All over

[Erica Grace]

Hey everyone,

I've been out of touch lately. Not been having a good week at all. To top it all off, my GF just broke up with me because she can't deal with the whole CDing thing.

I originally told her I liked to CD back in December, she thought it was awesome and cool and fun and exciting. She wanted to embrace it, not just tolerate it. And she made comments about our future together (like if we were to get a house together we would need a HUGE closet for our shoes, etc etc). I thought I was in the clear, I thought I found the one. I was so happy to share this part of my life with someone.

Turns out she was really hesitant, lost all emotional intimacy for me, tried to force herself to love it and accept it, but in the end just couldnt deal with that being something she wanted to live with. Took 4 months but she finally told me it wasnt for her.

Im crushed, absolutely crushed. The worst part is knowing I could go through this exact same thing with every other girl I date. I know this is something most, if not all, of you have dealt with. But it feels so much worse when I thought she was the one girl that was for me and would accept it no matter what. Sorry for basically crying to all of you, I dont know what to do. I wish this was something you could teach acceptance for. I wish it didnt affect some people the way it does.

~Erica

[Lucy_Bella]

Erica,

That is awful news I am so sorry to hear yet another one of us was disposed of ( relationship wise ) because of the lack of understanding AND acceptance .. I am sure you are a good person and if cding was the only reason thats terrible but then again we are prone to in order to have a successful relationship the other half has to accept willingly... I've been down your very same road a few times and it's not easy ..Best wishes time heals all ..

[lingerieLiz]

Sorry to hear that your GF couldn't accept your CDing. It is true that many women think they can accept and even enjoy their SO's dressing. Some think that they can change you. The good part is that both of you found out early. There are women out there who can accept your desires. To be honest many people breakup in relationships. CDing does add an additional issue, but so do many other things. Please take your time and continue the search.

[Keri L]

Dear Erica,

So sorry to hear the bad news! I know it is of little comfort right now, but there are many CDs/TGs that have found SOs/spouses who do get it and are okay with it. Don't give up hope that you will also find that special someone.

All my best,
Caitlyn

[Tami Monroe]

Erica...I know you don't wan to hear this, but it WILL get better. I am surprised at the number of GG's who are accepting of our indulgences. I sincerely think it would not take long to find another lady in your life, and one who accepts ALL of you. Keep your chin up, girl. I am sure any of us would be hppy to lend a shoulder for you to cry on, if necessary.

[GretchenJ]

Erica,

So sorry to hear about your breakup. I have no magic words that can can ease your pain, but things always get better

[MichelleCTTV]

Hi Erica. Im totally new here but i think we can all easily identify with your pain. Ive been thru some very difficult break ups and just the fact that you have the courage to be here posting about such a painful experience tells me that you will get thru it. Get support where ever you can and dont be stupid like me and turn insular. Reach out with your heart and it will help!

Michelle

[Adriana Moretti]

Erica...there is nothing I can say without sounding cliche....but i have been there and understand...your friends are here for you...stay in touch & reach out ANYTIME...you feelin bad...pick up that phone, i dont care what time it is....even if you wanna cry your eyes out or punch the wall...either way...my phones on girl! And Im free all week next week if you want to get away from life for a while...

[MissTee]

Thinking you had found true love, and then losing that has to hurt deeply. I'm sorry you have to go through this, Erica. Hugs!

[samantha rogers]

Oh, Erica...that just sucks. Period. I feel so bad for you. Hugs, baby. One of the worst things in life is rejection. It feels a little like death, I know. It knocks the wind out of our sails and sends us plummeting into pain.
If I can offer just this...try to remember that this speaks volumes about her but means nothing negative about you. Try to remember that you are beautiful and very special...and any of us can vouch for that. And try to understand this...the pain and loneliness right now is as bad as it gets. Each day that passes will get a little better. I promise, you sweetheart, it really will get better. You have lots of beautiful and happy times yet to come. Really.
Hugs and love, baby.lots and lots of love.
Sammie

[suchacutie]

Erica, our hearts go out to you. There is no way to make this better today even knowing this is a fear that follows us all around at some level. There are women out there who truly are everything you need. Please don't give up!

[sometimes_miss]

The worst part is knowing I could go through this exact same thing with every other girl I date.
This is exactly what I've been going through ever since my divorce. Every time I start seeing someone, at some point I carefully interject the topic of transgendered and see what kind of response I get. Never had a positive one yet. The best I've heard is one of tolerence, but still a 'not in my backyard' type of response.

[paulaprimo]

oh erica, i'm so sorry to hear that. please remember that you have plenty of friends and support here if you
need to reach out! i wish you the very best... hugs, paula

[Paula_Femme]

I'm really sorry Erica... been there, done that, bought the tee shirt. It DOES hurt, there's no way it can't, to share something so intimate, and then be rejected for it, to be rejected for what you are IS crushing.

The good news, such as it is, is that it sounds as if she really tried, but for whatever reason, decided she just couldn't deal with it. I was in a similar situation myself once, and my girlfriend at the time told me that she just wanted a "normal" relationship; she saw the look on my face when she said the words and apologized, but it didn't alter the fact that she simply couldn't deal with my cross dressing.

I don't know about your relationship other than what I've just read, but was your girlfriend a member on this site, did you view the site together, did she join the FAB forum?

The reason I ask is that my own girlfriend is a member here, and I'm her first CD experience; we met online and I told her in my very first email. She didn't freak out, obviously, and enjoyed meeting "Paula" for the first time, but she does, as she said, have a lot to learn, and has found this site very helpful.

Believe me I know how much you're hurting right now, and you're right, there's ALWAYS a risk that a wife or girlfriend will change her opinion over time. All I can advise you to do is to be true to yourself, tell any potential girlfriend up-front and let her decide from the very beginning whether this is something she wants to get involved in.

Open communication and total honesty are my watchwords, I told my girlfriend that as far as I'm concerned there at NO taboo questions, any question she asks deserves a full and candid answer, and so far this is how we are living our relationship. I encouraged her to join the site, and have also encouraged her to join the FAB forum where she'd be able to interact with other wives and girlfriends in CD relationships.

Once again I'm really sorry, and I know it's a bloody awful cliche, but time does heal - most - wounds. You'll get through this, and I'm sure you'll receive many more messages of support... if you want to talk in private, please PM me.

Wishing you all the very best
Paula

[CarlaWestin]

Oh, Erica! I extend my sympathies. This big part of our lives sometimes just seems to overwhelm everyone else. We all just want love and acceptance and understanding. And these have to come from within one's self. I sense that you're a good loving person and chances are you'll find someone to benefit from that. I wish you happiness in the days ahead.

[Julie Denier]

So sorry to hear this! We're all here for you ...

[Jenniferathome]

Erica, this is unfortunate but every failure is an opportunity to learn. Ask yourself, how much was cross dressing a part of your relationship? Is that how much you really want it to be? It's quite possible that once the bloom was off the rose, it was simply overwhelming for her. Could she have seen this as taking over the relationship? Obviously I do not know what went down, but it is very common for us to go overboard quickly once we confess our secret.

My best advice is to try and look at this objectively. Learn from that knowledge and apply it in your next relationship. It will happen for you. Best of luck.

[Beverley Sims]

Erica,
It may be sad for you now, much better than if you had married.
You may still be distant friends anyway.

I know that is not much consolation.
You just have to move on.

[TinaZ]

I'm really sorry, Erica.

Please don't apologize for "crying" to us - supporting each other is one of the major reasons we're here!

[Tracii G]

Sorry you have to go thru this but it will get better.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Really feel for you Erica. Relationships are so complex already without the added negative of CDing. I want to share two contrasting experiences that hopefully might help for the future.

One 'trap' comes from revealing our CDing to our SO and they seem accepting, in your case supportive. We tend to focus on our CDing ignorant of their sensitivities and thought processes - the pendulum of acceptance. My second wife was like that and I enjoyed the apparent freedom to 'do my thing'. She left me a few years later 'for a real man'. Quite a shock given what I understood was her degree of support. She hid her distaste until she was ready to move on.

My third (and forever!!) wife abhors my dressing but deals with my CDing by not thinking about it - very DADT. In turn I'm careful about what I say and do in front of her. In reading many posts here I can't help but think I really have the best of arrangements as I don't have to deal with the emotional roller coaster ride that many suffer with their SOs and I don't have boundaries other than those I impose on myself. At the same time I am not deceiving her and therefore feel an honesty in our relationship.

My point to you and any others interested, is never assume that your SO is accepting or will always stay that way. Be appreciative of any tolerance you may have to your CDing but never presumptive.

I hope that you find your sole mate. There will be someone for you.

Michelle

[kimdl93]

There is no guarantee that the next girl will be like this one. Yes, it's possible, but there are exceptions. Learn what you can from this experience, but still be ready to move on. You did each other a favor by getting to the truth of the matter before yo had made a lifelong commitment.

[Megan70]

Erica, I'm sorry dear, Life of acceptance or non sucks sometimes. Its a reverse Pink Fog on your SOs' part. What was once a thrill, an adventure a new thing has run its course. It must be heart breaking because you thought you found the one and the life together as 'girlfriends'. A CDs' dream, a Nirvana. Move along try another fish in the sea. Play it differently and more cautiously when you feel like 'outing' yourself to her. Good Luck Sweet Thing :battingeyelashes:

[mykell]

sorry that this happened,
dont apologize for having a heart, share what you like,
i wish you well....

[Tinkerbell-GG]

I'm sorry this happened to you, but the hard truth is there are likely very few women out there actively looking for a CD partner. The rest will either accept, tolerate or outright dismiss in varying degrees and some will even change their minds halfway through - like your girlfriend, and like me.

For those here with accepting partners who tell everyone that these women are out there and you just need to go out and find one, I say YOUR accepting partner could become as equally disgruntled as the OPs and yes, may even leave the relationship, if you make crossdressing too important. Given what I read here, this is unfortunately very common.

Best advise I can give is to figure out what you want first, decide how much CDing you need, and then incorporate that into life with your next partner. I'd also suggest having a think about what's more important - crossdressing or a relationship. It's very hard for us GG's, who expect to be the apple of your eye, to understand the importance of crossdressing and in my case, at best, it's an odd behavior that I don't hate anymore (thanks to everyone here :)) but one I'd rather do without. Expecting the enthusiasm that your ex girlfriend provided is fruitless. Most women don't want this. You really need to accept that and then decide what YOU want. Then you can figure out your limits and maybe make the next relationship work with a healthy dose of reality and compromise x

[Katey888]

I'm so sorry Erica... it's all been said before me... but you can have another virtual hug even though I'm sure it's no consolation...

No need to apologise for feeling what you feel... you must be devastated... give it time - you will feel better! :hugs:

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Erica,

I am very sorry to hear about this sadness in your life. It is never easy losing someone special to us when we see a potential relationship growing. This is a hard thing we do and it makes it doubly harder when trying to find that perfect person to share our lives. I know it does not seem like it now but as time moves forward you may find that it was better to know early then much later in a relationship you had invested a lot of time.

Hugs and extra one.

Isha

[samanthasolo]

Erica, that is a real bummer GF! I feel terrible for you!
You were honest and it is unfortunate that she can't deal with or handle the situation. I know how hard it is to tell someone you are involved with the one thing about you that could have them running to hills faster than you can blink your eyes. Ya know what, on the brighter side, she saw something in you that made her stick around and give it a try! Don't feel bad for your honesty or anything that led to this, if things in life happen for a reason they do so because we can learn from experiences and also know that maybe there are bigger and better things for us in the future. When you start feeling better about what it is you have lost, you and I both know all you have to do is walk right outside your front door and there will be many fish swimming in the sea right on your street. Chin up Chickie! I'm here if you need a shoulder. I might not have ever lost a woman because of my dressing but I did have 3 stay with me knowing of it.

[Susan_Xdress]

Erica ... It has all been said, and said wonderfully by the members here. I can add little but my belief that THIS FORUM is the most supportive of any I have ever encountered. I have a close CD friend going through hell right now with exactly the same situation. It is a huge canyon for us all. I have never told any girlfriend of my cross-dressing. I had a wonderful experience with a librarian in high school who seemed to know what I was when no-one else did. She dressed me .. and we did have fun .. slight problem .. she was married .. and married to Police Detective !
I know you must have put your soul into this relationship thinking 'she was the one' .. well we all know that no relationship is guaranteed to last ..
So it is not all about cross-dressing .. We are all just people ... and we all struggle to find our way. Keep faith in YOURSELF Erica !

[PamelaMiller]

Hi Erica,

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I hope that you heal with time and move forward with a smile.

Hugs,
Pamela

[JamieG]

So sorry to hear that. A breakup of any kind is tough, and to have it be due to something so core to your essence must really hurt. I will add to the chorus that is possible to be a hetero-CD and have a SO who is accepting. I think the trick is to take things slowly with your SO, even if she appears to be wildly enthusiastic. I was (in a way) fortunate. My wife was initially very upset with my crossdressing but has on-the-whole warmed up to it over the twelve years that I've been out to her. This has caused me to move cautiously and not be too in-her-face about it. And as Tinkerbell mentioned, it is important to make sure that your SO knows that she is more important than the CDing. Although we'll occasionally have a CD-related spat these days, my wife has often told me that now knowing this about me has made her feel closer to me than ever.

[Alice Torn]

Erica, I can understand, and empathize with you, as i am going on 60, and have not been in a relationship, for many, many years, and I have been rejected by many ladies, but not until 2005, did i start doing a lot of Cding, and since then, have had a number of women write me off, because of my dressing. Maybe some of us, are better not seeking a SO. There isn't much love left in this world. I(t seems everyone wants a lover 100% on their terms Their way or the highway! For s very loving, special lady, I would be willing to stop dressing, but not for most. One day or minute at a time.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I can't add anything except to say that I'm sorry that this happened to you. It will get better and what happened was for the absolute best. You did the right thing by telling her at the beginning.

[bimini1]

Honesty is best policy. Some gurls will flip the script on you though. All cool in the beginning then they can't deal with it. I believe most that flip the script don't really know what they are signing up for. They don't realize that what they are getting into can be way deeper than merely fun and games. And depending upon how intense the CDing is for you they can be like, wait a minute here.

I tried to talk my wife out of marrying me because of it and she wasn't hearing it. That was 14 years ago and even her acceptance has waxed and waned over the years. But it is a two way street and you both learn to make sacrifices for each other. I have a CD friend who told his fiance and then 3 weeks into the marriage boom D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

I still feel like it's best to be upfront. Believe me, you will survive this. Stop looking so hard and somebody will appear when you least expect it.

[Dana does shopping]

Erica, chin up, we cannot change who we are, as echoed through most of these posts, You were right in telling her, she couldn't deal with it. Honesty is a good/best strategy. Better to know today where You stand rather than many tomorrows from now. Have a good cry, then doll up & hit the shops, it's who You are. "Above all to thyne own self be true".

[Hell on Heels]

So sorry things didn't work out the way you thought they were going to.
It sounds like your GF gave it a try anyway. If you are able to find someone that is willing to try that's the best you can hope for. Don't quit trying just because it didn't work this time.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Stacy Cruz]

Sorry to hear it didn't work out. Relationships at there best are tricky and require great amount of work, now you add CD to the mix and ohh yeah disaster. Many survive, some even thrive but usually they strike out a few times. For those lucky ones who get it on the first try congrats, for everybody else at least theres support out there and plenty of fish in the sea. GOOD LUCK!

[StacyLynn]

Erica,
So sorry to hear that things didn't work out :( Your experience is the reason I have difficulty seeking relationships. I wish there was something more that could be said to make you feel better, but if there's one thing I've learned from being a part of this forum is not to give up. There's so many on here that have found wonderful relationships with accepting partners, our girls are out there :)

[wanagione]

I'm so sorry to hear your news. Hang in there, there are friends here that can help you get though this, and you will. take heart.

[Trinity Sue]

I am so sorry to hear what happened. Think positive. I know it must be hard for you . Everyone is here for you .