"Must be gay!" What part bothers you?

[Rogina B]

Is it the label itself,the ignorance of the labeling person,or the [possible] repercussions that bother you the most? I will add in that by my own experiences,feel that women are usually more reserved in their judgements. Sometimes I play up to those people that want to label! Often,when describing my work in the LGBT community on behalf of the UU church,I will just tell them that "I do all the queer things as ambassador for the UU church"..They don't know what to think as I beat them to the label! In fact I am doing a benefit race for the "queer kids" tomorrow morning! So,do the possible labels bother you?

[Tami Monroe]

I do not care what people label me as, considering I am not a gay man. Just bcause I like dressing in women's clothes, it does not mean I want to have sex with men. I am sure this is the same case with a lot of the members here.

[mechamoose]

It you are a het CD person, I can unerstand why this view upsets you. You are being lumped in with folks who are similar but different.

The mundanes don't have any way to tell us apart :)

Gay? You like bois and men? (hot & sweaty *grunt!!*)

Please stop being so hung up on expectations!

-MM

[kimdl93]

The implication that I might be gay was one of many things that afflicted me at one time. As though there was nothing worse. What a narrow world view I possessed at the time.

[sanderlay]

For me it's "the ignorance of the labeling person" that bothers me. Again why assume? (See my post on ass-u-me (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?212704-Is-it-that-quot-broad-brushstroke-quot-that-you-fear&p=3491954&viewfull=1#post3491954) from yesterday.) Why this stereo type?

To be honest in the last year or so I've kind of given up worrying about being labeled Gay. I still remember The Flintstones opening song. At the end they say... "Will have a gay old time", gay meaning... lighthearted and carefree, nothing to do with a person's possible sexual orientation.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s13X66BFd8

[Eryn]

At one time it bothered me, but these days I could care less. If folks think I'm a member of a highly creative, talented, empathetic, friendly, and wealthy subset of society why should I discourage them?

[Beverley Sims]

Gay,never worried me, that was for others who liked each other, I was weird I liked girls and shared their clothes and makeup.

[PaulaQ]

Geeze, life would've been so much simpler (and a helluva lot cheaper!) if I'd been born gay, rather than transgender. :(

[DebbieL]

When I was 16 years old, an older gay person told a group I was with "Your sexual preferences are based on your sexual fantasies, if you are a man who fantasizes sex with women, then you are heterosexual and that will probably never change. If you are a man and you fantasize having sex with a man, then you are homosexual and that will never change". In my fantasize I was always with a woman, but I was always a woman as well. I almost blurted out in the meeting "Oh my God, I'm a Lesbian!".

Many times, because I have always been effeminate (since at least 2 years old), in Jr High and High School, people often assumed I was gay. I would tell them the truth, I'd give them a little chuckle and say "Yes, I'm a Lesbian". Only the women with whom I was sexually intimate ever knew the truth, and they were very good at keeping my secret. Even they didn't realize how much I wanted to be a girl.

By college, I would have bisexual women as lovers, but usually about 2 years apart. I was still curious about "normal" sex, and when I finally did experience it, I still found that I enjoyed "lesbian style" more. Those women kept their bisexuality a secret almost as well as I kept my transsexuality a secret.

[Tina G]

For the past 3 weeks i have been slowly letting all my friends know about my crossdressing and that has been the main question asked which i have been prepared for. So far it's just been curiosity on their part and i've told them i am not, I guess i just have some really great friends that i should have told a long time ago. I'm just done Hiding for the most part, I am going to wait till my children are older and I feel they can handle it better since they are having to deal with me and my wife getting a divorce.

[Wildaboutheels]

The trouble with your Q is that it's impossible to know if it's simply a matter of "Ignorance is Bliss" and/or just a convenient excuse to stay in the closet? And claiming to know what others think/are going to think makes for a nice Catch 22.

Massive response to certain topics here indicate that many here might be bi [at least under the "right circumstances"] but very few are admittedly Gay.

I think most Gays are still in the closet for a # of reasons and I think CDers for the most part do not know more/understand any more than J D Public about Gay people. Gay men DO sometimes post to these type Qs and almost always say Gay men want MEN. NOT they want men dressed up as WOmen.

I posted a thread about 24 hours ago asking people's opinions about Gay portrayal in Media [in the Media Forum of course] but it was deemed an unsuitable topic and dismissed after an hour or two...

This one VVV [very similar] did manage to get some useful input from members less than a year ago.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?199390-The-inextricable-link-between-CDers-and-Gay-people...&highlight=

[Joanne f]

Hello Rogina B,
I would think that there has been very few of use that has not been hit with that comment (are you /you must be gay) it does not bother me as I can see why they would have this reaction in a lack of understanding , I have found that most of the time it has been an abusive comment so I just ignore it but occasionally my daughter will walk in with her boyfriend and for a bit of fun will say " are you gay" and I always reply " no but think my boyfriend is " she knows I do not have one :heehee:

[trisha kobichenko]

Huh??
Gay, nope!! Hetero, yep!! A little kinky and beyond the expectation of 'normal', absolutlely!!! The part that bothers me is the need for most folks to drop me into a bucket that does not have any relationship to who I am.

[AllieSF]

It doesn't bother me one bit. It is no different if someone asks you if you are Irish or Italian, or Catholic or whatever. If you are, you say yes. if you are not you say no and add any clarifying details that you want. People here and elsewhere get upset about being asked that question and go into to these super denial hissy fits and get all upset about it. That I do not understand. Is it true that those who deny the most are actually what they are denying? I do not know. Being straight is no better nor worse than being gay, lesbian, gay, TG or whatever. No need to take offense.

[noeleena]

Hi.

I escaped all that and no one said or asked, because i got in first and said this is what i am plus about our family as well. and this was done long before any one would think to say are you gay when they all knew i was intersexed,

People at least 95 % had accepted who i was with out other ? s being raised, and people have been good to me as well.

...noeleena...

[sometimes_miss]

The problem I have with being tagged as gay, is that it's difficult enough to get a woman's interest, without adding anything else that might turn her off. I work with women, and overhear a whole lot. Regarding one who was seeing another guy 'suspect' as a closet gay, the women at work just all assume he's just denying it to himself, and eventually he will turn out to be gay or 'a tranny'. Before I took the job I have, I would overhear both men and women refer to any guy in this field as just playing around, and should get a 'man's job'. Behind our backs, most assume we are gay, either in the closet, denying it to ourselves, or both. It's just another big reason I am not out, I don't want to encourage the stereotype any more than it actually is. A crossdresser? Everyone would automatically jump up and yell, 'SEE! I knew there was something queer about him! I knew it!'. Any guy working in any predominantly female profession is automatically assumed to be gay until proven otherwise. Hairdressers, nursery school teachers, nurses, flight attendents, fashion designers, salesmen of any female beauty or make up or any other female specific products, the list goes on. People just assume we're all gay. Now remember; any woman who might connect herself to us is also seen as perhaps less of a woman by not just men, but other women as well, because they assume that she can't attract 'a real man'. So, I stay deep in the closet. Why invite problems? Why make life more difficult than it is already? I can really do without all the drama.

[Katey888]

What part bothers me..?

Only the inaccuracy of it - and therefore the implicit ignorance of whoever is thinking it or saying it... and then beyond that, the fact that it is still used as a damning pejorative by many...

The other part that surprises me, is that you - Rogina - say that you play up to people who want to label, by reinforcing the incorrect belief that CD/TS folk are queer or gay... Tell me I'm misinterpreting that, please...? I'm sure you follow that up with a fuller explanation of how we're different to the LGB folks...? :)

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Other peoples' labels don't bother me because they are their labels, not mine. Labeling like talk is cheap and meaningless. Besides the fact that I have nothing to prove to anyone. :)

[Cheryl T]

As the saying goes, "call me anything, just not late for dinner".
Someone once asked me if I was gay. I quickly responded, "I'm not even happy right now!". That shut them up.

[Adriana Moretti]

i cant be bothered with other peoples ignorance..........

[I Am Paula]

Having been of both sides of the sexuality fence, and both sexes, makes it hard to even define homosexual. I can, but most people just imagine what they want, and I don't care.

[Marcelle]

Ah . . . labels again. :facepalm:

I personally don't care what people think of me. If they know I am TG and ask if I am gay as well, I will tell them the truth . . . "no" and that is where it normally ends. If they don't want to ask and run around thinking I am gay then that is their business.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rogina, It's like others have said before , Labels are for soup cans.

[sandra-leigh]

I used to get called "fag" on the streets (or walking through university campuses) or the corridors. Outside of school, it was people I did not know, people I did not recognize as ever having seen before, complete strangers who developed a revulsion to seeing me so quickly that they felt they had to say something in a disgusted tone of voice. Complete strangers who took at look at me and were revolted at my existence. I would be wearing the same kinds of things as everyone else, typically jeans and a shirt, so it wasn't based upon what I was wearing, but they would take a look and hate that I existed. People who didn't know a single thing about me other than what was right immediately in front of their eyes. I was scum, on sight. My existence was apparently a blight on the earth. Everything I had done, my hard work, my struggles, my good grades, my never getting into trouble, all worthless. No matter what I did, I was (and, given the time span, apparently would always be) subhuman garbage.

If they were people who knew more about me then they might disagree with my actions or priorities, they might conceivably have reason for hating me on sight, but they didn't know me. I was offensive just by existing.

Thus the problem with being called "gay" was that the people that did that were trying to hurt me just for being. Whether I was or was not gay was not especially relevant. I would mentally say, "And they aren't even right."

[mechamoose]

After reflecting on this thread more I find myself asking:

"Why does it matter if they DO think I'm gay?"

They don't know me. They don't have a clue about much of anything about me. Sure, they make assumptions based on my appearance.. but does that change ME? No.

Approval is something we all want. But I'm much more concerned with the approval of people I give a damn about than a random stranger. Why *should* I care what some stranger thinks? (Unless that stranger is chasing me with a stick, then I care.)

Why do you *care* of someone thinks/assumes you are gay? Are they gonna revoke your right to be Het?

I have to admit, I can no longer understand monosexuals. I like the person, regardless of parts. If I like you that much, I will play with whatever you have because it is *yours*.

<3

- MM

[RayanneA]

Labels Labels Labels. Do they even matter any more? Seems like now it's more acceptable to be openly gay than not. But crossdressing is still considered "sick". And it's OK to be gay but not OK for a (mostly) heterosexual male to occasionally have sex with another man and enjoy it? Even in this group I feel a little outside the norm because even though I'm primarily attracted to women, I occasionally enjoy sex with another man--and when I do I play the female role. Parts is parts. And I like to play with both kinds!

[dana digs sweaters]

i cant be bothered with other peoples ignorance..........

This! Exactly! :)

[Lucy_Bella]

It bothers me but it doesn't seem to bother my boy friend :heehee:..NO JUST KIDDING ..I am not gay at all or even Bi but it does bother me that people do tie that to CDIng not that there is anything wrong with being gay ..Sexual preference has nothing to do with cross dressing..

But a friend of mine did say that being bi doubled his chances on getting a date?

[Claire Cook]

The only time this was an issue for me was when I came out to my wife years ago -- assuring her that no, I am not gay. Re the label thing: I do think there is an issue here: too many people confuse gender identity questions with sexual preference, and yes I think there is a tendency to equate TG with being gay.

Anyway ... Paula, I love your response (:heehee:)

[CynthiaD]

I don't care if people think I'm gay. I know who I am. What difference does make what others think.

[Felicia Dee]

On the whole, I'm quite secure in my sexuality. Labels don't bother me. What gets sticky, is if the person doing the "labeling" is trying to pick a fight. Such an interaction can quickly turn violent. As I usually hang out in more friendly environments, I find that I avoid this issue... none the less, I have found that projecting confidence does well to derail the occasional jerkface. ;)

[devida]

I assume most people either think or wonder if I'm gay, except, of course, for gay men. When I first met my SO she assumed I was gay and I assumed she was a lesbian. I was more justified in this than she was because she was wearing a T Shirt from The Weekly News, a gay publication, through she did not know it. She was somewhat justified because most of the people around me when she met me were gay men. All through my youth I was propositioned by heterosexual men who assumed I was gay and, I guess, weren't that heterosexual but pretended they were. Unfortunately heterosexual women also assumed I was gay or I would have probably been very much more sexually active. Apart from that deficit I would rather be thought of as being gay. I tend to like gay or bi men more than I like heterosexual men. I don't dislike heterosexual men, but for someone like me they sure seem to have a lot more baggage than my gay friends. I mean, really, who are the real drama queens? I'm telling you, honey, it ain't the gay men in my life.

[Robyn2006]

Feeling myself a woman, I don't consider myself gay. I love men, but only as a woman… So I'm straight, right? :battingeyelashes:

What bothers me about the gay label is just the lines drawn. Someone who is born a man who dresses as a woman must be gay? Guess again. This girl is completely straight. :kiss:

[Rogina B]

.

The other part that surprises me, is that you - Rogina - say that you play up to people who want to label, by reinforcing the incorrect belief that CD/TS folk are queer or gay... Tell me I'm misinterpreting that, please...? I'm sure you follow that up with a fuller explanation of how we're different to the LGB folks...? :)

Katey x
It isn't about ME! It is about their expectations of labeling the entire alphabet community in one broad swipe as QUEER! So,referring to the group as such defuses their chance to label..And it seems to work in my experiences.

[Marissa V]

Few weeks back i was talking to a friend and i told him i met someone. And was explaining that that person was trans like me. First thing he said was 'oh so you DO have a gay side?'. Well...no...since i dont concider myself a man... you get the picture. So I had to explain to him the whole concept of self-identification with my gender and gender role. Eventually he understood so he said. Wich begged for a test... So i asked im "Let's assume me and her work out...what does this make me? Lesbian? And the 8 hours she goes to work, wich she does as man still, those 8 hours im straight? Until she gets home and i go lesbian again? And when we go to sleep and we take make up ect off...then we're gay IF we touch each other? or does it count when we dont touch? Tell me..."

reply : ok...i asked a dumb question

Labeling is subjective, depending on perspective. From my friend's perspective i might be gay, from mine im not. And i'm pretty sure there are people out there that have yet a different opinion. Labeling is plain stupid to say the least. And yet, for a lot of people those labels are truths wich they use to identify themselves, and seperate themselves from others and most of all...judge others. And tbh...i dont care what ppl label me. Life gets a lot easier once you stop giving a sh*t.

[samantha rogers]

Honestly, I don't care what other people who are not friends think, nor do I care how they label me. Labels and boxes are, for my money, just a way for lazy people to simplify their own world view, and and reinforce their own ignorance. I know who I am, and so do my real friends. The rest don't matter too much, do they?

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

I don't blame anyone for feeling that way. Especially for people who have no contact, or have no friends with anyone that would fit under the TG umbrella. (Yes, more labels..sorry) They truly do not know anything beyond what society has programmed them to believe. They are honestly, and unintentionally, ignorant.

Fortunately for myself, I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to let the mis-informed opinions of others (especially from people I don't even know) keep me from doing something that I enjoy. They don't get it? Oh well... I do. That's all that's important to me.

[Dana3]

What others think of or their opinions of me?

Is absolutely none of my business!

People are going to talk about you regardless! Usually in the negative sense! Might as well give em' something good to talk about.

Guy told me he doesn't worry about nothing! Because he's doesn't have anything to worry about? He's got his wife that tends to his money, and he's got his neighbors tending his business!

[natcrys]

Not bothered at all! :)

If someone asks me if I'm gay.. I usually reply that I wasn't that lucky because being attracted to men would have made my life so much easier! ;)

[maya1love]

As a gay cd, I can tell you that life is not easier! :)

Isn't it interesting that we think the grass is greener on the other side?

I'm happy in my life, but I can't say being gay and a cd is an easy life. I deal with gay men who really have no interest in my femininity.

[Genny B]

Many of us came from military backgrounds where a mentality was re-affirmed in us after what our fathers had built into us. When I retired I went into the medical community where I found the mind set to be just the opposite. It was really weird to me at first. I learned as I spend more time in the field that some of my best friends where Gay and I would of never guessed. So I guess my mind has run the gauntlet, but if someone made that comment to me today I think I would just reply that I'm not sure and ask if they are interested in helping me find out, just to mess with their minds!
Genny B

[JennyLynn]

Sticks and stones!

[Dana does shopping]

Always remember 'labels' need to be affixed. Those doing the labeling are very often the third party, hence, inconsequential to how you should happen to be 'feeling' that day.

[~Joanne~]

Ignorance bothers me the most. A lot of people say a lot of things , not because they know anything about the subject, but because they were told at some point what was right and what was wrong and they believed it without forming an educated opinion of their own.

[Dana does shopping]

That has to be a tough one for someone who presents so convincingly as you! Same hang-up though , you need to seek a person who can live outside of his 'label"

[Wildaboutheels]

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?181431-A-CDers-WORST-Nightmare/page2

[JenniferYager]

Ah . . . labels again. :facepalm:

I personally don't care what people think of me. If they know I am TG and ask if I am gay as well, I will tell them the truth . . . "no" and that is where it normally ends. If they don't want to ask and run around thinking I am gay then that is their business.

Hugs

Isha

There we go not recognizing people as individuals again...and look where it gets us...

[Taylor Ray]

There are still groups of people who question the legitimacy of bisexuality. (!!!)

It really bugs me when my gay friends insist that I am gay, and that my CDing and intimacy with women is some sort of denial.

I'm like, "Are you frickin' kidding!!!!"

[sandra-leigh]

Sticks and stones!

If you are implying, "And names will never hurt me", then that is not correct.

Impact of childhood bullying still evident after 40 years (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/04/140417212510.htm)


The negative social, physical and mental health effects of childhood bullying are still evident nearly 40 years later, according to new research by King's College London. The study is the first to look at the effects of bullying beyond early adulthood, and is published in the American Journal of Psychiatry. [...]

Individuals who were bullied in childhood were more likely to have poorer physical and psychological health and cognitive functioning at age 50. Individuals who were frequently bullied in childhood were at an increased risk of depression, anxiety disorders, and suicidal thoughts.

Individuals who were bullied in childhood were also more likely to have lower educational levels, with men who were bullied more likely to be unemployed and earn less. Social relationships and well-being were also affected. Individuals who had been bullied were less likely to be in a relationship, to have good social support, and were more likely to report lower quality of life and life satisfaction.

Professor Louise Arseneault, senior author, also from the Institute of Psychiatry at King's adds: "We need to move away from any perception that bullying is just an inevitable part of growing-up. Teachers, parents and policy-makers should be aware that what happens in the school playground can have long-term repercussions for children. Programmes to stop bullying are extremely important, but we also need to focus our efforts on early intervention to prevent potential problems persisting into adolescence and adulthood."

Bullying is characterized by repeated hurtful actions by children of a similar age, where the victim finds it difficult to defend themselves. The harmful effect of bullying remained even when other factors including childhood IQ, emotional and behavioural problems, parents' socioeconomic status and low parental involvement, were taken into account. [...]

Note that "hurtful" does not necessarily mean physical violence. Name calling, ostracization, and emotional abuse are all forms of "hurtful actions".

In the late 1960's I was being called names, typically "four-eyes" or "faggot", in elementary school. You better believe it affected my health.

[sara lahna]

the sticks and stones saying is a way to deal with name calling so it doesn't effect you. name calling is only hurtful if you take it to heart and not just brush it off.

[Charla McBee]

For me it's just the inaccuracy of it and the ignorance of the general public. A friend of mine recently posted on his facebook an article that politely explained that drag queens and transsexuals are often not the same thing with the comment "my brain just melted". I had no choice but to jump on that and at the risk of making his brain evaporate completely, informed him how real people go way beyond those two commonly known labels. I think he took my statement to heart but he unfortunately didn't ask me to elaborate.

People were throwing gay slurs at me from time to time before I ever tried on that first fateful pair of stockings and I still have no idea why. Although my mother did teach me to throw their label back at them by asking "why, are you looking for a date?" That shut a few people up at least. I guess kids can just smell minor differences and their instinct is to attack. My outward male persona is not a dishonesty but I am realizing now that I do have some feminine traits. At any rate, the slurs stopped after middle school which is kind of funny considering I started really CDing in high school.

Now that I have all that out of the way, I do think we really need to do some deep thinking on this sort of subject as a community. It seems to me that a lot of hetero male identifying CDers are very quick to shout that they aren't gay and aren't trans as though that will somehow allow them to still be part of mainstream society. "I'm wearing a dress but I'm all man, I swear!" If we must categorize people, I don't want to be misidentified either (as though I have any idea what I'm really supposed to be) but I think our quickness to shed these labels also has the potential to distance us from the only communities that tend not to reject us outright. It seems many CDers don't want to get lumped into the ever expanding LGBTQ umbrella because we think we can at least publicly blend into the culturally acceptable "normal" male category.

The truth is, I look down at the clothes I'm wearing right now, feel the makeup on my face and have no choice but to admit to myself that I don't fit the expected gender binary even if only two people actually know about that at the moment. That established, it's probably better to accept allies where I can find them than to try and strike it off on my own quietly saying "at least I'm not one of those people." Whatever you think you are, we are all dignified human beings and those of us who are marginalized by ignorance should probably stand together.

[Rogina B]

Nicely put Charla! Your last sentence conveys my thoughts that got me going on this thread..Why is it easier for the mainstream to understand that the "T"s are marginalized,than many of the "part time,amateur?"[fill in your own word] people that are also on the "T spectrum"?

[bimini1]

For some sexuality is certainly fluid. And I think the majority of folks look at TG/Gay as all the same thing. My mom still thinks I am somehow gay over the TG thing. I said to her hell gay is more accepted than this, don't you think if I revealed this to you I'd admit to being gay?
I've always adored women. However, as my girl side began to really express itself I will admit to being attracted to and have fantasies about some men. But it is not as man-on-man, its always as if I am in the role of a hetero woman. I don't consider that to be gay persay.

Fantasy is one thing, acting on it is entirely another.

Some will say well anatomically that is gayness, since after all you have the physiology, the plumbing of a male.
Some say true M2F TG is not born male, but mistakenly "assigned male at birth".

It depends on one's own perspective and how you self-ID I guess. It dosn't bother me as much as it used to. It is exactly what I expect most people who encounter me to say/think.

[sandra-leigh]

name calling is only hurtful if you take it to heart and not just brush it off.

You are assuming full conscious control over all body reactions, which is not the case. Stressful environments lead to measurable and permanent biological effects, such as reducing telomere length (telomeres protect the ends of chromosomes from damage but get shorter in the process). It has been shown in boys (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/04/140409103331.htm), shown in men (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/01/140107093321.htm), shown in parrots (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/04/140404221746.htm), and in various mouse models -- amongst other studies. Even typical city noise affects health (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/10/131029220800.htm)

De-emphasizing the importance of the insults may help, but body reactions will still be present.

[CONSUELO]

People who make such pointless insults are telling us more about themselves than about the target of their puerile "insults".
It really doesn't matter. I know gay people. I work with gay people and my sister's surname was once Gay.
Just let it flow off and take no notice.

[CassieD]

It doesn't bother me at all. My mother asked me more than once if I was. As I used to tell her, I'm probably not, wouldn't be worried if I turned out to be.

[NicoleScott]

Many folks here bemoan the ignorance-driven stereotyping (for example, if you crossdress you must be gay) but given the opportunity to educate and inform choose to remain silent, reinforcing the stereotype. What do you expect?

[LilSissyStevie]

When I was still a teenager, a psychiatrist told me he thought I was a "latent homosexual" (maybe he was just fishing for a date!) I wasn't offended because I often wondered the same thing. But I think he was on to something. Life would have been much simpler if I could have been a gay bottom. I really wanted to be gay because that made sense to me. But it never happened. One thing is certain, I'm not straight. I don't relate to straight people at all. I guess queer works but that could mean anything outside of heteronormative.

[Charla McBee]

Many folks here bemoan the ignorance-driven stereotyping (for example, if you crossdress you must be gay) but given the opportunity to educate and inform choose to remain silent, reinforcing the stereotype. What do you expect?

I'm slightly hypocritical by saying this at the moment but I really think this is something we should be doing. We can only fight ignorance with information and we can only inform if we step out of the closet. It's a scary prospect as there will be consequences (which is why I'm not quite there yet) but I think in the long run it's something I want to do. There's no use sitting around complaining about the situation if you aren't willing to do anything about it.

I've clammed up in the past given the opportunity to speak up, thinking it was self-preservation but keeping a big part of myself hidden is a losing proposition in the end. Staying silent and in the shadows isn't helping me and it isn't helping anyone else.

[ArleneRaquel]

People will think whatever they want. I don't care, I live my life and the way I live, 24/7 as a female, is the perfect life for me. Know-nothings don't bother me, but I do wonder, at times, how can a person be so mean & hateful. My next door neighbor fits this picture.

[stacey diane]

Aren't the labelers the people most insecure about themselves?

[NicoleScott]

We can only fight ignorance with information and we can only inform if we step out of the closet.

I agree with the first part but disagree with the second. Say you're a CDer in the closet and intend to stay there, at least for now, for your own valid reasons. You're with a buddy and he says "Look, there's a transvestite - GAY!" Without outing yourself you can inform him. It's possible that he's not prejudiced, just ignorant (uninformed).

[StacyLynn]

I think what bothers me the most about it is what it does to younger crossdressers. Because it seems to be a common misconception that a crossdresser is automatically gay, it really made me question who I was when I was younger and I hated that. I was maybe 11 or 12 the first time I tried women's clothing and I liked it. In my youthful ignorance I thought nothing of it, however as I became a couple years older and was more exposed to the world and began to comprehend it better, it became clear that the general idea was that if you crossdress, you're gay. That sent me into the downward spiral in which I questioned my identity. For many years I thought that I "must be gay". I didn't feel gay, I wasn't attracted to men, I was attracted to girls. But that confused me, because society was basically telling me I was gay. It wasn't until I tried experimenting with another man that I realized that I wasn't gay (if anything I'm bisexual, I didn't love sex with men, but I didn't hate it either, however I do prefer girls), which of course led to more confusion. It wasn't until I started reading more about it on the internet starting just a few years ago that I finally realized I wasn't alone in how I felt. I finally found others that said they were attracted to women and completely straight, yet enjoyed dressing as a woman. But anyway, that's why I don't like the notion that "crossdressers must be gay," and I hope that there a very few people that go on questioning who they are for as long as I did.

[Teresa Monsivais]

We all have ran into this I'm sure, people questioning our sexuality. At first it bothered me but now I know who I am and who I am attracted to. My response to those who are unaware of human sexuality is somewhat of an ignorant response. I simply say, "if I were gay than this would make sense to me, the reason why it has been hard to accept is that I am a heterosexual male who likes to dress up as a female". I know it's not the best accurate answer but they seem to display the "light bulb turned on" look.

[Helen_Highwater]

The thing we should be bothered with is the fact that it is an indicator of just how ill informed great swathes of the populous are. There is the occasional public figure (Eddie Izzard ) that's openly CD and professes his heterosexual nature but what the public see most are drag queens who will pick on male members of an audience and use sexuality to embarrass them even if the performer isn't gay so reinforcement of the stereotype take place. The audience gets what the audience paid to see.
Even those trail blazers from this site who are out and about on a regular basis aren't going to have loads of opportunities to discuss their sexual preferences with any member of the public they happen to meet. It's not the sort of thing that normally pops into the conversation.
Perhaps we need a tee shirt campaign something like; "I love women" on the front; "And I love wearing their clothes" on the back.

[lpjamey]

To be honest I used to tell myself the same thing. I have struggled with the thought of being gay for many years, I always come back to the fact that I truly adore women. So much so I need to dress like one just to be near one.

[lpjamey]

If I were a gg I would definitely be gay!