becky77
04-07-2014, 01:02 PM
Hello
Sorry to bore anyone I will try keep it brief, but I have been on here for a while and just wanted to share my last year.
I joined this site as a crossdresser albeit one that has always dreamed of being a woman since my earliest memories (never believed it possible).
At the end of 2012 I had counseling as my self esteem and dislike for myself was at an all time low. Somehow the therapist made me stop beating myself up and finally I accepted who I was, roll on a few months and I went to a trans club and met a TS for the first time, it was one of those moments when you realise just how much you have been lying to yourself and the comparsons in life story really made me think. For the first time in my life, I wondered about a possible new yet very scary future. So I plucked up the courage and saw my doctor, sadly it was a disaster and he put me on anti-depressents for two months, suggested I was crazy and sent me to see two cognative behavior therapists. Then I moved house and area and started with a new doctor, this one also treated me badly and my confidence took a dive, I started to feel the fear badly but I pushed past and called the receptionists, I told them my experiences and asked if they could recommend someone, which they did.
I found this to be a turning point in my life, the new doctor was familiar with transgender and finally I felt I had some support. I can't emphasise how important it has been to get an understanding doctor.
Since then I have slowly started the process of transitioning, i'm putting no pressure on myself, just taking it at my own pace. I have been diagnosed as Transexual and started hormones two months ago, long way to go but finally im on that road.
Just after Christmas I began telling family and friends and I must say it has been incredible. My family is a bit disfunctional yet they have all been brilliant, even my dad who I was the most worried about, took it in his stride. In fact he cried when he heard about my struggles as a child. Now he keeps trying to convince me how good I look, it's surreal but I appreciate it immensely.
One of my brothers who was struggling the most with it, after he met me as Becky a couple of times said it just felt normal and that I looked right. He has no idea what a compliment that is. I have an autistic brother and we all struggled to choose the right way to tell him, yet turns out the gaming club he goes to has someone that recently transitioned. You just don't know how people will be till you tell them.
My oldest brother was the only one who wasn't surprised. He said he always suspected something, but thought I was gay or a crossdresser. He has been very proactive, to my amazement he has already shown my picture to friends as his sister and even phoned up a transgender support group and offered to come with me. Thats not really what I need, but It was such a nice thing to do.
I spent Mothers day with the entire family and everyone was relaxed, laughing as if it has always been this way. Up until then I have kinda just gone with it, so wrapped up in trying to fit, blend and deal with all my hang ups.
Then Friday my brothers asked me to the cinema, this would be the first time they would be out with me in public, I do it all the time now but was rather worried for their sake, especially my autistic brother. The cinema is in a very busy location with a dozen restaurants, several bars and a couple of night clubs. It's Friday loads of young groups about and I was terrified something might be said and my brother would have a negative experience. As it turned out it went great, nobody seemed to notice or care, I felt really good about myself and I swear it has brought my family closer together.
Later that night my mum wanted to show me two evening gowns she had been given (long story her friend buys auction lots).
They are lovely, especially one which I couldn't help but be interested in. I waited for my brothers to go (I'm very aware not to push it in their face, don't know if I am being stupid but I feel it might be too much, seeing me in a full on dress too soon) and then my mum helped me try them on. It was then that I realised how much my life had changed, had you said this scenario to me not all that long ago, it would have sounded like a silly fantasy.
My mum has four sons and always wanted a daughter, I know I will never be that person but I truly believe it has helped. We speak all the time now, only today she phoned and said I could have the dress but we would need to find somewhere to wear them. To be honest I can't see where on earth I would wear something like that, but for that moment I felt great and to have my mum so supportive was just special.
I honestly don't know where it goes from here, I have just changed jobs from a trades position to office. Lining myself up for transitioning at work. Need to get at least past the 6 month period, hard to judge that one. Seeing as I am full time outside of work it is getting harder and harder to be a different person each Monday morning. But i'm in it for the long run, I can't afford to risk my career at this moment in time. For all that I am starting to feel belief, hope for a future where I might just like myself.
I don't know if anyone is interested in my story, it's not exactly new on here. However all in all I think it has so far, been a very positive experience, most of the fears have been in my head.
Oh and thank you for all the info on here. I am well prepared for whatever changes may or may not occur with hormones. My nipples are sore as hell and neither the doctor or the gender specialist who prescribed them told me that. I found that out on here, so when it happend I was expecting it. Without that kind of info it would be easy to think something is badly wrong.
All the best
Becky
Sorry to bore anyone I will try keep it brief, but I have been on here for a while and just wanted to share my last year.
I joined this site as a crossdresser albeit one that has always dreamed of being a woman since my earliest memories (never believed it possible).
At the end of 2012 I had counseling as my self esteem and dislike for myself was at an all time low. Somehow the therapist made me stop beating myself up and finally I accepted who I was, roll on a few months and I went to a trans club and met a TS for the first time, it was one of those moments when you realise just how much you have been lying to yourself and the comparsons in life story really made me think. For the first time in my life, I wondered about a possible new yet very scary future. So I plucked up the courage and saw my doctor, sadly it was a disaster and he put me on anti-depressents for two months, suggested I was crazy and sent me to see two cognative behavior therapists. Then I moved house and area and started with a new doctor, this one also treated me badly and my confidence took a dive, I started to feel the fear badly but I pushed past and called the receptionists, I told them my experiences and asked if they could recommend someone, which they did.
I found this to be a turning point in my life, the new doctor was familiar with transgender and finally I felt I had some support. I can't emphasise how important it has been to get an understanding doctor.
Since then I have slowly started the process of transitioning, i'm putting no pressure on myself, just taking it at my own pace. I have been diagnosed as Transexual and started hormones two months ago, long way to go but finally im on that road.
Just after Christmas I began telling family and friends and I must say it has been incredible. My family is a bit disfunctional yet they have all been brilliant, even my dad who I was the most worried about, took it in his stride. In fact he cried when he heard about my struggles as a child. Now he keeps trying to convince me how good I look, it's surreal but I appreciate it immensely.
One of my brothers who was struggling the most with it, after he met me as Becky a couple of times said it just felt normal and that I looked right. He has no idea what a compliment that is. I have an autistic brother and we all struggled to choose the right way to tell him, yet turns out the gaming club he goes to has someone that recently transitioned. You just don't know how people will be till you tell them.
My oldest brother was the only one who wasn't surprised. He said he always suspected something, but thought I was gay or a crossdresser. He has been very proactive, to my amazement he has already shown my picture to friends as his sister and even phoned up a transgender support group and offered to come with me. Thats not really what I need, but It was such a nice thing to do.
I spent Mothers day with the entire family and everyone was relaxed, laughing as if it has always been this way. Up until then I have kinda just gone with it, so wrapped up in trying to fit, blend and deal with all my hang ups.
Then Friday my brothers asked me to the cinema, this would be the first time they would be out with me in public, I do it all the time now but was rather worried for their sake, especially my autistic brother. The cinema is in a very busy location with a dozen restaurants, several bars and a couple of night clubs. It's Friday loads of young groups about and I was terrified something might be said and my brother would have a negative experience. As it turned out it went great, nobody seemed to notice or care, I felt really good about myself and I swear it has brought my family closer together.
Later that night my mum wanted to show me two evening gowns she had been given (long story her friend buys auction lots).
They are lovely, especially one which I couldn't help but be interested in. I waited for my brothers to go (I'm very aware not to push it in their face, don't know if I am being stupid but I feel it might be too much, seeing me in a full on dress too soon) and then my mum helped me try them on. It was then that I realised how much my life had changed, had you said this scenario to me not all that long ago, it would have sounded like a silly fantasy.
My mum has four sons and always wanted a daughter, I know I will never be that person but I truly believe it has helped. We speak all the time now, only today she phoned and said I could have the dress but we would need to find somewhere to wear them. To be honest I can't see where on earth I would wear something like that, but for that moment I felt great and to have my mum so supportive was just special.
I honestly don't know where it goes from here, I have just changed jobs from a trades position to office. Lining myself up for transitioning at work. Need to get at least past the 6 month period, hard to judge that one. Seeing as I am full time outside of work it is getting harder and harder to be a different person each Monday morning. But i'm in it for the long run, I can't afford to risk my career at this moment in time. For all that I am starting to feel belief, hope for a future where I might just like myself.
I don't know if anyone is interested in my story, it's not exactly new on here. However all in all I think it has so far, been a very positive experience, most of the fears have been in my head.
Oh and thank you for all the info on here. I am well prepared for whatever changes may or may not occur with hormones. My nipples are sore as hell and neither the doctor or the gender specialist who prescribed them told me that. I found that out on here, so when it happend I was expecting it. Without that kind of info it would be easy to think something is badly wrong.
All the best
Becky