Has this Forum Changed you?

[Greenie]

This post is my 500th post, and this month, I think last week was my one year anniversary at this forum.

I wanted to know if participating in this forum has changed you?

Since I started I have met some wonderful people. GG's who I have cultivated friendships with, CDers I have had long long long conversations with, who I cannot wait to meet in person one day.

I have noticed in this last year, that this environment, thought supportive, often scares me.

I have met CDers insistent that its "just clothes" who are TS now, in only a year. This frightens me for Luca and I's future.

In the last year we have explored wigs, dresses, shopping, dressing rooms mishaps, pedicures, nail polish, Dressing in the bedroom, matching heels and panties, as well as lingerie. I have been comfortable with somethings we have tried, and uncomfortable with others.

It has been a wild year. We have fought, we have cried, smiled, laughed, and we have gotten through most humps. We are even engaged now!

I am not going to lie. I know that most of you have come to accept and be aware of my open book policy, and my intense amount of honesty. This CDing thing is hard for me. I struggle between wanting to be the most accepting person I can be, and then having bad days where this seems like to much.

For those with openly accepting wives and SO's, you are so lucky, but she is lucky to be able to be the strong woman that I wish I was everyday.

This forum has helped me immensely in trying to become that woman. No matter how many hard days I have, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you Sandra, Reine, Mimi, Jenniferathome, Joanne, PaulaQ and many many others who have been important to me here.

I would like to know from others here, how the forum has helped you? How have you changed since you joined? If you have that is? What is the most valuable thing you learned about yourself and CDing since joining.

Love you all
Kae

[Butterfly Bill]

Been experimenting since junior high 54 years ago, been out to the public since 1994, and I have never had any desire to have the operation. I've even kept my beard. Crossdressing is not the first step on an inevitable path to SRS. But the Pink Fog can be real, especially in the first few years of being out.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Greenie

I am sure this forum has changed me mainly due to the fact I have learned what is possible. I grew up in a pre-internet age so information was scarce. I was even shaking when I made my first post in 2005 but that as they say is history.
There is lots of wonderful information here if people will take the time to read and understand it. This may help in any decisions they may make in the future.
Today I am member of the staff here and I am comfortable when out and about and being accepted as a female (even if some people dont see me that way) I would not be at this point without the support of a lot of GG members of this forum.

I will be forever grateful to them for there help and friendship over the years.

Life is a process of evoloution which always seems quicker when we accept ourselves.

[AllieSF]

First of all, this Forum introduced me to the first people with whom I ventured out into the real world. I have also learned a lot about myself, not surprises really, but more like better defining certain aspects of "me". I know much more about legal issues that need to be resolved, dressing and makeup tips, where I stand on issues that I never took a stand on before, and what it really means to be TS, including all the different experiences and ways to be oneself. So, my changes have been more in the maturing through experience and education of myself and realizing that I know that I am always trying to be the best person and do the best thing based on what I know and have available when whatever arises. I now openly say and believe that I love myself as I am. That does not mean that I don't see areas that need improvement, but I have learned that I am only and just me, not someone else in a worse or better situation than I am.

Have I learned what I am? I am not quite sure yet and I will deal with that question when and if I need to. Right now I do not need to.

What I read from your very wonderful honestly and openly written thread is a person with some doubts about the future looking to see if maybe she should worry or not whether the love of her life is totally defined now or has potential disruptive changes coming in the future. Since a lot here are discovering themselves through this site or maybe more through their own personal growth, it probably is very hard for them to say with certainty whether they have arrived or have more traveling to do. In your specific case, having a wonderful and accepting loving partner like you can also play some unwanted games in your SO's head. She has all this wonderful and rare acceptance and pro-active support. The natural tendency then is to explore and grow or maybe better said, experiment, quicker and that can have a significant impact on how things develop. When someone has to grow slower, aging and maturing as the do that, they can sometimes better handle the fewer changes over time in a tempered manner and maybe can even know themselves better to better avoid or mitigate those sudden changes that can disrupt not only their lives but the lives of those around them. I wish you the best because you are a somewhat rare and precious person.

[kimdl93]

I don't think the forum changes a person so much as it reveals the possibilities. Sure there are a few here who entered believing it was just the clothes, and many who still feel that's true in their case and always will be so. It's a fairly small but significant number who discover possibilities in life and in themselves that they haven't before. And there are a few,I'm hesitant to suggest, that come to CDing looking not for self discovery, but as a futile means of escape from their inability to cope with some other aspects of life.

[Lucy_Bella]

This forum has helped me quite a bit in understanding what I am not..

It has opened my eyes to the different levels of the Gender Spectrum as to before I joined I thought I had gender issues now I know it's more of a fetish for me..

I have leaned that it's not so much a fetish for other cders and it's a way of life not a life style..I have also seen the need to be more open and honest about my cding to any GG I may plan a relationship with...Tell them everything and ask them to be open for future changes if any come .. Because many of us are not aware of them ourselves.But I think that can apply to any non cding relationship as well but under a different subject ,we all change..

I don't fear my dressing any longer but I still do not accept it fully .I'd like to have never started but since I have this forum helps me deal with it better sometimes verses other forums.. This forum offers logical explanations as to why I feel the urge to dress rather than hating the ideal of me doing it..

[PaulaQ]

I wanted to know if participating in this forum has changed you?

I would like to know from others here, how the forum has helped you? How have you changed since you joined? If you have that is? What is the most valuable thing you learned about yourself and CDing since joining.


First of all Kae, congratulations on your engagement! I am so thrilled for you both, God bless you! Luca is very lucky to have you, and you are a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for being!

Well, I've changed a lot - from a confused, suicidal, anxious CDing man to a relatively happy woman in transition. Just not being confused, suicidal, depressed, and anxious would've been sufficient - but I'm doing a lot better than that, really.

The forum has given me a place to tell my story. It isn't always a happy story - sometimes far from it - but it is mine, and it is real. Telling it has sometimes lead me to sharp disagreements with others here, and I think that's OK. I think having multiple perspectives on the issues of this forum is helpful.

I guess the most valuable thing I've learned about myself is that I have a really strong need to reach out to, and to help others. I think this is a core element of my personality - something really deep and intrinsic to it.

I think the most important thing I've learned about CDing, or any other gender variance, is that there is often quite a lot of pain involved, both for the CDer, and their spouse. Both parties have to deal with issues that the cisgender hetronormative world isn't really well prepared to deal with, and indeed, doesn't often even have vocabulary TO talk about it reasonably.

I've met a really fascinating group of individuals, and am a member of a largely secret world that most people are only dimly aware of. I've made many friends, and found only a few people disagreeable.

I've only been a member a month or two longer than you Kae, and it's been quite a trip, hasn't it?

[Marcia Blue]

Greenie, Through this forum I have accepted who I am. Told my Wonderful Wife about the CD side of me. Meet other CDs and gone out in public. I do not desire to transition, even when deep, in the pink fog.

Luca is a lucky guy/gal to have you as a girl friend. My best wishes to both of you.

[Katey888]

I feel like and I am a relative newbie to this place compared with others, so mine is a very fresh perspective...

How has it helped? Principally with self-acceptance; realising that I am so not alone in my own peculiar skew with this thing we do; opening my eyes to the need and benefit of reading more about what constitutes TG conditions and how that applies to me; an understanding that I probably am TG which both amazes and scares me simultaneously... but self-awareness is all good, isn't it? :eek:

How have I changed? Understanding that I comprise a part of this bigger grouping that we might one day call a community (I'd like to think so...) and how important it is to be aware of the challenges and trials that others face (those of our TS compatriots) really makes feel humble; this may sound daft but I now feel a responsibility towards this group and I want to do more to help in a very broad sense; I think reading the experiences and perspectives of all the varied folk we have here has changed my own perspective immensely - and while I may not suffer any discrimination because of my closeted activities my heart goes out to those who cannot remain so and must face the world with honesty, determination and often do that very alone... :cheer:

Most valuable thing... On a serious note - that the understanding of others is such a key element of being accepted in the wider world, and we should find more ways to work at that... Slightly less serious - that I had disastrous ideas about fashion and I really needed to work on makeup skills - and there has been masses of support, friendly critique, encouragement, humour and affection from a fantastic bunch of strangers, none of which I have ever met (that I'm aware of...;)), but many of whom I would hope and wish to count as firm and very real friends, despite an often significant geographical separation... I feel quite emotional... maybe that was more serious...

Good question Kae - thanks for allowing some timely introspection and being such a wonderfully open person... :hugs:

Katey x

[Eryn]

Certainly participation in the forum may expose one to possibilities that precipitate change, but we each make the changes ourselves.

The forum helped me make friends within the community. It showed me the various ways that other TG people lived. It helped me find resources that were useful to me. It reassured me that I was not alone in being TG and that being TG was a normal part of living.

The forum did not, however, make any decisions for me.

[Julie Denier]

I think this forum has helped me see what's possible. I originally joined out of curiosity, never thinking I would actually dress, at least not seriously. But the advice and support here has helped me develop what I think is a decent femulation, at least for a big girl of my well-above-average size and shape. And I've gotten to know some wonderful people here, one of whom is graciously assisting me in my first time out dressed, something I never, ever thought I would do.

Meanwhile, I have no TS aspirations - I'm thoroughly secure and comfortable with my male self and could never give that up. But this forum certainly has helped me understand and enjoy my femme side, and for that I am grateful ;)

[paulaprimo]

for the majority of my life, thinking that i was the only one who dresses and was well hidden way back in my closet...
this site showed me that i was not alone and gave me the confidence to accept and be happy with myself. the most important thing
i learned is that i am not weird, sick or confused anymore. i am me and i am now very happy with myself. i carried a very large burden of shame
for a very long time. this site gave me the much needed confidence and support to finally venture out about 18 months ago. a new found freedom for me
and i loved it. for this reason i am very thankful to the wonderful people here. :)

i wish you guy's continued success and the very best!

[Jenniferathome]

First, congratulations on your engagement!

Second, regarding the future for Luca, TS are really very rare. To me, it's like worrying about an earthquake. There's no point. here is a graphic that brings it home:



Lastly, I have often written that I came out because of this forum (really Amanda22 who I friended on this forum). For that I am changed and ever thankful. Now I try to pay it back.

[kimdl93]

Love that graphic. Is consistent with my guiding principle. The 80:20 rule. The trick is to focus on the 20% of effort that yields 80% of the results.

[JazT95]

I really haven't been here that long at all. But even in my short time here, I have gained so much more confidence in, well... everything. I live in a very isolated town so just coming to this site to talk to others like me has made me feel less alone and happier about my situation.

For all this, I just have to say a massive thank you to all you guys :) xx

[AnnabelleBethanie]

I think for me, there has been a bit of a change just through the information I gain when reading it... I think that I personally haven't changed as much as I would have hoped since I'm not the best at participation on forums as I prefer the one-to-one approach which forums often lack. But there has been more if a change than if I wasn't reading/part of this forum.

Annabelle-Bethanie

[Allisa]

Changed yes and no, mainly just knowing I'm not the only one who CD's.

Bye-Bye Lisa

[Genny B]

The forum has helped me many ways! I have met others that help me to accept who I am and has made me think about my wife's point of view much more! And I think that has been good for both of us! It also helped me find a local support group that I had not been able to find elsewhere with intense searches! At the age of 55 with 9 grandchildren I would not change my life for anything in the world!
Genny B

[Dani0948]

"I would like to know from others here, how the forum has helped you? How have you changed since you joined? If you have that is? What is the most valuable thing you learned about yourself and CDing since joining"

The forum helped me realise that the most important thing in the world is my wife. I want so badly to tell her, but am afraid of the consequences for both of us. My biggest change is that I'm dressing more now, but still staying in the closet (no change yet). I've learned that there are some very special girls and guys on this forum with a wealth of information and life experiences to share. I like being a part of this group and hope to have "interesting" things to post in the future.

[JennyLynn]

Definitely, yes! Now I know I'm not alone! It does get complicated at times, as we all have different agendas.

[SherriePall]

First off, congratulations on your engagement. As for what this forum has done for me, changing me in some way, I'll tell you what it has not done.
It has not encouraged me to go out and about dressed. I had done that prior to joining this forum.
It has not encouraged me to get a pedicure. Had already done that.
It has not encouraged me to get a makeover. Did that before.
It has not encouraged me to go clothes shopping either en femme or drab and try the clothes on in the stores. Did that multiple times.
It has not encouraged me to tell my wife. Had already done that just prior to our 25th anniversary.
There are probably more things I could share with you.
And that is what this forum has done for me. It has allowed me to share with others who are in the same boat as I. It has allowed me to share with those who are thinking about climbing into that boat.
It has changed me in that I now know that I am not alone or crazy; that my feelings are shared by others. I have been dressing for many years. As for the TS thing, there are days I think about it. But I know that I don't have to act upon those feelings which surge from time-to-time.
Well, I guess I better stop now. Thanks for asking. Hope I answered in some manner.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Greenie, This forum has helped me feel that I'm not alone in this world with thousands of like minded friends.
I'm 71 years old and been dressing for almost 67yrs. and I'm content to just be a Crossdresser at home.
My wife of 50yrs. kinda understands/tolerates it she just don't want to see me dressed,
It's a kind of a DA-DT thinggie.

[Greenie]

I hope so. 17k posts later. :)

Thanks all, I like hearing about these things. :)

[Donnagirl]

It has changed me a quite a bit in a short time... Some good, some not so good.... Whilst I am more confident in myself, more accepting and more relieved that there are so many others who share "my little secret", I am envious and jealous of all of you who look so good. It is frustrating to think I could never look good enough to go out in public. I should have done more when young, fit and thin... I wasted so many years in denial, angry and embarrassed at my feelings and urges. (Before the internet, I thought I was the only one!!!!)

I really do enjoy the introspection so many of the posts impose. A self examination I would have never contemplated without such an impetus. Identifying with the comments of so many gives me that warm fuzzy feeling, a happiness that I'm not that unusual after all...

I do hope to mature into the "who I am" with the help of all the friends here...

Thanks to all.

[Davina4587]

Hi Kae

Congrats on the engagement!

Without doubt this forum has changed me for the better.

I am no closer to admitting to my loved ones that I crossdress and it still has to be done in secret, however joining the forum has given me place to finally tell somebody that I do dress. Somewhere that understands my nervousness and fears, somewhere that understands the problems and somewhere where I can get advice.

For the last year I have been suffering with mental health problems (nothing to do with my dressing), however the ability to shout out to the world that I am a crossdresser has given me a new found confidence. Friends say that they have notice a difference in me in the last couple of months (which just happens to be when I joined the forum) and I am starting to feel better about myself.

I can now enter a ladies department with a new swagger (albeit away from where I live) and spend time looking for what I want (rather than picking something off the rack and get out of the shop as quickly as I could).

The forum has given me a place to talk about French knickers, about stockings or where the best place to shop is. Six months ago I never would have dreamt of having these sorts of conversations - even through the privacy of the internet.

I don't think that I would ever want to take a risk with my wife or family by telling them that I dress but this forum has given me somewhere to talk to girls who know what I am going through and understand me.

I feel for these reasons Forum has made me a better person

Davina
x

[Lygophilia]

No. I would at best say that it finalized my perception on gender and to stray more away from it in context to the created construct.

[~Joanne~]

This post is my 500th post, and this month, I think last week was my one year anniversary at this forum.

Happy Anniversary :D You are such a sweet heart and it has, and is, an extreme pleasure to have you here with us :) I for one has always enjoyed your posts, your insight, and your all around good nature and I know I have benefited from it and I thank you so much for all of it, being yourself, and being such a great friend!



It has been a wild year. We have fought, we have cried, smiled, laughed, and we have gotten through most humps. We are even engaged now!

Yes, it certainly has been a wild year for you two. Just as having any kind of a relationship always is, there will be ups, and there will be downs, but how you come through it all as a couple is what matters in the end and define you and your relationship. I am so happy that you both have come this far and stuck things out and congradulations on your engagement :)


This CDing thing is hard for me. I struggle between wanting to be the most accepting person I can be, and then having bad days where this seems like to much.

Believe me sweetie, it's hard for everyone involved with this. I have good days with it, I have bad, and though my SO has never said anything negative about this side of me, I am sure she has some days too. This isn't easy on either side. Some days I wish I could just turn it off but we all know that never happens.

For those with openly accepting wives and SO's, you are so lucky, but she is lucky to be able to be the strong woman that I wish I was everyday.

Just be as strong as you feel like being on whatever given day and that's all anyone can begin to ask from you. We all have our weaknesses, we all have bad days, This is a lot to take in and I am sure there isn't an SO out there that on certain days, doesn't want to bother with any of this. I know I have days I don't even want to bother with it myself ;)

Thank you Sandra, Reine, Mimi, Jenniferathome, Joanne, PaulaQ and many many others who have been important to me here.

Your so welcome but thank you! Your such a great friend and you know where to get a hold of me if you need me ;)

I would like to know from others here, how the forum has helped you?

To be honest, other than making some really great friends, which I am forever grateful for, and having some one I can talk to about this other than my SO all of the time, I don't really think it has "Helped" all that much. It did help me find an inner peace with myself and prove that I am not alone in all of this but that's probably as far as the help has gone.

Through this forum, it showed me where I stand in the mix of all of this and has shown me how far down the rabbit hole this goes for me. There is no transition in my future. It's solely about the clothes and appearance. To spend sometime on the other side of the fence but to be able to climb back over it when I want. I know for a lot of us there is still this confusion as to who they really are, I am not confused.

How have you changed since you joined?

Nope. I am still me just a bit prettier than normal on some days ;)

Love and hugs
Happy Easter :D

[AlanaG]

I too want to throw out that I've enjoyed this forum immensely. I'm not here every day. I don't read every post. And I post even less. (I've been a wall flower my whole life.) But... what I've gotten from here is more knowledge of who I am and that I need to be ok with that. I think I'm coming around. Thank you to everyone.

[MissTee]

Congrats on the engagement, Greenie. That's so exciting!

I would not say that it has changed me. However, my wife and I have both gained a greater awareness and respect for our little community since joining. She's not a member because she's too afraid of leaving breadcrumbs, and is about as techno-savvy as a turtle and this forum thing confuses her. Hence, we often sit side by side as I post.

I have to say that we've learned a lot about the many variants of dressing and that my wife (and I) are still in the "just clothes" camp. She has relayed that she had some of the same concerns you did, but kept them to herself. Coming here opened the door for talking about them, and it helped her feel so much better about my odd proclivity for cute shoes.

[CynthiaD]

This forum didn't change me, but it did validate the way I've always felt about things. It's not just realizing that I wasn't alone. I've known that for a long time. It's more realizing that I wasn't crazy.

[PretzelGirl]

Whether the forum changes us is about how your perspective is. I say it did indirectly because I met people who became great friends. I have been educated by all on here, good and bad it seems. Without this forum, I probably would understand our community less and would still be hiding myself. I am one that is on the transition path and this place is invaluable in its information that have used for my sanity. But I didn't start saying it was just about clothes, I just didn't fully understand what I was feeling. Now my life is better and most of my friends are either ones I met here or met through others here. So yes, it has changed me.

[Princess Grandpa]

This forum has been an invaluable resource in my journey of self discovery. I couldn't understand how I could be a crossdresser but not gay. It was here that I came to learn that sexuality and gender identity are seperate issues. It was here that I was introduced to the concept of gender identity being more than one side or the other. That a person could maybe be somewhere in between M and F. I know not everyone buys into that premise, but it certainly feels right to my situation.

Some things I have read here has caused major self discovery. Some things don't make sense at all. And some things seem to be said to be intentionally hurtful. I have read posts that broke my heart with the sadness contained in them. I have read posts that made me weep with joy. There was even one post saying my opinions weren't worth listening too. Like with anything else in life you hold onto the things that help, you cherish the friendships you make and you ignore the haters.

This is a hard journey we share. Whether your gender identity leads you to transition, you dress for other reasons, or your a GG trying to understand there is support and help to be found. I for one am very grateful for this resource.

Hug
Rita

[sanderlay]

What I've learned since Oct 2011 is confidence and experience.

In Oct 2011 I made my first intro post (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?161190-I-m-Steve-from-Northern-California&p=2616420&viewfull=1#post2616420). In Dec 2011 I stopped with my last post (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?165328-Would-you-call-a-Kilt-a-skirt&p=2683911&viewfull=1#post2683911). Why did I stop? I felt like I did not fit in. I did not feel I was a regular CD. I did not present like a regular CD. I Figured out I was not TS. I was outside the box.

So I spend three years studying about others like me sifting through the internet searching for the truth. I continued to go out and about gaining confidence and maturing my female side. I expanded my wardrobe and got rid of clothes that never fit properly.

Then one day I logged in and found Isha's post about Being Authentic (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?210608-Being-Authentic) and then made my own post (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?210608-Being-Authentic&p=3459284&viewfull=1#post3459284). I had learned to be authentic in my own life, I had matured and most importantly... Experience. I had three plus years under my belt going out and about. For me I did not need the makeup to be myself because I was not female. I was, and am, a mix of both. Becoming my true self was for me what I needed to do.

For me this I believe this is where I stop since I feel more or less normal, except feeling like a fish in a bowl sometimes with more eyes watching me. But that goes with the territory of being a CD whose out and in society. Still have yet to see anybody with pitch forks so I count that as a blessing.

So I post here in hopes I can help another person with my life experiences and learn something from this community. :)

[Taylor Ray]

In listening to the stories of the many wonderful cross dressers who participate openly in this forum, one is able to gain more understanding about their place on the "spectrum".

And also be a part of a really cool sub-culture!!!!

[Seana Summer]

Hi Kae

As so many others have said, the great thing about this forum is knowing that we are not alone. Not everyone is on the same path however. I have been reading posts for over a year and in June it will be my 1 year anniversary as an official member.

This forum has given me a real boost in self confidence just by knowing that as a part time "boring ole crossdresser" I am not alone. I don't feel like I need to be ashamed anymore. I really can't say that I have taken any further steps down the road of Transformation to female. I didn't want to make that change before I found this forum, and I still don't.

My wardrobe has expanded though..........a lot of good shopping tips here:D

I wish you and Luca all the best, and if I may add $0.02 on relationships. You guys will have ups and downs....every couple dose. Your ups and downs are just a little different than others in some ways....... but the same in many others.

[Adriana Moretti]

I dont think the forum has changed me on a personal level....but it HAS been an educational & positive part of my life...I have made some wonderfull friendships and made a few great pen pals too...and I want to go visit them ALL !!!

[Christen]

Helped me? So much! To have a safe place that I can go to to share, discuss, bleat, understand that I'm not different to everyone else on this planet but at the same time still individual, to find wonderful people who share a similar story, well, it is just fantastic. I don't feel like I'm bottling things up anymore, it makes my life a bit smoother, I like that.
Changed me? No, I don't think so. It has given me plenty to think about, and I feel I've come to really accept myself and my desire/need to crossdress.

Congrats to you and Luca. I wish you both all the best for your future.

Christen x

[Lorileah]

:thinking: In 2009 I was sweet, innocent, confused, married
Now, I am sarcastic, evil, mean, opinionated and rude per some members here.

in 2009 I had no plans to pursue anything more than what I was doing, underdressing all the time, wearing nail polish, keeping my body smooth. Dressing several times a year to got to functions.

Now, I am transitioning. But it wasn't the forum that did that. I told everyone I would not transition even though I was TS, because I was too old. Yet here I am. My status hasn't changed, I was always TS, just that now I am going forward with it. I lost two of the greatest women in the world within 18 months. Truthfully I doubt my wife would have approved of transitioning even though she accepted the dressing but my GF, I think, would have happily tagged along because she taught me that love doesn't make conditions. The point is that I changed because I had an epiphany, life is short, there is no guarantees and there are absolutely no re-rides.

So don't be afraid that your SO will change their mind. They already know or strongly suspect if they are TS. Nothing you can say or do will change that. I believe that YOU also know if your SO is TS. You just have to be honest with yourself

[GretchenJ]

Hi Greenie,

No, the forum has not changed me, just pointed out that I was not alone with what I thought was a fetish that was unnatural and embarrassing. And I have met some good friends along the way.

No forum or site can ever take the place of free will. I can tell you this, you are a very intelligent woman- you are asking all the correct questions that only you and your fiancée can answer. But I will bet, from reading your posts and excellent advice you have given in the past to everyone here, I can offer you some advice - as long as you keep the lines of communications open, and establish what and what you are not comfortable with, all is good.

With that said, I am betting that the two of you will be very happy together and will have no issues

Gretch

[Lucy_Bella]

Now, I am sarcastic, evil, mean, opinionated and rude per some members here

Not in my opinion...I think of you as a valued member..

[ReineD]

I have noticed in this last year, that this environment, thought supportive, often scares me.

I have met CDers insistent that its "just clothes" who are TS now, in only a year. This frightens me for Luca and I's future.

Hi Kae,

If it means anything, I was also frightened the first few years I was a member here. My SO was in the middle of expanding all aspects of the CDing, and so in true human (or maybe Reine) form, my focus zoomed into the handful of members who hung out in the CD section telling everyone they hadn't realized until just a few years ago that they were TS. I glommed onto those posts, to the point where it seemed as if this might be the fate of just about every CDer here! When there were threads about who wanted to be with a guy, I'd tally them up to see if it was more than 50%. :strugglin At one point there was a thread asking members if they would rather have breasts or a vagina. It ran for the longest time, it got hundreds of responses, and just about everyone said they wanted one or the other, or both! (Well, duh ... everyone was playing along with the OP's fantasy premise).

So yeah, I convinced myself there was a likelihood that my SO, if he wasn't already on his way to transition, was in denial about eventually wanting to transition. :eek:

My poor SO felt so bad about this, he told me he went into the GM forum to ask people how he could convince me that he DIDN'T want to transition! He then told me that he wished people would post all their fantasy posts in the GM section so as to not scare all the GGs! lol

But the reality is, there only are a few people out of the thousands of members who do log into this forum, who say they are now TS and they want to transition (when they previously thought they were CDers). The VAST majority of participants in this forum will not transition. Some of them may like to fantasize about having breasts or fantasize about certain male body parts, but that's as far as it will ever get. And of course every time a CDer expresses such a fantasy, the transitioners who wish to be supportive are right there saying, "Me too, me too!", which adds to a GG's feelings of insecurity if she is worried about her own SO.

But ... other than the few late-onset TSs who did repress themselves all their lives and who now have no choice but to transition, I have seen many members (including my SO), go full circle with the CDing. This even happened to a close friend's husband. They go through a period of pink fog where it's all about everything girly and going out, sometimes to the point of distraction, but then if they are given the freedom to develop this fully, they realize that they do not want to transition. They weigh their options, they discover what it would take, exactly, to live a stealth life (a lot ... including $20-40k electrolysis and facial feminization surgery, plus perhaps breast implants and this does not include SRS), they consider the potential loss of jobs and relationships, the loss of male sexual functioning (HRT), and they decide it is not worth it to them. It is not worth it for the vast majority of members here, even though they may go through a period of wishing that it might be. If, however, they are NOT given the opportunity to explore the CDing fully (a wife who puts her foot down, or if they feel that fully expressing the CDing will cause issues in their relationships), then they do risk fantasizing about the "what if" to the point where the fantasy may well become problematic. They really do need to go out there for themselves and taste the world presenting as a woman ... while, truth be told for most CDers, not being stealth.

So don't worry. If your SO tells you that he is not TS, believe him. He grew up in an internet age, there is and has been tons of information out there, he knows the score. He didn't have to repress himself for 20-40 years like some of the members here.

Sorry for such a long post, and sorry if my words have offended anyone.

My SO identifies as dualgender. He knows he is not a guy like most guys, but she knows she is not a woman either. He has made peace with this and s/he makes the best of both worlds by fluctuating his/her presentation. S/he is quietly living her life and is not insistent that the world recognize and support the notion that many people do not fit within the gender binary. My SO knows that we are not there yet (at least not in our neck of the woods among people of our generation), and s/he is OK with this. She just expresses herself in public whenever she needs to, albeit in the next town over. :)

[Aylineira]

The forum has helped me realize that I am certainly not alone. Of course I kinda knew this already but the reality of how many there really are of us makes me feel a whole lot better.

How this forum has changed me is that I am becoming more confident in my feminine persona. What things I should take into account when dealing with my wife (such as taking it slowly and allowing her to accept me for the CDer I am). Also what things I am going to say and do for my kids when they are old enough to understand what Daddy is doing in a wig and dress.

The most valuable thing that I have since taken away from this forum is that I should feel blessed for the things that I can do every day with my CDing (such as having an accepting SO).

[Zylia]

I thank you too for sticking around and offering us your insight Kae.

Like a good therapy session, this forum doesn't offer the right answers, but it can provide you with the right questions. It helped me to find and have better understanding of my little place in this world and on the (trans)gender spectrum. Having certain 'thoughts' is one thing, but having to formulate them (in a foreign language no less) is quite another.

[Kate's at home]

The validation and answers to many questions have been invaluable. All towards greater understanding and acceptance...

Thank you all!

Kate

[~Joanne~]

At one point there was a thread asking members if they would rather have breasts or a vagina. It ran for the longest time, it got hundreds of responses, and just about everyone said they wanted one or the other, or both! (Well, duh ... everyone was playing along with the OP's fantasy premise).

So yeah, I convinced myself there was a likelihood that my SO, if he wasn't already on his way to transition, was in denial about eventually wanting to transition.

This is the very reason I told my SO that I didn't think joining the forum would benefit her when I told her fully about my CDing. The choice was hers in the end but I explained that everyone here wasn't the same as Me. We all have different roads to travel, we all have different goals, there was a lot of "Fantasy" here, and that there was also a lot of confusion.

Sure, I have a lot in common with a lot of my sister's here but one the other hand I don't. I don't have all the answers to this at all but we will travel that road together and find the answers just the same.

[Sandra]

I wouldn't say it has changed me but taught me a lot about the whole community.

[Tracii G]

This sight has helped me focus on, figure out myself and what I am in relation to the CD spectrum.
I was lost and in a bubble floating around not knowing why I was different.
This site when I found it was just what I needed as far as support.I found people just like me going thru the same thing and by reading posts I came to grips with myself.
Between this site and my trans group I have found my little niche and life is good.

[KittyD]

Havn't been here that long tbh, but for me its just nice to dip in & out and finally meet some other like minded people :)
Tiz a nice place...

[Beverley Sims]

Kae,
I congratulate you on a milestone, it is always invigorating to reach one and then set the goal for another.
My only goal is to circumnavigate the world again.
Trip no five coming up.
I have learned that I am not alone in all this and there are a lot more than me leading similar lives.
This is a good social site and it has improved my writing skills tremendously.
For commercial writing I do not suffer from writers bloc any more and I easily have an answer for every question put to me.

This site has been very beneficial to me and I do get enjoyment from the responses I receive and extreme satisfaction when I get thanks for being able to help others.

Even if I have been a little cruel in my criticism.

See you again when you reach 1000 posts and two years residence.

[Jane G]

100% yes. I was alone as a CD before I found this Forum. Now I'm part of a group of individuals with a shared interest and I know I'm not alone. I may not post that often but I read a lot written by others and find this site a very helpful supportive place to be.

[LilSissyStevie]

When I joined 7 years ago, I thought I was just some kind of weird pervert. Now I'm sure of it and that's OK. :)

[bimini1]

The forum is a Godsend. I certainly would not be as "into" CD if I was not here. Sometimes that may be a bad thing, as reading some of the stuff here gives you this rose-colored viewpoint surrounding at times a very misunderstood subject/behavior pattern. But all in all I've come here in some of my darkest times, and left with renewed hope. Nothing makes me feel more "normal" than strolling thru the boy to girl picture section.

Then I realize wow, all these guys do this too. Just regular guys.

[mechamoose]

It has changed me in that I feel like I have a new place where I am accepted (maybe not understood, but absolutely accepted).

It also helped me understand more about the differences between CD/TS/TG people in a way I hadn't before.

<3

- MM

[mykell]

congrats on the engagement, had my reveal earlier and then proposed to renew our vows on our 25 anniversary,

hard to say if it changed me, it has however made me aware of me, things that i never knew were possible here,
dialog, camaraderie, virtual friends, understanding GGs, it was like a dream at first, like another mentioned i was shaking when writing my first post.

i may not agree with everything done here but understanding it and learning about it is invaluable, and when i had accepted that i was indeed gay and accepting that i come in and learn that i an just dual-gendered and that we are all over the spectrum.

the mods are exceptional at what they do here, kick our butts when needed and keep the place running smooth, so i think that is why the GGs feel comfortable here as well, with private sections that we can talk, FAB section and GM sections that allow SOs to be on the same forum, with a little space for some privacy.

so all these thing come to play and make this place comfortable and that allows us to be at ease and share amongst ourselves which leads to our greater understanding and support for all things and all areas of the TG spectrum, i have learned much, i am who i am, i know who others are, and support whenever i can.
when possible i always try to welcome others here when they are new and remember how awkward it was for me in the beginning, so maybe i changed, iv learned everyone has their burden to carry and normal is different for each and everyone of us, so i try to be nicer to folks....

Happy anniversary Kae

[mechamoose]

The mods here are aggressive beasts.. but that is what is needed to protect the 'youngest' ones. While I find it irritating sometimes, I get it.

We who are Pan/Bi/Gay don't fit the majority here, but we do fit.

Most here are straight.. which part of me finds really hard to wrap my head around. I'm a girl/boy in a boy's body who likes boys & girls. There was a time in my life I was an 'honorary lesbian'.. but that isn't what happens to most here.

"Different but not strange"

<3

- MM

[Alice B]

The forum has been a great asset. First it gave me conviction that I was not alone or a deviant. It has allowed me to express my feelings, try to expand my expression of my female side and has lead to to meeting some really great friends. Not a day goes by that I don't visit this site, often many times a day.

[TxKimberly]

Sure it has changed me! Sometimes I feel like this place has aged me almost a decade . . .

All kidding aside, this forum was an immense help when I needed it the most. It showed me that there were others like me out there, and most of them were pretty good people to know, people to be proud of knowing. It helped show me that I was a long way from being alone . . .

[lpjamey]

I have only been a member a very short time and this site has helped me so much. I shake every time I post and I try to post and reply to others as much as possible. I have been away from dressing for a long time (my SO found some of my bras and things) and it caused a big problem between us. Since then I have only worn thongs and gstrings nearly all of the time and im sure that she knows that I still want to dress. I have a new bra, forms and 4" heels and looking to get more. I hope that with the help of others on this site that I will be able to dress at least at home without hiding.

[Sometimes Steffi]

One girl that I met on this site was the firsr CD that I met FtF, in public, in a gay restaurant.

When I first started going to a therapist, she worked with me to make a list of green light, yellow light and red light behaviors. Green, I ahd done or would do. Yellow that I might do, and red that I definately wouldn't do. Well, I found that list recently, and I've done most of the yellow light behaviors and I'm well into redlight territory.

[giuseppina]

Hello Kae,

First, congrats on your upcoming wedding.

I've made some positive changes along the lines of accepting myself better. In particular, some of us use CDing as an escape. That is my primary reason. If a future GF decides to be mischievous along this line, she may get a sentimental reaction.

This site has also provided a lot of support just by reading the threads. Further, it has provided information on how to achieve a more feminine body shape by various means.

I don't see myself going beyond prosthetics and ear piercing. Hormones, FFS, BA and SRS are not in the cards for me.

[vikki2020]

Indeed! The forum gave me the push I needed, and the support, and confidence. That was then. I'm out of the nest, and flying around fine these days, and, I hate to admit it, but--I've come to depend much less on this forum----which is a GOOD thing! Not to say I don't still like to check in, and I usually find something helpful--and hopefully, maybe I can offer some help.

[grace7777]

If I had not come to this forum I would probably not have flown pretty just recently. This forum has provided me some real good advice. Also by joining this group I have found a real good chat friend, and we plan on meeting in person soon.

[Gardener]

Certainly some change. I read for some time before deciding that I sometimes had a point to contribute. From then onwards it felt like another layer of "okay ness" had settled on me. I cannot see specific changes domestically in my dressing, degree or frequency, and my wife is no more or less happy about what I desire to do. The journey of accepting myself started a long time ago and this is another step.

[Tina_gm]

Great thread Greenie. Evolution is change I suppose. But, it's always who we are and what we are always meant to be. This forum has and is helping me with the evolution of me accepting myself. I still like all the things I used to like, still dress the same (as a guy) still have the same political view points etc etc etc.

I for one enjoy your honesty and that of every GG who will speak of any difficulties. Ok, enjoy might not be the right word lol, but that sometimes brutal honesty is what is needed for me to help keep my own marriage intact and keep it strong.

I am a member here primarily for two reasons. 1st, simply because it helps me feel not alone. That in itself is such a pleasant feeling, having always felt so alone with my femininity as a guy. Secondly I am here and focus primarily on the loved ones section and any thread that has to do with relationships and marriage. How to navigate these often rough waters to keep my marriage going and moving in the right direction.

Thought I would also like to add that I too at times sometimes can get uncomfortable with certain things I read. Not all of it applies to me, and sometimes even the things that do can be scary. Overall though this forum has helped me very much., Helped me to navigate through the rough patches, and have a greater understanding of myself and of how my wife feels about it, her fears, and how to work through compromises and agreements.

[Michelle V]

This forum has made my shameful lifestyle acceptable, knowing how normal the people on this forum are enforces the fact that there is nothing wrong with me. I have struggle with who I am for 42 years, my wife has been a Godsend, she has helped me to accept myself as I am and has made many if not all of my anguishes I have dealt with all my life vanish. Like many here on this forum I used to hit rock bottom all the time, by that I mean, there were many times when despite having a perfect life (thanks to my wife and children) suicide was an idea that was constantly in my mind.

When I came out to my wife, or I should say, when she found me out, I actually laughed while we where having "the conversation". I was so relief and so sure of our love I knew she would accept me for who I truly am. When I told her about this site and she was ok with it I began to grow even more thanks to the advise and the stories from members of this forum.

Yes this forum has changed me, I see older pictures of Michelle and think they are actually humorous compared to the more recent pictures, not because I believe I make a more attractive woman but because I see the improvement on my hair, makeup, posture and overall attitude towards Michelle, I not only accept Michelle now, I want her to continue growing, I want to continue to learn and apply all the advise given by the people that know how it is to be a little bit different, people like me just finding themselves. So to all the people behind the curtain and to other members a big thanks for the time, effort and support provided.

[sometimes_miss]

Yes, it has changed me. And not in a good way. The more stories I read, the more I am certain of just how bad the situation is for us. The number of women who might be interested in dating us is a horrendously miniscule percentage of the general population, so much so, that random dating isn't ever likely to find anyone compatible with any of us. Sure, once in a while some guy will 'win the lottery' and write it up here, celebrating his joy and his incredible luck, but the rest of us can only look on, and wish 'what if'.

[Lorileah]

The number of women who might be interested in dating us is a horrendously miniscule percentage of the general population, so much so, that random dating isn't ever likely to find anyone compatible with any of us.

On the other hand since there is a surplus of older women, the odds increase, but you have to quit looking for the gorgeous sexy 20 something and look at women who are in your age bracket and quit looking for someone to sleep with and start looking for someone to BE with. Random dating has never been a good way to meet someone, you need to focus on things you have in common. So many people today base their romance on physical to start with. Lots of women out there would give you a chance if you looked where they are and if you actually proved yourself to be datable. Number 1 thing...quit talking about yourself and try learning about her

[TinaZ]

I feel like and I am a relative newbie to this place compared with others, so mine is a very fresh perspective...

How has it helped? Principally with self-acceptance; realising that I am so not alone in my own peculiar skew with this thing we do; opening my eyes to the need and benefit of reading more about what constitutes TG conditions and how that applies to me; an understanding that I probably am TG which both amazes and scares me simultaneously... but self-awareness is all good, isn't it? :eek:


Katey x

This is an excellent point, Katey. I'm brand-new registered here, but I've been reading posts for a long time, and knowing someone else is sharing the same excitement, confusion, shame, elation, or whatever, was a huge relief for me. It's quite a valuable resource.

[PaulaQ]

Yes, it has changed me. And not in a good way. The more stories I read, the more I am certain of just how bad the situation is for us. The number of women who might be interested in dating us is a horrendously miniscule percentage of the general population, so much so, that random dating isn't ever likely to find anyone compatible with any of us.

I'm going to have to agree with Lorileah on this, and also point out that I think one of the problems with our attempts at romance is that all too often, I think we look for the wrong women. A lot of us, being raised, living as apparently heterosexual males assume that our correct match is heterosexual female. Now there are some straight girls who can tolerate, and indeed some who really enjoy CDs. (I've spoken with some on this very forum.) But I think that they are indeed rare. I think many of us here are much better off looking for bisexual or pansexual women - they'll tend to have a MUCH easier time accepting someone who's transgender. Likewise, some trans women I know are cool with being with a CD. (Although by no means all!)

You need to be open, honest, up-front about who and what you are, and open to a relationship. It will certainly involve taking some risks, and being vulnerable. And it probably will require YOU to be flexible in who you date as well. (After all - you are asking for this flexibility with regards to your CDing from your potential partners.)

I really do believe though that just about all of us can find love. It's knowing where to look for it, and who to seek it from, that are the really big hurdles.

[Teresa]

Greenie yes the forum has changed me, the roller coaster life couldn't go on, it wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to my family. I've had words of encouragement from members and some harsh but truthful words but all have helped. I have been able to talk things through with my wife and achieve a balance through workable ground rules and have moved along the tolerance-acceptance road. I'm sure there will be set backs but with the help so many kind members I know I can get through it.

[laura.lapinski]

Yes it has. When I first came across this forum, I was nervous about putting my first post. I was so nervous. Now I am more relaxed and comfortable with things. I've learned a lot about myself, and come to accept it all. I know I share so many feelings and desires with a lot of other people on this earth. That is so comforting. To know there are people in this world that will understand and accept your essence is a calming thought.

[Emily43]

This is the first forum ive joined that deals with crossdressing,probably the last too as this place has everything i need,help, advice and friendliness x

[laura.lapinski]

...I think one of the problems with our attempts at romance is that all too often, I think we look for the wrong women. A lot of us, being raised, living as apparently heterosexual males assume that our correct match is heterosexual female. Now there are some straight girls who can tolerate, and indeed some who really enjoy CDs. (I've spoken with some on this very forum.) But I think that they are indeed rare. I think many of us here are much better off looking for bisexual or pansexual women - they'll tend to have a MUCH easier time accepting someone who's transgender. Likewise, some trans women I know are cool with being with a CD. (Although by no means all!)

You need to be open, honest, up-front about who and what you are, and open to a relationship. It will certainly involve taking some risks, and being vulnerable. And it probably will require YOU to be flexible in who you date as well. (After all - you are asking for this flexibility with regards to your CDing from your potential partners.)

I really do believe though that just about all of us can find love. It's knowing where to look for it, and who to seek it from, that are the really big hurdles.

I agree with PaulaQ. I have analyzed things over the years, and it seems a good match for me would be a fem transgender. I can totally see myself starting a long term relationship with one some day. I like the way they look. Might as well get to know them and treat them as the woman they wish to be. Of course, the right GG would be cool too.

[Karren H]

No..... I was this wacky before I joined.....

[julia marie]

Greenie. Changed me? Not directly. Changed my outlook and confidence? Absolutely, and those things probably have, in turn, changed me. When I joined a couple of years ago i couldn't imagine what it would take to walk down a street or through a mall, let alone interact with people, while dressed as a woman. So many people shared their experiences in the outside world that i gained some confidence. But when I saw how many members were out and about with only minimal issues (someone doing a doubletake or making an odd comment). I know that much worse things can happen, but those are why you have to be careful. With the confidence to go out, along with my learning a few things about how women are different in terms of their person to person interaction and approach (from the site and observation), I'm much less panicked when I go out. (Not always but most of the time). And, I feel that the site and my being out and about have combined to teach me more about how women think and feel.

[JessMe]

First and foremost: CONGRATS ON THE ENGAGEMENT!
think, personally, that as long as both partners maintain the "open book" policy with one another, and take the time to try to see both sides of a situation (much easier said than done sometimes, which is why I said TRY) they don't have much to worry about.
As far as the concerns about gender identities that seemingly shift in some; I offer this: in the thousands of years people have walked the earth, the only thing that has remained consistent between individuals... is our inconsistency. There is no "one size fits all", and much like women's clothing, even things that seem to be the same size can fit people completely differently.
...communication is, and will always be, the key.
I hope my .02 helps! And congrats again! :)

P.S. to answer your question. No. I do not think the forum has changed me, but I do enjoy reading others views and sharing my own more often here.

[MichelleCTTV]

Hasn't changed me yet. Altho I am still a newbie and this is only my 10th post!

Michelle from Central CT

[Brandi Lesalle]

Greenie, just reading your sticky on how to tell your SO changed my life...the forums here have given me more peace of mind that I am not alone with this...and since telling my wife and temporarily staying in a DADT situation it has given me a bit more confidence to explore this and learn more about myself....plus the style and makeup tips don't hurt.

[Melissa18]

Hi Greenie,
This forum has changed me by giving me more confidence to be who I really am, it's great to finally realize that I can be who I should be.
Adelaide