Inna
04-17-2014, 01:03 PM
another post had made me think of the label becoming ingrained in the psyche, as they often do.
For my self, such drastic moment happened 4 years ago!
Nearly 40 years before, when I eventually deciphered that the term used at the time would define who I was and at the same time would had broken my spirit and sense of purity I associated with being who I made everyone think of me.
Such dreadful word was Transvestite, still, to this day resonates dreadfulness, disease, perversion!
Then another layer of the onion had fallen and uncovered yet another dreaded word, Transsexual. It literally took me 20 years to be able to perceive even the slightest of possibility of such term describing "I''
When I let go and for the first time allowed transsexual being pointed at me, I felt sense of cleansing, but nevertheless, it was very tried and uncomfortable, as I truly, underneath all the scholastic wealth of definition, felt as though I simply was a woman.
Hanging onto the term transsexual gave me a Permission to venture into the realm of discovery, into reality which for decades seemed otherworldly.
It helped to intensify my spiritual seeking of self, and gave hope to the possibilities of bringing the dream into reality of present.
But after all that was and all which built me, I wasn't a transsexual after all, but was given such term for me to understand of the path awaiting my resolve.
It was useful, but now, just as a plane ticket to the flight already flown, it is useless.
I have arrived in the city of my new reality, I love it here, and even though I just arrived, I feel home here. I have tossed this ticket away, I am here, the woman who traveled the path, who still shall walk towards truth, yet who know that the only defining qualities I will accept are those I carry in my heart!
For my self, such drastic moment happened 4 years ago!
Nearly 40 years before, when I eventually deciphered that the term used at the time would define who I was and at the same time would had broken my spirit and sense of purity I associated with being who I made everyone think of me.
Such dreadful word was Transvestite, still, to this day resonates dreadfulness, disease, perversion!
Then another layer of the onion had fallen and uncovered yet another dreaded word, Transsexual. It literally took me 20 years to be able to perceive even the slightest of possibility of such term describing "I''
When I let go and for the first time allowed transsexual being pointed at me, I felt sense of cleansing, but nevertheless, it was very tried and uncomfortable, as I truly, underneath all the scholastic wealth of definition, felt as though I simply was a woman.
Hanging onto the term transsexual gave me a Permission to venture into the realm of discovery, into reality which for decades seemed otherworldly.
It helped to intensify my spiritual seeking of self, and gave hope to the possibilities of bringing the dream into reality of present.
But after all that was and all which built me, I wasn't a transsexual after all, but was given such term for me to understand of the path awaiting my resolve.
It was useful, but now, just as a plane ticket to the flight already flown, it is useless.
I have arrived in the city of my new reality, I love it here, and even though I just arrived, I feel home here. I have tossed this ticket away, I am here, the woman who traveled the path, who still shall walk towards truth, yet who know that the only defining qualities I will accept are those I carry in my heart!