Public Mocking of CD'ing?

[AprilMayy<3]

So as some of you know I am still a senior in High School(18 though, don't worry!). Like every year, the school makes the prom court contestants wear/do something embarrassing to build up hype for prom. This year, the prom king contestants have to wear a prom dress to school, heels, bra, etc etc:eek:
Personally, this annoys the crap outta me! I mean, here I am super feminine, freaking out about anyone seeing me and having a panic attack over it, and there they are getting to do every thing I've wanted to do but have been too scared to do it. And a small other thing about, which leads to my title, obviously the guys aren't(more than likely)real CD'ers which causes to them to just look funny. As in no wig, unshaved legs, no makeup etc(No girl would wear a dress and heels with hairy legs!). I get that they aren't meant to go for that look, but it just really annoys me.
Being who I am and wanting to wear that as much as I can and would actually try to pass for a girl while wearing it, I feel as if I'm being secretly and subtly mocked. Any one else feel this way, as this also happens at other times through out the year(Halloween for instance)? It just seems to me that the whole CD community is mocked when this happens. Maybe April is too sensitive to this stuff, regardless I'm annoyed!:angry:

[Nadine Spirit]

On the one hand I agree with you. It is sort of like dressing up in black face. At one time is was acceptable, and considered to be funny. But nowadays, more than a bit uncouth, huh?

On the other hand, if someone dresses up a fisherman for Halloween, are they mocking fisherman?

Hmm... I will be interested in any of the other's opinions. Hmm....?????

[sexycindy]

I agree with you totally, my University for LGBT Month had an event as part of this, that was a karaoke night where everyone was encouraged to go dressed as the opposite sex, well I am not the type to go to club type events but the few friends that know were like "you should go, it'll be great and you will be the best looking person there" But then when I realised that this would be because when I dress I am a girl as far as I'm concerned and am not "doing it for a laugh". I didn't go, and then when the pictures came out I saw exactly what you described, hairy legs etc. and it made me a little bit angry.

But I agree with you, it makes me angry and feel insulted. Also when I read things on how to be more confident at going out people recommend these times of year and events, but I'm not dressing to be mocked I'm dressing to become my girly self. Like I can see why people do encourage these things as it sheds more light onto the community and more social acceptance, but still feels insulting.

[Tracii G]

I wouldn't worry about it tell the guys they look pretty and ask them to the prom that way you are doing the mocking.
You could go to the prom enfemme and have the last laugh.
When I was a junior in HS I went to the prom enfemme at the request of a few of my best GF's.They did my hair and make up and loaned me a dress.
To me it felt awesome to be all girl for the first time.
I heard people asking who that girl was because no one recognized me I guess they figured I was from another school.
It was a fun time and I got to dance with a few cute guys and dance with my GF's too.

[Jenelle]

I am torn on this. I completely understand how you feel about the school event but there is a part of me that says "The world can be a cruel place, you have to fight through it at times." As for how you feel about Halloween, I am with Nadine. It is just Halloween and people dress up as all kinds of things. I wonder how all those unsexy cops feel on Halloween.

Since this is a school event, if you feel so inclined, you could go to the administration and bring up the issue this can been seen as very insensitive to TGs. Of course there is a very good chance there well be backlash to doing this, especially if you are not out. A safer way might be to contact a local LGBT activist group and inform them of what is happening and how it makes you fell. They might take the fight up for you.

[Jenniferathome]

They are not mocking cross dressers. In fact, in all likelihood, the boys wearing the prom dresses do not know cross dressers exist. It is just a silly high school ritual and shows complete lack of creativity. While it is true that the result is, "a boy in a dress looks funny" to me it is no attack on cross dressers. No one thinks, "Oh, this is how cross dressers are." They are thinking,"Doesn't Dave look ridiculous." And he does!

I think that there is just too much political correctness going on these days. Basically, doing anything can offend someone so are we to do nothing?

Let it go. And when you choose to go out, represent the best you can.

[GeminaRenee]

On one hand, I can see it being insulting, from the standpoint that these guys are being asked to do something that is potentially embarrassing to them, even though it's more than likely just a light-hearted thing. After all, it reinforces the notion (on some level) that these guys are dressing in a way that they are not "supposed to," or that dressing as a woman is something that just ought to be laughed at.

However, I don't think it's really the intention of people who organize these things to mock CD'ers or trans people, by any means. I think a big part of it is just that guys who are through and through masculine do look funny when they're not dressed in a cis fashion. I mean, a guy I know dressed as a Hooters girl a few Halloweens ago, and it was pretty amusing to see. I didn't find that a bit offensive.

I guess you just have to take the whole context of the thing into perspective. Are the women going to be dressing like men also? Will the guys just get glammed up so everyone can have a chuckle at seeing the QB in a dress, and then everybody forgets about it and moves on? Or will it have a more sinister undertone? That's how I'd judge it.

You certainly wouldn't be wrong for being offended, but I just don't see it as a huge deal as described, personally.

[Eryn]

Expressing disapproval of discriminatory practices does not out you. If you feel strongly about this you should speak up.

Acceptance comes in odd ways, though. To laugh at us they still have to acknowledge us, and that is a step in the right direction.

[Tracii G]

I think that there is just too much political correctness going on these days. Basically, doing anything can offend someone so are we to do nothing?

Let it go. And when you choose to go out, represent the best you can.[/QUOTE]


I agree with Jennifer 100% the world is getting too PC.People get butt hurt too easily.
I call it the "its all about me syndrome".
Now that might piss a few younger cd's off me putting it that way but you can't control what others do and think about you or anyone else for that matter.
Just represent as best you can and be proud of yourself they can't take that away from you.

[Tina_gm]

I think I understand some of what you are feeling. By having the boys wear dresses and heels as a ritual of embarrassment and a joke. A lot of laughing and giggling, silly comments get made. It puts an overall negative spin on dressing. I don't think it is all that bad. I do not think the ritual should be ended, for most it is all in good fun. I do understand how it feels for you though.

[Persephone]

I agree with you, it is a questionable practice and could be offensive to more than just CD's/TG's. After all, what does it say about being a girl/woman in our society?

While I generally believe that one should clearly stand up for their beliefs, perhaps an anonymous letter to the principal pointing out the many reasons that this is inappropriate would be in order?

Now that you are 18 and have access to transportation of one sort or another, perhaps you can also find some safe and comfortable way to crossdress a bit away from your community?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Lorileah]

It is just a silly high school ritual and shows complete lack of creativity. Sort of like flushing someone's head in a toilet or pulling their pants down in the hall...we have outgrown this "silliness" I hope


I think that there is just too much political correctness going on these days. Basically, doing anything can offend someone so are we to do nothing? until it affects you


Let it go. No...someone needs to point out the wrong here. If not now how long from now?




On the other hand, if someone dresses up a fisherman for Halloween, are they mocking fisherman?
If they dressed to degrade and make fun of fishermen yes. Really not a good analogy



However, I don't think it's really the intention of people who organize these things to mock CD'ers or trans people you don't think? So exactly what is the purpose? "Wear this so you can sympathize with your girlfriend and how hard she works to look nice." Or.."You wear a bra for a day and see how much fun it is." No it is meant to degrade the person wearing the outfit, to allow others to mock and tease.

Evidently it is something the OP feels strongly about or they would not have posted it so saying "get over it" doesn't really help. It may not be an intentional slight but until someone points it out it will continue

[reb.femme]

...................On the other hand, if someone dresses up a fisherman for Halloween, are they mocking fisherman?.................

Hey! I'm a fisherman and I like to get my.....no no no, cut! I agree with Nadine.

For me, it's not really a nasty parody as much a way for said contestants to be ritually humiliated in front of their peers. Just take it for what it is, a school bash and high spirits.

Rebecca

[Jenniferathome]

As Freude said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Too much reading between the lines Lorlleah. Things can be just what they are and have no deeper impact. This event is already forgotten by all except those who are looking for ways to be offended by it. This is not an adult group looking to make a statement, it's a bunch of dumb kids. They are just being dumb kids.

[arbon]

I get what you are saying and how it makes you feel. I get sensitive to it to. I have been around that sort of thing more then a few times where guys are dressing up and it is supposed to be funny - guys in drag ha ha! everyone laugh, and they should be so embarrassed! And I'll be standing right there wondering if they all want to laugh at me, I have a male body and live as a woman am I what they are mocking and getting their laughs from? Am i what these guys are trying to represent?

And most of the time I have seen it has been adults doing it.

[Beverley Sims]

April,
Lord forgive them for they know not what they do.
Is a good bible quote here.
It encompasses those that do not understand.
They are young people and yes they are expressing themselves incorrectly.
Your feelings may be hurt and it will pass for now.
For me seeing people like that does give me a smile but I am hurt inside from the point of view of bigotry.
For those who are militant and there are some here I think a softly softly approach works better than stomping on them.

Me, I am all ready for a fight with feminists who wish to foist their views on me when they could look at a situation in a more level headed way.

Incidentally I am not a religious person it is just that the quote appears to fit the situation.

For now I say let it slide and it will go away for a new prank next year.

In the meantime you may wish to educate some of them into practicing tolerance, if that is indeed the problem.

[PaulaQ]

They are not mocking cross dressers. In fact, in all likelihood, the boys wearing the prom dresses do not know cross dressers exist. It is just a silly high school ritual and shows complete lack of creativity.

...

I think that there is just too much political correctness going on these days. Basically, doing anything can offend someone so are we to do nothing?


Perhaps the school should celebrate the heritage of students of African American descent by getting all the white kids to put on blackface and put on silly little skits and songs. Tee hee, tee hee! Maybe they could schedule this on Martin Luther King's Birthday, or some other such significant day.

And while I think we (hopefully) all agree that such an event would be really offensive to the African American students of that school, and to the community at large, I find it interesting that doing more or less the exact same thing with regard to gender gets a pass. Because this isn't the 1950's - it's the 21st century, and people know, or should know, that transgender folks exist, and that mockery is cruel.

[Zylia]

Well, they're obviously mocking women, not unlike many 'actual' cross-dressers.

[Amanda M]

As usual. jennifer has nailed it. Come on. Lighten up folks. When people get anxious about this sort of things, it is a often an expresion of their own guilt/ shame/insecurity.

AprilMayy - your fellow students (I suspect) do not know that you crossdress. Therefore, how can they be subtly mocking you? Perhaps the problem is that you are a bit worried that if you go for it, they might guess

For what it's worth, if you make a sham of the whole thing, you will be letting yourself down. Be brave, get shaved, made up, powdered and fancied up and be great!

[PaulaQ]

Uncle Tom's Cabin (http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/203)

[Vickie_CDTV]

Take it from someone twice you age, life is offensive. I see things everyday that mock and offend things I believe in. There are people all around me who do things I don't agree with, and say things I don't approve of. If I stopped to protest everything that offended me I would never get anything done. Personally, I find political correctness and the hypersensitive culture we now live in to be more offensive than anything.

Anyway, I doubt the boys are really doing it to make fun of trans people, and I doubt they even know any trans people or even care about trans people one way or another. They just want to embarrass each other. I'd also worry, given that you are in high school, if you complain and the boys find out that you were the reason their event was cancelled, you may find yourself dealing with more trouble than it is worth. You need to pick your battles, and this, in the grand scheme of things, may not be worth it.

[PaulaQ]

BTW, I agree that they aren't directly mocking trans* - or it would doubtless be a much nastier affair. That doesn't change the inherent offensiveness of their actions. I doubt most of the kids involved are even hateful people - they are probably a pretty nice bunch - just ignorant as all hell. That still doesn't make it OK.

[DonnaT]

Personally, I don't have a problem with it. I've never felt that such events were mocking CDs/TGs.

Many schools have similar events, such as womanless beauty pageants, cross dress day, or football players dressing a cheerleaders at a pep rally, etc.

I admired the guys for having the courage to cross dress in public.

But times are a changing, like using the term crossdresser now instead of transvestite, and getting the word out that the term tranny/trannie is no longer acceptable to the TG community.

Thus, if you feel deeply about such activities in school, as being discriminatory, then campaign against it. Start a movement across the US.

What does get me upset, however, are the "religious right" parents who try and get such events stopped as being a sin.

[natcrys]

When I went to my first Halloween party as Lt. Uhura, I was simultaneously happy, because I got to dress up in public.. and worried, because I refused to "tone" it down and if there were close friends at that party.. they might have suspected things.

Now, I myself don't get easily offended.. there are so many jerks (male/female/and everything in between) in the world, I refuse to let them bring me down to their level.

Having said that, this high school ritual is stupid and is offensive. It might not deliberately mock CD/TG/TS's, but it does send the message that a "guy in a dress" is something funny and humiliating. Now, most high school kids are dumb and don't think about consequences of their actions.. so I put the blame squarely on the adult staff running the high school.

Perhaps some see it as a harmless thing, but there are people who think/thought the same thing about saying stuff like "That's so gay" or "Don't act like a f****t". I say, it's a good thing that society evolves towards more respect for all .. and society realises that certain things are not okay anymore.

Now, I'm not saying you should storm the principal's office and demand this ritual to be stopped. Pick your battles wisely. You're about to go to university where you'll hopefully find more enlightened people/friends. That's where your new life will be. :)

Like I said, high school kids can be shallow, short-sighted and if word ever got out that you were the one responsible for scratching this event.. you might have a tough time at the end of your high school period.

[Marcelle]

Wow . . . I must have gone to school in a sheltered high school as the only thing we did was "Hoser Day . . . Bob and Doug MacKenzie" with our Mackinaw Jackets, work boots and toques . . . Take off eh :)

I can see how it could be deemed as offensive to those who take it as so and just because it can be seen as a harmless prank, it doesn't negate on person's perception. When I first joined the military it was common place to denigrate troops by saying things like "Let's go ladies" or "what's the matter princess, the pea in your bed giving you a hard time" and believe me a lot worse in derogatory statements designed to humiliate by comparing male troops to women. Was it harmless fun . . . if you ask the NCOs I am sure they would say things like "sure, it means nothing, grow up, get over it". Nowadays . . . that type of talk can wind up getting you charged (harassment) . . . I know because I charged two sergeants for such conduct two months ago.

It is all about perception. One person's perception may be "let it go" while another person's perception may be "that is insulting". Our perceptions are our realities.

Hugs

Isha

[bimini1]

Same old same old. A male in a dress plays it for laughs, from Milton Berle all the way up. It is the reality of society. You perceive it to offend you because it is what you are. Your offense is in what you think about them doing it as opposed to them actually doing it. You are making it worse in your own mind than what it really is. I do the same thing all the time but am working to change the way I see the world.

[PaulaQ]

My jr. high and high school both did events like this back in the 70's, when I was in school. Going out of my mind with gender dysphoria and watching their crap wasn't very much fun, let me tell you. It didn't make me feel a whole lot better about myself, or encourage me to come out, either.

Those days sucked.

[AprilMayy<3]

Wow! This thread took off faster than expected! First off thanks for all the responses so far, and secondly sorry for any typos, on my phone.
It seems as if the responses are pretty mixed. I'm usually not offended by much, but April is a sensitive subject with me. Obviously everyone had a good laugh at everyone, but it was just meh for me. I just kinda felt...just annoyed with it. I know it wasn't directly meant to offend CD'ers directly, but it just felt implied. Maybe I'm overlooking it, and I more than likely am. Just the nature of it is just offensive to April but its one day and one instance so April can deal with it.

[Katey888]

April, I can empathise with you... your feelings are your feelings and you've taken the trouble to express them here for support... You have mine.. :hugs:

I'd agree with a number of comments already - this won't be targeted at you but it's understandable how you'd feel what you do feel... I lived through my teenage years with this thing we do in the back of my mind when I was trying to pluck up the courage to ask girls out, but I never had to face anything like this at that time... sometimes I think people here forget what they might have gone through in the past, or maybe they didn't go through it... doesn't mean they shouldn't try to see another perspective... :po:

Don't take it to heart - Vickie said it right that life is sadly full of little and big niggles... you'll certainly look back and see this as a small one, but it probably feels worse now. All the same, it helps sometimes to remember how important these things are for the battles you end fighting later in life... Bev's advice is good advice here: pick your battles - discrimination of any sort is never nice, but is a very long standing fact of life and human behaviour. If you can carry those thoughts with you into maturity and they allow you to be a better and more tolerant person because of it, then that won't be a bad thing.

Thanks for sharing your feelings with us, April... :)

Katey x

[mechamoose]

Haters are gonna hate..

I used to be hated in school because of science. Then because of teh gay. Then because of 'different'.

If you spend your time making THEM happy, when do you have time to make YOU happy?

Be YOU hon. You can't please everyone.. and if you could, why should you?

- MM

[Adriana Moretti]

It is just a silly high school ritual and shows complete lack of creativity.
Let it go. And when you choose to go out, represent the best you can.

yes...this is HIGH SCHOOL we are talking about here...REMEMBER what that was like???..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WlvPclQnmQ

.April half those boys probably LOVED being dressed, dont be surprized if one or two turn into dressers...just a thought...your better than everyone at your school anyway because you are you...and you are a rare unique person...

[JenniferYager]

I think the bigger issue is that you can't control how others feel. Some folks are going to laugh at crossdressing no matter what. Let them! If you try and clamp down on it, you make haters out of them and out of others who will think you're being a busy body.

I compare it to cracking down on smokers. I don't smoke, and I prefer to not sit near those that do and I don't let people smoke in my house. But when someone gets on TV and suggests that smoking should be illegal, I get mad because I think "Smokers are people too! Leave them alone!"

You have every right to be annoyed, but I don't recommend doing anything except simply educate folks around you in a non-forceful way. Otherwise it will likely backlash.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Sounds like high school students just having harmless fun. I understand why this annoys you. But treat it as just another annoyance. Doesn't mean anything. No one is trying to mock you. You are alright. Deep breath. Exhale. Get on with the business of living.

[StacyLynn]

I completely understand where you're coming from. It's certainly not an open mocking because they're doing it from a place of total ignorance, but it definitely reinforces the stereotype that crossdressing is unnatural and a "joke." It's because of events like this that the general population doesn't understand who crossdressers really are. I personally wouldn't take too much offense to it because I know it's nothing personal, but I do harbor a small resentment to how it can negatively affect the crossdressing community.

[Kate Simmons]

It's usually a "high camp" type of thing, especially when associated with High School or College.:)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi April Mary, If you got all dressed to the nines they might figure that you knew too much about dressing up.

[emma5410]

It reinforces the idea that males dressed as women are something ridiculous and laughable. Is not this something CDs are fighting against? Is not this the reason so many of you are stuck in closets unable to be yourselves because society sees you as ridiculous and something to laugh at?
Political correctness can go too far but it is the reason that that the 'N' word is no longer acceptable. It is the reason that the Gay community can live freer lives. Maybe one day it will be the reason that CDs can express themselves freely without severe consequences in their personal and public lives.
Back in the seventies in the UK I knew a lot of nice people who were basically racist. Not in a burning crosses kind of way but in an ignorant negative assumption of what people of different races were like. This kind of attitude did not go away by itself. It had to be challenged.

[Jacqueline Winona]

I'm with Jennifer on this one. They are just being silly, they aren't making a parody of CD's, they are making a parody of women, who probably are not at all offended by this behavior. There are some things we just need to laugh at ourselves about. We can be offended, or we can laugh, and the joke's on them if we're not willing to get pissed over the little things.

[sometimes_miss]

Well, they're obviously mocking women, not unlike many 'actual' cross-dressers.

This is what everyone is missing. They're not making fun of crossdressers. They're poking fun at the girls and all the trouble girls go through to look good at prom. It has absolutely nothing to do with crossdressers. NOTHING!

[Chickhe]

Simple way to look at things like that... it is not about you. Nobody is mocking you and nobody knows how you feel. So there is nothing to feel bad about.

[trisha kobichenko]

's gonna be what it is. I have come out for holidays like halloween, but there isn't a correlation between acceptance of the costume and acceptance of who you are. I have been who I am for about six decades, but haven't seen public acceptance change much over that period of time. We need to realize our personhood, express it in terms consistent with our cultural environment, whatever that maybe, and accept the consequence. It's the only path to a sane existence.
Hugs,
Trish

[Krisi]

I agree with the comments about white kids in "blackface". It's inappropriate and it's a shame the school administration is not sensitive enough to put a stop to it.

Suppose instead of crossdressing they decided to dress up like homosexuals? Or handicapped people? Or the mentally challenged?

It's easy to say that political correctness has gone too far and in some cases it has but put yourself in the position of those who are being mocked. How would you feel?

The school administration should not allow this.

[Annaliese]

When I was in High school, which was 40 plus years age, we had Freshman day where the senior got a freshman for the day and could dress them any way they wanted 90% of the freshman boys were dress as girls, the school was 7 grade through 12, from the 7th to my freshman year I dream of being able to be dress as a girl. My senior dress me a baby dipper, my friends got to go as girls.
I know your pain, to want it so bad and to see other that are just doing it to mock.

[Wildaboutheels]

"Maybe April is too sensitive to this stuff, regardless I'm annoyed!"

And THERE ^^^ you have it in a nutshell!

But perhaps the "good news" is that obviously, [per the responses] there are plenty of others here who will be happy to help you row that "I'm too sensitive" boat.

There was once [long before your time] a lady by the name of Clara Peller. She was famous for "Where's the beef". Fortunately, back in those days, the people who raised poultry were astute enough, not to go camp out on the lawns of their Congressmen complaining that chickens were being discriminated against and that Clara should stop badgering chickens.

[TinaRavin]

while i can see where your comming from i havr to agree with some of the others here... its 1) high school who cares, 2) not aimed at you personally again who cares, 3) not ment in any way at all to target crossdressers or any member of the TG comunity. it to show all the work the real girls put into it to look pretty.

i would just look at it for what it is.. harmless high school nonsense.

[dianne_1234]

I agree with Zylia and sometimes_miss: They are mocking women, which is worse (IMHO) than mocking cross dressers. That's not right. As a crossdresser I like to think I'm *more* in tune with my feminine side, not blind to it.

On the other hand, I wonder what percentage of those boys dressing as girls look forward to it...?

[CONSUELO]

So, what if one of the boys took it very seriously and made himself look completely feminine and indistinguishable from one of the girls attending the Prom. Would that be considered funny? What if one of the girls came dressed in male attire and looking exactly like a boy with no makeup and a boyish hairstyle. Would she be shunned or applauded?

[Cristy2]

They used to do stuff like that when I was in school back in the 70's and early 80's. Never really paid that much attention to it to be honest.

[Momarie]

No one is stopping you from dressing and expressing who you are...except yourself.

What is more important to you?
Being who they expect you to be or being who you are?

Everyone struggles in life and have their own burdens to bear, whether it be for acceptance, loss or whatever life has dealt them.

One's pain is no greater than another's.

The gift of glory comes when you accept this and live life as best you can with grace and gratitude.

[AprilMayy<3]

I can see now how it was mocking of actually girls now instead of CD'ers, I was just blinded too quickly and immediately thought it was about the mocking of CD'ers or to make a guy wearing a dress look "Odd".
But if only half the people at the school knew what a guy could look like wearing a dress with some time and effort put into it, man would they be shocked! (As I was when I first came to this site seeing all the avatar pics. I often questioned myself who was a GG and who wasn't! :D)

[Babbs]

They are not mocking cross dressers. In fact, in all likelihood, the boys wearing the prom dresses do not know cross dressers exist. It is just a silly high school ritual and shows complete lack of creativity. While it is true that the result is, "a boy in a dress looks funny" to me it is no attack on cross dressers. No one thinks, "Oh, this is how cross dressers are." They are thinking,"Doesn't Dave look ridiculous." And he does!

I think that there is just too much political correctness going on these days. Basically, doing anything can offend someone so are we to do nothing?

Let it go. And when you choose to go out, represent the best you can.

Jenn, I think you are absolutely correct!

[NicoleScott]

If they don't know you are a CDer, then they could not be mocking you. It was your choice to be offended by other people having a little fun.

[reb.femme]

....................I often questioned myself who was a GG and who wasn't! :D)

Yep, me too! Some are too good to be true and it's bloody annoying isn't it? :heehee:

Rebecca

[Stephanie47]

I'd lighten up about it. This behavior is nothing more than silly childish teenage activity. Is it demeaning to cross dressers? No, the boys are emulating women and not men who are acting as women. Sure, you're envious. Maybe you should have had a run at prom king. Then the issue would be whether or not a closeted cross dressing high school teenager would have truly emulated a high school prom queen by shaving his legs and arms, wearing a wig if his hair could not be styled into a feminine look, struted as a woman in four inch heels, and had impeccable makeup including polished finger and toe nails. What would the high school crowd thought then.

From what I have read on this site on the Internet there have been many schools with "switch" days. Nothing more than silly high school rituals.

[Lorileah]

I can now see that there are a lot of people who don't see the big picture. In some minds as long as you aren't specifically the target, it isn't a problem. Harmless adolescent pranks can damage those around you, you don't have to be the one who is directly the victim. In some views here, you had to be black to march with King. After all the white people weren't being mocked or marginalized. Once again I have to refer to Neimoler's poem. We are a family of man, not small groups who are independent.

Change starts somewhere and just because others do it doesn't make it right. I love how so many here are all for the status quo because their ox is not being gored. Ah what the heck, so what if women get paid less, everyone does that, they don't need the money they can find husbands. Who cares if a handicapped person can't use the library because of the stairs, every library in the US is like that. Gays and marriage?...hell they aren't really people, they aren't gong to have families. You don't believe in my deity? Sorry you can't live in my neighborhood.

Things change with time, the inequities and the marginalization of certain groups is supposed to be going away, but I see that some here are still "it doesn't effect me, so I don't care" Someday it could effect you. Yes it is MY choice to be offended. But choosing to be offended is what got a lot of changes made.

[CONSUELO]

I agree with Lorileah. The potential insults involved in this "harmless prank" are several. Why is it OK to make fun of some group that does not include you. There are many things that can be done at a prom that are humourous and this is not one.

[GeminaRenee]

you don't think? So exactly what is the purpose? "Wear this so you can sympathize with your girlfriend and how hard she works to look nice." Or.."You wear a bra for a day and see how much fun it is." No it is meant to degrade the person wearing the outfit, to allow others to mock and tease.

Yes, it's obviously to tease the people who have to do it. To call it mocking or degrading on general principle is a little over-dramatic. Obviously, the tone of these things is what determines how harmful something may be, and that's something that the faculty at the school ought to be evaluating. When it happened at my high school, I saw nothing that led me to believe that the events were anything but good-natured. As near as I can recall, the court all played along, everyone had a laugh, and when it was over, the guys on the court all continued to nail cheerleaders and be popular just as before. Hardly degrading. Of course, if someone who has to participate feels terribly wronged by all of it, then that person ought to say something.

For me, as someone who sat there and watched, knowing that I would probably go home and put on pantyhose and a slip that night, I just thought it was kind of cute. All of those dull, straight geeks laughing at (not really even at just near) the surface of a pond they'd never even begin to understand the depth of.

But that's just my opinion, the one that the OP asked for. I can't speak for everyone.

[AllieSF]

Sorry Lorileah, but you and many others are many just too big a deal out of all this. They are not intentionally nor unintentionally mocking anyone. They are following a school sanctioned ritual to do something different prior to their prom. If it is mocking women, then as someone else said early in this thread we CD's are doing the same, and according to your reasoning we should stop and show more respect to women and whoever else is offended by it, including the men who do not understand why another guy may want to wear women's clothing and actually go out into the real world. What about those guys who dress up for Halloween as women, regular ones or sexy ones? They must be mocking women and must stop doing that according to your reasoning. Actually, they should just ban Halloween because people mock priests, nuns (you know the pregnant nun costumes), football players, hobos, injured war veterans with crutches and fake bloody bandages, vampires and everyone else. What about all those wonderful pet owners who continually dress up their pets in dresses, and sweaters and put pink bows in their dog's fur to make them look pretty? That must be mocking the poor pets who are more than happy not taking baths, wearing their own fur without adornments. I think that all vets should be telling their clients to treat their pets with more respect and stop living their cute fantasies at pet's expense. What about this charity events where men dress as women in support of the event? I sure someone out there will consider that an insult to women.

The point is that we do things all the time that someone can take as an insult, when in fact they are not, except for that offended someone. If you want to look for offenses, they are there everywhere from the funny ads (reference the recent Veet ad thread or some of the Honda commercials that depict the man as a complete idiot while the wife gets everything), the initiation rites of passage into select groups like fraternities and sororities, to even the military, as someone pointed out above. Being respectful is one thing and it is good, having fun is another when it, in my opinion, is innocent as this schools annual pre-prom special activities.

I understand how someone can see something that someone else is doing and feel bad. That does not always mean that the other person is doing something wrong. I would guess that most of the time it just means that the offended feeling bad person sees something that reminds them of their own issues that they have yet to come to terms with. It is not bad to feel that way and is probably very natural. However, instead of leading a campaign to end a simple school ritual because one feels bad, the person needs to learn how to deal with their own issues and get on with their lives. If the ritual or activity was obviously directed toward them in the sense of discrimination, putting down some subset group of people, then yes, that is wrong. This whole ritual is there to have a good time by all. If one of the contestants doesn't want to participate they can always say no. Yes, they will probably take some flack for that, but learning to stand and hold your ground about what you will or will not do is also a very good learning process. Standing out from the crowd when necessary is good.

On a closing note, I am one who believes that the more press that we get, the more that we TG's are out there in all shapes, forms and presentations, the more non TG people participate in our dress up activities in plays, school rituals such as this one the more and other public ones like the charity men in heels walks or crossdressing for charity events, that over the long term the general public will start to understand that we are also part of their society and this real world and that as human beings we have the same rights as anyone else in this diverse world.

[PaulaQ]

Sorry Lorileah, but you and many others are many just too big a deal out of all this. They are not intentionally nor unintentionally mocking anyone.

OK Allie, you sold me.

It's harmless fun. I mean, it's not like TG people are depicted negatively in the media ever:
- cross dressing men are treated with dignity, not for laughs
- drag queens are viewed as serious entertainers
- transsexuals are treated as regular human beings, not creepy, deceptive "things", or hopelessly exotic sex objects

I think the African American folks were kind of over the top about complaining about minstrel shows too - but those were before my time!

You are right - what we are forgetting about is the societal context - that overall feeling of love, acceptance, tolerance - and dare I say it - a little envy perhaps? - from society at large. Yes, we should just develop a thicker hide!

I mean, it would be totally different if we were ridiculed, threatened, attacked, and reviled at nearly every turn! In that context, the event might be considered to have an unconcious subtext of "look at how ridiculous men in women's clothes look," and "this is only allowed once a year - for laughs."

[reb.femme]

I can now see that there are a lot of people who don't see the big picture..........

Pity that so many of us here are too dull to get the bigger picture, but I'm sure we'll catch up one day. Personally, I'm just a bit slow (only have the one law degree) but please feel free to mock me. Seeing as change starts somewhere, I therefore advocate that AprilMayy stomp in to see the authorities immediately and have this oppressive and despicable act stopped at once. In the process she can also set herself against her peers for what is only a harmless bit of fun. This is not insulting behaviour for me and no amount of over the top analogies will convince me otherwise. Good luck in fighting the good fight as advocated by some AprilMayy,....you'll need it!

Rebecca

[Helen_Highwater]

What sprang to my mind was the recent post of photographs of couples gender swapping for prom night;
http://www.fastcodesign.com/3028480/couples-swap-genders-in-these-awesomely-awkward-prom-pics#2

Perhaps what was called for was a similar approach. Find a GG who's up for the challenge and go for the wow factor. If you could find one GG then it's possible she can persuade some of her girl friends, and hence their boy friends to join in. It's a bit of hiding in plain sight.

[Marcelle]

Wow . . . quite the litany of responses but I think we kind of lost track of what the OP was commenting on. This was her perception and it was a real annoyance to her. I am sure a lot of us here have thicker skin given our advanced ages and experience but she is a bit younger and may not have all those life giving experiences we have. I think back to high school and for me it was very real and very intense . . . I can joke about it now because the things that have gone on my life since that time make high school pale in comparison. Let's cut the OP some slack and just agree that some think it was no big thing and others don't agree for their own reasons.

Hugs

Isha

[NicoleScott]

There seems to be an industry of taking offense these days. What really riles me is the taking offense on behalf of others (offended by proxy), like Bob Costas being "highly offended" over the use of Native American (I dare not say Indian) names and mascots. It's just not right to mock groups of people, except Seminoles and Irish. That's fine, so says the NCAA. I wonder how many games Costas called for such teams before becomiing highly offended.
Suddenly, being prompted by the offense industry, people say they are highly offended if they see a cross, nativity scene, red and green colors together in December, and the list goes on, including a little fun gender-switching.
If you want to live your life always being a victim, knock yourself out. Not me.

[AprilMayy<3]

Wow . . . quite the litany of responses but I think we kind of lost track of what the OP was commenting on. This was her perception and it was a real annoyance to her. I am sure a lot of us here have thicker skin given our advanced ages and experience but she is a bit younger and may not have all those life giving experiences we have. I think back to high school and for me it was very real and very intense . . . I can joke about it now because the things that have gone on my life since that time make high school pale in comparison. Let's cut the OP some slack and just agree that some think it was no big thing and others don't agree for their own reasons.

Hugs

Isha
Thanks Isha, took the words right outta my mouth!
As I've said already, the male version of me has the thickest skin around, I'm not offended by anything. Though April is a different story, which is why I was slightly offended by this, though not anymore. Thanks for all the responses everyone, really appreciate it! :hugs:

[Jenny Gurl]

Perhaps the school should celebrate the heritage of students of African American descent by getting all the white kids to put on blackface and put on silly little skits and songs. Tee hee, tee hee! Maybe they could schedule this on Martin Luther King's Birthday, or some other such significant day.

This was big news a short while back. A white girl (Julianne Hough) wanted to do a group Halloween theme of the very popular "Orange is the new Black" on Netflix. Someone had to play the Character "Crazy Eyes" and they were all white. One did black makeup and the news all but Crucified her. I know school events have been done for years but eventually they have to adjust to the times. I dare say after a cross dressing event like this as a joke, any man who showed up in a dress for the real prom would be turned away at many schools, just like the girls who want to wear a tux and go with their girlfriend.

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/julianne-hough-dons-blackface-halloween-costume-article-1.1497396

[Wildaboutheels]

No CDer of any age is ever going to be able to go out "dressed" and ENJOY themselves or have fun as long as they have that
"the world hates us - for anything and everything" - chip on their shoulders.

It;s simply not true and those who perpetuate that MYTH do nothing to help your fellow CDers.

[natcrys]

Wow . . . quite the litany of responses but I think we kind of lost track of what the OP was commenting on. This was her perception and it was a real annoyance to her. I am sure a lot of us here have thicker skin given our advanced ages and experience but she is a bit younger and may not have all those life giving experiences we have. I think back to high school and for me it was very real and very intense . . . I can joke about it now because the things that have gone on my life since that time make high school pale in comparison. Let's cut the OP some slack and just agree that some think it was no big thing and others don't agree for their own reasons.

Hugs

Isha

I find it so amazing that a lot of people were telling OP to lighten up, as if they couldn't imagine how OP was feeling at the time.

High school is an intense period,.. and for some it's positive because they were popular.. or just didn't have any real problems/issues. For others, it could have been a period of bullying, not fitting in, figuring out one's own identity.

Like OP indicated.. she felt like this was mocking CD's, even though I'm pretty sure that most of these guys dressing up had no thoughts whatsoever concerning crossdressing. For me, what's offensive and I'm glad more and more schools are being called out on this.. is the spreading of the implicit message that "guys in dresses" are funny.

And if you're a young CD/TG/TS trying to figure out what's what.. and you're hearing "Hahahaha.. look at Billy.. doesn't he look ridiculous in that dress?!" all the time on such a day... you just want the ground to swallow you whole.

I know a lot of CD's are content and happy with just dressing up at home.. but for those that want to go out, but aren't passable (or don't want to be).. the ridiculing message is not helping. And telling someone to lighten up "because it's high school and kids are gonna be kids".. that's just being completely insensitive.

/rant

[Genifer Teal]

If I could do it all over again I'd run for prom king just to dress up. I know back then I never would have the courage to do it. It is a great excuse. Test the waters whenever you can.

[stacycoral]

Miss April, girl they are crossdressing, but not the way we do girl, that is why If someone ask me I say I am a T-Girl, wearing any item of female clothes is crossdressing, but this has beening going on for ever, and if you do make a deal of it at school, the rest of the kids will know something is up. when I was in high school, we had what was know as power puff football and basketball games every year, until my senior year when they started girls basketball, and boys would be dress as cheerleaders for the girls, I always want to be able to dress as a cheerleader for one of these events, but it was the favorite boys who got to. Girl I feel your pain, if is not fair, but you try to do your best, just protect your self from the others, Some day you can go out as a pretty young woman. hugs.

[geek]

Ahhh, the joys of homecoming / prom week. Personally, opposite day was one of the few times I ever went out dressed (and that includes all the way up till now). Embrace it and if anybody says anything to you about it, tell them "if you're going to do something, do it all the way and do it right".

Honestly, it's no more offensive then being chased around with a dirty sock, though some might find that offensive too.

[Badtranny]

Wow.

I'm almost speechless, ...almost, but after reading through all of these posts I am legitimately beginning to fear for the society that awaits those poor little fockers behind us. About a year ago, I noticed that the trans community was taking a nasty turn toward smug political correctness. I was inspired enough to write about it on my blog, and lo and behold, it has become worse than I imagined and is getting even worse by the day.

So now closeted cross dressers are offended because people other than them are cross dressing? Yikes, what's worse is this idea is getting support from real transitioners that should frankly know better. On the other hand, the TS community is currently in a tizzy because drag queens are off color and call each other unsavory names. So I guess in a world where a drag queen can't even call herself a tranny without actual trannies getting their panties in a twist, the sky is the limit in regard to political correctness.

To the TS women who would say I was part of the problem, I say go F your self. I'm a construction manager and I transitioned on the job so if you think you have the corner on tough breaks, think again. My transition would have emotionally crippled anyone who is offended so easily. I can't even imagine my life now if drag queens and cross dressed high school boys could actually offend me. The guys that work for me would be very accommodating I'm sure if I was indeed such a simpering flower. Heaven knows nobody uses any off color or salty language in my line of work, nah those guys are very respectful of weak spirited complainers.

Here's an idea, AprilMayy, grow a backbone and live YOUR life. Don't be so concerned about what people think about you. You have time on your side so make the most of it while you have it. Right now you're just young but if you're still complaining about shit like this in 10 years, you will be less young and more pathetic. Screw the kids who CD for a joke, they have no effect on you unless you allow it. Do not allow bitterness and envy to control your life. Live the life you want to live and seek joy instead of offense. I'll tell you right now that if someone is going to try to offend me, they're gonna work awful hard for very little return, if any. I know I'm a nasty ratchet bitch, but I can guarantee you that I have a good time and I enjoy my life no matter what. I try to have a good time every time. Life is short lady, and it took me over 40 years to learn that my own attitude is what colored every single experience. I was 18 once too, and I would give anything to go back knowing what I know now. I wish somebody would have just told me this one thing: Life sucks, but it can suck in the bad way, or it can suck in the good way, it's your choice either way.

[Taylor Ray]

Wow. That escalated quickly.

I went to the mall fully dressed my sophomore year of college and got laughed at in my face by an entire family (granted, I didn't put any real effort into it or makeup on.)

Times have changed...

There are countries where gay people get there limbs cut off and stoned to death.

[bobbimo]

Here is your BIG chance!
I think you should show support for the Idea and not let just the prom king contestants CD. Jon the fun and get dressed also that day.
Show them how good a girl can look, If anyone asks what yor doing dressed aas a girl just tell them you thought it would be fun and to show support for the prom.
Its even better than Halloween!
You may get some fun pointers from the GG's in yur class on make up etc.
What a great opportunity.
Go get'em
Bobbi

[PaulaQ]

To the TS women who would say I was part of the problem, I say go F your self. I'm a construction manager and I transitioned on the job so if you think you have the corner on tough breaks, think again. My transition would have emotionally crippled anyone who is offended so easily.


Here's an idea, AprilMayy, grow a backbone and live YOUR life. Don't be so concerned about what people think about you. You have time on your side so make the most of it while you have it.

So tangential snark, imagined personal attack (I can't imagine thinking an out TS is part of *any* problem and didn't intend for anyone to think that), and tirade aside - I find that rarely as this happens, I agree to an extent with Misty.

@AprilMayy - I am sympathetic with your situation, and I don't much like the particular high school tradition you are discussing, as I really do feel like it's part of the stuff that keeps us down.

However - I am thinking about your plight through the filter of my own experiences at your age, 33 years ago. 33 years ago, complaining or trying to voice discontent about something like this would've been suicide. (Possibly quite literally - the one openly gay kid in my school was murdered.)

The world today is different though. It's FAR from perfect, but there's a lot more room for you to stand up and make a difference if this really bothers you. I've met three different trans women who've transitioned before the age of 18. One of them got kicked out of school, and had to fight that in court. She won.

This isn't in some bastion of liberalism - it was in Tulsa, Oklahoma, for gosh sakes! Now Tulsa is probably the most liberal place in the state of Oklahoma - but still - we're talking OKLAHOMA - a state that is generally pretty hostile to *anything* LGBT.

So I guess I'm going to have to say that if you want to be silently offended at a perceived trampling of rights you've never bothered to assert, then you are going to continue to be disappointed. How is anyone going to ever decide whether or not these kinds of events are OK or not if nobody ever says anything? They aren't.

It goes back to something I've said in another thread - if your complaint is "why can't I, without severe negative consequences, cross dress in public, but women can wear male styled clothing? This is no fair!", then I have to say it's because women fought for, and earned that right, and CDs haven't.

All that said, I am sympathetic that this really did hurt your feelings

[Beverley Sims]

Melissa,
Pleased to see one of yor infrequent visits these days.
Love your philosophy and it makes me realise things don't really change much over time.

I think a lot of it here is youth and inexperience being shied away and protected too much.

[Badtranny]

Love your philosophy and it makes me realize things don't really change much over time.

Thank you, but my philosophy was not always my philosophy. I spent way too many years being a coward and living my life for people who truly don't give a damn.

My spirited opinions are the result of discovering something later in life that I wish I could have known many years ago. I write with the zeal of the converted because that's exactly what I am. A once cowardly closet case who has been converted to a proud tranny who is determined to squeeze every bit of life out of the years I have left.

I used to be afraid of breathing, now I'm only afraid of not breathing deeply enough.