Eye opener

[Babbs]

I am somewhat new to the CD community. Been dressing in private for a few years and recently joined crossdressers .com and another CD forum and have enjoyed the new experience. I'm married and no one I no in my personal life knows I crossdress. Well went out to dinner with my wife and some friends and the subject of transsexuals and crossdressers came up. I tried to just listen for the most part not wanting to give myself up but also anxious to find out what others in the "normal" world think of us. These friends are nice people but as I listened I had the eye opening experience that people in the "normal" world pretty much consider us freaks. Very dissappointing to me especially s I have been hopeful to someday inform my wife of my CD'ing. Well looks like that will never happen because it would turn our life upside down. Don't think she could handle it and probably neither could I. Also funny to find out how little "normal" people know of us...They think we are all just gay and all the same, ts's cder's etc..Sorry for not using abetter word than "normal" but was just trying to make a point. What's normal anyway?

[Joanne f]

Hello Babbs,
a lot of people will talk like that simply because there is a lack of understanding as they have not be exposed to it and it can be quite surprising and a different attitude when they know someone who is like it and what is "Normal " most people are normal within their own right to be who they are and dress the way they like abnormal people go around inflicting pain and misery on other people so you are well within the normal as far as I can see .

[Allison Quinn]

People fear what they do not understand. :c

[sanderlay]

Babbs,

I'm sorry that that happened to. It seems some people like to put down other persons to make themselves feel better. And unfortunately that has been going on for a long time. But that does not make it right by any means.

You are not a freak. You just have a special gift that few in society ever get to experience. That also does not make you abnormal either. It makes you special. Normal is such a subjective term that can mean different things to different persons.

Education is the key and in time it will change. I'm a child of the 1950's and I have seen many wonderful changes in tolerance and compassion toward persons like us. Don't give up hope.

Hugs,

Steve/Debbie :)

[Nadine Spirit]

It is unfortunate that so often we find ourselves in situations that we are afraid to speak because of potential ramifications. Because we feel uncomfortable in doing so we are unable to educate the ignorant.

[franchesca]

Sanderlay we're kinderd spirits for sure...

Babbs we're not "normal" nor are we "freaks" what we are isn't even fully understood... and that scares the living crap out of "normal" so what do you/me do about it? Well hunny♥♡♥ I'll do whats best for franchesca and I pray you do whats best for babbs!

We're in the same boat girls, and we each have an oar to paddle up creek but you know what! Soy como soy ~ I am what I am and I will do what ever it takes to prelserve that.

♥Franchesca

[Christen]

What's normal? Apparently crossdressing is, at least it's considered within the normal range of behaviour. You know I really think most people express the view they think other people want to hear. Sure some folks would think crossdressers are freaks, but pull someone aside and explain what going on, and if they know you as a person, I bet their opinion would at least settle down to "Well that's weird, but I still like you". Funny, but my partner has always got on really well with gay guy's but can be a bit anti gay girls. She loves drama, theatre, seeing guys do drag is fine, but when it's closer to home it takes on a different tinge.
I've done this thing for 50 plus years, five people in the world (CD.com excluded), all women, know about it.Two I no longer have contact with, three are the ones I love, but it's not easy for them.
You may find a way to discuss it with your wife, I hope so. The first time I brought it up it was pure agony, followed by intense relief, but I've still got a ways to go before I think I can get rid of the guilt trip.
But generally I think we can expect that crossdressing isn't going to be seen as acceptable or usual. So what, I don't care.

[ReineD]

The few times that I've listened to conversations about CDs/TSs/TGs, my experiences were similar. People made jokes or there were detrimental comments. We can speak up in defense of those who are being made fun of and it will stop the conversation, but it will not change anyone's mind .. not just on the basis of hearing one person's objections.

The best way to change someone's mind is to come out to them. Then they have to deal with putting two facts together: one that they know and like you, and two that they think the CDing is reprehensible/weird. I think that a lot of people would try to reconcile the two and begin to wonder if CDers aren't that weird after all.

Your wife will have an entirely different view when she does find out. She will then need to deal with it on a personal basis. Depending on whether or not she is conservative and how strong is your marriage, she may do her best to find out more about it. The trick is to make sure that you are the one to tell her vs. having her find out by herself. The latter will lead to feelings of betrayal over not having been told, and this makes wanting to learn more about the CDing difficult.

[Alexis.j]

Most people respond that way, especially if they havent met or know someone like that.
That tends to put us off, when "fishing" for how certain people would react to cross dressings.
The difference is, if they know of a family member or friend that does cross dress (or is trans or whatever), they usually respond a bit differently.

Nobody out there is 'normal' everyone has there quirks, some is well hidden, but we all have.

I had the same issue, when trying to figure out how certain family members would react. I got 'they are sick comments' and so forth. But when they eventually found out about me, things get a bit different. .. (whether they support you or not is not the issue, but more the fact that most of us are 'NORMAL' people, just like them)

So, in the end, judging other people response like that is not the best of ideas...........

[trisha kobichenko]

Hi Babbs,
I have had the same experience with 'normal' people in conversation...interesting twist though...while I was exploring CD'ing on the web, my SO thought I was having an affair. Long story short, I needed to come out to prove I wasn't cheating on her, which has turned out to be one of the best things ever. Not to say there hasn't been some difficult conversations, since I don't totally understand what drives me to dress up, and therefore not real good at explaining it to her. We are redefining 'normal' for us together.
Hugs,
Trish

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Babbs, i'm in the same situation as you, and had a very similar experience, at a BBQ party at the neighbors with many others from the hood present. I don't recall what brought the topic up, but there it was going around the table, lots of negative comments, I at first thought it was a ploy to get me to speak up and explain myself, but there were to many people there that didn't even no me. No way I was coming out. Anyway, a good friend who worked as a nurse, and is very well thought of in the hood spoke up and explained the differences between CD, and TS. She did a pretty good job and you could see peoples expressions change to that thinking look. Then a few seconds later someone spoke up with another negative
and ruined the moment for me.
Some people are just difficult to educate, and they can sway the opinion of those that might be open to acceptance.
how do we get through to the hard heads? Good luck!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Amanda M]

Very often it's the herd instinct at work. Take your average group of guys who see an obviously gay man walking down the street. "Hey, look at that faggot!" "Yeah, poofter. One of those". Which of the group is going to alienate himself from the group by saying "Don't have a problem with gays myself"?

[noeleena]

Hi,

Babbs.

Very different over here or down under.

I have through TVNZ our two main TV stations Cambell live and Closeup, have reached over 3 million people nation wide, , been interviewed for them and our papers plus the net, im on over 200 forums and i reach many others though taking meetings and being a public relastions person well known and well seen .

I have presented to the public whats it like being different

two headings ,

whats it like being different as a woman and you can check this up use my name on the net,. and
noel to noeleena,

I am well known and talk to many 1000's of people a member of quite a few groups and world wide, allso on 3 commitees, and i'v had people come to me and talk with me and asked many ?s.

Friends going back to 1959, and still are,

My friends with in our groups of over 1000 members, know me well enough to accept my difference accept who i am as a person and as a normal female with history,

I go over seas to Austraila and im accepted just as i am in New Zealand.

I went to Tasmainia and before i went i was told those who are different would not be wellcome or accepted. oh well okay, not an issue , why then am i not only accepted i was asked back and to meet up with those i have met in other states of Austraila,

Funny that i must have missed something .

I dont pass or blend in as youll see in my photo yet yet im greeted with a wellcome as a friend,

ill be back over there in June coming for 5 to 7 weeks, and ill have a good time as iv had before,

In Waimate where i live i allso put it on the map as being a very accepting place of myself because we have been here for 16 years, with a 4 year break i was well received and i told those who knew me about my changes first hand and i have more friends who are more like family since i told my story of my life and how my changes have effected our family over the last 20 years,

Hope this helps in understanding some of us are well accepted and with our difference.

...noeleena...

[Teresa]

Hi Babbs,
After so many closeted years I'm making good progress with my wife but sometimes it's one step forward and two back ! My wife told me about an incident at the health centre where she works, they have a porter who CDs and she heard the comments the female colleagues made when they saw him . I was slightly annoyed because one of them applied to the Samaritans as a counsellor, how funny it's going to be when a desperate CDer threatens suicide on the phone !
As Amanda says it's the herd instinct that takes over, the frustrating point is that 1 in 10 have Cding tendencies so we know we are not far from someone agreeing with the majority and thinking I hope they don't notice my bra straps !

[suchacutie]

My experiences have been similar. A colleague transitioned at work and the comments made to me about her were incredible. It was even more remarkable when I suggested that transition must have been so strong to put up with all the potential ridicule and how brave she was to do so. That stopped folks in their tracks. I also was amazed at vitriolic comments made by normally open-minded friends when we ran into some drag performers in New Orleans. I was shocked, frankly, but it was soon after we had discovered Tina and I was still in the euphoria of discovery with my wife.

Stereotypes die hard. It will still take a few generations to clear the bigotry.

[KaceyR]

Like Amanda, have frequently seen the Herd at work.
This is why in my closer group of friends, one main one hasn't been told of Kacey yet. He'd be the one to regularly pipe up like that. Also in the friends group, one is gay. He's stayed in hiding from this 'unenlightened' friend as well. Everyone else knows however...it's no big thing.
However, I'm thinking more and more that one day Kacey will be the one showing up at a dinner get together anyways just to shock the heck out of him. Kind of a here I am.. If you can't handle it, then fine..don't need your negativity around anyways. kind of thing. If I got my makeup better, one of my other dinner friends was going to just intro Kacey as one of her friends from work to see how well the recognizability is at first. I guess I'm evil that way :)

But OT it's a worse feeling when it's family or spouse that's doing these comments. It's easier separating or dealing with the 'friends' but you can't as easily with family. And even though they may not be commenting directly at you when they make these statements..because it's family it seems more directed and you feel it more acutely.

[Marcelle]

Hi Babbs,

Well the old adage "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" applies well here. I find in these situations as many have said the verbiage is based on lack of knowledge about what TG/CD/TS means and a lot of people have an image of a creepy guy with clown make-up hanging around the woman's restroom or the lingerie department. Education can make the difference but not always. I have come out to several friends who have know me for years. Were they surprises/shocked? You bet. Did they have an understanding of what it meant to be TG? Not one iota. Once I explained what it meant . . . for the most no big issue from their perspective. However, it does not always go gentle into that good night. While some may get it on a fundamental level they still have visions of Silence of the Lamb . . . "it puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose". In my own personal observation for every three that tolerate our lifestyle there is one that does not and will never tolerate. However that is their right and so long as it does no harm to me or my family it is their opinion and they are welcome to it but, I will ignore it.

Hugs

Isha

[Nadia Pinky]

Hi Babbs

There's a lot of wrong thoughts in mind from straight people they think all CD,TS,TV are gay!! a little bit of them knows what real is gays they only love same gender not related to any gender to called them like that .. The most of people didn’t read about crossdresser and depend on what they saw or someone spoke on them as his personal opinion .. Finally I think all CD are regular person too !

About this case in sometimes I exposed of this wrong view with people .. this sad.

[Babbs]

I appreciate the thoughts and understanding girls. Funny though, I found myself defending and explaining things about CDers to them at one point getting a comment, "oh, and what makes you the expert..hahaha". I thought whoa that's getting close. Later in our night out conversation came up about a nursing home being sued because they had male strippers come in for patients there many with dementia etc..There were a few laughs with one saying good for them. I have a mother with altzheimers and I ripped into them saying how can you condone such behavior from healthcare professionals? Then I said "boy, people have a problem with a poor guy who harms no one but likes to wear a dress yet they find it acceptable healthcare workers hire male strippers for 80 year old dementia patients in a nursing home...That's pretty F'd up!" needless to say it was a quiet drive back ...

I just wanted to let you know I feel comfortable talking with you here then get shocked back to reality at certain times out there.

Babbs

[sometimes_miss]

These friends are nice people but as I listened I had the eye opening experience that people in the "normal" world pretty much consider us freaks.
THis is, unfortunately, what so many people here forget. We spend so much time as our female selves, we can easily forget that it's not 'normal'.

[renees]

Ignorance is not bliss. Some people have a hard time accepting what is out of the realm of their comfortable little box. A one on one discussion may be the way to approach this topic with friends.

Renee

[Sometimes Steffi]

Maybe they should keep to discussions about the dark side of the moon. My guess is that none of them ever even met a crossdresser FtF, so their knowledge about it is, as I said, like the dark side of the moon.

[Trinity Sue]

Has anyone thought maybe they were hiding something ? Maybe they spoke like that because they themselves were gay , cd or ts . I have found some herds ,{ as you call them }, go with the flow just as not to create suspicions . Just a thought . I tend to listen and watch while they speak , sometimes you can tell .

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Babbs, Welcome to our world.

[lingerieLiz]

I'm always amazed at how little people know about anything. All you have to do is watch some of the man in the street interviews. Why would we expect them to understand a complex subject like CDing?

[ArleneRaquel]

Hello Badds,
Thank you for sharing your experience with "ghe normal world", its a shame that, IMHO, some many normal folks are so ignorant. Hopfully time will change the situation.

[Beverley Sims]

Babbs after being here a while I am sure you will find a way of telling your wife.

It can be liberating, but be wary all the same.

[Kate Simmons]

The older I get Babbs, the more I'm convinced there is no such thing as "normal". We are all unique individuals and don't really fit into a neat little basket. It's mostly due to societal conditioning and what people are used to. Since we are a part of society, we have it in our power to change perceptions of others. That is totally up to us, however.:)

[Lynn Marie]

This is one of those endeavors that requires a somewhat thick skin. I'm just happy we don't get tarred and feathered. Most folks I see are quite gracious, especially the women. I can understand how men would feel the need to belittle us as they are often terribly conflicted by being attracted to us and repelled at the same time! Poor guys, I feel sorry for them. I think half of them want to be us.

[marsha leanne]

part of my own story has to deal with the 'herd'. i have had 2 friends transition, one was a high school friend whom i have lost contact with, (i think by their choice, new life etc) the other was a work mate. We became friends even though it was hard for her to trust anyone. This because her supv had outed her to the entire work group before her arrival. the nastiness from both the guys and gals towards her was insane. we won't go there. Some. after getting to know her also became friendly. When those who befriended her learned of her story, and her struggles, they also would speak up for her. My regret was i did not speak up enough, because of my own fear. She and i worked together for about 3 years.