Random thought ?

[Lexi Moralas]

It has dawned on my that, just maybe part of the SO's problem with my " hobby"
Might be just that, that I had a hobby. I had something she didn't ? A means to escape the pressure of everyday life for just a little while. And even worse I was keeping it a secret and sneaking around to do it! I thinking that might be part of her hatred for my fem side ?
The idea could be totally ridiculous but it is just a thought

[Beverley Sims]

Lexi,
The problem is that you kept it hidden and did not share it earlier in your relationship.

[Laura912]

Is this your only hobby? What happens if you indulge the other hobby to the extent you do this one? Personally, I doubt that her feelings relate to the hobby component but more likely, to the secrecy and sneaking and, to some people, the weirdness of it all. Last question...how much have you and your SO talked about this? Asking her these questions will get you more accurate answers than asking us.

[Madie]

It's really hard to say. There's a lot you could speculate about. Best thing to do if you want those answers would be to inquire to her about them.

[Lynn Marie]

Good observation Lexi. From what I've seen, the women who've loved me really kind of resented my hobbies as something that took me away from them, and they were right! They wanted all of me, and I was holding part of me back. No wonder we often try to hide how much we're spending on our toys and our hidden obsessions. Isn't there some saying about not being able to live with them?

[Sandra]

Lol well I've heard some things on here but this takes the biscuit. I would say it's more like the fact that you kept if from her.

[JenniferR771]

Yes, but in my case my wife's negative attitude is probably due to a bit of residual homophobia. Perhaps it is left over from the 1970's. We are all stumbling into our new future.
She is slowly becoming a bit accommodating. She has never bought my anything girly--maybe someday--if I treat her right.

[Katey888]

Even if we accept the position that for some of us it might be just a 'hobby' (which I doubt in reality...) - it's a hobby that has lashings of fetish (pardon the pun..) and sexuality attached, in reality for many and perception for even more, plus it's a hobby that goes against social taboos and accepted norms of behaviour, exposing said hobbyist to likely derision and humiliation if outed, along with hobbyist's SO... bit like telling someone you intend joining an extreme political organisation on the fringes of legality... I don't suppose many SOs would be bowled over by that either.

So, add those to the time that some of us could and do spend obsessively on our hobby (not necessarily you, Lexi - I'm generalising) and I can see that being a problem.

Even without that, some folk just don't like 'hobbies'... I need special permission to play golf, but if I tried to do it every other day, not only would that be unreasonable, but it would be a big chunk of time that wasn't there for relationship time...

And secrecy doesn't help either, obviously...

So your point was... We are actually as bad as some SOs think we are...? Yes - probably... Life... the universe... everything... :)

Katey x

[Jenniferathome]

I think you have missed the mark. Cross dressings not a "hobby" in her eyes nor to the average normal. It's far too weird for a "hobby." Don't kid yourself

[Nadine Spirit]

I don't think that it was a hobby so much as you made it appear as an illicit hobby.

I know that most folks that keep it secret from their SOs do so out of fear, shame, guilt, etc. But by keeping it a secret you make it seem as though there is something wrong or bad about it.

[MsVal]

Lexi, when is your next CD related discussion planned?

We can clear a lot of confusion and reduce speculation quite a bit by having frank talks about the elephants in the rooms. There is a lot of incentive to ignore them, I get that, I have to struggle with that myself. Ignoring an elephant won't make it go away; talking about it won't either, but you will each know what the other is thinking about it and may come to an agreement on how to live with it.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Cheryl T]

The sneaking and hiding is what upset my wife.
The feeling of being left out, not being trusted with my secret was her biggest issue. The thought was if he hides this, what else doesn't he tell me.


Open up, be honest and talk, talk, talk.

[kimdl93]

probably not. No, she has the usual reservations or aversions to having a CD partner. These are well documented and deeply affecting. I wouldn't trivialize her concerns by suggesting it boils down to being jealous that you have a pass time.

[Tina_gm]

Nadine and Cheryl hit the mark about the hiding and its effects. Being left out of the loop of anything with our spouses never make us feel good about whatever it is that is going on. We are not good enough to know, or special enough?.... And of course when we hide it then later on say how there is nothing wrong with what we are, the hiding of it only contradicts the sentiment.

Then of course there is the simple idea of CDing itself, which is not an easy pill for many GG's to swallow. It goes against the nature of what they desire. Men are attracted to women for various reasons, and vice versa. Then throw CDing and any type of gender bending into the mix... it goes against that attraction. There is yet another element to deal with for the GG who is with a CDer or who decides to stay with one after a reveal. how does the GG separate herself, and how does she feel she can offer us anything we don't already have when it comes to femininity? The truth is for those of us CDers who are hetero, we adore the femininity every bit as much and probably even moreso than the average guy does. But it is very difficult for GG's to feel this or understand this.

[jessica76]

There are some things that you should not tell a SO and then there are things you should. This is one of those things you should have told her. I think some of the other posts made a good point with the whole GG and her feelings in relation to what she thinks is "normal". If you break that mold and she is not into it, trouble will arise from her side in that she might question herself as a woman. She could also begin to question your sexuality. It just becomes much more of a mess if not discussed up front.

The best thing you could do know is explain what you like about and how it makes you happy. Hopefully she can get around the sneaking around part. Most people get a heightened sense of awareness once they have caught you or suspect you are sneaking around for whatever reason.