This is what we are up against

[Kaitlyn Michele]

http://www.philly.com/philly/living/sex_love_dating/20140409_She_was_straight__but_then_came__Stephani e_.html

just so sad..

[LeaP]

This is a very straightforward letter and response. The tone of the response is sympathetic. What's sad? The family reactions? No surprise there ...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

both the family reactions and fear that this woman has to go through and the notes after the article are just sad.

the people that are out there in the weeds.. they hate us..

I understand on one level that I don't have to read those comments.. but pretending it doesn't exist doesn't help me...

[Annaliese]

Dear Abby, made a good point, both the girls were in transition, and so was her family there is a lot of adjustment going on, another point was she was focusing on her friend being TS not being an important part of her life. So many times we look at people not for who they are, but judge them, are gay or Trans, or the color of there skin, are on the heavy side. I know I find my self judging people, if thing are going to change, it has to start with my self!

[DeeDee1974]

Given my own dating experience this sadly does not surprise me.

People are so selfish. Really what should matter is if their mother is happy. Not the gender of her SO.

I met my boyfriend's grown daughter in December and it would be fair to say our relationship has cooled off since. The writing is pretty much on the wall for the end of our relationship.

[Frances]

The people who compelled to write comments are almost always the ones who the most disturbed and shocked by the content, and they always say the most negative stuff. Most people do not care about trans stuff, but the haters are quite vocal and visible.

[New Michelle]

The bad part was the comments from the readers below the letter.

[DebbieL]

People lack real information, and often have no idea what life is like for those who are transgendered, transsexual, or even LGBT.

Seeing the responses tends to make me think that we need to be more effective at responding in the heat of these discussions. It's easy to give feedback to a group that is supporting you and have similar beliefs and feelings. It takes some real courage to reply to a group who are showing their ignorance and fear because they don't understand anything about who and what we are.

I posted one of my own responses. Let's see if it actually gets posted, or if it gets censored or filtered.

[Eryn]

Debbie, it looks like your post made it into the comments, but you violated the first rule of arguing with idiots. If they see more than two sentences they skip the whole thing!

I think that the big mistake here was her telling the family about her friend's TG status. She's transitioning, which means that she is a woman. Nothing needs to be said of her gender beyond what she says with her appearance.

[Kathryn Martin]

I cannot access the comments but I can imagine. There are a lot of sad things going on, first that you would have to write to Dear Abby to get some advice, secondly that her family all shocked. She was married and now is in a relationship with a woman, who happens to have medical history. Ah, families, it's a crapshoot and sad, mostly.

[mechamoose]

Erf.. they are conflating 'straight' with other things.

You can wear a skirt and still be male :/

You can want to present as female and still like girls.

*grumble*

- MM

[KellyJameson]

Those who are different are often feared and the fear is the foundation for the hate.

Sometimes I think how lucky I was to be born "abnormal" because the more people I meet who consider themselves normal the more I'm disgusted.

In my mind normal and ignorant seem to go hand in hand.

Something about that group think and mentality that keeps people in fear and ignorance.

It has been very painful being transsexual but yet I feel very blessed to have escaped from what happens to you when you are "normal"

[Inna]

true, a truly open heart is hard to find, however, I too often read posts where members of our community voice disappointment and tell of how tough it is, and yet do not realize that there is a path which completes at the womanhood. Not Trans, nor anything other, but a womanhood. And there is a aura of serenity about it, where we truly are, whom we were born.
I know of such reality and live it everyday, but as well know of suffering and anguish of those who can not get there.
If you feel pain and discomfort being perceived as Trans, push forth as far you can, chances are you will get there.

[Michelle.M]

"It is not the most important thing about her, and it should not be her defining characteristic."

Pretty much sums up how my boyfriend and I feel about my being trans. It'll stop being a big deal to people when nobody makes it a big deal.

Once again, Abby knows her stuff.