The Rose Coloured Glasses Experiment

[Marcelle]

Disclaimer: Hi all. In the past I have run various observation exercises in an effort to better understand how I am perceived to the vanilla world when out as Isha. Subsequently I have reported my findings here for general information and for the most part they have been very positive. However, a month ago a ran another field study which tested the impressions of others after I had left a venue. This experiment did not go as well as expected and as such I have been reticent to discuss it in fear that it may cause angst for those of you who are thinking about going out for the first time. The disclaimer is this . . . What I am about to report is a situation specific to me, this may or may not be the same for others. The people described are probably those who do not know any TG persons and the loving souls that beat beneath the TG exterior. I am going to report this as it happened and for some who have yet to venture out it may be a bit disconcerting.

The Experiment

From previous trips out and about I was always left with the impression if you blend, for the most part people don't notice or don't seem to care. Which in and of itself may imply acceptance or at a minimum tolerance. My GG friend is a little more objective and questioned if I was perhaps seeing things through rose coloured glasses and that what is said after I leave is not the same as what I perceive . . . Ah ha . . . an experiment is born (I just can't take the geeky scientist out the girl no matter how hard I try :))

We went to a busy mall. The intent was I was going to go from shop to shop, browse, interact and my GG friend was going to follow me at a distance which would not suggest we were together. We used this ruse for 10 different shops. In each I browsed, asked SAs questions, sometimes tried on clothes. I kept a running appraisal of my experience and my GG friend kept her appraisal using information gathered by observation while I was in the shop and after I left the shop. We never discussed until we were done at the 10 different shops at which point we met at Starbucks to compare impressions.

My impression was for the most part nobody really paid me much attention, I am sure I was noticed as I caught a few patrons stealing one or two WTF glances at me. My interaction with SAs all good and they we were very helpful and nice. All in all it is what I normally experience in my day to day interactions. :thumbsup:

My friend's impression greatly differed. She indicated that while most patrons took no notice of me those who did were definitely having a bit of fun at my expense (giggles, snickers, hushed whispers, nudges to one another). In one instance, my GG friend was close to two women whom I remembered encountering in one store, I smiled at them and they smiled warmly back (my impression, they understand). After I left, my friend was still close to those same two women and this is what they said . . . "I never thought I would see one those people and his smile . . . creepy" (Ha . . . I always knew my smile looked a bit creepy :D ). In other stores it was much the same the mocking normally occurred after I turned my back or left the store.

Now don't get me wrong it was not "Friday night at the Comedy Club" at Isha's expense. The mocking was limited to a few individuals whereas most said nothing. Now the jocularity at my expense was not limited to age or gender as it was a mixed bag with guys (with their GFs) being the most prevalent with the young having just as many laughs as the older patrons. As far as SA interaction, my friend waited until I left then listened to the SAs I had interacted with . . . it was much the same as the patrons where some had a good giggle at my expense (including some of the SAs who had been sweet to my face), others were more in "whatever . . . it doesn't affect me" camp. One SA who interacted with me when her friends came up and said "Is that your first Tranny you've helped" she looked puzzled and said "that was a guy . . . I didn't notice". I doubt she really thought I was a woman, I think that was just her way to shut them up, but good on her regardless. :)

The worst was a SA at Victoria Secrets. Now I get it on a fundamental level, a guy in women's clothing purchasing intimates for himself can sound kind of creepy but I never would have expected the following to transpire in a service establishment. I was looking to buy a push-up bra and was looking for a 36A in a specific style and colour so I asked this SA. She looked a bit put off and I guessed at that point she didn't really agree with my chosen lifestyle but like I said - I get it. She sighed and went to the drawers and quickly looked through found a 36A handed it to me and said "here" to which she added "not that you need it". I then asked her what she meant by that and she just smiled and said sweet as pie "Nothing . . . Sir". Hmmm :waiting:. . . walk away Isha . . . so I did. My friend stayed behind and this is what she said to the other SAs and anyone who was standing around (close approximation based on third party reporting) "Can you believe the nerve of that pervert, coming in here pawing over women's underwear like it is his right. He's probably gets off on that and I am sure the creep was undressing me with his eyes. People like that should taken somewhere and locked away for life. He's probably a pedophile as well, dressing up like a woman to lure kids to his car. If he ever comes back in here I am going to give him a good piece of my mind then I'll call my boyfriend and he'll take care of that pervert."

The rhetoric according to my friend was venomous and full of hate, not just the ramblings of an upset person . . . she loathed me. Now in defense of the store, one of the SAs obviously the manager also heard this rant, told everyone to get back to work and informed the girl that while she is welcome to her opinion a customer is a customer and will be treated with courtesy not the manner in which she had served me. In addition the store was not a venue to vent her hate filled ideas. The manager gave her a choice, she could apologize to the all the patrons in the store for her rant after which the manager was going to try and find me in the mall and if she did she would bring me back and the girl would have to apologize for her rude treatment . . . OR . . . she would no longer be an employee in the store. The girl left.

You may wonder why I did such an experiment part of it was the "geeky nerdy science girl in me" but the other part was the "military gal" in me. In my world this would be intelligence gathering followed by the "after action report (AAR). This helps us to understand every aspect of field of battle we enter. Some is good and some . . . not so good. However, it better arms me for my trips out. I don't want to be walking around thinking everything is all sunshine, unicorns and lollypops. I have learned for the most part people truly don't care and if they do, they have the common courtesy to keep their opinions to themselves. They may mock me after I pass them or share a quick laugh at my expense but then again that is their right (albeit not very nice) and I choose to accept that and ignore it . . . "if a tree falls in the forest . . . blah, blah, blah . . . or more context driven . . . "if a person laughs at a CDer and the CDer ignores them. . . Did it really happen?" However, the biggest lesson of this experiment was that there are people who truly hate us for whatever misguided reason . This is the key piece of intelligence I take seriously, and ensure I never let my guard down when out and about as I never truly know how people are going to react. I don't walk around paranoid just with a healthy sense of caution.

To clarify, I don't think it is a wicked world with roving mobs of people running around looking for CDers to beat up. With the exception of a few minor scenarios when out and about I have had good interactions. I have never felt physically threatened or in fear of my life. However there is some hate out there and I find it tends to get watered down in our "easy peasy lemon squeezy trips out and about threads" . . . yes guilty as charged on that account. The SA at Victoria Secrets is an excellent example of someone who most likely does not know any TG people and her opinions are based on conjecture and falsehoods. It is likely if she found out someone close to her was TG and she knew that person well, her opinions might skew differently. People who know us (friends, family) and love/respect the person below would not react this way. However, not everyone knows us to that level and what you don't know you tend to fear, especially if it goes against the grain or normality (in their opinion).

Sorry for the extremely long post but I just wanted to shed light on the fact that if you are going to go out, you must be prepared for both sides of the experience. Forearmed is forewarned and you do need a thick skin especially if you notice others laughing at your expense.

Hugs

Isha

[Miriam-J]

Thank you Isha for doing a nice, objective study. I've often wondered the same, but haven't worked with a friend to determine the real reactions. You have me wondering now.

While it would be wonderful if everyone had a laissez faire attitude toward us, I'm not surprised that you encountered judgment. Perhaps the best we can expect at this time is benign reaction.

Miriam

[Jenniferathome]

Well Isha, one good thing out of it is that a bigot was effectively terminated. Too bad the manager didn't jump in during the act. I think it is normal human condition to laugh off something that makes us generally uncomfortable. It's like holding one's breath. There is a time limit and people need to vent the stress. I think a related thing is that women are trained from the time they are little to be wary of men. Not "be afraid" but be careful. So, a woman is on edge when a "strange man" is encountered. Self protection is foremost, so I can't help but think the natural tendency is suspicion. And lastly, of course age and upbringing are huge factors.

What would be interesting to know is what conversations took place once they got home. I would bet that the novelty, having worn off, might reduce their memories to "weird but he didn't jump me or anything and he wasn't dressed like a freak."

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Jennifer, I think that's right - we do fear men who seem a little 'off kilter'. Most women have no idea what crossdressing is about and I know as a young woman I just assumed they must be delusional or a sexual deviant. Delusional sexual deviants are not men we feel safe around! Mothers with children will probably be equally fearful though possibly have had some exposure by this point? Who knows..until my H, I really didn't know of any of this. Why do other men feel threatened? I guess they think the same things as the women (you're delusional and therefore dangerous) and worry you'll harm them or their girlfriend?

Seems silly now to me. In reality, a man dressing as a woman is most often tapping into his gentler side and is less of a threat than the average guy. But it still confounds most people and you're all very brave for going out like you do.

[Julie Denier]

You definitely have nerves of steel to go out on a limb like this for all of us here, and I salute you! You should be appointed research director of this forum ;)

[Leslie Langford]

O.K., Isha - here's my spin on this....I'm old enough, self-confident enough, retired (read: no more bosses except She Who Will Be Obeyed ;) ), and have an independent income stream (i.e. pensions and retirement savings). In other words, I am beholden to no one and frankly, I don't give a rat's @ss what someone may think of me - especially "haters" and bullies. On the contrary, I delight in either staring them down or calling them out on their own B.S. - much as that store manager did to her ignorant employee.

In fact, my unspoken personal mantra over the last several years has been: unless someone is prepared to either offer me a job, include me in their will, pay my bills, share their lottery winnings with me, or else perform a life-saving or kinky sex act (LOL!) on me, I really don't care what they think of me as it has no impact whatsoever on the quality of my life. And that includes the nosy neighbours whom my wife is so fearful will one day spot "Leslie" and have a field day with the epiphany of having connected those dots.

Haters are going to hate, jerks are going to continue to be jerks, and there is no cure for stupidity. Furthermore, life is too short for any of us to give them the type of power over us that will negatively affect the quality of our lives.

Besides, what makes you think that we CDers occupy a special place in their Pantheon of alleged "weird" for the way we dress? You don't think that these types of a-holes have the same disparaging comments to make about Muslims wearing hijabs and chadors, Hindu women wearing saris, Pakistani women wearing salwar kameezes, Hassisic Jews in their black hats, long beards, and prayer shawls, and probably even Scotsmen in their kilts if they happened to run into one?

Interesting experiment, Isha, and thank you to you and your GG friend for having taken the trouble to conduct it and reporting back to us. But like all those studies telling us that cheeseburgers are not good for us and that smoking causes cancer - there is nothing here that we didn't already know. More to the point, it has become a matter of conventional wisdom here that few, if any of us actually "pass" and the best we can hope for is to blend in. Once we accept that fact and no longer dwell along the shores of "de Nile", life becomes infinitely better and stress-free.

I have aimed for the latter over the last several years, and it has worked out very well for me. I have received my share of compliments from GG's on my presentation, and never really bothered to agonize over whether or not that meant "as a woman" or "as a crossdresser". The mere fact that a compliment was made in the first place was proof enough that the person uttering it was sincere and clearly appreciated the efforts I had made in perfecting my female presentation.

And believe me, one such validation and positive experience outweighs a negative comment - heard or uttered surreptitiously behind my back - by a factor of 1,000 to 1, especially considering the source...

[kimdl93]

There's an expression that I think is entirely appropriate: Other people's opinion of me is none of my business,

[sanderlay]

Isha,

To be honest... I'm not surprised. And this does not affect my going out. I will not let these "persons" gain a victory by my being afraid. I note it... and I will be careful as I usually am when I'm out and about.

There are always those persons that will say negative things about other people behind their backs to make themselves feel better. And yes... I believe it is mostly out of fear. Which also leads me to believe they will rarely act on them. All talk but with little courage to act on their words.

But when I'm feeling a negative vibe in a store, or any place for that mater, I just leave. I'm not there to change the world. And by my not buying something I was interested in effects their bottom line.

Thank you Isha for posting this. It's better to know the truth than be unaware of the possible dangers around us. And the more people know about us and interact with us they will learn we are no threat to them. :D

[Jenelle]

Isha you continue to post some of the most amazing threads I read here and this is no different. You experiment while not eye opening to me is none the less amazing.

I am not surprised by the SA at VS at all. I grew up in the South and I remember all the racism that existed even though people told me it was no longer an issue. There will always be people that hate and you can never really point a finger and say that is why.

Will this change my desire to dress and some day go out in public? No. I have no delusions about what is out in the world so I know what i am possibly getting into.

[ronny0]

I really enjoyed your post. But about 90% through the post I started to wonder.
Out in public, how many people will say comments that they might not 100% agree with just so others in ear shot will chime in to support them.
Expanding your test further, it might be that any one that is a little or a lot out of what is considered the norm might have comments said after they are out of hearing range. Take this to an extream, height, width, lack of height, language skills walk etc etc etc.... Yea I know some out of normal people comments would be considered really poor social statements. Yet we have plenty of crude people in our society.
Some people will find fault with anyone not like them, some people will try to be loving and helpful to all.
So sad that the world is not full of people wearing "Rose Colored Glasses" always wanting to see the good in others....

[Sheila11]

Thanks Isha. I have assumed all the reactions that you have described. I choose to just move forward and interact on a positive level with those who choose to interact with me. I will always be a lover and not a hater, smile and move forward.

[Nikki A.]

Isha very nice experiment. My friend did something similar with me on our last trip to NYC, she kinda hung back at points to see other's reactions on the street. Most people were too busy to notice others did do a double take, in the stores however I was treated OK with her.
However we can't always worry what is said behind our backs nor is disapproval a reason not to go out. Only by us going out and showing that we are decent law abiding and nice people will we ever get some changes in public opinion and that we all don't belong on Jerry Springer.
If my going out changes a few people's opinions of CDs then I have accomplished something. There will always be haters and others who will never get it, but if all of us get a few people to look at us differently then eventually we may get the acceptance that we seek.

[bridget thronton]

Excellent (and sobering) post

[Donnagirl]

Wish I had your confidence, and looks, and dress sense, and courage, and..., and....,

Maybe one day.... (Or maybe not)

[Kate Simmons]

This is one reason I don't hob knob with the world at large and I don't have any illusions that I blend or pass. I mostly associate with folks who are okay with what I do. Anything else I consider a waste of time and energy.:)

[Zylia]

Excellent post Isha and a very interesting experiment. While the results are highly anecdotal, it seems to me that those people's reactions are in fact very typical. Ultimately, everyone suffers from the 'five-second rule', i.e. every cross-dresser gets read 100% within a few seconds of observation, and cross-dressers obviously have many image problems. I'd love to try to do the same thing, I might have to ask one of my 'lady friends' to do the observing. Anyway, I admire your courage and your eagerness to learn more about yourself and us. Keep 'em coming!

[Marcelle]

Hi everyone,

Thanks very much for the comments. I am so glad nobody took this little recounting the wrong way. My intent was to educate those who are planning to go out that there is potential for hurt out there. However it should not dissuade you from going out if that is what you really need to do. Just be aware. For those who have been out and know the lay of the land, thank-you for sharing your thoughts.


O.K., Isha . . . And believe me, one such validation and positive experience outweighs a negative comment - heard or uttered surreptitiously behind my back - by a factor of 1,000 to 1, especially considering the source...

Hi Leslie. Exactly. I have had far more positive outings than negative. Is stuff getting said behind my back? Most likely. But I really don't care. That one legitimate kindness from a person far outweighs the odd snicker or rude comment.


. . . Some people will find fault with anyone not like them, some people will try to be loving and helpful to all.

This is very true. I have hear people make fun of those who are different in anyway. I think for some it probably goes to their own insecurity about themselves. If I make fun of someone else, the pack won't pick on me.


... However we can't always worry what is said behind our backs nor is disapproval a reason not to go out ... but if all of us get a few people to look at us differently then eventually we may get the acceptance that we seek.

Hi Nikki. Very true. If you plan to go out, you have to have thick skin because it can get ugly sometimes. However if you weather the rude comments, snicker, giggles with style and grace and not with a Spartacus smack-down, then people remember that.

Hugs all

Isha

[MissTee]

Great post, Isha. Unfortunately, it's not really news. I have witnessed many times what your GG friend did. I have seen it in the workplace as well. Sad, but true.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Great thread... One of the best that I have read on this forum . Many thanks to you & your gg friend . Peace, mel

[natcrys]

Isha, my thanks for this thorough (as thorough as these kind of experiments can be) piece of investigative work! An interesting read... but also nothing really new. Depending on where you live.. the reactions may like above... but there are countries and regions where most people are relatively accepting or just don't care (e.g. the Netherlands or Sweden).

Under closer scrutiny, most of us crossdressers get read. I'm not kidding myself.. I look passable from certain angles, but not from all. I always assume people see "it" .. and that's why I am always a bit on guard.. not as much I used to be when out shopping, but still.. always aware.

The one thing that did surprise me was the VS-SA and her reaction. What I've heard from many CD's and non-CD-men is that VS-stores are actually very professional. How old was that SA?

[Katey888]

Isha - it's quite laudable that you and your GGF have taken the trouble to do this... I can't help but think that you had a bit of fun doing it too, and why not combine some shopping with some science, eh? :)

Like others, I'm afraid the end result is not surprising and really confirms what I've experienced of people across many cultures and social backgrounds.. simply, that while a majority probably don't care and few have enough initiative to interact on their own, with either a positive or negative perspective, what can get folk started are the bigots and rabble rousers that somehow find any minorities offensive and then the sheeple herd instinct takes over. The idea that we're weirdos, sexual perverts and (the ultimate sanction) paedophiles is an easy one for common folk to grasp, sadly and not much different to other brands of fascism and racism whoever or whatever the minority is. Sadly, targeting minorities has probably been a favoured human pastime for millennia and isn't likely to change completely - it's the competitive over cooperative instinct...

I think a word of caution is also due from a cultural perspective too.. :) I know our members here are predominantly North American but I'd expect there would quite a range of reactions even across different metropolitan areas in just the USA - I suppose I'd expect Canada to be perhaps a shade more liberal on the whole, some specific areas like SF and others that have a history of acceptance and/or an active LGBT community that would promote more acceptance... The UK again would likely be different too - I'm unsure of what sort of reaction beyond amusement you'd get in a lot of provincial towns and cities here and there are few metropolitan centres larger enough to support a specific LGBT neighbourhood.. It's a thought-provoking exercise...

What striking thought I'm left with at the end of it is the reaction of the SA in VS - not that she said what she said, but that she would rather leave than retract it... That's a severe level of bigotry and a little scary in a way... :eek:

Katey x

[Jenny Elwood]

What if the Victoria's Secret shop assistant's boyfriend is a closeted crossdresser and she came home steaming to him?

[Marcelle]

Jenny . . . now that is quite the visual especially if he was wearing some VS lingerie and heels :)

Hugs

Isha

[Michelle (Oz)]

Interesting confirmation of what happens in our wake Isha. Not surprising to me given how I suspect I would react and the looks I sometimes get although the VS SA was an extreme that I have been fortunate not to suffer.

I have long come to accept that I don't pass and I don't really try to blend ... in the sense that the style of clothes I wear are not what a 60+ year old wears. I speak with a male voice (albeit trying to soften it). But this is an honest and empowering approach to life as a crossdresser. I feel great, I receive compliments, I make friends (more than male me). While I prefer not to be the butt of jokes ... the fear of comments behind my back won't diminish the 'everything is right with the world' high I feel when dressed.

Your observations do make me wonder whether I am fortunate to live in a more accepting Australia and whether folk are more tolerant than elsewhere.

[sometimes_miss]

Disclaimer: [I] The mocking was limited to a few individuals whereas most said nothing.
One of the most important things I learned about customer service, is that for every registered complaint, there are ten more who won't say anything but feel the same way, they simply won't be your customer again. In this, there exists the same situation; most will say nothing, but don't for a moment believe that they aren't thinking the same things as others mention out loud. So, Isha, just multiply x10 the number of people who don't particularly like what you represent when you go out as a gal. And yes, this IS a wicked world where THERE ARE groups of people who would love to kill you to get you out of our societies. Most of them don't do it, but would be just fine with it if someone else did.
Places like this forum, as well as the overwhelming desire to be liked, can predispose us (yeah, those rose colored glasses again) to believe what we want so desperately to believe. And that can be a very, very dangerous thing, and you won't know it until you wind up having your head slammed into the pavement, because you simply don't want to believe the world has people in it that just plain don't like you. People in general do not like us. The media sees us as clowns, witness the many talk shows where they invite TG people on just to gawk and find funny things about us, while the positive documentaries can be counted on one hand. They think we're sexual deviants, perverts, dangers to their children. The media also supports this concept, and does not retract their erroneous logic in broadcasts such as when it is stated that "People who were abused as children are likely to abuse children themselves", when what is correct is that child abusers were likely to have been abused themselves; but for headlines, the media distorts it and turns it around and no one bats an eye, because they don't want to know either child abusers or adults who were abused when we were kids, as they see us as damaged. So now you have your proof; the general public does not like us, nor accept us. They tolerate us (especially if they want our money). That's about it.

from Leslie: I really don't care what they think of me as it has no impact whatsoever on the quality of my life.
Again, you won't know it until it's too late. There are lots of things that go on behind your back that you'll never know about, might be the availability of a table in a restaurant which has a 'reserved' tag on it that they will remove for people they like, but NOT US. Or maybe someone who really dislikes us so when their foot slips off the brake and see's you in their car's path might subconsciously not stop in time, because deep down inside they're thinking, oh well, why hurry to stop, just scratch another pervert. It will probably not be anything obvious. But things do happen just because people don't like us.
Please, everyone, be careful. The world is NOT a friendly place for us.

[Sara Jessica]

You have done precisely what I have had in mind to do over the last few years. To go out shopping with my friend Diana following discretely in my wake to observe what really happens. Your social experiment proves what I have known to be true in my heart, that despite the pleasantries we experience when out & about, where we are seemingly treated as any other woman, when no one seems to even notice our presence, it can be a totally different story outside of our peripheral vision or earshot. Well done and very well written.

But I will also echo one of your points that despite what you encountered, the world failed to explode based upon the reactions of a few bad apples (and one very bad & unemployed one). Those people are outliers, exceptions, they are NOT the norm. True, most don't blink an eye at a TG person in their midst. Those who do can be a very obnoxious minority. Still, this is precisely the reason I scoff at those who claim to pass because things like this DO happen in our wake. Even when I convey being out and no one gave me a second look, I'm well aware of the reality of what may be happening behind the scenes. It helps not to be delusional about this subject but it also helps not to care in the least bit.

[ronny0]

What if the Victoria's Secret shop assistant's boyfriend is a closeted crossdresser and she came home steaming to him?

Isn't their a saying, "The Lady Doth Protest Too Much Methinks?"

For those that have no clue: It means that when someone denies something too much and too often, they're usually lying. They've done whatever it is they're accused of and trying too hard to cover their tracks.

[Shirley Anne]

Hi Isha

your observations dont surprise me, I think most people find crossdressing a bit odd but most just laugh it off or make fun off it, I think the extremists like the VS SA are in the minority. I used to have a woman around 50 years of age work for me who at the mention off CDs/TVs would go off on such a rant I quite expected her to spontaneously combust, I had a young apprentice work for me who used to have the same reaction at any mention of gays, while on any other subject they were both reasonably stable kind of people.

[NicoleScott]

At least two people commented about the judgement you encountered. Actually, you reported that your experience was generally positive, and the judgement was witnessed by your spy after you left, and not that you encountered it directly. It seems that your experiment confirmed to you what you already knew:
- some poeple are accepting of people who are different than themselves.
- some people aren't accepting.
- some people don't care one way or the other.
- some say one thing to your face and something different behind your back.
So what is more important to you, that people who disapprove of a CDers public presence tell you so to your face, or that you are treated as a customer should be?

[Jane G]

Interesting experiment. No great shocks. Plus one less Biggot, working in the Mall now. Working in a Naval dock yard, most of my life, I'm very aware that what people say in public, is very different from what they say in less public conversation, when it comes to gender discussions.

[Beverley Sims]

Nicole,
In regards to your question, I don't think Isha cares one way or the other.
It was just another of her nerdy experiments from a person who has an inquiring mind.
I am sure right about her realization of what people think but she wanted to confirm this.
When fault finding for a customer I ask all sorts of silly questions to establish where they went wrong, then I duplicate the steps that led to the fault.
It is all experimentation and you have to find out for yourself, not rely on others information.
I wasted five minutes engrossed in what Isha said, although I knew in my own mind how people act it was great to see confirmation og my thoughts.

Isha,
A great experiment, I applaud you for the detailed analysis and your friend for for supporting you.
It was a good ten minutes wasted as I went over it again. :)

[Bria]

Isha, as always I read your post word for word, and found it to be very informative. I don't go out to malls, only to a friendly TG nite out at Hamburger Mary's as I don't yet have the confidence to go out shopping (or maybe developed the requist thick skin?), so I will file this information for future reference.

I do agree with ronny about the ease with which some people discriminate against others who differ by appearence. I have a good friend that is only about 5' 2" tall, and it is ammazing how he developed a very thick skin as a youth in order to survive the abuse that he suffered. Trial by fire I guess, those who survive are str4onger, but what about those that do not survive?

BTW I noticed that the u is back in colour is it color??

Hugs Bria

[Jacky Aikou]

Isha, thank you for such an insightful post! Sadly, it just confirms what most of us have learned firsthand, but still, a very admirable sociology experiment. I've gotten a few "WTF looks" myself in my rare trips in public. I guess the best we can hope for at present is courteous tolerance. I like to think that outings by dignified people like you and others here will have an aggregate effect and eventually sway public sentiment more in our favor (or at least reduce the ignorant, unwarranted hate).
Hopefully that angry VS clerk isn't plotting some extravagant revenge against all CDers as we speak!
I imagine her opening a CD-friendly lingerie shop just to lure us in for the kill.
Coming soon to the Lifetime Movie Network! :)

[Dana M]

Thanks Isha for your informative experiment. Thanks also to your GG research assistant.

[~Joanne~]

I can't really add much that hasn't been said already but thank you Isha for such a great post.

[bimini1]

Folks will smile in your face and talk behind your back about everything you do at some point. Every time I read a post about some positive experience dealing with the public I have to wonder, was it really that positive? My own fairly rare excursions into the world en femme as well.

There was a story out of a Texas Macy's about an SA who was fired for refusing a TG entry into a dressing room after giving the poor girl a religious fueled tongue lashing about how evil she was. The news media interviewed said SA who said she'd do the same thing again.

[PaulaQ]

Isha, I have the same ability you have - the ability to largely ignore weird looks and other rudeness from people. I literally don't notice most of it. How do you suppose you developed this lack of situational awareness - handy though it is - with your military training?

In my case, I learned to ignore people staring at me because I've always been handicapped, I walk funny, and nearly everyone stares. It's unnerving for people who are with me, but I just don't even notice anymore.

It's an ability that serves you well as a CD, and were you to ever transition, not that you would, but if you did, it would serve you well there.

[LeslieSD]

That is such a wonderful experiment and report.

There are going to be people who are not comfortable with CDs in the society. It is a society thing and it has been that way for a long time. But I can see things are much better now, and people are educated enough to keep their opinion to themselves. Most people will treat you no different with respect. There are plenty of society pressure (PC or financial) to keep any discrimination at bay (e.g., the manager at VS), and I felt lucky to live in this time.

At the same time, it is wise to know that we are indeed read most of the time despite there is no negative reaction. Sometime it is easy to drink ourselves into the illusion that we are totally invisible while indeed it is not. I like to have such reality check once in a while.

Whether we care about what they say is a separate issue. I felt agree with most people here that we have lived long enough to not need to care about other people's opinion that much. I also like to see the reality as it is on whether I am totally passable or not (and other things as well).

Thanks for the nice reality check.

[julie w]

Isha you didn't say what you were wearing and how you presented yourself , were you trying to pass and dress to blend in
or dressed very nice for where you were as to attract attention

[Rachael Leigh]

Wonderful story and really a neat experiment, you know I have to say the SA at the VS store just doesn't surprised me. I think it helps me understand some of us gals who's SO don't understand. We are stepping into their territory a place we have no business in. As guys we have thought the same, we don't like women in our card games or interrupting our ballgames. It's a mans world in those places right? Look I wonder how it was when women first started wearing pants there had to be a lot of bad feelings from men. Now here we are invading territory women always thought only they had place in. So it helps me understand a bit. Thanks Isha

[mechamoose]

Isha, you are awesome :)

I think that in a lot of social situations, people say what is prudent, not what they really think. You tend to talk like your audience will accept. Your GG spy drew her out because she felt 'safe' talking.

'Safe'... what a funny word.

It is all relative, isn't it?

<3

- MM

[Marcelle]

. . . But I will also echo one of your points that despite what you encountered, the world failed to explode based upon the reactions of a few bad apples (and one very bad & unemployed one). Those people are outliers, exceptions, they are NOT the norm . . . It helps not to be delusional about this subject but it also helps not to care in the least bit.

Hi Sara . . . Exactly, the world did not come crashing down around me regardless of what happened in my wake. That is their baggage to deal with good or bad. Did they get a laugh at my expense? Probably but then again not really fussed as I already suspected people were. :)


. . . presence tell you so to your face, or that you are treated as a customer should be?

Hi Nicole . . . while I expect the decency of being treated as a customer from anyone regardless of their own beliefs, I will not get fussed if they seemed put off. If they are rude (as was the SA at VS) I would normally hold them to task. However that would have negated the experiment so, I did not. In the end, I am not fussed what people think about me so long as they are civil and pose no physical threat.


. . .In regards to your question, I don't think Isha cares one way or the other . . . It is all experimentation and you have to find out for yourself, not rely on others information.

Hi Beverley . . . You are correct I am not really fussed about what others think. The experiment was for me . . . kind of a personal growth moment.


. . . At the same time, it is wise to know that we are indeed read most of the time despite there is no negative reaction. Sometime it is easy to drink ourselves into the illusion that we are totally invisible while indeed it is not. I like to have such reality check once in a while.

Hi Leslie . . . I agree. It is important for us who go out to have a healthy appraisal of reality. It is reasonable to expect others to accept us, other to tolerate us and still for some not to like us.

Hugs all

Isha

[GretchenJ]

Hey Isha,

An excellent post as usual. I am at odds with it, because although you want to know the truth, I don't really want to know the truth if you know what I mean.. Classic case of what I don't know can hurt me, Once you got the report, has your confidence varied any?

Thank you for all you do, and for the contributions you make here !

[Rachael Leigh]

I wanted to clarify my comment, while I understand the rude SA at VS it doesn't mean I agree with her it's just by me putting myself in her place I understand how one can feel that way. It's just a lack of understanding us and just trying to let it go instead of being ignorant much like people are when it comes to race or other such things.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think it was a great experiment, and you were very brave to try the medicine out on yourself.

But I also think the result is no great surprise. Many here think that teenage girls have an uncanny ability to pick a CD out of a crowd. I think differently. I think teenage girls have the same inate ability as everyone else (at least of the female persuasion) to pick a CD out of crowd. However, teenage girls, especially in a group, have not yet developed the social filter to keep their mouths shut when they see a CD, and wait until the coast is clear to start laughing about it. Women above the teenage years are sufficiently socially aculturated to keep their mouths shut until the coast is clear, and then have their laughs.

So, if you want to run a simple experiement about how you are perceived by the public, just find a group of teenage geirls. Then you won't need a surrepticious accomplish for your experiment.

[Jenny Elwood]

Death of a crossdresser

"Last round!"

"Shbarman give me anotherrzz."

Sue threw the shot down her throat and plonked her head down on the bar.

"Are you okay my dear?"

Sue looked up and could hardly make out the silhouette of a middle-aged lady through the alcohol induced haze.

"No!"

"What's wrong sweetie, what happened?"

"SShad ze whorsst day of my slife."

"Please tell me about it, maybe I can help"

"Shh got fired becaush I gave shome spervert a peash of my mindd. Sshe was buyingh a bra from thsee store I wash working in..."

"So how did you loose your shoes?"

"Sho I deshided to go home earlish to shurprise my boyfriendsh. Shnuck in the backshdoor and founds him on the coucssh, in my bestsh dressh and shome heelsh. I threwsh him with my shoez and came herez."

Befuddled Sue looked up at her new friend.

"My namesh Shue, what'sh your'sh"

"I'm Joan, but most of the time, people call me John."

"Aaarghhhh!!!"

Sue got a harsh sentence for strangling Joan. The judge was an underdresser...

[trisha kobichenko]

Hi Isha,
This is a great post, and something we all should be aware of. What you think you see is not always what is really there. And while behaving in a certain way to please others is not a very satisfying existence, it's healthy to remember that you are only paranoid if they are NOT after you. Keep up the good work, 'geeky scientist girl', looking forward to the next experiment.
Hugs,
Trish

[Marcelle]

Hey Isha ... Once you got the report, has your confidence varied any?

Hi Gretchen . . . No it has not. I have always suspected this was taking place in my wake . . . this was just the confirmation. I don't let it bother me because that is their opinion and to some degree their right (misguided as it is) just as it is my right to be out and about.


I wanted to clarify my comment . . . It's just a lack of understanding us and just trying to let it go instead of being ignorant much like people are when it comes to race or other such things.

Hi Leigh ... Excellent point. She may have been an intolerant but that could just be ignorance talking. As much as I don't agree with people who put others down (regardless of the situation) I do pity them because their life is small and hate fuelled by ignorance will only damage them in the end.


... So, if you want to run a simple experiement about how you are perceived by the public, just find a group of teenage geirls. Then you won't need a surrepticious accomplish for your experiment.

Easy enough . . . the teen girls/boy giggles, guffaws and rib nudging happens every time I enter a venue where they are. You are right . . . no social filters. But then again they laugh at everything and everyone who they think is funny. I don't begrudge them that . . . they are young and someday they will be the one in the coffee shop being laughed at by a group of teen girls/boys for whatever seems funny.

Hugs all

Isha

[mmdallas]

Thanks for sharing Isha, and putting yourself out there and reporting back. This was extremely interesting but not really surprising. I've never ventured out in public dressed up, but I can see how there would be many different reactions from all sorts of people. Thanks again!