I need some "Brutal Honesty"

[Donna Joanne]

Been really working on my public presentation. This look took me about 10 minutes of makeup and hair time. Going for an everyday look. Did I make it? Mods, if this isn't the appropriate forum please excuse.

[mechamoose]

I think you look fine, sweetie. Don't be shy, be confident!

(I like the sig quote :) )

[Michaelasfun]

You look very natural, Donna. I'm jealous you only took 10 minutes, takes me an hour at least lol

[franchesca]

You look amazing sweetie!

[Rachael Leigh]

Donna yes a very fine presentation from what I see.

[sunnysideup]

I think you look great! Your lipstick is very flattering with your hair color and skin tone :) Very cute hairdo, as well, I really like the style!

[Donna Joanne]

It's a Paula Young wig...Chelsea. And the lipstick is Loreal 179 Cherry Tulle

[Eryn]

I love my Chelsea lace-fronts! I like the way they look femme without looking overly full or styled, perfect for girls who want to blend in like me.

They are on clearance now for $40 which I fear means that they will soon disappear from the catalog.

Donna, you look great! Your 10-minute makeup application is all you need!

[sunnysideup]

It's a Paula Young wig...Chelsea. And the lipstick is Loreal 179 Cherry Tulle

Thanks, I'll have to add that shade to my shopping list. A girl can never have enough lipstick lol

[Rachael Leigh]

Oh yes Donna that's the wig I have and yes love it a lot and how it looks on me as well.
I wonder if they know how many of us girls buy them lol

[Badtranny]

I have a couple of questions;

Why would you come to this particular forum asking for brutal honesty? (do you not know what we've been through to get where we are?)

and

Why do you WANT brutal honesty?

PS It takes me at LEAST 30 minutes for face and hair EVERY morning for work. I can only do it in ten minutes in my dreams.

[Alexis.j]

You look fine, now get your butt out the front door already.

[Angela Campbell]

If you want brutal honesty go out into the world. Live the life.

[Donna Joanne]

I have a couple of questions;

Why would you come to this particular forum asking for brutal honesty? (do you not know what we've been through to get where we are?)

and

Why do you WANT brutal honesty?

PS It takes me at LEAST 30 minutes for face and hair EVERY morning for work. I can only do it in ten minutes in my dreams.

Because I know my dear Melissa I can always count on you to be totally honest. Sometimes I feel like we "sugar coat" our comments to try and encourage each other on our journey, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I didn't post these photos for encouragement, but for comments on "pass-ability".

And if the hair was mine instead of a wig it would take me much longer. Besides, it would take me days to be as pretty as you Missy! Love ya girl!

[Annaliese]

You look great, great smile, walk in to a place like you own it with confidences

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Ok...honesty it is!!!

face front shots are the best "passing" shots... you will be viewed from every angle.

you probably don't pass except on a cursory basis.

In general your presentation is really excellent, it looks like "you" and your energy is very positive and feminine at least in the picture..

[MsVal]

Brutal is easy, honesty requires a better photo.
These are awfully close, dimly lit, and grainy.
Anyone standing that close to you in that lighting would read you, but most people would not be standing that close, and not in that lighting.
Can you give us a full body shot in daylight?

Best wishes
MsVal

[Donna Joanne]

Here is a couple of "body shots" from yesterday (sorry about the 'selfie' flash) and a better face shot with a different wig.

[kimdl93]

My opinion of your appearance, to be brutally honest, doesn't matter a whit. But there is no need for honesty to be brutal. More important is whether you're honest with yourself and reasonable in your expectations. And regardless of how you look, (which is fine, btw) you are going to be living out there in the real world, so accept that.

[Chari]

Donna, Being "brutally honest", IMO your smile says it all - confident, comfortable, and proud to present your feminine side! Enjoy.

[MssHyde]

very good it would take me 3 hours to look like that

[MsVal]

Hey, that's better.
You would not stand out in any crowd of middle aged women in my neighborhood. The smile, as has been noted, is quite good. Your shape is believable, and the clothing (in the second set) is very normal, but lose the boa. It is out of place with a t-shirt.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Badtranny]

Because I know my dear Melissa I can always count on you to be totally honest. Sometimes I feel like we "sugar coat" our comments to try and encourage each other on our journey, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I didn't post these photos for encouragement, but for comments on "pass-ability".

Well, I'm not a monster. lol

Honestly I can't really tell a thing from that pic. The pics you posted later are better, but still, I know the camera lies. I can take an incredible picture if I wanted to, but it doesn't look anything like me in real life. I have a couple of photogenic angles that's all. I was looking good in pictures LONG before I had any hope of passing in real life.

What you need is a friend who will tell you straight up that you look like a dude. I have a couple of those "mean" friends and I tell you what, as much as it hurt to hear their critique, that honest feedback is what got me where I am today. Having said that, you also need less honest friends who tell you "you look fabulous" and who don't mind going out with you, or you'll never get the confidence to keep on keepin' on. Basically, it's my sincere belief that transition is not a solitary endeavor and you need friends of all different types to get you though it.

...and nobody here is your friend. Most of these people are just figments of someone's imagination.

[DebbieL]

Donna,
You have several strong assets.
You have a nice round face, which means you don't have the tell-tale hard jaw that many of us have.
You didn't try to be too glamorous or feminine - meaning that you would easily blend, looking like most other women.
You chose a wig that was appropriate in color and length for your face and features.

In a few of the photos, it looks like you may have a bit of dark coloration. Consider laser, shaser, electrolysis or tweezing to get rid of the darker hairs, focus on the upper lip and around the chin. This only shows in one or two of the photos, and the others are very clean.

Since you are posting in the transsexual forum, I will assume that you are considering transition. As you get more real life experience (RLE), you will become much more adept at pulling off an even better look than you have her, but this is an excellent start.

[becky77]

Honestly I can't really tell a thing from that pic. The pics you posted later are better, but still, I know the camera lies. I can take an incredible picture if I wanted to, but it doesn't look anything like me in real life. I have a couple of photogenic angles that's all. I was looking good in pictures LONG before I had any hope of passing in real life..
So true, you cant judge passable by a picture. Only way to find out is by doing it and asking friends to be constructive.
But at the end of the day we are what we are. I don't think of it as being passable, I think of it in a way that, if your dressed appropriate and fit in, then what can anyone truly say? If you look the part you won't be of much interest. People that stand out get noticed. It's not rocket science, go out shopping in an evening dress you will get extra attention, just as you would turning up to a wedding in jeans and trainers. Time and a place.
With that said, assuming you plan to be out doing everyday stuff you look normal, can't see why anyone would specifically pick you out of a crowd. Generally people are too busy worrying about their own affairs, a friend told me early on, "Your just not that interesting" it was meant in a nice way but holds true. I'm but a moments interest in a strangers life, if they even notice me in the first place.
You look good and ready to me, go for it.

[Melissa Rose]

Pictures lie, in good and bad ways, so I am also going to state your "passibility" is not possible to determine from pictures alone. There are so many other clues or tells that give a MTF TS or CD away which become very apparent after a few moments. A picture is only a single snapshot in time and one that is often under your control. Real life is not that way. As others have said, your attitude and behavior goes a long way even if you are not passable.

If you are asking to help determine whether you should start or continue transitioning based on your passibility then my honest opinion is you are not ready. There are so many personal challenges and obstacles associated with transitioning and passability is one among many and probably not one of the major challenging ones.

[SusanLaine]

I've often asked for the same feedback and it's nearly impossible to get it. The truth is, we all live in glass houses plus nobody wants to be perceived as being negative or insulting. Debbie had some pretty good detailed feedback. As everyone else said pics can be deceiving and obviously what we think doesn't (shouldn't) affect your happiness but you asked for our help and feedback and I'll try to help. I think your face shape is excellent and feminine. Your facial features appear to me to be very feminine as if you may have already been on some HRT - at least your look very passable with your smile on.

You spent very little time on your make-up and it looks pretty mainstream (ie passable) to other middle aged women I see around - most don't spend a long time on their make-up. For myself I'm trying to get a make-up routine down that takes less than ~15 minutes and use as little make-up as possible - otherwise I look too "made-up" - like I'm trying too hard.

I've also observed that it's usually very easy to spot real hair from a wig. Even very high quality wigs usually look much better than the hair I see on women over 40 (my category:-). I see natural hair on both women and those of us transitioning and then I see wigs and it's usually easy to spot the difference. In your case you hair looks very appropriate (length, color and style) to your face shape but most everyone's hair looks good in pictures. I recommend getting a wig made with multiple colors in it, including grays (if you're over 50) and ask that it be made to match your real hair in coloration. It's well worth the $$ and will look as natural as a wig can. Of course, growing your real hair out is preferable if possible.

What I've learned is that I need to tone down my make-up - you've appear to have already mastered that. I also need to "tone-down" my hair - more colors, even darker roots, a style to fit my face and a custom cap (it's amazing how painful a tight wig can get). But by far the most important thing I need to improve in order to pass comfortably - and it can't be shown in pictures - is voice. I can pass all day long until I speak. Of course demeanor and confidence are important but neither will prevent getting read and possibly even negative consequences or uncomfortable situations if you aren't passing really well.

So please don't take anything I've said as negative - you look good in the pics and I've certainly gone out looking much (much) worse. But if you strive to pass as a woman more comfortably then I wanted to at least try to give you some feedback.

[glynnis]

I will be brutally honest,you look absolutley wonderful.

[Ann Louise]

Getting brutal truths has hurt me real bad sometimes. Be careful what you ask for honey. All the best, )*( Ann )*(

[Badtranny]

Nobody here will give it to her without being criticized themselves.

She needs to develop those real relationships in her real life. I would be glad to critique her if she were standing in front of me, but there's nothing I can say definitively from the pics besides; keep on keeping on.

Brutal honesty is a measure of kindness really. Why would I let somebody look awful if I cared about them?

[Donna Joanne]

I want to thank everyone for their opinions and input. And we do seem to "want to bite and devour" each other way too quickly and often. If I hadn't wanted your criticism, I would have never asked for it. I once heard someone say that a "real girlfriend will tell you just how ugly that ___ is or makes you look". Whither I'm beautiful or ugly, feminine looking or not, I'm still Donna and will be until the day I die.

Thanks again.

[FurPus63]

Here comes the question of "passability" again. LOL! I looked at your second group of pics and noticed that you seem to look much more feminine in the one where you are facing the camera with a big smile on your face. Smiles seem to do a lot of us in regards to passing is concerned. I think your advatar photo looks nice too, very femme. However; the question of passibility vs blending is what I think we need to address. I've always believed what I learned about two years ago, blending is much more important than passing. I've recently had an incident that involved me being misgendered and called "sir" for the first time (in person) in a long time. I posted about it here on this forum, and got some good feedback. However; my point is that after two years of living full-time, investing time, money, energy, etc.... into trying my best to look like a "natural born girl" (cisgender woman) I'm still not passing 100% of the time, which is obvious by the fact that the person who misgendered me, did it twice, so it couldn't be written off as just a passing glance mistake of perception.

That incident led me to come to some harsh reality about my transition. I had to face the hard core "brutally honest" fact that I'm not 100% passible and wonder if I ever will be? I mean, I could get SRS tomorrow and it wouldn't do a thing for my presentation to the outside world. Unless of course I was at a nudist resort! LOL! So I began to question and wonder if I ever will be passible to 100% of the population 100% of the time, and I guess the answer is NO! However; I have been reminded (by those here and from others in my "real" life) there are many cisgender women who get misgendered all the time for many different reasons. I guess it just hurts me more because I was not born with the correct anatomy. I am a transsexual and attempting to look/present as a woman, those cisgender women who are misgendered probably don't care. I don't think it means that much to them.

So anyway; you look about as passible as you can for the moment, Donna. It's all in our confidence level and remembering to smile! It does make a difference when we interact with the world. Have confidence in the fact that none of us (TS or Cis) are going to pass 100% of the time with 100% of the people.

Paulette

[AngelaKelly<3]

If you go out with a positive attitude you'll do absolutely fine x

You look great! :D

[Lilo]

I honestly dont think cis women get misgendered allnthat much. Yes, it may happen but I really think its just us trying to sugarcoat reality. We tend to look 'odd' to others even after working hard not to.