A sub-transition

[Lilo]

I am living now full time for 4 months and find myself in the middle of a sub-transition. It is one from a shy, self-concious and submissive persona to an adversarial "in your face" approach. Some people have described their concern over me becoming "too femenine" in my FB pictures or question my need to express myself. My answer now is to post even more pictures. I have lost my shyness correcting misgendering and, if malicious, I actively try to embarras the person myself (maybe by misgendering them too). I may be shooting myself in the foot here but I cant deny that it feels empowering and boosts my self-esteem and respect.

[celeste26]

"In your face" can be energizing, but there is always someone out there bigger, smarter, and more aggressive. There has to be some limit and I hope it is not after a beating.

There has to be some space between losing your shyness and going around with a chip on your shoulder. Having a sense of integrity is something inside you and is not something others can add or take away from. When you add that you may be shooting yourself in the foot, you really do understand this on one level or another.

In your face is also one way to lose friends and loved ones fast too.

enough said?

[Annaliese]

All the year you have been hiding your self, you used the shy, self-concious to do that, now that you are not hiding, the real person is out and there is nothing wrong with that. In time you may draw back a little.

[gonegirl]

Wow. Be careful in burning any bridges. It would be good for you to get some feedback from other TS people whom you trust on how they perceive you socially.

I've been living full-time for going on 3 months. This hash't been my experience at all. Are you on hormone therapy? Could it be meds or perhaps high stress that is causing you to feel this way? Do you feel adversarial all the time or does it happen only incidentally?

Edit: The feedback I mean is from others who live full time.

[Lilo]

I am not aggresive let me clarify. I do find myself coming out from hiding and expresing my feelings without represion. I am not burning any bridges that have not been burnt before. I have not lost friends and in-fact gained new ones by doing this. I am also aware of safety. This is very subtle to some but for me its empowering. It is, for example, about wearing a bright red lipstick in a workgroup to show I am here and being honest with myself. I feel empowered.

My self-confidence took a big hit the first weeks of transition and I now feel like its coming back strong.