Finally accepting

[GabbiSophia]

I over the last year and a half have fought tooth and nail against myself, others, and even nature itself. In the last month I have reached a point in my life that I came to realize no matter how much I thought I was different or how much I thought I was fighting the good fight, I was just walking the same path as so many before me. I am a transsexual and who wouldn't fight it in the beginning?

As I have reached this point of accepting I realize a little more every day how much I am and always have been a woman mentally. It is amazing at times to have answers about the past. Now I do not regret my past all this fight and accepting is about going forward and living. With that said my wife asked bluntly today "are you going to transition.. no matter what?". I realized with in that split second that the thought of not transitioning was not going to happen. I answered yes I am going to transition. We have a great relationship and she told me she knew it was coming from all the ups and downs and emotional roller coaster I have been on. She just wants to see me happy and not suffer and I have been for a while now... and it sucks.. See the thing is when I really finally accepted that I am TG and that I need and want to transition then the thought of not doing it .... well that just isn't the answer.

I guess what I am saying is it is true ...a smart lady told me.. you will know its time when the thought of not transitioning is worse than transitioning. .. I can say I have reached that point.. I have a endo meeting to start hrt and for the life of me I am scared she will say no and I will be crushed. I do not want anything to prevent my going forward.

Yes I have tons to learn and tons to experience. Fears to conquer and life to deal with but in the end it is just about living and experiencing life... and I am ready for it.

[Rianna Humble]

I'm so glad to see that you have come through the battling and are now ready to face the future. It's great that your wife seems to be supporting you even though it is bound to change the dynamics of your relationship.

There is another thread going about being at peace with yourself. Hopefully, with your wife's support and understanding, you will soon be able to contribute your experiences to that thread as well.

[GabbiSophia]

Rianna I have not found that peace yet. I have moments, very very brief, I hope it comes soon. I am trying to face it though like you said.

[stefan37]

The peace you seek will be not come quickly. But as start to experience life as Steph that peace will come. This is a long process and you will reach many plateaus only to find another to scale. As you reach each plateau stop and rest. Enjoy the calmness, recharge, evaluate and move forward. As you move from plateau to plateau you will experience the joy of living life as you. No longer hiding from the world. Acceptance comes with great difficulty, but once acknowledged is a powerful force to help you move forward.

[Annaliese]

Good luck, it a fight we all go through, that never ends, first we fight agents being our true self, then it turns around and the fight begins for us to be our self.