Busted!

[Persephone]

"Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail..."
.................... -- The Cremation of Sam McGee by Robert W. Service

I was at a large social event tonight. I'd been chatting in a side room with a group of women.

As we came out one of the guys across the larger room saw me, mostly from the neck up, looked straight at me and yelled "David [lastname]! I haven't seen you in years!"

I still haven't learned to just turn and look like I'm looking to see who he is looking at.

Instead I had about 100 eyes focused on me! Including those of one of the women I'd been talking to as another woman moments before!

After a few moments of awkward silence punctuatd by a few giggles he managed to say something else and the group's attention returned to him.

A while later I walked over to his side of the room. He hugged me and said, "I'm so sorry, I knew I'd blown it as the words were leaving my mouth. Forgive me."

Well, with the damage done, what could I say? After all, he'd only blown my life in front of the entire group. So I smiled and said, "Yeah, a few things have changed over the years."

"That's for certain!" he said.

We chatted for another moment and I handed him my new female business card. He looked at it and said, "I'll email you. I'm really sorry."

The crowd in the room was starting to press around him again (he's kind of a famous guy) and I wandered off to other areas.

"Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail..."
.................... -- The Cremation of Sam McGee by Robert W. Service


Hugs,
Persephone.

[Rogina B]

One word for him...Buttwipe! So sorry that happened.You are really so much full time that [if pressed] could admit that you "USED TO BE" David,but that is WAY in your past...I feel for you as you have worked so hard at creating a great social network of friends that you now have to possibly refriend or not..Rogina

[kimdl93]

He may truly be sorry and time will tell how this works out. You handled yourself w ell, given the circumstances.

[Rhonda Darling]

Persephone:

Ouch! For a moment that must have felt like the chill from an ice water douche. Shock followed by realization that it had happened and that nothing could be done about it. I can't imagine keeping my composure after that. The equivalent of having your wig stolen while fully dressed femme - nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.

I'm worried about how this will affect you in both the near and long term. From your various postings it is clear that you lead a very active social life as Persephone. I also presume that for the most part, you do this stealthily. How to even begin recovering from this is beyond me. I hope you continue to write about this and share your feelings and stories resulting from the incident.

I'm sure others will be joining in to offer you support and encouragement to not despair over this. If you were a young boy, and I your coach, I'd be telling you to walk it off and get back in the game.

Kind regards,
Rhonda

[Marcelle]

Hi Persephone,

Sorry to hear about that . . . my goodness I could feel the eyes staring just by your description. Hopefully this won't be an issue for you social network.

Hugs

Isha

[Tracii G]

I hope this doesn't ruin your social interaction with the ladies group.
Keep us posted.

[Beverley Sims]

Barbara,
Damage may have been done but not so much that you can't patch it up.
After all he did give you a hug and was genuinely apologetic.

Oh well lots of luck with the aftermath.

[Annaliese]

The only way to prevent something like this, is to stay in the closet, don't post any picture. You deal with it, there may be something come up from this and you will deal with that, can't hide for it, so you go forth.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Barb, Just when you think that it's safe to go back in the water there is a shark heading your way.

[Persephone]

Thanks y'all. Fortunately most of the room were not people I knew, and we'll see if the reprocussions hit the women's group, which is a new group for me and one I'd really like to be active in.

Had a panic today when I couldn't cimment on one of the women's facebook posts. Figured she'd unfriended me. After about a half hour of panic and poking at FB I found that it was a glitch in FB and hours later my comment worked. Whew!

Won't really know until the next meeting of that group in May.


Barbara,
Damage may have been done but not so much that you can't patch it up.
After all he did give you a hug and was genuinely apologetic.

Replaying it in my brain in the middle of the night I realized that no, he wasn't genuinely apologetic, he was just using some quick cover to blow me off. Jerk!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[CynthiaD]

Life happens, jerks happen, life goes on. Be happy about the good things, forget the bad. In the grand scheme of things, what guy does, or did is unimportant. Most everybody knows that. Forget about it. It's not worth worrying about.

[Lorileah]

so an apology no matter what is unacceptable? You must be pretty good reading people to know it was insincere.

I worked through this several months ago. It took a few conversations with women who could give me a new perspective. First, people who knew you in your previous life will have trouble seeing you in your new life. Second, not everyone has a background in proper TG terminology. Third, get used to it. You were a man, you were a man named________. you are now causing people around you to have to stop and relearn things. Life sucks sometimes. Yes it would be different if we could just assimilate. You cannot blame the world for that because as you can see here 90% of the members are happy to not be out because they don't want (or fear) interactions as yours. If we don't show our presence and try and help those around us learn and hopefully later feel comfortable, expect you will be "Busted" over and over and over. Fourth: men don't think before speaking.

Do you really think he was intentionally outing you to the group?

[Alice Torn]

That reminds me of the time i accidentally posted a face and torso photo of Alice, on my male FB stire, and it went out to everyone! Desperation! Panic! it took me several minutes to uplaod a photo of my sister, and caption saying it was her! Then, in a few days, i went back to uploading a guy phot with my cat. There may be some small aftershocks from this personal quake you went through, but in time, it will settle down a lot. Some will not forget it. Others will let it slide. Most won't make a stink, i hope.

[Persephone]

Do you really think he was intentionally outing you to the group?

No, Lorileah, I think his shout-out was purely automatic. He saw what he thought was his friend from across the room and loudly greeted "him."

At that point he was very cool about it and quickly went back to what he was saying before that.

But when I played back his "apology" moment, I think he was sincere but he was either horribly embarrassed about what had happened or just plain didn't want to be talking to me because at that point he blew me off and distanced himself from me as quickly as possible.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Eryn]

Barbara, I wouldn't be too quick to condemn the guy. He was working, which for him must be a very intense situation despite how easy he makes it look. Part of his job is remembering faces and who knows what characteristics he might focus on. He saw the person he knew which happened to be your male side. I have the tendency to make the same error except in the opposite direction!

When you interacted with him later on he was still surrounded by people and may well have been unsure of how he should handle the situation. In the same situation I would want to make my exposure to the unfamiliar end as quickly as possible so as to minimize the possibility of another faux pas.