Need all the suggestion a gurl can get

[OneJolene]

Hello to you all,

Ok here's my deal. Well my wife has come to a wonderful understanding and an open mind of my crossdressing or trans lifestyle wich she calls it. We have gone great distance in educating ourselves and have even see a therapist. So she has proposed a few things and I will list them and any suggestions or help you can give will be greatly apperceated.

1) she said I have to be true to myself and fully accept the fact that I Truely am a crossdresser or trans. I have come to terms and Truely accept that I love myself and can not worry what others think of me.

2) she wants me to become as passable as a women as I can. I need to find the look that she and I will be happy with.

3) she wants me to start experimenting more with everything to find that perfect look.

4) I must start becoming more comfertable around her and start wearing more and more often. For this will also help her become more comfertable with seeing it all the time.

So with all the stuff she is asking is were I need all your suggestions. So can you girls help me out with all of this. Where do I start? What should I buy? I need help with becoming the true girl I am. I need all your suggestions from clothes, makeup, what size breast forms to everything that will help me become as passaible as I can be. So any links that you know will help also will be nice. I'm not very advanced for I have been trying to hind and fight this so I reaching out to all you experience ones.

Once I am happy were I am. She will put her finishing touches or suggestions to were she is happy with everything. But I have to start by learning myself.

I know I am very lucky to have a very supportive wife and thank her everyday.

Also any other suggestions or comments are welcomed.

Thank you

[Marcelle]

Hi Jolene,

Well it sounds like you have a very understanding wife and she is prepared to support you. However, I caution, as much as she may be ready for it, seeing it can be quite different. The question I have for you is what is your goal? It is nice that she wants you to dress as much as possible but where do you want to go with it? Do you want to present as a woman to he world, at home, all the time, some of the time? I see a lot of what she wants but not what you want or is the list mutual?

I would recommend small steps and if she truly wishes to explore this with you, take the journey together. I would start with something as simple (well not really simple) as beard cover and maker-up. That is truly and art form and depending on how much your wife is into make-up (mine not so much) she may be able to start you off but you may need to use YouTube to get the finer points. We seldom pass as we are men genetically and depending on what you won in the genetic lottery (body size, facial feature, body hair) you may have to work harder or less than others. So set reasonable expectations. It is no good to start your first make-up session expecting Angelina Jolie only to find Robert Deniro in drag staring back. It takes time and patience to find your femme look. Do you plan to go out to the world? If so, thick skin is a necessity as you will get stares, guffaws and comments (it is inevitable). Beware the "pink fog" and don't get so wrapped up in being "femme" that you forget to me the man she married as that can lead to some relationships issues.

Once you have your make-up down, then worry about the dressing and other points (breast forms, padding, wigs). You may decide some things are not for you and others are. All along, communication is the key. Keep talking as you explore so you are both sure of your comfort level . . . but remember it is a two way street both you and your wife need to be comfortable with the changes.

Hugs

Isha

[Jenelle]

I do believe Isha nailed it. I do have to repeat since your wife is so accepting be sure to include her on the journey as much as she is comfortable with. I know I love having my gf help me along :)

[Alberta_Pat]

One of the first things you should do with your wife is to go for a colour draping. You can do this together and have a good time with it.

A colour draping will help you to find colours and shades that look good on you. This will help reduce the frustration of buying cloths that do not seem "quite right" for you.

[Zylia]

If you need advice on looking less like a man, it's obviously perfectly fine to ask cross-dressers or the 'trans community' at large. As soon as you have your ten posts here, other forum sections open up for you and you can ask about acquiring the feminine shape, covering up your facial hair, etc.

If you need advice on looking more like a woman, it's probably best NOT to ask cross-dressers ;) Women in general need or love to have fashion or style advice as much as you do and recourses are aplenty. Here's an obvious suggestion: ask your wife. It's very likely that she has more experience and knowledge than a few of us combined.

[Jenniferathome]

I don't see the reason why you must dress all the time unless you want that. I am a cross dresser and an occasional one at best. Are you a cross dresser or are you trans? If trans, do you plan on transitioning? If a cross dresser, then back to the "why so often" question. Are you planning on venturing outside and interacting with the "normals"? Seems like you have a lot to consider ahead of figuring what dress to buy....

[shawnsheila]

Agreed, Isha nailed it.. I think some of us here wish our wives we are understanding and embracing as yours is. Its a dream of mine to go out shopping for clothes / shoes with my wife, as a woman. I think it would also be great to sped that type of time together as well :)

[Chari]

Great advice from all previous posts! IMO, you should first consider where you are now on the gender scale, and where you will be comfortable & confident presenting your feminine side. Also evaluate your face shape, skin tone, hair color, and measure your self to find what size femme clothes, including shoes, will fit best. If your wife is similar to you in size/shape, ask to borrow some of her attire to see what fits you, & adjust accordingly. Stop at a professional makeup area - like Sephora, MAC, Ulta, or any other quality cosmetic brand, to get great basic advice/tips for your skin, with perhaps getting a full femme makeover to learn how & what to apply to show the best of "Jolene". Continue to communicate with your wife, and as always, there are great answers from this forum. Enjoy.

[carhill2mn]

My "advice" is to follow your wife's advice. It sounds as if she is very special. The two of you are beginning a journey that as of now, you do not know where it will lead. Your thoughts, wishes, desires, needs, etc. will change as you proceed on this journey as will those of your wife. Be sensitive to each other's changes and communicate openly and clearly.

You are so fortunate to have a wife like you do!

[MsVal]

It would seem to be very easy to go headlong into this, spending time, money, and attention on a single minded pursuit of femininity. It would be easy to make it the most important thing in your life, becoming a crossdresser that is also a husband. Don't let it become your defining characteristic.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Nadine Spirit]

Hmmm...... Interesting thread. Let's see here.....

To your wife's points-
1 - good, for me it has been an ongoing thing that I have to continually learn to accept myself
2 - interesting & challenging again something that for me has been continually evolving. It can be rewarding, but frustrating as well. I'd be a bit cautious here.
3 - I believe in testing as many iterations as possible, in every aspect of my life, so indulge & discover
4 - I agree with the comfort thing around her, very important, imo. I also agree with it allowing her to become more comfortable. I would caution about the all the time statement though. I personally consider myself to be a cross dresser, and that means that I enjoy dressing as both genders. Most often I dress as a guy, with a some female accents, and occasionally I dress as a girl, maybe 2-4 times per month.

Okay so now what you actually asked for, and not just what I wanted to discuss-

Where to start?
wigs - I would start by trying to visit a good wig store that will let you try on the wigs and will offer advice, or maybe you are lucky and don't need one, then visit a stylist that can help you to come up with a good mixed gender style
makeup - getting a makeover done at a higher end department store is invaluable and the only recommendation I have for any makeup purchases
breast forms - most will suggest larger, I generally suggest smaller, but be aware I personally have been through about 10 pairs, at around $150 a pop, and now I don't use any, just small cutlets and a good padded push up bra
clothes - ahh clothes, my personal weakness, and obsession. A good wardrobe will take time, effort, energy, money, experimentation, over and over and over and over and over and over.... A good wardrobe is a lifelong project. The best place to start? In any store. Take what you like to the dressing room, yes I have taken female clothes into a male dressing room, or now I just go as a female. I suggest lots of trial and error.

Okay, I could probably go on and on and on and on..... Good luck. My blog also has lots of little bits of clothing advice. :)

BTW - your wife sounds great!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jolene, It sounds like you are in for a fun ride.
Check out www.janetscloset.com And watch the breast form video
it's very helpful in picking the right forms for you.

[eddiegae]

ask your wife. She is a woman and should be able to help you out there. plan a shopping day and go shopping for Jolene asking her opinions about your choices. Me, I think i'd start with shoes and stockings and work my way up to my head. That is how I have done it so far. Good luck! :)

[sanderlay]

Jolene,

I think you're off to a great start with a very good list. But I would be sure you have spend enough time with step one...


... I have to be true to myself...

... true to yourself.

Finding out who I was took a lot of research and time, years in fact. I read a lot from many different persons in the transgender spectrum. I read threads from different people of what their lives were like, before and after they knew who they were. I read about success stories and what went very wrong in different ways. I was always looking to those I related to, how I felt. And how I felt varied from day to day. I read about hormones and the effect on the body. I read about surgeries that different TS girls had done to them and how they recovered. I tried to learn as much as possible on the subject from all points of view. I read history of different cultures, now and in the past.

I asked a lot of hard questions of myself. But I promised myself I would not delude myself. I must be honest with myself and those around me. And try to KIS, keep it simple. I also asked other persons I trusted. What did they see? What did they think. At the same time I knew this was my journey to walk and take responsibility for what ever I do. I gave myself the time to think. I would not rush this. I must be honest with myself.

[Beverley Sims]

It does rock your mind to have such an accepting wife.
I would go with the flow albeit slowly until you catch up with your wife's suggestions.
I agree you are very lucky. :)

[njcddresser]

I recently began to dress and have gone through everything that you are now experiencing. A couple more tips that I can give you..

In respect to clothes...

Goodwill or other thrift shops are a great ace to start. The prices are very cheap. I also used an early visit to figure out my sizes. You shouldn't worry about using the changing rooms. No one in the store cares.

Also shopping in other stores is very easy. I've bought make up in Sephora and the local drug store. The SA's in Sephora were very helpful and helped me pick out the right shades.

I've also bought bras and panties in both lingerie shops and department stores. When you get a set of forms Soma or VS will be helpful I fitting you for a correct size bra.

I basically started slowly and continued to add more items over time.

Enjoy the journey. It's been a wonderful life changing experience.

[Maria in heels]

Jolene....its great to hear that you have such a supporting wife. Seeing a therapist and her keeping an open mind to allow you the freedom to try and be who you feel you are is a truly wonderful thing. I can only tell you to take it slow, don't push past her boundaries and don't rush and go from 0 to 100 miles an hour with your dressing. Give her time to get acclimated to Jolene, as Jolene needs to grow slowly as well....

[OneJolene]

Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions. You all had some good points. I will continue to post to let everyone know how it is going. Thanks once again.

[Adriana Moretti]

im gunna roll with Sanderlay on this one...Be Yourself, Be the best You you can be! Whats YOUR style? What makes YOU happy?, What women do YOU look up to? Find a role model or two and go from there, search deep inside you, and bring THAT out....rome wasnt built in a day and rushing will only bring frustration, enjoy the journey.

[darla_g]

I am in total agreement with Jennifer on this.


my question to you would be how much do you want to pursue this?
Are you planning on going out a lot?
If you don't feel comfortable dressing around your wife, then how would you every go out?

[michellekhoo]

How lucky you are to have such a supportive SO. Good luck with everything, and let us know how you progress.

[Nadia Pinky]

that's pleasure to gain support from your wife and I think you can start from any points which you mentioned below and you can get new dresses and wig and make up or sharing it with your wife after discuss with her also she can to learn you how put make up and more experience in fashion .. I hope to be happy with your wife beside I wish to my wife understand me too in crossdressing

[Claire Cook]

Jolene,

Those of us with supportive wives / GF's are so fortunate. I would echo others' advice -- let your wife take the lead on this. It's taken us 40 years to get to where we are now -- not that you have to wait that long :eek:, but I would take it step by step -- this is a big change for both of you.

[Amanda M]

Good luck with it, Jolene. Take it slowly, though. Am I the only one though who has a small, niggling doubt about your post? Where do all the "need to"s and "musts" come from?

[Babbs]

Good luck with it, Jolene. Take it slowly, though. Am I the only one though who has a small, niggling doubt about your post? Where do all the "need to"s and "musts" come from?

I know Amanda, seems too good to be true. The exact opposite problems most of the rest of us have...which makes it not a problem in my book.

[OneJolene]

Good morning to you all, thank you for all the wonderful advice. I shared them with the wife. She likes the whole idea of doing it with me as a thing to do together. She liked the way you all put your ideas of her being involved. She said it made lots of sense and I even suggested that before I posted this. Her and I have a few questions if you would be so kind to help out as we go.

1) she agrees the makeup thing is the starting point. So how do we go about finding what works for me. The shade of makeup, how to apply the makeup and in what order and so on? See she will even admit that she has no idea. She doesn't wear a whole lot of makeup and she just wears very minimal, because she is more of a tomboy, and she doesn't know what is her right tone, or correct way or order to put the makeup on. So we are going to learn together. But here is the issue. How do we find or were do we go to find a makeup artiest or someone to help us find our tone and teach us how to apply our makeup?

Once we get the make up down we have found the perfect wig store in our area that caters to the transgender population and she loves that we have a place in our area. I can't wait to go do that.

Then the shopping thing will come after that and she is great a making sure things match and go together but she thinks my taste is better than hers so we will be planing a shopping spree to start a wonderful collection of my own.

This is were at and if anyone has anything to share or add with anything at all please share you thoughts. The wife and I love hearing from all of you.