So THIS just literally happened

[cdkateinboston]

Yup, sitting here and my roommate and good friend just walked in on me dressed. Extremely awkward isn't a sufficient statement.

[sara lahna]

damn hope it all works out for you

[Annaliese]

The good thing is you don't have to hide it anymore, just hope he is accepting and it works out.

[mechamoose]

I'm curious how it works out!

/hug

- MM

[cdkateinboston]

Ya I sent a text, probably not the best way to approach it since we live together. I'm kinda freaking out and appreciate the input from everyone

[sara lahna]

stay calm and just remember you are who you are

[Rachael Leigh]

I'm sure it's a little uncomfortable right now but hang in there, it should open things up for a discussion but it might not happen right away

[samantha rogers]

Yes, stay calm... if your roommate is a good friend, truly, you will get through this and laugh about it later. In fact it might not hurt to try and see some of that humor right now, honey.
Hugs

[cdkateinboston]

Easier said then done!! I'm trying to see humor in it...

UPDATE: so I live in Georgia and this kid, good friend and all, is born raised and from the south. He just texted back with a message of support. I'm still freaking out, but it's a bit better. Surprising for sure

[dana digs sweaters]

Nothing to hide now.
Do not let anyone repress you.
If you are not you, then who are you?

[mechamoose]

What has happened, has happened. You can't change it.

Take a breath, and do what you *can* do.. manage what happens next.

Be strong.

<3

- MM

[sara lahna]

thats good to hear....got to wonder how his feeling

[Annaliese]

Don't push him, let him come to terms with you, if he want to talk, answer question, he may want to not say anything, and leave thing as they were. It is not funny, but someday you might be able to laugh about it, but not to day. Keep us up on what happens.

[mykell]

sure you felt like you were in macys window, he/they may be freaking out about it as well, once the shock wears hope that it works out for everyone,
at least their is discussion now.....

[cdkateinboston]

Can I just say this experience sucks :-/

[shawna0289]

Just try and stay positive I was freaking when my gf found my girls cloths but it all worked out

[AndreaSC]

Were you fully dressed? Time to sit down and have a little one on one with him once he gets back....At least he text back a message of support...no use in freaking out now...just move forward from here. Wish you the BEST and keep us updated!

GREAT BIG HUGS!!!

[Heather-Hill]

Most people are accepting when the dust settles, it's not like you have committed a crime. Things are getting better by the moment judging by your recent text.

Good luck, I am holding my breath for the next update.

Love
Heather Xx

[rachaelsloane]

Things happen for a reason, so it was meant to be. Take this opportunity to explain the why & etc. to your roommate and I'm sure he'll be OK with it.

[cdkateinboston]

Thanks ladies, really I don't think the text can sufficiently explain it, but your responses have been what I've been clinging to as I hide in my bedroom. His response has been outstanding, but can I say I'm still hiding in my room terrified to walk out? And I think the worst part was I wasn't fully dressed, just wearing the clothes, like the worst way someone who is dressing can look :-/

[PaulaQ]

It'll be OK hon. It surely will. Younger people are often pretty accepting nowadays.

[samantha rogers]

Might be a good night to open a bottle of wine...:-)

[ChristinaK]

Time heals... for both of you. The waiting is what sucks!

[Christen]

Kate, a lot of us have probably had a similar experience. Happened to me, couldn't breath for minutes. It'll be OK, I'm sure.
Get back out there, honey.

Christen x

[Tracii G]

At least you still have one friend.Let the others follow his lead.
Its done and no changing that just deal with each person individually and see how it goes.

[kimdl93]

Well, give him a call and talk it through. Ask if he would object to seeing your fully dressed and made up.

[Lucy_Bella]

Just own it ,act like it was nothing and be proud..I wouldn't talk about it unless it's brought up life goes on..

[Debra Russell]

Well, give him a call and talk it through. Ask if he would object to seeing your fully dressed and made up.

........and really what if he approves ..on some level - leave him with a good impression .... and talk to him .. openly ... the cats out of the bag ..................Debra

[Jenelle]

Katie,

I am so sorry it happened like this but it could turn into a good thing. I know at times it is hard to see the positive but do try. As for your friend being from the South I understand but have this to say: I was born and raised in the South with the majority of my live being in Georgia. We aren't all closed minded backwoods folk :)

[cdkateinboston]

I'm not sure how to say this, and for sure I understand where the posts come from , but despite how great my roommate has been I can't explain how much your support on this site has meant. Thank you everyone (I'm still hiding In my room)

[samantha rogers]

Kate, are you still dressed or did you change? I am with the others in thinking you need to talk to him... take a deep breath...it isn't going to kill you... no one has ever actually died of embarrassment, honey...:-)

[Jenelle]

I hate to point out the obvious but at some point you will need to leave your room ;) Sorry, I should not be making light of your situation but that is what I tend to do to myself when faced with a predicament. It sounds like your roommate is being very good about the whole thing so maybe you should go out and talk to him face to face. I know that is scary (well I would be scared in the same situation) but it is the only way you are going to get a true read on how he feels.

Hang in there Katie!

[mykell]

if he is there stop hiding, ask him to do something that was "normal" in your relationship, play video, go out and grab a beer, pick up a 6pk and offer him one, its as awkward as being caught playing with the Yankees now, and are you in Boston? so that would be awkward, it will pass in time the first few days will be hardest. he will say yes again eventually!

i know easy for me to say, but i did just reveal to my mate of 31 years this january.....hard two weeks we had
welcome to the gorilla in the room...

[Jenniferathome]

OK, put the phone down, undress, and talk to him. get it all out. Right now, he thinks you are gay and want to become a woman. that's what all the normals think. Tell your story, don't let him make up his own.

It's easy now. It happened. You'll be embarrassed and so will he. Start talking and stop texting.

[cdkateinboston]

Putting the phone down is easier said then done, I'd rather chat with you girls :)

[Jenelle]

Just think of all the things you can chat with us about after you talk to your roommate :) I for one am dying to know how the story unfolds :)

[Sallee]

I think at this point just walk on out and say "hey I guess you know I am a part time cross dresser You probably have a ton of questions so let me explain" and then let happen whatever is going to happen Yea it could suck but my bet is it will all work out. A big weight lifted Good luck keep us posted

[larry]

Get your behind out there while it is fresh and he appears understanding..

[mechamoose]

If you hide, you reinforce that you are doing something "wrong".

If you haven't undressed yet, don't. Go out there and talk to him.

He is your room-mate, not the Judge Of You. The commitment level is pretty damn low. So, your risk level is low.

Unless he is your landlord, he can't do anything worse than disapprove.

If he *IS* your landlord and kicks you out, then call a lawyer.

Things will be ok, dear.

- MM

[LeslieSD]

It happened to me once in school. No big deal. Just said I like to do that once in a while. No more questions, discussions, whatever. It is not their business.

Take it easy. It is going to be nothing.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kate,

I am with Jennifer on this one. Put the phone down and change back into boy you. Once done go out and chat with your friend. He knows boy you more than girl you and will need this conversation coming from boy you as he needs to see you not Kate during the conversation. It may be difficult but it needs to be done sweetie, you can't hide in your room forever. He has put out his hand . . .take it and be the friend you always have.

Hugs

Isha

[cdkateinboston]

Hey girls, I know your all totally correct and my roommate has been absolutely supportive via text, but for some reason I still can't face him admitting I'm a crossdresser . Maybe this feeling makes sense to some of you , or maybe I'm stupid and not taking advantage of an ideal situation? Either way have I said how much this sucks? I really appreciate the support, really

[mechamoose]

I would suggest that you are freaked out because you were *discovered* instead of *revealed*.

What is the worst that could happen? Really, think about that.. what is the WORST that could happen? What is that going to cost you? Really...

It isn't going to kill you, it isn't going top wreck your life.

Go talk to your friend.

<3

- MM

*Breathe* hon.

[Kristencdct]

We'll said Isha. Once you get some support from a friend, it takes you a step farther.

[CynthiaD]

I'm a lot older than you, and I've been caught many times. I suspect that the source of you embarrassment/bad feelings is your feeling that you're doing something bad or at least socially unacceptable.

You're not.

When I get caught I just act like absolutely nothing is wrong or even a little bit out of the ordinary. I don't confess or offer explanations. I let the other person ask the questions. And you know what? Nobody ever does ask any questions.

[Ineke Vashon]

Hey girls, I know your all totally correct and my roommate has been absolutely supportive via text, but for some reason I still can't face him admitting I'm a crossdresser .

You don't have to face him and admit you're a crossdresser. He's seen you and he KNOWS. You're acting out of natural feelings of fear and embarassment. He has already shown to be highly supportive. He may be just cool with it. It's been said, the cat is out of the bag.

Instead of you explaining things to him why not meet him and invite him to do all the talking?

Ineke

[jjjjohanne]

The only reason in my mind that you should talk to him tonight is to control the out-flow of information. But, you could handle that via text messaging. "Please don't tell my secret to anyone." might be a wise thing to ask of him. Otherwise, you can see him tomorrow and both pretend it didn't happen until you are ready to speak. If that is you in your avatar, then you have a pretty good presentation. But, to be precise, what was your state of dress when he came in? Clothed, but no makeup is how I interpreted your earlier post. Is that correct?

[mechamoose]

"Please don't tell my secret to anyone." might be a wise thing to ask of him.

I'm sorry, I know my life circumstances are different than a lot of you.. but I just don't understand this.

Why hide now that he knows? Is what you are doing *wrong*?? Does it violate some law?

Friends are people who know your flaws and like you *anyway*.

<3

- MM

[Jenniferathome]

You can't hide from him forever, or even a day, probably. The shock is over. Now is the time for explanations. If he's a friend, he deserves it, face to face

[Valerie]

Wow, I understand how you feel. My guess is that best is to get out and talk with your real friend, instead of with the one you are now imagining... Or you will not sleep tonight... My guess, by what you say about the text message, is that he is not too surprised and will be suportive...

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Kate , you have received excellent advise from girls who care for you. Your room mate cares for you . Please offer a helping hand to him by explaining the Kate within you . You will feel so much better . Peace , mel

[JenniferYager]

Yikes! Doesn't look fun at all. But, at this point, best to be honest. You're not going to fool him, and at least he sounds willing to listen.

[cdkateinboston]

Again thanks ladies, I appreciate the outpouring of advice. At this point its literally about me having the courage to face him with me knowing that he knows. And its so much easier said then done! I'm not sure how today would have went without the support of everyone who reached out on this site. I havent been as interactive with this site as a should have been, but dear lord after today thats gonna change! I cant express how much the support has meant, today was traumatic

[lindsey89]

Hi Kate,

Although the situation doesn't sound ideal, it definitely could have been worse. My advice would be just to tell him you are available to answer any questions he has and to not feel ashamed of yourself when you do go talk to him face to face. Getting caught like that sucks but at least it is a starting point for a conversation. Good luck :)

[PaulaQ]

I think the best thing you can do hon is just come totally clean to him - come out. Tell him your story, whatever it is. There's no point in worrying about it - what's done is done. He knows. You can't change that, all you can really do is tell your story sympathetically so hopefully he's cool about it all. I think you have a really good chance at this.

[Zylia]

Well, you just basically told us my worst nightmare:D

Seriously though, this probably will work out just fine. I'd be careful with telling any person too much right away. I'd say give him the cliff notes (i.e. No I'm not gay and I don't want to be a woman (unless you are gay and/or do want to be a woman, in which case he probably understands it right away)) as a 'just for the record' notification and let him ask any questions if he wants to. He probably will eventually. There's no point in telling him your life's story right away if he doesn't have that big of a stake in it.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Well, it's the next day. Hope things have smoothed over. You know that we are here for you, let us know how it is turning out. Hugs!!

[laura.lapinski]

OMG, I can understand how you feel. One time, I 19 years old and was MB-ing, but doing it in a way where all my clothes were on and I was just applying pressure in the right spot. I had all these magazines laid out showing pretty, clothed women. One of my female roommates walked into the living room (I thought I was alone), and I was so embarrassed I just placed my hands over my face to hide it and melted with my legs tucked into a sort of sitting, fetal position. It is the most embarrassing moment in my life up to this point. I hope this works out for you. We are here to help and listen.

[Sheila11]

As someone who also has had someone walk in on them I know exactly how you feel. There are not enough words to describe the flood of mixed emotions that wash over and over you. I have little advice but to wish you well and as a very wise person once said, 'This too shall pass '.

[Tracii G]

You need to get out there and talk to him and answer any questions he has. Good Lord its not the end of the world.
The hard part is over so quit being a baby and face your friend you owe him that.
Explain your other side and tell him you are the same person no matter how you are dressed.If he is a true friend all this won't matter anyway.
He might be cool with it and he could be someone you could go out with if you are in the closet.
It could be an advantage for you to have a friend like that.It would be a shame not to at least try.
Texting and not facing him is silly.

[Beverley Sims]

I think Zylia has explained the limitations of your reveal.
Now is the time to go out and do it.

[Chickhe]

To start...he violated your privacy, maybe in an innocent way, but on the other hand it is something that can't be undone. You need to make sure he understands that and also now that the secret is out, make it in to something fun for both of you...if you do social things together convince him to dress up with you on halloween to show his support.

[Majella St Gerard]

Well the cat's out of the bag, what can you do now. He seems to be OK with it so just relax, sooner or later he was gonna find out. It's very liberating to not have to hide anymore, the best thing I ever did was to come out, if someone don't like it, you can't help that, just live your life and be yourself.

[Hell on Heels]

Wow Kate, talk about nightmares coming true, but great advice has been offered here, you can't hide from it, or deny that it happened. If your friend is a true friend, I'm sure everything will work out fine once the awkward feelings have passed. I hope all goes well between you and your friend.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Lori Kurtz]

This was a huge big deal for you, as I'm sure it would be for a lot of us. But in today's world, most people know that there all kinds of variations in people's sexual identities and practices. So for your friend and roommate, this might not have been a huge big deal at all. Maybe they just said, "Wow, I never would have suspected that about [your-male-name]," and then proceeded to go on with their lives. It certainly seems that this is what your roommate is doing, anyway. So pull up your big-girl panties and be happy to be who you are. I certainly understand the motivation to keep some parts of your life secret from some people. Some people can handle it and some can't. Sounds like maybe your roommate is in the "can handle it" category.

[Adriana Moretti]

so whats the end result here??? its been a day? have you left your room yet? have you spoke with him? whats the update? inquiring minds want to know...I am sure it is fine & its all in your head but that is easier said than done for sure.

[MssHyde]

maybe text him tell him how you feel,, tell him you would prefer the finished look rather then the awkward stage.

tell him it doesn't change the you that he knows, but you would like to show him how you like you present yourself at times.

[jessica76]

Kate, I would bring it up with him and just let him know this is part of who you are. Embarrassing situations like this are bound to happen but I would be willing to guess if you brought it up and said this is part of me, that he would be ok with it. Hang in there.

[Annaliese]

Not sure about anyone else, but I want to know what happened,

[Adriana Moretti]

me too....wtf? the drama is high on this thread, she has us hanging on a cliff here...its like the finale of the sopranos

[Michelle V]

OMG! This is like a soap opera, can't wait to see what happens, can't believe I miss the initial post...damn picture and video gallery always pulling me away from everything else!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kate, So is it going is the Earth going to keep turning??

[Tami Monroe]

me too....wtf? the drama is high on this thread, she has us hanging on a cliff here...its like the finale of the sopranos Is anyone else worried that a day has passed since she last posted on this thread? Hmmm....!

[sanderlay]

Kate's last post was # 53 in this thread and the forum.

High Drama to say the least.

[Tami Monroe]

I am actually getting a little worried here.

[Genny B]

Hope the advise wasn't bad! Waiting to hear the end result also...
Genny B

[samantha rogers]

Ok, I just got a text from her and she says everything is ok and that she and her roommate are cool. Happy ending, I guess, girls!

[sara lahna]

thats good to hear

[Tami Monroe]

I am really glad to hear that.

[Julie Gaum]

Kate, one response referred to an experience with a GG but remember that on this Forum alone there are hundreds of stories every year of the Great Reveal to either a GF or a wife. And too often that wife finds out after years of marriage and probably with kids now to deal with --- you think that YOUR experience sucks?
You're already half way home in that you received an initial support; however your roommate may still not have a clue about CDing and the great variations of practice. Same advice we give to shocked wives: have many sit-downs and spoon feed what you are about --- accepting and supporting first requires understanding and that's your mission --- so now you can burn this tape and get on with it
Julie

[lingerieLiz]

Years ago my roommate found out. He was out of town and gave a key to his girlfriend who came over to clean up things for when he got back. While he was out of town I got out all my stuff including my wig which was setting on a foam head. When he got back she told him all about it. I told him my new girlfriend was there. He didn't believe me and confirmed that the neighbors had seen me. Long story, but I moved.

Later we were working in the same location and remained friends. We were very good at what we did and eventually moved up and transferred to new assignments.

[cdkateinboston]

So a quick update for those who have shown such amazing interest and care for what happened. So my room mate and I haven't discussed it outside of him texting me yesterday to say we were still friends, but our interactions and conversations have been like normal and we watched tv in the living room. So still something that will have todos cuss eventually but glad our friendship seems fine. Thank you again everyone so much for keeping my back from the proverbial ledge when I wa in crisis

[mykell]

glad to hear about the normalcy and that you even posted,
hope you all are doing well, but what about the third party,
are things ok their too.....

[Adriana Moretti]

Good to hear !

[Traci Simmmons]

This reminds me of a scene in "Tootsie" where Dustin Hoffman's roommate finds him dressed as Tootsie. "I begged you to go to therapy!" Hilarious movie. Maybe you and your roommate can watch it together. Traci

[qaws123uk]

Good luck! I hope every goes (and has gone) well

[cdkateinboston]

And just to address the delay in response, I apologize for anyone I worried. I'm a graduate student and have a major career deciding presentation to give in two weeks so I was locked away all day working on it. Awkward enough start to te day as my roommate and I also work in the same lab. And I certainly hope I didn't catch anyone with any offense, I definitely was not trying to compare my experience to those who tell their wives or long term SOs (I have a negative experience in that arena unfortunately). For me the shock was that this reveal wasn't on my own term, which I know many ladies unfortunately experience. Again I can't express enough gratitude to all the sisters and friendly support offered

[Michelle V]

Seems like your roommate is cool about it, I bet staying busy helped a lot. Kate I guess there is no turning back, let your new life begin, congratulations.

[sanderlay]

Kate,

Thanks for the updates and I'm so glad everything worked out between you and your roommate. And good luck with your career presentation. I hope it all works out as planed.

Best wishes,
Steve/Debbie :)

[Jessicah]

Who knows kate, he might also cd and need your help or pointers. At the very least, perhaps you two could work out a schedule where you don't have to hide your cd tendencies while at home?

Best wishes to you.

[Stephanie Miller]

Kate,
May I offer a small piece of advice? I had a good friend that was also caught like you. I suggested he go back home and plant two chairs in the room -FACING AWAY from each other. He was to tell his roommate he got to ask 5 questions. Pick them carefully.
What this did was to open up communication and set a limit for departure if it got too uncomfortable. It didn't, and the question and answer period went on to the two of them turning their chairs around and finishing it in a normal good natured way (2 hours later). With boundaries being set etc. They remain good friends 8 years later.
Even if you have talked somewhat, it may not have been faced head on. A lot of evasive talk.
Give it a shot and good luck.

[erindemia]

Add another concerned friend. Hope all is well!

[Ozark]

I was sort of hoping that they talked all night and into the next morning, finding that some of them each met other's needs and passions, got to know each other better, fell in love together, got married and lived happily ever after. And that was always exciting too.