Straight and getting hit on when out dressed?

[docrobbysherry]

One of the fortunate side effects of being a homely, wrinkly, old man in a dress or a masked one, is I rarely have to worry about guys or other CD/T's hitting on me.:tongueout

While dancing in Vegas at the Paris our last nite, there were quite a few Tgirls on the floor. A drunk guy kept taking turns dancing with our prettier girls. As I came onto floor one time, I began dancing then turned around to find him rite in front of me. As soon as he saw my face, off he went!:eek:

I wondered what those of u who dress and go out do to either avoid getting hit on or effecting an escape when u r?:sad:

Your experiences may help other cd.com members!:battingeyelashes:

[ArleneRaquel]

I avoid these 'gentlemen", not that I am on the receiving of much of the kind of attention that you mention Sherry ! When I do receive compliments from gentlemen who are not a friend of mine beforehead I must just their eyesight.

[Candice Mae]

It worse when your not sure if they know your not a GG, and try and just ignore and avoid them which makes them think your playing hard to get... Ahh can't win.

[AllieSF]

I just deal with them when they become obnoxious. Otherwise, I continue what I had been doing and basically ignore them or limit my responses to one word answers until they get the message. So far it has worked just fine for me.

[Alice B]

It happens once in a while. I politely, but firmly tell them I am not interested and my wife would kick their ass. Works every time.

[Paula_Femme]

I was at the Folsom Street Fair a couple of years ago and was standing outside a bar having a beer watching one of the bands across the way when this leather guy stands next to me, puts his arm around me and asks how I'm enjoying the Fair.

I tried not to flinch TOO much - LOL! - and said I was having a great time, then with a flourish indicated my outfit and said, "Sorry mate, Male Lesbian!" He whipped his arm back and started apologizing, I was like, "No biggie," we chatted for a few more minutes about the days events, he gave me a heads-up about a couple of after Fair parties and we went our separate ways. :)

I got hit on a few more times throughout the day but nothing that direct, which, I have to admit surprised me, I thought it was common knowledge that the vast majority of male CD-ers are actually straight... a case of "Hope Springs Eternal" perhaps? :heehee:

[Beverley Sims]

Sherry,
I thought you were going to grizzle about admirers when I read the heading...

I would take advantage of the situation, give him a big lipstick smack on the cheek and send him on his way, probably more sober than he started.

In other words.....
Like you.....
Get on with it. :)

[Princess Grandpa]

You know me, it's not really something I have to deal with often. There have been a few instances however. Mostly they have been easily discouraged. A couple of times I had to get firm regarding my lack of interest. Once I had to threaten to get security.

Hope Vegas was fun!
Hug
Rita

[divamissz]

This never seems to be a problem for me. Perhaps it's because I'm over six feet tall in stockings, a BBTG, and don't suffer fools?

[Persephone]

Yep, it happens, Sherry. Guys try to pick up women.

Guys will start conversations with you, they will interrupt conversations you are having with other women. Guys seem to think it is O.K. to touch you, sometimes nicely with just a hand on your back when they open a door for you, sometimes not so nicely. Lots of variations on the theme.

It is the way that male-female friendships and romances start and, who knows, some of them could be nice guys who you could become friends with if you care to.

I feel sorry for them. It does take a certain amount of courage to approach, even if they are being more personal or aggressive than I would like. So if they're just chatting and I feel like it, I'll chat with them. Why not. But if I'm not feeling like it, or if they are seriously looking for more, I try to be as polite as possible in shutting them down. "You're very flattering, but no thanks," that sort of thing.

From there we go to my pointing out my rings, that I'm happily married.

Still not hearing me? I get a bit less diplomatic, I figure he's worn out his welcome and deserves a stronger rebuff. A very firm "No," or just getting up and heading somewhere else.

GG's do these things all the time, it is part of finding the keepers and discarding the losers. Sorta like poker with guys instead of cards.

Hugs,
Persephone .

[Lynn Marie]

I'm an equal opportunity flirt. I think guys are fine. Hell, way down deep I'm one too. We all mean well, we're just trying to find love at best and get laid as a minimum. Why be rude? Play along, chat them up a little. You just might find we're all pretty much alike. If they get too close for comfort, just wiggle your hips and explain that you're "just not THAT kind of girl". Quit trying to be so damn macho!

[Kate Simmons]

I usually just enjoy it RS and go with the flow and the moment. I figure if a 66 year old geezer gets hit on by younger guys I must be doing something right. I usually at least get a couple of free drinks anyway. ;) :)

[stacey diane]

I simply say "oh my,if i wasn't a lesbian I could be interested"

[Cheryl T]

If the attention is given in a nice way then it's flattering.
If it's extreme and coarse then it's just like any other time.


I'll take well intentioned compliments anytime they are given and by anyone.
Now...if it would only happen...

[Teresa Monsivais]

I was recently hit on and I politely declined to dance with him a couple of times. It also helps to know the bartender who was glad to tell him to leave me alone..The bartender along with my girl friend and her friends help a lot in those cases..:)

[mechamoose]

Most here are straight, hon.

Just be thankful that someone likes you enough to ask!

<3

- MM

[samantha rogers]

First, I have only been out to a club a little. I was hit on that night, and I am quite sure he knew exactly who and what I am. I was flattered to know all the work I do to try and look decent apparently worked...:battingeyelashes:
I also know how hard it is for some guys to work up the courage... You know? So I tried to be nice. He was very shy. I felt a little sorry for him, honestly. I felt like dancing so I even danced with him. But I made it clear it was just dancing. It was fun.
I had to gently put him off at the end of the night. I was going home to my wife and had no interest in anything else. But it was fine. I was flattered.
It can also help if another girl is with you. You can run interference for each other...tee hee. If one is getting hit on, the other one simply picks the right moment to whisper in the guys ear that the girl he is interested in is already taken.:battingeyelashes:

[Jenniferathome]

... I was flattered to know all the work I do to try and look decent apparently worked...:battingeyelashes:
...

OK Sammie, to play the devil's advocate here, what makes you think any work you did "worked?" This is a guy hitting on another guy. Would you be less flattered if he hit on you when you had no makeup on and no wig?

[Megan Thomas]

When it happens to me a polite gentle decline usually works. I did have to get a bit forceful with one guy who seemed to think my backside was his for the touching. That rebuttal included a suggestion his fingers would be feeling the touch of a nurse if he didn't quit.

I also encountered in a local pub a guy who has a thing for T folk. Fortunately one of the regulars knew of his reputation and forewarned me. Every time he glance in my direction I just scowled or looked away. That was enough to deter him. On other occasions I've seen the same game be a bit more successful with T girls who ignored similar warnings and ended up being groped from head to toe, such was the tactic of this guy.

At the end of the day there's all kinds of folk in this world and it takes all sorts...

[samantha rogers]

Actually, Jennifer, it has. I spent most of my life in theatres, as an actor. I have lots of good friends who are gay. They know I am not. No problem. But occasionally, as so many theatre people are gay, and there is a constant churning of casts with different shows, someone who didnt know would hit on me. And, yes, it is flattering, and I would say so nicely, right as I was also telling them, kindly, that I was straight, and not interested. Never hurt me to be nice about it, you know? I don't have any problem knowing another person thinks I look good, regardless of their gender. Believe me, at my age I will take a compliment anywhere I can get it...tee hee.
I think some guys get threatened somehow by a gay advance. It never bothered me and I never had any problem putting them off. I figure it takes a lot of courage for anyone to put themself on the line, and rejection is hard for everyone. I just try to do it nicely.:)

[Jenniferathome]

Excellent! And I hope you took no offense as none was intended. I just find it funny that when hit on, we cross dressers tend to think it means that somehow we have achieved passability when it's clear that the man wants another man! We are a funny lot.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Men don't find me particularly attractive (probably because I am so large), so I suppose I am lucky in that department. I find the whole experience uncomfortable and threatening, especially being dressed. I'd feel like a cat who is cornered and has their fur standing on edge, giving the "back off or else" vibe.

Maybe it is because I am such a henpecked man, but seriously, I can't believe the way some men act in front of women they don't even know. Especially the unwanted touching thing, I mean, in this day and age... seriously?

[AllieSF]

I agree with you Samantha. Someone politely hitting on someone else, as in showing interest in getting to know them better, is fine with me and even flattering. All my life, I was basically the one trying to get to know someone else. having the tables turned for whatever reason, is OK by me, as long as they behave themselves. The negativity here sometimes comes from one's own homophobia, as in that strong aversion to be even thought of possibly being gay.

As for you Samantha, you are attractive and have a great smile, which many times is stronger than actually looking good.

PS: Actually Jennifer, I think that it is not so much as thinking that we may be passable, but rather thinking that we are attractive enough as a woman. or a guy in woman's clothes. I doubt that many are fooled by our clothing, wig, makeup and forms. Though, I have had a rare few that were so fooled. That was a very nice indirect compliment to me where none was intended.

[Tina G]

I am polite about it if they are, I have been lucky that I have friends who are understanding and would go out with me. Now that i'm back out in the midwest it's harder to find friendly places to go. Since I have started to tell more of my close lifetime friends that live out here they have gone so far as to say they will go out with me if i go out to where they live. My friends live in the larger city out here in Nebraska and there are a few clubs there that are friendly to cd's, i feel really lucky to have good friends who accept me for me and want to go out with me even if i'm all dressed up for a night on the town.

[samantha rogers]

No offense taken, Jennifer, but I might argue your point to a degree. In a club full of CD and TG girls, having a guy single out you in particular, I think, does mean you are doing something right, doesn't it? LOL

[PaulaQ]

@Jennifer - no, having a chaser single you out doesn't mean he's looking for another man. There are puh-lenty of gay bars full of men. Some of them are pretty darn manly looking men. Muscle men, regular looking dudes, big ol' bears - you name it, there's a dude out there for you if you are looking for a dude. There are, I'm sure, gay guys who really like drag queens - but that's mostly not who hits on us.

No, many of the guys who hit on TGs are chasers - looking for someone who isn't quite a man, but isn't quite a woman either - the best of both worlds. And while I'm told that some of these guys can actually be very nice, and appreciate us - especially us pre-op TS girls - my encounters with them have been scary, dangerous, and quite unwanted.

edit: Clarification - I'm not straight. I'm a queer woman. Make of that what you will. Unwanted attention from a man, particularly if it's aggressive and scary is not a pleasant experience.

[mechamoose]

There is a segment of guys who like us "in between" folks.

You take your approval where you can get it, I guess. we want one thing (acceptance, understanding) but there are a bunch of folks who like us because we walk in between..
they I know it isn't what we desire the most, but that doesn't invalidate their wants. But it doesn't invalidate ours either.

We like what we like, they like what they like.

- MM

[Alice Torn]

So much lonliness in this modern world. I feel for them, as i also am alone have no one.

[Lexi Moralas]

When I was able to go out dressed , and seemed to pass ok I guess , because I did get hit on , even by lesbians at a gay bar once or twice. I started wearing a cheep engagement and wedding band set I bought a Claire's for like $20.
It worked wonders, and when I if I still got approached I would simply hold up my hand , show the ring and manage to squeeze out an " sorry I'm happily married " in me best girly voice. The best part is if my voice gave me away. This approach have the guy a perfect escape as well

[ReineD]

When we've been out dressed, the men who did hit on my SO knew that she wasn't a GG. My SO didn't find it difficult to put them off. After all, I think there are plenty of fish out there who are interested in getting hit on by these men.

As to men hitting on GGs generally, this does happen (in my experience a lot more when we're younger than middle aged lol) but very rarely are they so flagrantly obstinate about it that you can't put them off by simply saying you aren't interested … at least this holds true in the circles that I frequent. Not sure about dive bars where everyone is drunk though.

[kimdl93]

Let's face it, when a 6'3" 225 lb person dons a wig, forms and a corset, it's still difficult to disguise the obvious. No guy...straight or gay has shown any such interest. Oddly enough, the only interest that I picked up on has been from women...straight and bi women. I was flatterd, had some wonderful conversations, but I'm also very much monogamous.

[mechamoose]

Aren't you happy to be hit on?

Why does it matter which gender does so?

"Hi cutie!"

Wouldn't that make you feel good? Regardless of who said it?

- MM

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sherry, You are just too darn cute for your own good.

[sanderlay]

I have yet to be hit on by any men. But I have had more women take an interest in me than I ever did when I presented as a man. It has certainly been a conversation starter and certainly a few complements. What I commonly hear is...

"It's nice to see a man embrace his femininity."

I guess I must be doing something right. :D

[Jennifer Kelly]

I'm a size 24W. I'm 5'11" and weigh about 250. That puts me square in the BBW category so I haven't had this experience yet. Although my first time out, I did have a lesbian tell me I looked hot. Maybe she was into bigger girls. But more realistically she probably knew I was a guy and was simply complimenting my outfit. Either way it was kind of cool. :)

[Adriana Moretti]

Getting hit on is nice unless it gets a little to pushy...thats when its good to have strength in numbers too...but if your out in public you need to expect those sort of things to happen..I seen alot of girls pull out witty "wife" comments to deflate the situation...at the end of the day your a guy though, and you should know how to handle yourself and any situation.

[LelaK]

I doubt if I'd ever go out in public dressed. I'd more likely go to events among people I know, not to bars, dances, or concerts. I wouldn't want to encounter anyone who may hate CDs, gays etc. The only exception might be being on stage in public, where they wouldn't have easy access to me any way.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My first line of defense is an obnoxiously large (fake) engagement ring.

My second line of defense is my wing(wo)man. The one time I really needed her she was ROFL and let me deal with it

My third line of defense is to say, "Thank you, but I'm not really into men."

But I've come to the point where I don't feel that guys who like girls like us should be treated as "wierdos" and more than I like being treated as a wierdo.

So, I'd really like to be able to treat them as a guy who is attracted to me, but to tell them, "Don't expect to get lucky tonight. I'm in a committed relationship."

[5150 Girl]

Well, on the one hand, Just because you don't wanna go to the party, doesn't mean it isn't flattering to be asked.
However: Usually just informing them that I am a lesbian is enough. However, there was this one time, this guy insisted on putting his arm around me. Brushing it off he wasn't getting it. So the next time he sneaked his arm around me, I sunk my nails into his arm, and brought him to his knees looked him square in the eye and said what part of "I'm a lesbian" don't you understand?