

I am quite new to the realization and acceptance that I am a crossdresser, and not very advanced. I lack the knowledge, techniques, or even necessary "things" to make any transformation. Even though one day I wish to, I have not gone beyond the confines of my home.

When I am appropriately prepared and equipped to venture out, I wish to do so, not as a man dressed as a woman, but as ME, going about my normal daily routine, presenting as whatever gender seems appropriate.

I will wish to be perceived as a woman, a strange appearing woman with an unusual voice perhaps, but a woman.

Remember: You asked for it.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Alice Torn]

This is a great parodox we have here. I share that, wanting to be seen as an attractive very tall woman, and present as one, but, not have ing the right voice, and mannerisms, willsoon be read, as a man in drag. It is hard to understand it all, and I know that i overthink things, to my own ruin.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Isha, I love to dress as a lady, It's just who I am and it's just what I do.

[Jane G]

I'd love to be perceived as a woman. Alas at 6ft 4ins and size 13 feet with hands to match, I've never really got my head around simply blending in. When I'm out in my car I can blend far better and hence I'm certain I act in a more natural and feminine way.

[Martha G]

If I go out as a woman I want to be perceived as a woman.

That is why I want to make sure my voice, walk and mannerisms are as perfect as can be.

[sarahhayes]

I guess I want to be perceived as a woman - and not noticed - just to blend in and get on with things.

[mechamoose]

I'm a big person. I'm 6'2", 225#, 48-36-41. (Hey! I have an hourglass figure!) I have a beard and I have fur all the way down to my 2nd knuckle fingers & toes. I wear girl stuff most days to work (underdressing, pants, hosiery, jewelry, minimal makeup like mascara) but I'd just love to be in a skirt all of the time of I could.

If I had my wish I think that I'd just like to be able to dress in a skirt or dress and other pretty clothes perceived in a way that people just shrug off as "meh".

Great question!

<3

- MM

[Diane Edwards]

I have to echo what many others have already said: When I am out as Diane I want to be perceived as a woman. I am fortunate that I am. At this point I am 90% Diane and 10% 'Dave', and that ratio is increasing towards Diane with every passing day.

I have to admit that I really don't think about how I am perceived these days, not like I have in the past. I no longer think of myself as a man dressed as a woman. When I am dressed I am a woman, period. Oh, heck, even when I'm not dressed I am a woman...at least that's how I feel these days.

[julia marie]

Isha. Great question, once again. I can relate to the panic attack when you realize that someone had 'made you' and commented, laughed, pointed or whatever. My self-perception varies. I've noticed a pattern more than half the time that I am out in public. Once I get out I convince myself that I'm seen as a woman (and just having the clothes that I love feels great). However, once I get out into a mall, restaurant or other public place with people, my confidence sometimes takes step back (even with a look in the mirror). Then I sort of feel like I'm in 'survival' mode, hoping not to get humiliated. It does tend to get better with a couple of harmless public dealings (buy something, talk to someone) after that. But, I'm always wary of the big crash when i convince myself that, for whatever reason, everyone sees "guy in skirt" or "weirdo".

[lpjamey]

I truly love the female form. For me the feel of being a woman is unreal. The whole experience is what I think about when I dress up

[kimdl93]

I can say with absolute certainty that I want to be perceived as a woman. I realize that I have limitations, and that truly passing is beyond the realm of possibilities, but I do want the casual observer to simply see me as an unusually tall woman and not bother with longer or closer inspection.

I accept that I will be read, not because I want to be perceived as a CDr, but as a way of coping with the measure of disappointment I feel when it happens.

[wanda66]

I also am a large person 6' 2"and 225lb ..I dont want to look like a drag queen, for sure .l want to be pleasing to the eye , blend if will with the persons around..being large to being with makes it more difficult .