Noticeable?

[Kate Simmons]

A lot of folks here will say they want to dress to "blend" or fit in so they aren't noticed by others in crowds, etc. Personally, I'm wondering what the point of dressing like a woman is if you are not noticed. It's almost like saying you want to hide in plain sight which I fail to see the point in. Must be some kind of self satisfaction saying "I pulled it off" or "If they only knew". What if they did know, what then? What are some afraid of really? It is what it is the way I look at it. Unless someone else is paying my salary I could care less what they think.:)

[Krisi]

I'm having a hard time figuring out the point of your post. You start with "Personally, I'm wondering what the point of dressing like a woman is if you are not noticed. " and you end with "Unless someone else is paying my salary I could care less what they think."

I'll answer the first part. When I go out dressed, I want to be seen as a normal woman my age, dressed appropriatey for the time and place. I don't want to be "noticed" any more than my wife would want to be noticed in public. I don't want to be noticed for wearing six inch heels to the mall or a too short for my age miniskirt. I want to experience life as a woman for the day.

Why? I don't know and I don't think any of us know why we are compelled to get up in the morning and srap on a pair of boobs. Shrinks make a lot of money off us but we still don't have the answers. And if we knew why, would we stop doing it?

[Sarasometimes]

Nicely put Krisi.

I'd also like to add that if we could go virtually unnoticed by others despite our public crossdressing, than that would mean we belong or that we aren't an attraction getting member of society. Makes clear sense to me.

The only other part of blending and going unnoticed that I hope for, is an effort to avoid the male eye. The last thing I need is some guy misreading me and getting upset.

[Katey888]

Kate, I think this time - unusually - you've got cart before horse... :)

Folks don't 'want to dress to "blend"' - the underlying drive is a need to express their feminine side and part of this is dressing and going out... Of those that do this, some choose to 'blend' in order simply not to draw attention to themselves - the path of least resistance (and hassle, potentially...)

Their desire and need for expression and validation is satisfied by being out, respectfully, as a female. They don't need to wear anything unusual or outlandish to satisfy their own drive.

Not everyone is like this, as you know - but an aspect of not blending, in any type of clothes, is no different to punks, goths, emos whoever... who do want to express not just their affiliation with a group, but also want to be proactively noticeable for how they are dressed, tattooed, pierced... whatever. It's just a different level of expression... imho... :)

I can imagine being out and just the positive feeling of validation in being able to walk around, do some things and not be noticed would be a satisfying and harmonious feeling... That would be enough for me... :D

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

I'm not talking about dressing outlandishly, just normally. My point is when most women go out, even dressed normally, they want to look at least presentable and may use a little bit of makeup even if they don't do it to be noticed per se. As such, as women they can't helped but be noticed by others when mingling. I just don't get it when people say they want to blend when they are going to be noticed anyway if they are or look like a woman. Besides when I post something it's for discussion and you don't have to necessarily agree with me.:)

[samantha rogers]

I would think there is a big difference between just blending, and blending but doing so in as attractive and well put together (for the time and place) a manner as possible. The idea, I am guessing, is to blend simply not to be read. There is a difference between blending and being dowdy...isn't there?

[Zylia]

Oh you actually COULD care less? So how much do you really care? :D This "couldn't care less" thing is not a very helpful attitude for everybody, I think you really should care at least a little about what other people think of you, but I couldn't care less if you decide otherwise of course.

Anyway, blending in and getting noticed by at least some people are not mutually exclusive.

[SherriePall]

Kate -- I always dress nicely as though I work in some high class office setting. In fact, I even made a little badge that clips to my coat or top when I'm out. Kind of justifies my appearance (skirt, heels, nice top, and make-up) even when I'm shopping someplace where most of the other women are in jeans or (shutter... jogging pants).
Hey, if I then get noticed, hopefully, it will be in a good way. So far, so good on my outings.

[Joanne f]

Hello Kate ,
personally I am not an attention seeker i do not want to be noticed by people as they will soon figure out what i am and that may do me more harm than good but I do understand that there are some who will pass very well and enjoy the thrill of that it is just not for me though , my reason for dressing as a female is because I believe that I am one not to get chase by someone ,I am a shy person I simply do not like attention coming my way .

[Cindy J Angel]

I go out quite a lot during the day. and yes I dress to blend as in what I'm doing for the day. Schedules shopping to be i will be in casual attire. If I'm going to workout then u get it. But I went to be noticed just like if a woman dose. And if u dont think thay do think agen. So I do work on looking as good as I can.

[Sarasometimes]

Kate, I think the permission to disagree is implied, but thanks for clearing that up.

To each his/her own. We shouldn't expect others to behave as we think they should as long as their behavior isn't hurtful.

I like blending, others may want more attention, that's fine with me.

[NicoleScott]

I'm wondering what the point of dressing like a woman is if you are not noticed.

Kate, are you aware that many CDers like to make up and dress but stay home (and not get noticed)? So, there must be something behind the drive to crossdress other than getting noticed.
There are differences among us. Some derive great satisfaction from going out en femme and not getting noticed. Others like to be noticed, and derive great satisfaction when they are.

[Nadine Spirit]

I don't care if I get noticed, I assume that is going to happen. But when I discuss dressing to blend, I don't care to stick out like a sore thumb. I prefer to look like any other woman going about her business. I am not out there for shock value, or to hook up, or to be the superstar. I just want to get out, be me, however I choose to dress, and live my life.

[Stephanie47]

I'll agree with Nicole. I like to stay home totally en femme. I have no burning desire to get out and engage the public. I don't know why I cross dress. I have gone out en femme without engaging the public. When I do I am tastefully attired in a dress and heels. My outfit blends. My masculine frame and features do not blend. I dress for the serenity it brings me. When out I really do not want the peace and serenity to be broken by not blending.

Do women want to stand out? Sure! But not all the time. If a woman is trying to attract attention, I'm sure the woman dresses to accomplish that feat. And, I sure the woman dresses for the venue. Is you're going to a square dancing bar, a formal gown is out. If you're going to a black tie formal, then a square dancing outfit is out.

As a people watcher at the mall or maybe a cross dresser watching what women wear, my eyes are always looking for tastefully attired women. I love it when a woman has a dress on. Does she blend? No. Seeing a woman in a dress is such a rarity these days, she attracts attention.

Forgetting my masculine frame and features, if I were to go to a mall wearing a pretty dress I would not blend and would attract attention. If I wanted to blend or not be noticed at all, then I would wear some co-opted masculine style clothes called pants or jeans. That's hiding in plain sight.

So, I'll stay home, get dolled up in a dress, heels, and all the wonderful undergarments and have a leisurely day.

[Jenniferathome]

"Noticeable" has a range of meanings. There is "noticed good" and "noticed bad." I am not hiding when I am out, I simply want to dress for the occasion. To me, one is noticed when one dresses like a street walker or teenager, or whatever. You don't wear a LBD and heels to the grocery store. Certainly a woman CAN do that, but she NEVER does. Anyone would be NOTICED in that scenario. Same with micro-mini skirts or mini-dresses on a Tuesday at lunch time in the mall.

So for your purposes of this meaning, I do want to be noticed "good" as a typical, appropriately attired woman of my age. This does not involve double takes and looks of horror.

[Beverley Sims]

I do go dressed to impress to parties and functions where I can play up, but in the real world I do play mu role down a little.

[Cheryl T]

I like to "blend in" simply because I'm happy being an average woman. I'm not trying to be a starlet or a VS model (though I wish I could...lol).
It's not about not being noticed, it's about being a part of society and being accepted. I'm not about to go to the mall, remove my coat and prance about like a Vegas showgirl just to be noticed. I just want to go about my business. How I present is how I feel. It's not about being noticed, it's about participating in the world as a woman.
I dress for me not for the world. My clothing is notification enough for everyone else to see how I feel and who I am. I have no need to be "in your face" about it.

[Alexis.j]

I think it is rather the "blending in" as passing as a GG, than standing out as a guy in a dress. I would love to pass as an attractive, sexy woman, but would rather just pass as a normal everyday woman.
Getting extra attention = more eyes on you, looking for faults...

[Debra Russell]

I just want to "look the part" - and be noticed as part of the herd (there's always one who stands out in the crowd)...................Debra

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kate, It's like hiding in plane sight.

[carhill2mn]

I, like many who have responded here, do not want to attract attention for the wrong reasons. When I am out in public I am usually among the more nicely dressed and made-up women but I am not dressed in such a manner as to be stared at. Recently a woman commented to me about how nice I looked whenever she saw me.
I certainly do not want to be seen as a "man in a dress"!

I disagree with your statement about how most women want to look "at least presentable". IMHO, there are more women who care very little about how they look than there are those who do take some pride in how they look. A quick trip to a mall or a Walmart will show you what I mean. Of course, my eyes are drawn toward the more nicely appearing ones!

I think that "blending in" means that one is dressed appropriately for the occasion and your age; ie, no 5" heels and miniskirts with lots of makeup to go grocery shopping if you are over 60 years old!

[Jenniferathome]

...
I think that "blending in" means that one is dressed appropriately for the occasion and your age; ie, no 5" heels and miniskirts with lots of makeup to go grocery shopping if you are over 60 years old!

Oh Carole, prepare to be vilified by the "I can dress any way I want crowd", followed by the "there are no age rules for being dressed" club. Despite the fact that you are absolutely correct.

[MonikaTirola]

Kate, the point is to blend in AS a GG and not to stick out as a "guy in a dress".

Once that is achieved (no small task) it is up to the individual girl with or without Y chromosome how much attention she wants to get.

But without blending/passing first the attention is just of the wrong kind.

I hope that explains it better

[Kate Simmons]

Such a variety of responses which is great. This just proves that we all do what we do for different reasons and are all individuals and not cardboard "cut outs". This helps others to get to know us.:)

[MsVal]

For a number of reasons I have never been out of my home, dressed. If/when I do, it will not be because I want to present as a woman, though presenting as a woman would be very important.

It would be because I have thing to do outside the home and coincidentally, I chose a feminine style that morning. E.g. I felt like wearing feminine garments in the morning and discovered later in the day that I need to get some bread and milk. I would like to simply grab the purse and keys, then go to the store.

Best wishes
MsVal

[RylieCD]

I had a similiar conversation with my therapist last week. For most (non-CD) clothes are jus clothes, something that must be put on to not expose oneself or to keep warm. The choice of clothing comes from societal expectations. For me wearing women's clothes is so much more, it is a statement to myself to say it is ok to be me. That being said, I do not want to be noticed, I try to underdress and wear a LARGE shit to cover up. But the fact I have on MY clothes on underneath brings a sense of serenity, calmness, comfort, that is to hard to explain.

[reb.femme]

............and wear a LARGE shit to cover up...............

I'm hoping this is a typo! :heehee:

Going with the main flow, I want to just be seen as part of the crowd and no more. Female presentation is all I seek, although I have shocked once. Just surprised the guy I guess.


Rebecca

[sandra-leigh]

What's the point of dressing to "blend in" as a guy? You are going to get noticed as a guy anyhow, so why not dress snappy or oddly or flashy?

When I used to dress as a guy, unless there was a special occasion, I wanted to (A) dress for the weather; (B) be sure my naughty parts were covered up; (C) not look threatening; (D) "fit in" socio-economically to look like I belong; (E) be a little individualistic; (F) be reassuring enough for polite interactions; (G) be perceived as "open" enough for people to be willing to talk to. Basically, to be an "nice enough" person free to live my life without interference.

Now that I dress as the woman I am, my goals are pretty much the same, but with the addition of (H) being gendered as female more often; and (I) preferring that people and children don't point and stare and make rude remarks, having noticed me as being "out of place" and "unacceptable". The overall goal is still the same to be a "nice enough" person free to live my (female) live without interference.

Human perception goes through multiple stages. There are basic perceptual neurons that detect various kinds of shape and motion and do velocity sensing and basic trajectory deduction. There is a layer of neurons located quite near the optic nerve that does basic threat assessment, and only things that are judged as potential risks get passed along for a more thorough assessment. Which might involve automatic focusing and eye tracking while the brain does an unconscious profile ("is this branch going to clear my head?" "Is this a potential mate?"). Only what is passed on from there gets "thought about". Did you even notice what kind of shoes the people had on in the supermarket yesterday? Probably not, or at least not for many people.

When you thoroughly blend in, the lower level neurons filter you out (if you aren't on a collision course, etc.) You're just a person sitting / standing / walking on the other side of the road, minding your own business. The next level up is that eyes turn and scan you but the profile built up is one that is deemed to not be worth interrupting true thought. You can walk along the sidewalk and think about what you are going to order for lunch, "lost in thought" until (for example) a car starts driving into your path and you need to engage your conscious avoidance and planning.

In my life, I have reached the point where even though people are pretty likely to automatically gender my face as male, that even though I am a 6' 210 pounds person in a dress or skirt, that most often people don't even get to the "focused eyes" stage for me: I blend well enough to "pass" the low-level peripheral vision threat checks. Just like I did as a male.

When you are trans, to know that the majority of people literally do not notice anything "wrong" about you, to know you are "unremarkable", is really pretty powerful stuff. It is acceptance. Can you live your life as female? For me, in the broad strokes the answer is "Yes!". To be "just another woman" is a fundamental kind of transsexuality, not done for attention or for sex but just because you are female.

[Wildaboutheels]

It seems to me that "dressing to blend" is the Human equivalent of schooling fish.

"Safety" - whether the "danger" is real or not. It's a Human thing, nicely illustrated in almost every episode of NGC's Brain Games.

They were even astute enough to feature a few CDers in one episode...

[Tina_gm]

I think I get part of what Kate is saying here. Especially when there are threads and posts made where people will state they wore such and such and it was good that it went unnoticed. So what is the point of wearing women's clothing but done in a way where no one knew they were wearing women's clothing?? Likely it is an internal thing of comfort, but yet the person wearing clothing in stealth does not want to be noticed. I can get that. Why do we wear women's panties or other undergarments? No one notices that at all.... I can get why someone would wear women's clothing in stealth, for their own internal feelings. I do not dress in any stealth mode personally, but I can see why people do.

[Kate Simmons]

Good observation GM. Kind of what I was originally looking for.:battingeyelashes::)

[Deedee Skyblue]

Must be some kind of self satisfaction saying "I pulled it off" or "If they only knew".

See my signature. Yes, there is definitely a thrill in secretly getting away with something that is forbidden. It's probably left over from when I was a kid and NEVER got away with anything.

Deedee

[Anna H]

I can get why someone would wear women's clothing in stealth, for their own internal feelings. I do not dress in any stealth mode personally, but I can see why people do.

I just mentioned this same thing in another post...

I couldn't explain it in a million years why I feel so odd in mens
clothes. Totally out of place and character.

I dress only in women's clothes, but nobody could/would guess
that unless they inspected the labels in my clothes...(or swiped my
jeans!)

I'm a regular guy to them. Really regular...nothing out of the
ordinary. But I feel so much better and happier and "myself".

And of course that makes absolutely No sense at all. Clothes are clothes.
Until I wear something I don't like.

Try putting on one of those goofy-assed hats they have to wear
at some fast-food restaurants. Then walk around in public. It's just a hat,
but it may feel really weird. lol!

[julia marie]

I'll agree with everyone who says dressing to blend means that you don't want to stand out or draw attention to yourself by dressing what would be considered age/location/time of day or otherwise inappropriate by those around you. (No hard rules for that, but it's a judgment call). I will add that when I'm getting dressed to go out (usually day or early evening rather than party time), I usually wear what I think I would wear if I was a GG. That makes it easier for me.

[KimberlyJean]

I want to look like the other girls, thats what started this whole strange trip. I don't care to be noticed but it happens. Sometimes because they realize I am a man, sometimes because I am a 6' 1" amazonian blonde. I have experienced good and bad attention and I prefer just cruising without any at all. When I go out my goal is to just be one of the girls.

[Sophie Yang]

Samantha – is to blend simply not to be read
Jenniferathome - There is "noticed good" and "noticed bad.
Sarahsometimes: The last thing I need is some guy misreading me and getting upset.

Fundamentally, I think that most of us try to blend to not be read and just simply go about our business as Samantha said in her post. Those who are new to venturing out are usually very nervous and do not want to attract unnecessary bad attention to themselves as Jennifer posted. Some who venture out are uncomfortable engaging the public and others are not. Most of us do not want to be hit on by a guy as Sarah posted.

Last night I was out in a yellow V-neck top with a camisole underneath, jeans, tennis shoes and very light makeup at the mall. Most women there were similarly dressed or better dressed than I. I had a cup of decaf coffee and my lap top trying to find a wireless connection and a plug. I found multiple plugs but was not successful in getting a wireless connection.

I was packing up and heading back to Starbucks when an older Arab gentleman stopped by and started talking with me and eventually hitting on me and requesting my phone number, blah blah blah. I eventually took his number while on my computer, (did not pull out my phone), but told him I would not be calling. I did not feel threatened or uncomfortable, but not a conversation I really wanted to get into. I really had to get some work done.

Worked at Starbucks for about 1.5 hours and the started packing up. He comes strolling in and now wants to buy me a drink which I declined. He wanted to make sure I had his number so he asked the SA for a piece of paper. Not sure what she was thinking about the conversation happening in front of her. We chit chatted some more and he ordered an espresso with honey. (Never understand how people can drink coffee at night and can sleep.)

Left Starbucks while his drink was being made and took the skyway which connects to a hotel and stopped off at the restroom. When I came out he was in the skyway heading to his apartment. We talked some more and now he wants to have dinner, (declined), and for me to call him that night. Again, I assured him that I would not be calling. He guessed I was 35, told him 56. Turns out he is 55 and a little out of shape. How about visit him in Dubai? Really! Told him I was flying home on Thursday. That took the wind out of his sails. I never felt uncomfortable or threatened. Since I was done working, I enjoyed the banter.

For those who just want to blend in, most are afraid of having an encounter like I had.

[Kate Simmons]

What an interesting experience Sophie.I thought you handled it well. I can pretty much hold my own en femme, so would have taken it in stride as well. He would definitely know up front who I was though. If he wanted to continue chatting, etc. after that the more the merrier. Sometimes we just have to push the envelope the way I look at it. I may have an added advantage in that I'm empathic and can read a person and their true intentions right off the bat.:)

[kimdl93]

Not my perspective. I certainly don't go out the door hoping to be read nor am I delusional enough to hope that I'll pass. I'm happy, very happy to go about my life with a minimum of notice.