Mind games?

[Allisa]

Lately I've been getting a little worried since I've been feminizing my body, nothing drastic, hair removal for years(shave and epilate) now I sugar wax, I've allways had my long hair now I obsess over it, keep my nails longer than most males and clear polished, I even feel bad when they are not polished, a daily night time face wash and night cream, I only use Dove products for my skin(deep moisture body wash)and moisturizer, my skin is so smooth now, I eat healthy and take vitamins for my skin and hair health, all these things just seemed to happen with out any conscious thought and now I'm pondering getting my ears pierced and maybe a refresher course on make-up, I've even shaped my brows somewhat and trimmed them, I've allways under dressed in one form or another but all these things seem to feel so natural just as my movements and mannerisms, when did this all start,where will it end? I know I'm male and want to remain male I'm to old to be going thru a phase and past my mid life crisis. Has anyone heard of this situation before? I'ts not like I can't go back to being "rough" again but I really don't want to. Any thoughts anyone?

[Wildaboutheels]

Thoughts?

You have been a member of THIS forum... for... 40 months now!

The "good" news is that "Progress is Inevitable" is a lie. A Forum Myth.

The "bad" [?] news is that "it" [progress] is highly likely.

[Allisa]

Sorry I forgot.

[Wildaboutheels]

No need to be sorry FA! It's just the Nature of the beast here. Most are powerless pitted against the swirling mists of the omnipotent Pink Fog and ...eventually... succumb. You are in good company here and will never have to worry about rowing alone.

"Most" beasts. Same as what happens with "the passing years" to MOST CDers. The dresses get longer, the heels shorter and the Os less frequent and "blending" becomes the driving force. And... the more likely they are to adopt the "blending" is THE correct way to CD attitude.

[Ressie]

Mind Games are games between two or more people unless you're playing mind games with yourself :). Sounds more like an obession with more than just the clothing. Maybe you need to step back an analyze yourself or find a counselor to help you sort it out.

But I think the closer we get to retirement age, the more we want to enjoy the rest of our lives doing what we really want to. You can go through whatever phase you want at any age.

[Annaliese]

Allisa, I am going through the same thing, I am 60 soon to to 61, I decided to let it be, this is who I am, it much more work to be rough as you put, so why not be your self enjoy your this time.

[BeckyW]

Any thoughts anyone?

I've been kind of going through the same thing lately... I've been growing my hair out, I've pierced my ears and I take care of my skin a lot more obsessively than most guys.

I sometimes wonder though, if the urge to CD, and the urge to feminize, at least to the degree you've mentioned, isn't partially just a desire to feel good about yourself, or to feel like you're taking care of yourself; treating yourself well.

Men are socialized to not supposed to care about these things, and yet, some of us do. I like my hair long, it looks better to me, I like how twirling it between my fingers feels, yet, I don't think I'm necessarily headed inevitably to transition. (At the same time, I'm not foolish enough to think that that's impossible either.)

So... I dunno... Maybe some of this is an outlet for you to be good to yourself?

[Beverley Sims]

Allisa,
Nothing wrong in looking after yourself, you are allowed to look smooth skinned and well manicured.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Allisa, The big question is, How far do you want to go??

[Allisa]

Blue Orchid, I think that's what worries me. I reach a point then I find myself doing something else.

[sanderlay]

For me... I was looking for my true self. I did not understand why I did what I did but I need to find where my journey was going. What was my goal? Do I want to live as a woman? Do I want to abandon my male life? Am I feeling something else? What are my feelings?

These questions and more I looked to answer in my life. I read all I could about Transsexuals. I read about transition. And I read as much as possible on Transgender persons. I talked to trusted friends who knew me, know they would tell me the raw truth, and asked what they thought. That journey took many years of reading and soul searching has led me to what I do today. That has helped me feel comfortable in my own body and feel normal.

My advise... is to ask yourself some similar questions. Do you feel like your true self? Do you feel comfortable in your own body? Take that journey for yourself. If you can afford it get a gender counselor to help you with this. It will help clear away the confusion and answer questions you may have. It will take time... Let it. Give yourself plenty of time to think about every aspect of what you feel and what you want to feel.

You may never know the why, as we all would like to know, but at least you will find what will make you happy every day and comfortable in your own body. :)