Crossdressing Boyfriend

[Anna123]

Hello everyone...

I am just posting because I have some questions about crossdressing.. I am 19 years old and my boyfriend has recently opened up to me about his crossdressing. I am completely comfortable with it and have since bought him heels, makeup and seen him in female clothing (although never all at once, we always seem to do it in stages). I understand that it is an urge that he gets, and that he does not want to be a women or be with men... With him also his main interest is heels, however he does enjoy the rest of the experience as well..

My only issue is that although I enjoy shopping with him, he always wants to go (which I dont mind) but then gets moody whenever we do.. It is mainly whenever we look at heels, I will quietly ask him if there are any that he likes and he will grumpily respond 'well I dont know do I?!'. I think it is mainly that he is worried to touch any of them or appear too interested in case other people realise, however I do not think they would as they are more likely to think he is helping me choose for myself or a friend etc, and even if they did, we do not know them so it would not be the end of the world (although I understand it makes him nervous).. I am asking for help in how to make these trips more relaxing for both of us, at the moment I do not really enjoy them as he gets so grumpy which often ends up with me being frustrated and not wanting to help him at that time, and then it escalates...


Thankyou for your help

Anna x

[Laura912]

You have the answer in your own post. He is nervous, young, and regarded as a male so he gets all tangled up in the guilt which turns to grumpiness. You are wonderful for being so understanding...make sure he knows that! Be patient and coax him to being more comfortable with accepting your help. Tell him, I said he is really lucky to have your support!

[NZ_Dawn]

He is lucky to have someone so special and understanding! Try letting him know before the next shop that you enjoy and want to help shopping. (Describe it like gifl friends out shopping pehaps) But also let him know you dont like the grumpy, thats not fair. I was sort of guilty of the same in the beginning; being unsure and possibly a little fear in case things went turtle. Can he let you know how to help or respond, it sounds all very new to him. Hope it all contnues well for you both.

[Kelly DeWinter]

He should not be getting grumpy at YOU for asking a reasonable question, or making snarky comments to you. It's time he had an attitude adjustment and realize how fortunate he is to have a gf that's OK with his fetish.

[Amanda M]

Anna - first of all, thanks for being here, for him and for you. This is, as has been said, about doubt, nervousness and fear. He knows that you are pretty comfortable with what is going on, clearly, but I suspect that at the back of his mind, there is a nagging doubt that you are such a gem!

I wouldn't tell him as Laura suggested (sorry Laura) that he is lucky to have your support. He already knows that, and is being very self controlling. Unlike many, who get confused in the Pink Fog, he does not want to alienate you by seeming too keen.

The fact is, Anna, that I have been there! Often I have thought "I would kill (or at least maim) for a pair of these, and yet, and yet, I would not say that to my wife. Totally and irredeemably stupid on my part.

May be hand him a fistful (or a small handful) of dollars and say go buy heels. I love your taste, and I am so looking forward to a surprise!"

To him - and strangely, to many of us here, ladies like you are a pearl beyond price.

[Katey888]

Dear Anna,

You're both so young and have so much to develop around confidence and relationships.. most of it is fun..:)

Sounds to me like he just needs a bit more confidence in being with you, checking over potential purchases, and knowing that being with you will mean he is 'safeguarded' from suspicion... Take a bit of time - keep trying, but be patient...

Perhaps before you shop you should agree that if he feels uncomfortable, you should stop shopping for him for a while, exit the store and just do something neutral... get your confidence back, and then go back to it... It shouldn't be feeling like a race or pressured... Talk to him and try to find out how to make him feel more comfy.

And btw - you are a dear girl for being this way towards him.. there seem few that are as open-minded as you around.. :)

Katey x

[Amanda M]

Sorry, Kelly - fetish???????

[anonymousinmaryland]

Laura 912 has the answer. I hope he is as good to you and for you as you are for him. Hugs.

[kimdl93]

here's the deal. As noted above, he's young and although he wants to express this part of himself and trusts you, he's coping with the usual burdens of self doubt and embarrassment that often plague CDrs ...sometimes throughout their lives. The grumpiness is in a sense, his effort to preserve the male pretense.

So how to get past it? Well, it really starts with conversation. He needs to be reassured that you see this as an acceptable and positive thing....but he also needs to work on accepting himself. He needs to learn that he is OK....and that many young males have similar interests. He needs to understand that being a cross dresser does NOT mean he is a pervert, nor a criminal, nor diminished as a valuable human being. It took me decades to reach that point, but with your patient support and encouragement, he can get there much more quickly, and shopping and dressing up can become something you can share and enjoy.

[Nadine Spirit]

When I first went shopping for my own female items, I was totally and completely embarrassed. I really thought that I would be laughed at and ridiculed, especially if I tried on female shoes while dressed as a male. And trying on shoes is pretty much a must if you want to actually end up with a wearable pair. It has taken me quite some time to be comfortable with who I am.

The only way I have arrived at any sort of comfort level that folks were not going to start poking me with pitchforks and yelling "monster!" is to actually experience the total non response of society over and over and over again and again.

I am sure that his moodiness is not with you, but with himself. Most of us are quite annoyed that we want what we want and we totally do not understand why. So in the moment of buying stuff, in the early stages, we are totally torn, I want the shoes, but I hate myself for wanting the shoes. I want the shoes but people are going to think I am a freak if I try them on, thus I hate myself and I hate others because I want the damn shoes!

[Teresa Monsivais]

Hello Anna and welcome to this group. It sounds that he isn't comfortable yet and may be very much his nervousness. I wonder if he gets extremely nervous when you whisper to him because he may think someone in the store may have heard you tell him if he sees anything he likes? (despite you being discrete). It may make him think like all eyes are on him (obviously an irrational thought) and he is afraid of getting outed etc. Does he get moody with other things when he is stressed, overwhelmed or nervous? If so, it may be the way he handles stressful situations in general. Be patient but also he needs to work on communicating his feelings to you. If he does not, maybe you may want to set some boundaries. Maybe something like, : I really enjoy shopping with you and supporting you on your crossdressing but I can not be part of this if you continue to speak to me in a way that is (insert feeling i.e. hurtful, aggressive, abusive etc).

good luck

Teresa

[Kate Simmons]

It won't be more relaxing to him until he is ready for it to be. Some things just take time my friend. :)

[KittyD]

Hi :) Well tbh with you I'm 42 & I still get a little silly about buying clothes & shoes when I go out hunting for the good stuff :P Online shopping is a great way to over come that in a way... plus if youv'e got big size 10 feet like me the internet is a dream come true for heels LOL :D
I think its an age thing & the older Ya get the less you care about what other people think about you and what you enjoy doing in your life and with your time :)
You sound like a totally uber lOvely person :) ox

[Jacky Aikou]

Hi Anna, welcome to the forum! Your bf is truly lucky to have somebody as caring as you.

I can't offer much other than what's been posted already (I especially agree with Theresa's and Nadine's replies), but I regret to say I've acted in a similar way to my wife (GF at the time) while shopping in the past. Shopping for feminine clothes was sometimes a very tense experience, and I would be unappreciative and short-tempered even though my wife was just trying to help me. For me, it was a self-esteem/guilt issue (me shopping for women's clothes is wrong/I am a lousy man) plus being overwhelmed at the same time (Look at all these clothes! I am lost!). I had no confidence and wouldn't let myself enjoy the moment and take the time to honestly think of fashion and just shop. I took that stress out on my poor wife.

Maybe your BF feels similarly? Airing the topic with him might help - hopefully he will be receptive to an open talk! We're not always as mature as we should be when we're 19. Good luck! Just FYI, I worked on my attitude and try to be much more considerate toward my wife and people in general now.

[Anna123]

Thankyou everybody for your replies!

They have all been very helpful..
It is true that this is something new for him and time and support can only help him to become more comfortable with it :) I will definitely look in to online shopping with him some more as it will be a good solution for when he wants a quick and easy fix of clothes/shoes etc.. and as part of the fun is in the actual shopping process I will continue to go with him but perhaps yes if he is showing discomfort I will suggest another activity for a while until he feels better again.. and if i need to i will mention that he is being grumpy and that I dont like it..

It also does sound quite fun to give him some money and see what he comes back with! Perhaps when he is a bit more comfortable I will try that :P

You have all been very helpful and sweet,

Thanks a lot!

Anna x

[Teresa]

Hi Anna,
Your boyfriend is very lucky but at the moment he won't see it like that, he may be confused by the role you're playing when shopping, it's not that many years when perhaps mum shopped for him in other areas. He may get over his nerves better if he shops alone and develops a better rapport with SAs, it does get better and can be fun, perhaps better not to encourage him to shop dressed for the time being that's a different ball game.
As others have suggested online shopping is another way round the problem but won't cure his nerves.
The other problem you could have is that he doesn't know where he wants to be with his CDing so he gets tetchy when he's choosing things because he doesn't know when and where he is going to wear them.
The other question is he a member of the forum ? It could help him to find his answers.

[Tracii G]

Welcome Anna and I agree with all the answers given by all.
He needs to understand just how lucky he is to have you as a partner.
He may be dealing with a lot of things right now that he won't talk about only because he is not sure who he is just yet.
If you can help him discover a few things that is a good thing but don't push him too hard for answers yet he needs to grow on his own.
Its possible to be comfy in both male and female modes just finding the balance is the key.

[Confucius]

First of all, you sound like an absolute angel. Really!

You are also correct that your boyfriend is nervous that he will do something that will "out" him, and his big secret will be exposed. If that happens then he is afraid he may have to kill himself. So what should you do???

First of all when you go shopping reassure him that he has nothing to be nervous about. When you go shopping use some code words. For instance, if he likes something he should respond by saying "it looks like your old shoes". He may just want you to make most of the decision making. Pick a few shoes you think he would like, and ask for his opinion. When he says, "this looks like your old shoes" then that's the one. You may even do a practice run in the privacy of your room before you go shopping.

Since you know that shopping in public makes him nervous you should always rehearse before going out for the real thing. He will develop confidence with time.

[Allisa]

Just one more view of your problem not mentioned, have you ever watched a man shop? It's in the door, go to what you want, pick it up, go to the register and pay ,then leave. No comparing items,now add to this gender confusion, shame, embarrassment, lesser knowledge of product, etc. and you have grumpy man. Some of us have to learn how to shop and enjoy it. It may be that simple. He is very lucky to have you in his corner, please be patient, male ego is at play here. He will find himself and the fun will begin.

With all luck and joy Lisa

[MatildaJ.]

You might also try shopping further from home. He may relax more if he feels less worried that someone he knows might see him trying on women's shoes.

[kathrynt21]

Anna-
As you can see these types of posts usually get a lot of responses. That's because we have all been there.
Your BF, as has been stated, is young and nervous.
BUT, he is totally and completely lucky to have you as a GF! We all want that. The acceptance and patience you are showing is commendable and shows your love and affection for him.
He will get more and more used to things and will be more comfortable as time goes on as he accepts HERSELF more and more.
When I first started shopping, it was for "someone else." "A gift."
I am totally comfortable shopping with my wife because you are correct in assuming that people will think we are shopping for her.
After a while I started being more comfortable and now I shop alone all of the time. This morning in fact! Haha.
You'd be surprised how little other people care.
There is a great quote from a John Steinbeck novel called "The Winter Of Our Discontent."
"You wouldn't care so much about what other people think of you if you knew how little they did it."
Keep being supportive and if she wants to talk to someone (or you) I'd be happy to help.

[pantyguysb]

Unfortunately, I have done the same thing. If he is anything like me, he appreciates your support and my guess is he will become more comfortable with it. Maybe come up with a plan before you head out. Code words maybe?

[dana digs sweaters]

Welcome Anna,
and as Jessm said, maybe a little further away mileage wise, may ease his "fears".
AND! tell him that in do time he will laugh at himself for his "fears" of shopping for any female item.
We have ALL been there :)

[mechamoose]

Laura 912 has the answer.

I agree. He doesn't feel confident.

Shop online. Zappos, Payless, Torrid, Shoes of Prey.. LOTS of choices. You get to browse together without him being embarrassed.

Part of it may be that he doesn't really *know* what he likes.

Lots of sites let you do wish lists. Have him go through some sites and point out things he thinks are attractive. Not attractive on HIM.. just attractive.

Then go through that and pick the best few. Have him try them on, walk around... wear them for an hour.

He will either like them or he won't.. he might be 'iffy' (that counts as a no).

He could be, regardless of what he says, be 'timid'. Afraid of letting that part of him out and getting it all wrong... of getting hurt.

You are being *wonderful* for supporting him. Continue to encourage him. I used to be a flannel and corduroy kind of guy.. a wonderful woman helped draw me out of my shell. ( My Intro (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?210837-Hello&highlight=) )

<3

-MM

[Tara Power]

I wish I was lucky enough to have a gf to go clothes shopping with (heck id settle for a gf right now!) But for me whenever I started shopping by myself my god it was so nervewracking and awkward but usually ended up in buying things in the wrong sizes or something I didn't want, just for the purposes of buying something. I can empathise with your partner for sure!
When I used to get dragged round shopping malls with my ex (before I dressed) I hated it, getting trailed round shops it would take ages and I'd get tired and hungry and ratty just like a child, now I would love it as it would give me an opportunity and cover just to spend hours looking at all the different clothes without feeling weird.

As for my suggestion;if your other half has a female name they like to use, use it when youre out shopping with him e.g. lift up a pair of heels "Do you think that X would like this?" Or I think X would look great in this top, what do you think?" All he needs to do is give a grunt for yes or no if he feels really reallly awkward. But make suggestions, give compliments as if you were talking girly chat shopping with one of your girlfriends buying clothes for a friend.

Overtime, he'll be more confident and learn just to own it! When he sees himself all fully dressed up and looking amazing the guard will come down and be more vocal about getting what he wants. It was for me at least starting out very unsure because I started with buying a few things and didnt feel right about it until top to bottom was fully dressed and could see the potential woman was there all along, hidden.

Hope ive helped x

[Mimi]

Is he shopping for shoes en femme, or in male mode? If he's shopping in male mode, part of his grumpiness could be due to the fact that he can't really enjoy the shopping--he has to be furtive, act like they aren't for him, etc., which really spoils the whole thing. He may be feeling resentful of all the GGs who are able to casually poke among the shoes and try on whatever they want. If he's en femme, then make sure you are at a store where you feel comfortable and can select the sizes on your own, and you don't have to rely on the sales person to bring you boxes of shoes and personally fit you. Payless, Kohls, DSW, Famous Footwear, Off Broadway--these stores are all user friendly, and have at least some selection in the larger sizes.

If he's not out shopping en femme at this time, is this a goal? If so, he will enjoy the shopping much more. Just make sure you are both comfortable with the store and the location. Best of luck, and it sounds like he's very lucky to have you.

[Terraforming]

I've been out for a while, and it's still a pretty new thing for me to have any confidence while I'm shopping at all. It's a mix of nerves from other people seeing you do something you aren't supposed to and conditioning to not have any interest in shopping. Right now he's probably even at a point where he thinks you're probably judging him as well (since he doesn't know anything right now). Just try to talk to him outside of those experiences and get some more trust when going out. When that happens, he'll be able to focus more on you and what you think instead of whether or not people are staring and judging him.

[Beverley Sims]

Anna,
Try going shopping with him dressed, it may be the cure you are looking for.

[StacyLynn]

It's great that you're so supportive of your boyfriend Anna. I wish there were more women like you. But like others have suggested, his moodiness is likely due to his nerves and guilty feelings. To be honest I would think that I'd probably react in a similar manner. For me it's uncomfortable shopping as I'm still closeted. You should've see me buying makeup for the first time this weekend! I paced back and forth from the aisle pretending I didn't know what I was looking for then just dipped in and grabbed some and bee lined to the self check out.

I hope that in the future he becomes more comfortable shopping with you. Maybe talk to him about how he feels while shopping? Maybe mention what you said about making it appear like he's helping you pick some out for yourself or a friend.

[ReineD]

I am asking for help in how to make these trips more relaxing for both of us, at the moment I do not really enjoy them as he gets so grumpy which often ends up with me being frustrated and not wanting to help him at that time, and then it escalates...

The first year or so when my SO went out together in public, she was hugely stressed and it did come off as grumpiness. I wondered why she wanted to go out at all, since she didn't seem to be having any fun. And I have to admit this was stressful for me too.

It turned out that she really did enjoy going out and the stress was related to fear of being read and fear of being harshly treated as the result. The more she went out and got comfortable with the fact that the majority of people do behave as if they don't care, the better it got for us.

Do give it time, I'm sure it will get better. In the meantime you might want to just check in with your SO and ask him to not be so gruff with you if he is upset about something.

[Vickie_CDTV]

He is probably experiencing both excitement as well as a lot of shame and guilt at the same time, and that is why he is acting so oddly. He loves the shoes, may even get a bit excited by it all but also feels terrible shame for being interested in women's shoes. (I know all about being ashamed of wanting to wear women's things etc.) As an alternative, why not try shopping online with him? Since he isn't trying the shoes on anyway, you might as well try shopping from home and see if he changes how he feels.

You are really a sweetheart, as there are very few GGs who tolerate much less participate in their boyfriend's crossdressing. If he gets too out of line... don't be afraid to remind him of that :)

[Alexand]

Your boyfriend is so lucky!!!
I think very very few crossdressers have had a girlfriend so understanding as you!
Things depend on your overall relationship and communication however. I think if your mental relationship is good overall, things will definitely become better regarding the cd issue and behavior in general. After all it's the society's rules that make it all seem so complicating and frustrating.

People are what they are and feel what they feel. Only love and positive mental attitude can help make everything easier.

[Marcelle]

Hi Anna,

WELCOME BTW. I believe you are on the right track . . . just support him and he will get there. If this is new to him as it is to you, then there is a lot to process (for both of you). Being a guy in public is easy for a CDer being "en femme" or just shopping for girl clothes is harder to process. He will get there once he has built up a bit of confidence. Your support and love will help him along this journey.

Hugs

Isha

[yvonne10]

From my own experience it is partly nerves and part wiry that he has confided in you and that you are trying to help him he has been alone with his feelings all his life then suddenly someone else is there to help him it is a lot to take in that you are not judging him and are willing to help .i was the same with my wife we used to go round charity shops and if I did not get anything I too would get in a mood I was like a child that could not have any sweets

[Melissa_59]

I think it is mainly that he is worried to touch any of them or appear too interested in case other people realise...

You hit the nail on the head right there, he's worried that someone else will "figure it out." Change how you ask perhaps - let him know ahead of time that you're going to ask this way, but say "Do you think those would look good on XXXXX" which is his other self (if he's picked a name), and give your opinion (if you like them) such as "I think she'd look great in those" and that should help with the situation. In time your boyfriend will get over this part, but a lot of us go through it. Secret codes help get you past this phase though. :)

He's a lucky person to have you though, I hope he sees this and realizes that.

~Mel

[Anna123]

Thanks again everyone for being so helpful!! :)

We have not had the chance to go shopping or anything really as it has been so busy with exams/coursework etc (we are both at University) but hopefully once we get back to a less hectic lifestyle we will be able to take into account all this advice and sort something out :)

[MonikaTirola]

I second what Mel said. Referring to "her" probably will make stuff easier on him.

Also let me share an anecdote: My SO and I went shoe shopping and bought each a pair of heels. She size 8 and mine were size 11. On the way out she remarked: " the (likely gay) shop assistant so thought they (the shoes i just got) were for you!" (I didn't mind)

Two weeks later we go back to score a pair of boots for me on clearance. Same shop assistant who clocked me two weeks earlier said: "enjoy your boots ma'm!" To my SO.
My point is nobody will care and maybe not buy heels in two different sizes. :)

[Kevyn53]

Anna, It sounds like he's got a lot of shame involved with this. The biggest thing he needs to learn is that it's none of his business what other people think. I know that sounds backwards, but the idea is that they can think anything they want, it shouldn't matter to him or you. The other point is that they probably aren't thinking anything about him, so he really shouldn't care.

You guys should also try second-hand stores. The two of you can wander around and find all sorts of things.

[Michelle V]

Anna it sounds like you are Avery caring girlfriend and also seems like your boyfriend needs so,e sort of guidance, is he part of our forum? The reason I ask is because this place has helped a lot of people find themselves (up including me) and he may need some sort of support to come to terms with who he is. In my opinion; being a straight CD is a lot more taboo than being an openly gay CD, I'm not saying being gay is easy but it is more acceptable for a gay man to represent himself as feminine, however a straight CD is an anomaly and our sexual preference is always questioned. Having the support of our spouses and SOs is a blessing and having the guidance of people that struggle with the same identity crisis helps a lot.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Anna, It's a little bit of embarrassment on his part.

[PamelaMiller]

Hi Anna,
Your boyfriend might find this hard to believe right now because he is young and new at this and is experiencing many of the fears and apprehensions that almost every one of us have experienced. The honest truth is that no one really cares who he is shopping for - not the other customers, not the people that work at the store. If they see him looking through racks of clothing, or at shoes, or at lingerie or at anything else - they will either assume that he is shopping for you, or they won't think anything at all. And even if they think that he is shopping for himself, if that is an issue for them, then it is their issue and they should be so lucky as to have a friend that is so in touch with who he really is, or is at least willing to explore.

It is also possible that his discomfort comes from you being with him. Please don't take that the wrong way. Maybe he has so much going through his head that when you ask him about the particular item that he is looking at, then it is too much. Maybe at that moment he needs to be alone with his thoughts and you need to be there for him but let him take the lead of the discussion. Sometimes the best parts of our interactions with each other are in the moments of silence.

Good luck to both of you!
Hugs,
Pamela

[Manwithabra]

As a person who has recently opened up to his GF about this, I know exactly how your boyfriend feels.

When I go with my GF shopping, my main interest is usually in bras and dresses so it's a tad more difficult to look at than heels. Like your boyfriend, I too have become disgruntled at my habits whilst shopping as my GF points out things that I may like. The truth is, it IS a guilt thing.

Part of my guilt is in how much time I may be taking away from my GF. Despite her constant reassurance, when we go shopping I start to feel selfish because I just want to grab so many clothes and try them on. When I do that I feel like that's taking away something from my GF like time or my more manly habits that I know she enjoys from me. So, to make myself feel better I start to put on a facade of sorts that says "no I'm not that interested, in fact I'm pissed off at myself for doing this to you". Maybe that's what your Boyfriend is doing?

I hope this bit of my life helps. Ask him if he might feel this way, and see if you can find a way to make him feel better.

Sorry if I'm not much help. :/

-Nicole

[CrossJess]

LOL wish I had a cross dressing boyfriend, the only girly in our relationship in meee!:daydreaming:

Reading your post I would just put it down to being super embarrassed, he's at that stage where he thinks everyone his looking at him casting judgement and he's worried what people think, I went through the same thing but after a while you learn to get over your self and be confident and learn not to take it so seriously, I think all CD's would kill to have a gf like you, takes a special lady to accept a crossdresser and he in time will also see that

[Marsha My Dear]

Hi Anna, I am glad you found us. My impression is the same as Teresa's. Also, how do you think he would like to join our group? It might do a lot of good if he knows how fortunate he is to have a supportive girl friend. There are voices here which might echo his own thoughts. Best of luck, please let us know how it goes.

[NicoleScott]

It is possible that his particular interest in shoes (or if it's a true fetish) is embarrassing to him. My wife knows why I dress and what things are of particular interest to me, but I'm still rather reserved about it when in public. It would be helpful for you to know what drives his dressing and what effect shoes (and other items, if applicable) have on him. There's nothing wrong with having a fetish.
Shoes can be purchased online. Problem solved, at least the public embarrassment part.

[Laura28]

Hi Anna, i can relate as my wife and i will go shoping for items for me, like your boyfriend i to will grumpy, and it is out of embarresment, although i dont have any problem buying stuff myself. I find when shopping with her i tend to be indiffernt to what she is showing me and my wife askes me do you like this think it will fit you, you will look good in it. So we talked and now she says do you think laura will like , think it will fit Laura etc... makes it easier for me. I think you BF is luck to have you.

[Adriana Moretti]

your boyfriend is very lucky to have someone like you.....sounds like he just needs to be comfortable and confident in himself...hopefully that stuff will come to him soon as he matures. HE should join this forum if he has not already.

[Alara]

I was in a similar position from the other side. and all the advice I can offer is patience...

And as other girls have offered online shopping is a godsend!

Alara xoxo

[Karan]

I so much agree with Laura28. My wife, who I love, is very supportive and encourging when we go shopping. Sometimes I withdrawal because I still get embarassed and I always want to be her "man". Her knight in shinning armor. She assures me that no matter what I am, but that is another thread. Any way, your boyfriend may not want to be appear overly enthusiatic to scare you away. Remind him how much you care for him and enjoy his crossdressing but also feed his male ego at times

[Lexi_83]

For me it was just a high level of anxiety. While this may not work for everyone, a couple of shots of Schnapps made me much more fun to be with....

[Sharon B.]

It is a shame there aren't more women out there like yourself that is willing to see the person inside and not what is on the outside. Most of us would make any woman happy if they would let us be ourselves at times. Just keep at it and allow him to dress at home and look on the world wide web at woman's fashions, I'm sure in a short amount of time he(r) will be willing to go clothes shopping or at the very least window shopping. Especially if you ordered something either to small or to large from the web then lightly tell hill it would be better to shop in person for something, or better yet find a local support group and go with him to it.

[flatlander_48]

Anna, glad you could drop in!

First, let me put out the disclaimer: I am not a professional counselor or therapist.

When I was in engineering school, we had to take a certain number of Humanities courses. I chose a lot of psychology courses, but that by no means makes me an expert. However, I still remember some of the constructs and the behavior you described sounded a lot like "Approach-Avoidance Conflict". On one hand, we can be very desirous of a particular experience, but really worry about how it might look to others or what it might reveal about ourselves.

Sooner or later, many crossdressers get to the point where they have to reconcile this added facet with the rest of their lives. It's not an easy thing to do and many will struggle mightily. You have to remember that we have been given a lot of conditioning in society regarding thinking of sexuality in a binary context. That makes it tough to even consider a state beyond our traditions.

Further, many people want to assume that crossdressers are gay. Surprisingly, the largest single group is heterosexual males. For some crossdressers, the hard part is dealing with the societal perception that you are gay, regardless of what the reality may be.

You know, if it was easy somebody else would be doing it...

[JulesAlton]

He needs to accept this as part of his personality and embrace it. I give him credit for having courage to at least be honest with you.

[Ally.Nichole25]

Keep being supportive and understanding and it will help him to become more confident in himself when he is or isnt dressed.

[nikinylons]

Be his rock, his guide, and biggest cheerleader and he will never leave you. He should always respect your wishes too. There is a selfish stage, work through it, and "she" will grow up into a complete person. I did with my wife

[Diane Douglas]

Anna,
Like the others I agree that your BF is lucky to have an understanding GF like you.

Have you ever taken him shopping for you? Let him know that you are shopping for you and not him. Ask him the same questions and you will probably see a difference in his behavior. Once you established this behavior, on later trips you can ask him if he would like that pair shoes, that nightie, that skirt.

Good luck and enjoy these experiences.