Just feeling like me . . . Does that make me odd? - All Responses Welcome

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Just getting over a bad cold and have had plenty of time to sit and think . . . oh, oh . . . off on the Isha crazy talk train again. :chatterbox:

Now before you continue to read, this is not meant to insult any one group (TS/CD/GG/intersex/GM/ or whomever). This is my perception of me and I am looking for some feedback in my never ending question to grow and understand . . . So all responses welcome. However, if I have hit a nerve, struck a chord or just plain insulted you . . . Please PM me. Thanks. :)

Every so often posts will pop up in which the OP revels in her "feeling like a woman" by virtue of how she is dressed, make-up, underdressing or what not. :battingeyelashes: Now for TS gals I fully comprehend that dressing/presenting as a woman is what you need to do to bring you closer to the gender you are (female). However, as a CDer I have never felt this way and yet I see a plethora of "feel like a woman" posts from my CDer sisters. So naturally . . . let the Isha ruminating begin. :thinking:

I thought long and hard about all my experiences dressing and wondered if I ever truly "felt like a woman" during, before or after. However, I realized I had no baseline. Specifically what does it feel like to be a woman? So I went to the source . . . my wife and asked her. She laughed and said "I don't know, what does it feel like to be a man?" To which I responded "Good point . . . it doesn't feel like anything, it just is what it is". Crap . . . still no baseline. :facepalm:

So then I thought, perhaps it is a sense of feeling pretty, sensuous and sexy wearing pretty clothes. But then again, my taste of clothing is more a jeans and top gal with the odd dress or skirt thrown in but only on rare occasions. Panties tend to be cotton, comfortable and practical. I don't use forms or hip padding and tend to wander through the vanilla world as slender hipped 36A gal. Shoes tend be less heel and more comfort. Make-up is minimalistic with natural earth tone colours. Do I look and feel sexy? Nope, just comfortable. Next thought was perhaps it is the process or transformation . . . shaving, applying make-up, dressing and finally putting on that wig and seeing a beautiful woman staring back. Uh . . . one look in the mirror and that is a big NO. :eek: ... still see a guy staring back at me. The process of transforming (especially make-up) is laborious and if I don't plan on going out I don't bother with make-up. So it is just me in girl clothes and a wig (Isha au natural). However, in all these scenarios I do not feel like a woman (whatever that feels like). I just feel like me.

Now some will say "Well Isha why bother dressing the part if you don't feel the part?" :confused: Good question. All I can respond with is that for me it is like dressing "en boy" . . . "It is what it is". I don't feel as though I have stepped through the wardrobe and entered female Narnia. :daydreaming: I am just me but wearing different clothes. I may alter my walk, mannerisms and soften my voice but I am still a guy in my heart of hearts. Do I get upset if I get referred to as "sir" vice "ma'am or miss"? Do I get upset if an SA won't let me use the ladies change room or I can't use the ladies restroom? While I prefer to be treated in the gender I present . . . I don't begrudge these points because I get it . . . I am a man not a woman. Will I get upset if someone tells me I should not be buying women's clothing? Yes, because regardless of my genetic gender, I have the right to buy and wear what I want.

Don't hate me for this next part . . . "I only shop in as much as it is practical in order to buy specific clothing choices" But then again I do the same as a guy. I don't get all excited by racks of dresses or shoes or bins of lacy panties and bras. I know what I need to buy, go in buy it and get out. The only euphoria I feel in shopping is when I go to Home Depot (boy or girl) and wander around the aisles thinking about new home renovation projects. Do I feel more like doing cooking and cleaning? No more than I do as a guy as I have always taken on my share of both and continue to do so "en boy" or "en femme". Do I like to watch so called chick flicks when "en femme"? Nope my wife and I love all movies horror (especially zombies). Have I become more in touch with my emotions or express more feminine feeling? Nope as I think I had a pretty good grip on my emotions "en boy" long before I started to explore Isha. Besides as humans we are all capable of the full range of emotions/feelings and none are specific to one gender . . . society just tells us differently.

Okay . . . I'll bottle the genie. So, I am beginning to feel like the odd CD girl out here. While I choose to present as a woman, I do not feel like a woman (definition TBD) . . . I feel like me. The same way I feel as a man . . . it just is what it is. So my question is . . . does that make me odd? :strugglin

Hugs

Isha

[Susan L]

Isha,
In my opinion you're not odd at all, we are what we are. What I like about what you said is your being honest about how you feel and that's it. Why bother trying to be something your not, trying to be like someone else, that never works. Sounds like you have an understanding wife, you enjoy being dressed as a women in the style that feels right to you, what else matters?
Susan L

[Nikki A.]

Isha, no problems with what you said. Like you I don't dress provocatively, maybe more a skirt than jeans though. As far as "feeling like a woman", it's more of a matter of me not feeling like a man in a dress syndrome. I am comfortable in what I am wearing and not at all ashamed or afraid of being read.
Hopefully when dressed I am addressed and treated as a lady. If not, that's their problem.

[CarlaWestin]

I don't get all excited by racks of dresses or shoes or bins of lacy panties and bras. I know what I need to buy, go in buy it and get out. The only euphoria I feel in shopping is when I go to Home Depot (boy or girl) and wander around the aisles thinking about new home renovation projects. Do I feel more like doing cooking and cleaning?

So my question is . . . does that make me odd?

:straightface:

Uh?..................
Do you think odd really exists?
I do the same thing in Home Depot as I do in the thrift shop or the lingerie aisle at Walmart. I mentally drooled over the performance and engineering of the car I just bought and subliminally thought how cool Carla would be driving around in her sexy outfits. I think of it more this way. I enjoy maybe 65% of all the typically male things. As a bonus I've discovered a whole 'nother 65% that is traditionally female. So, what's the other 45%'s? Hunting, motorcycles on the guy side, cooking, childcare on the girl side.

Yes, you are odd, anyway. :heehee:

[Katey888]

Isha - you are odd insofar only as all of us, in own unique ways, are odd... and I have to say I think most of us do all have some idiosyncrasies... (yes, I do..)

There's a lot there to take in, but I don't think you describe too much of what others have described feeling, or some of what I feel myself... so, for example..

Shopping - quite enjoy shopping for lingerie, but happens quite rarely... would rather be shopping for a new biscuit jointer or a digital camera, in all honesty, so you're not odd there..

Around the home - in the morning I get to wear a polo shirt, short cord skirt, mules... sometimes later in the day - but I change into boy stuff for everything practical... I love baking and cooking, take cleaning under tolerance (although I do a good job!)... I find ironing therapeutic, and I get to watch motor racing or episodes of 'The Wire' while doing so...

I don't go out, so high heels are de rigeur about the house, but I admit my fave shoes are not the highest of high (the pink sandals in my signature pic, in fact) and I have underdressed only a few times but invariably struggle with a self-inflicted wedgie, so don't bother any more (although I continue my search for French knickers, as I have bemoaned before...)

On the occasions I get to fully dress, I just like to feel... well made up, smart, sometimes casual, but always smart, and sexy , I suppose - but it's more about feeling good and right... I'm sorry, but I can't explain it better than that! If it all feels right, then I feel good and happier than normal. I'll use forms only because it's better than socks :eek: and I also can't be doing with any further padding... what's there is me, I just like a bit of help filling the bits in my tops and dresses made baggy by my flat chest.

At no time do I feel like a woman, although I do feel feminine and most of that comes with the look - although I'll also admit to a good deal of hip-swinging in the kitchen to music while cooking, sometimes dressed, often not, but always quite girly...

And I love it when my wife lets me paint my nails (tonight's the night again! :yahoo:) and I get to just be a little more girly and elegant for a day or so afterwards...

So all that would make me odd as well, right? Just in a different way to all you other odd girls... :D

Don't sweat it Isha - THERE IS NO RULE BOOK! (Which is what makes us so difficult to categorise...)

Just enjoy it... like tonight I will enjoy my nails being NYC 'Fine Red Wine' along with what goes down my throat... :)

Katey x

[GretchenJ]

Happy Easter Isha ( and to all celebrating Passover as well)

There is a lot of information to process- all of it good, so let me try to convey my view of it, but there are I know infinite possibilities, based upon the wide spectrum of people under this umbrella.

For me, there always is a part of my personality/brain that empathizes female. I don't need any props to bring it out, it's part of my DNA. When i was young, I snuck and dress in women's clothes in an attempt I believe to comes to grips with her (as she was 8 and did not have a name) and bring her to the forefront. So in this regard my feelings as a woman was purely physical ( the way the clothes felt, and absolutely sexual in nature). In this manner, I can control my feminine world, and I am limitless in my imagination.

Fast forward 40 years, and now things have changed. In addition to the above, it is now important to me to be out as my definition of being a woman is not only when I am home and imaging doing something as Gretchen, but now she needs to be out among people, social interaction with the world is paramount. If I a looking for a new top and a SA comes up to me and calls me miss and mama, it is now 10 times better to me than the orgasm that resulted when I was 9 years old wearing a piece of lingerie.

I have always loved shopping, I have done it for years in male mode, looking for items that I could buy, that would fly under the budget radar, as everything including myself totally closeted. But now, Gretchen can look at a rack of clothes, and I don't feel like a prevent ( what other looking at me though may have a totally differs opinion). But the first time a man stopped an opened the door for me was one of those A-ha moments

Gretch

[samantha rogers]

Isha, honey, why worry about it? You are you! That is all that counts. Shakespeare once wrote "comparisons are odious" and he was right. We are all unique jewels, placed randomly like Christmas ornaments from a multitude of of a moments across a billion lifetimes placed randomly among the branches of a huge beautiful and wonderful tree. No two are quite alike. You know who you are and so do those who love you. What else matters? You are you and everyone who knows you loves you as you are.
That is a miraculous and beautiful thing. The rest is meaningless, isn't it?
Hugs

[bridget thronton]

The clothes just feel more comfortable to me - not sure if they make me feel like a woman or not - i do like to shop for dresses though

[devida]

Isha, I know you say labels are for soup cans but aren't you letting the label mess with you here? In this case it is the label feeling like a woman as opposed to feeling just like you. I don't feel like a woman. I don't feel like a man. I feel like me pretty much no matter what I wear. But there are many pressures on us to define ourselves as this or that. You feel like a guy, you say, but I know you know that most guys don't feel like they want ever to wear women's clothes. They would not agree with your definition of yourself. Luckily that does not matter at all. You feel what you feel, you are who you are.

Labels are placeholders for identity. I think among cross dressers and transgender folk gender identity is much more fluid than in the majority population. But it is not like people with normal genders do not spend as much time thinking about and reinforcing their gender identity. It is just that their identities are more binary, more male or female all the time than ours. Ours are more flexible. We are okay being masculine, feminine or something in between. But these are labels and ultimately happiness is not label dependant but comes from being at ease with whatever we are.

[natcrys]

No offence here.. but then again, I'm not easily offended.. ;)

I think you're correct in saying that "you feel like YOU". I think that holds for everyone. To actually know how someone else feels, whether it be a group (women, strongly religious people, heads of state) or an other individual (Tim the neighbour who just won the lottery, Billy who just got accepted to MIT).. that is not (IMO) not possible.

Of course, one can draw parallels with one's own feelings and others.. I think that's the best one can do. If I set foot in a shoe store.. or in a hip clothing store (for women obviously)... I do light up. I do want to try them all on. I love make-up.. love wearing it.. love experimenting with it.

I don't know any guys who have expressed those kind of feelings. I do know of my own female friends, YouTube beauty/fashion gurus and fashion magazines.. that a lot of women DO feel that way.

So especially on those days,.. when I'm feeling pretty in a particular outfit.. and have the perfect shoes.. and my make-up is impeccable.. and I have an awesome hair day, then yes.. I will say: "I feel like a woman". :D

On those days, I most definitely won't feel like a dude in a dress.

[Lucy_Bella]

Gender Spectrum is a weird phenomenon nothing odd about "feeling odd" about it..

I think what gives you ( and others here) the pleasure when dressed opposite of bio logical sex is the experience to be ..Well You and relaxing in your own (skin) level with in your own individual spectrum.. Not the level society has chosen for you but your own..

You don't have to feel like a female to present in a fabricated societal role because I am positive that many females do not feel like women in societal assigned clothing, there has to be more to it than just clothing.. It is a eternal expression that sometimes needs expressed..

[Beverley Sims]

Isha,
Nothing wrong in being practical.
I like pretty things but they do have to suit me and do something for my personna.

I still get a thrill out of buying a new tool.

Maybe I am a tool. :)

[Amanda M]

Here goes! Like Isha, I feel like me when I dress. That said, it feels like a slightly different me. I know that my perspectives and reactions alter slightly, I think I become more tolerant. I do not have any wish to have thre drawers of lingerie or two closets of skirts, tops and dresses. Just enough to look decent en femme from time to time. That, however, is fairly typical of my male self. I have no great need for stuff. Indeed, I do get a bit cross when I read the posts that say the sort of "I already have 220 pairs of shoes, but I saw these darling pumps today that I simply could not live without". Now maybe, that is jealousy at work. Frankly, I doubt it. Conspicuous consumption gets my goat!

As for feeling like a woman - how would I know? Is it OK if I just wander on with a pretty but simple and inexpensive wardrobe and enjoy being both parts of me?

[AllieSF]

I think that when we can do what we feel like doing and that is something not totally understood nor accepted by society, we do get some very special feelings at that moment. How we express that feeling varies from person to person. I think that I have read your words where you say that you felt very good being dressed up and that is was a special moment for you. So, if someone says that they feel like a woman, maybe what they are saying is a lot more words, something like, "Wow, this feels so good at this moment to be dressed as I am in these wonderful clothes that I have for myself (unless they are borrowed!), these women's clothes, so feminine or sexy or whatever that are actually used by women and maybe even I am experiencing a special moment like they do occasionally." So maybe it isn't so much that they feel like a woman, but more they are feeling what it is like to be dressed as one and presenting as one when compared to where they started earlier in the day when dressed in guy mode.

As we all know only a woman can feel like a woman, and a man as a man. We can sometimes get close to what the other may be feeling, but can probably never really know nor experience it, because feelings are so personal and unique. So, when someone uses those exact words, "I feel like a woman", I do not get upset at their misuse of that phrase and rather want to celebrate with them their ability to experience that moment that was so special to them. Sometimes we just need to not be so judgmental of others language use, when they are only trying to express something very significant and important to themselves.

[Ilsa]

Isha,

Nothing wrong with being introspective about who you are as an individual and what makes you that way. Trying not to be like others is what makes you unique. You should not question your uniqueness but extol in it. Do what makes you who you are and don't try to appease others perceptions of who they think you should be.

[PaulaQ]

I thought long and hard about all my experiences dressing and wondered if I ever truly "felt like a woman" during, before or after. However, I realized I had no baseline. Specifically what does it feel like to be a woman? So I went to the source . . . my wife and asked her. She laughed and said "I don't know, what does it feel like to be a man?" To which I responded "Good point . . . it doesn't feel like anything, it just is what it is". Crap . . . still no baseline.

Try asking this of any woman - I have - none of them know what it feels like to be a woman, although many are very quick to tell you what feeling like a woman isn't.

No, I don't think you are odd. You are a male identified CD. You don't feel any different because you don't have much of a feminine identity. Some of us do, some more so than others, and when we present as female, that part of us gets to feel alive and free - it feels different.

In my case, feeling like a woman is feeling the freedom to be myself, to not feel fear and the need to lie about who and what I am every second of every day. I feel authentic - not like this artificial image I created for my protection. I'm a lot more emotional now - I love this.

All of us who are gender variant are odd, Isha. As long as you are being true to yourself, that's all that matters.

[Donnagirl]

Hi Isha,

I think I must be rare in this group in that I have never 'fully dressed'. I don't own a wig (or any hair of my own) and I've never really used make up. I paint my toenails and wear the occasional lipstick, but never gone the whole nine yards...

As I am getting a little braver, venturing out in 'girl jeans' whilst underdressed, I am getting more confident that no one else really cares. I do however feel only a little elation at that small step, with the addition of the excitement that comes with taking a risk. I'm still me, feel like me and look like me...

I am however calmer when dressed. My SO, although 'variable' in her approval will tell me to "go put a bra on" if I am particularly grumpy or moody.

I'm not the greatest shopper, for girl things or anything else. I lose interest fairly quickly if I haven't found what I want and don't look like finding it... I am relatively intolerant of what I see as a lack of politeness in others, a lack of spatial awareness. You know the types that randomly stop, walk backwards or position themselves to cause maximum disruption to the flow of traffic... "here's a nice defile, let's stop here for a chat.... No ones getting passed us in a hurry!!" I have been know to be cruel, positioning my trolley for the inevitable collision when I see someone walking one way whilst looking another. But I digress.

I guessing wear what I wear because some part of it 'feels right'. I don't think it changes me, its just a part of me...

Cheers,

[kimdl93]

I find the expression problematic in that no one can say precisely what it does or does not 'feel' like. It's more than anything a self applied label. You may substitute TG, TS or beagle. I don't know whether what I feel is feeling like a woman. I know I feel very much at home in my own skin when I dress and to the extent that I can, live as a woman. Even that is open to debate by others. But my take on it is that if presenting as a woman feels good or better than presenting as a man, then I have every right to do it and ascribe to it whatever feelings suit me. It really matters to no one else.

[Allisa]

Wow, so much to think about, maybe I'm one of those that used the term" feel like a woman" the other day in a response to a thread, the first time I used that phrase. It was in reference to taking a bath and listening to music to help get in my femme mode while dressing. I know the comfort thing all to well and the tedium of make-up. As far as feeling womanly, take a male turn him inside out and there you are, sort of. Feeling comfortable in ones own skin is what it's all about. Are you odd?, no just mad as a hatter, some day we will run the asylum.

[Dani0948]

No - I don't feel like a woman. But I do feel girly, sexy, sensual,and/or a little erotic when dressed. Shopping is a necessity. Go there get what I want and get back home. For me, it's more about the feeling of femme. After dressing, I rarely look in the mirror as I'm not that attractive, but I do feel great.

[susan54]

Isha. Good post. I sometimes think those of us who do not consider ourselves women or feminine when dressed up have a very low profile on here. I would be happy to wear these clothes in everyday life without having to wear make-up and wig and without causing some sort of scandal at work. My favourite thing of all is getting compliments on how I ma dressed and the women I work with are really into clothes and it would be wonderful to sit with them and talk clothes - but it is not going to happen. I go out dressed but have got a bit fed up of it - acting like a woman (which I do to fit in and am reasonably good at) is quite tiring - and all the people I communicate with have seen me lots of times and know I am male and I am quite happy about that. I own women's trousers but do not wear them. I love the clothes (and I am one of those with a huge wardrobe) - but so do lots of women and I think I get something similar to wearing and buying them as the do. Putting it in a nutshell, I would much rather be perceived as a very skilled crossdresser than as a woman.

[Rachael Leigh]

Isha, I have many of your same feelings I mean I usually dress in something girly almost every day and it's not to present as a women. I just love the style and look and feel of the clothes. I too have gone shopping and go to the ladies section without a second thought just looking for the right look.
Now with that said once I do decide I'm going all the way makeup wig and all I feel different a bit like I have to get this just right to make my presentation fit my clothes and do I feel like a women? Maybe a little but like you I'm a guy who has this crazy love and enjoyment for female style clothes, and why not wear what I wish enboy or enfem.
Hugs and thanks for yet another episode in "Isha's thought provoking question of the week"
Hugs Leigh

[JennyLynn]

Oh Isha. You have always been my rock for advice! To respond...I am Jenny when I dress..much different than my man side. I still have "me", but I'm the other part of "me" when I dress. You are not odd! Just the classic stuggle you're feeling. Let your femme side out.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Isha, When I get all dressed up and get everything just right I no longer see a guy in a dress I see a lady smiling back at me.
I know that I'll always be a guy but after almost 67yrs. of dressing I think that I have the program pretty well figured out.

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks for the responses thus far. Don't get me wrong, I am not have a crisis of identity or anything. I was just at odds (no pun intended) in that while I definitely attempt to present as a girl when out and about, I don't feel any different from when I am "en boy" out and about. I am just me, dressed differently. It just seemed odd to me because I attempt to blend "en femme" but still present "inwardly at least" as boy. Oh well, I guess Isha and boy me are just moving toward integration and when we do . . . who knows what the result will be.

Anyway, I hope I did not offend anyone with the post or come off with a creepy weirdo vibe. Sometimes I can just be a little too introspective . . . comes with spending too much alone time in my day job.

Hugs

Isha