I am ready, and don't know where to go. Help please

[Diane Lynn]

As I have stated in previous threads, I have been out in public since I was 17. Some not very good, some bad, and some good experiences. On my 50th birthday, I consider the date of my rebirth. I had my hair and makeup done, and had my portrait taken. I use one of those pictures for my habitat. Since then, I have been going out on a regular basis. At least once a week on weekends. Since I became unemployed, I have been dressing every day. Going out when I need to, or want to. Just being who I am. I heard two comments from two different people yesterday. The first one was from a cashier at Burlington check out. When she gave me back my change, she said thank you, sir. The next time was right after I left Burlington, I went to Catherine's looking for a new outfit. After I decided what I wanted, I asked the sales associate for help finding the item's, and get her opinion. I tried on the outfit, and asked the associate for her opinion. It was a very colorful pair of Capri' s, purple top, and a white button shirt to wear unbuttoned. When I was talking to her, she said to her coworker, doesn't that look good on him? I went to get my cloths back on, and I told the sale' s lady, that she offended me. I walked out leaving $128.00 outfit that I was ready to buy in the dressing room.

I am not trying to fool anyone, I just want to be me. I had been content with how it was, but I realized it is time to start me transition. Diane goes to all of my doctor appointments, except my family doctor. I called his office to tell them, Diane would be coming in today, and I was told not to, and they could not help me. I only wanted to discuss it with him, and get a referral to where I needed to go. A huge STOP.

I am married, as I have stated before, and she is okay with Diane, just not as a complete woman. I was not planning to transition while she is alive, but do want to start HRT. I don't know where to go. I know I need a endocrinologist, but require referrals. Where do I need to go to? What do I need to do?

I am attaching pictures from yesterday, with my sunglasses and without. I broke my feminine glasses, and can't get new ones right now. I have picked them out, but have not been ordered yet. Anyway, I have been working on my eye's, but I didn't like the eyeliner yesterday. How did I look yesterday? Comments welcome please.

I live in Lansing, Michigan, and as you my know, it is home to MSU. I have contacted them about transgender programs they may have, and was told they have programs for helping students cope with LGBT IN society, but nothing to help transition. The public can attend those classes, but I don't think it is what I need. I have looked all over this town looking, but have came up dry.

The outfit I had on yesterday, is a blue tank, with the blue crochet top, and a black high low skirt with white squares. My voice is not very feminine, just softer. Many women have deep voices, Bea Arthur for example. Nobody questioned her voice.

[arbon]

Diane after reading this post I looked back at some of your previous posts and saw where you said you started as a stripper in the printing industry in 87'. What a coincidence! same here, also started in 87'. When it became apparent I would not get through highschool my dad got me into the shop he worked at and taught me the trade. I was a stripper until about 98. I remember my dad telling me if I learned that than I would always have job security because there was such high demand for that skill. HA!!! was he ever wrong!

Anyway I just thought it was kinda funny.

As for your questions you need a mental health professional to evaluate you to see if hrt is appropriate or not. If you are serious you start calling therapists and asking if they have experience with that. Hopefully they can recommend a doctor if they do think it is something that would benefit you. Some don't recommend a doctor in which case you have to find them on your own to. If there are ts women around the university maybe there is a support group you could ask who they see for therapists and doctors.

The pictures - asking for opinions on how you look in your pictures usually wont get a lot of response here, at least not a lot of honest response. My only comment is maybe lighter on the eye makeup and not so bright a red lip stick (disclaimer - I am not so great at makeup! so I dont know if what I have to say about that is worth much or not)

oh you should probably get going on facial hair removal before anything else to.

and you dont have to tell us all the details of the outfit you are wearing or wore. This forum is not about clothing.

[Aimee20]

Therapists in Lansing (http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?city=Lansing&state=MI&spec=187) that list transsexual care as an area they work with. That site can help take a lot of the guess work out of finding the person to help you down this road, especially since you can read a little about the therapist and their approach. Once you find one or several from there you can just email them some "ice breaker" correspondence then you are off to the races.

On the pics, as much as a bright red lipstick is AMAZINGLY fun there are very few places where it fits the situation. Most of the time a very bold shade is more for a night time look, for daytime/casual makeup you want to look at more muted tones. The thing that gets overlooked by many of us (I'm insanely guilty with this) is that makeup, especially during the day, is supposed to look as natural as possible without screaming MAKEUP!!!! For what matters the most in your pictures, you look way happy and that is what is most important.

So keep on pushing forward, we're with you hun.

[Madie]

If you can't find a gender therapist elsewhere your general practitioner should be able to refer you to one, and they in turn can greenlight you and give you a letter/referal to an endocrinologist to prescribe hormones. Depending where you are you may also find an informed consent clinic where you sign a permission form to verify you know the effects including side effect, to get hormones directly.

[stefan37]

What you need to do is go find a gender therapist and explore yourself. You mention your wife not being okay with a "complete woman". Hormone use WILL change your marriage and usually not for the better. You mention you are unemployed. Do you have the resources necessary. Transition is a very expensive process. Facial hair removal is very expensive and requires a huge investment both time and monetary. Will you require wigs or a hair system? You mentioned getting distressed being called sir and him. Well I hope you have a thick skin, because it gets worse before it gets better. I actually thought the sales lady although she misgendered you was complimenting you on how good the outfit looked on you. But just looking at your picture I can see beard shadow. Add in your voice and other factors. I can guarantee her comments were not malicious. Misguided perhaps, but certainly not malicious.

The procedures to transition and the relative order are well documented. Google TS Roadmap. The inner strength, perseverance and resolve needed is immense and you may find yourself encountering many walls and cliffs to traverse. Take your time and really figure out who you really are and are you willing to risk your marriage to live authentically.

BTW clothes are the easiest to overcome and least important reason to want to transition. But find that therapist and figure out who you are first. After that the pieces will fall into place.

[Angela Campbell]

Transition is hard. It hurts it is expensive, it is embarrassing, awkward, and takes a long time.

Did I mention hard?

Did I mention clothes? Nope.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Your Original post says you are ready.
Think about what you are saying.

I think you are ready to find a therapist. If you want it have a good quality of life you need support and therapy.

As the folks here are pointing out you seem all about the clothes and makeup and passing. That's pretty natural if you have been cross dressing your whole life but the ts folks know that's not what it's about.

So if you can't find a therapist. Look harder. That's what matters right now. That's what you are ready for.

And the good news is that a therapist will help you so much if transition is something you need to do.

[RosetteNgSg]

Transition is hard. It hurts it is expensive, it is embarrassing, awkward, and takes a long time.

Did I mention hard?

Did I mention clothes? Nope.

I luv yr signature quote & that is exactly what I've been feeling and struggling with... "All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?" :(