I Am Sinking Deeper Into My CD Self...Please Help!

[Taylor Ray]

Perhaps the guilt has faded away. No more SO to worry about. I finally have my own place. The barriers are fading away...I am free to be Myself!

But I am scared to fully embrace this "part" of myself, which seems to me more than just a "part", especially the more I let myself..... be myself...

If I take this path, I sense that I am doomed to "perpetual failure and isolation"....

Why is it that the freer I am, the more I seem to be sinking into an unknowable future????

[Lucy_Bella]

You know the rules "pink fog" find a way out...

[Eryn]

With barriers removed it is natural to immerse yourself in something that you find fascinating. You will figure out a way to integrate this into your life. Give it time!

[Katey888]

I'm certain you know the solution to this yourself and will find the right way through...

Sudden freedom to express brings with it a surge of energy and release... but you know it can't be accommodated long-term...?

Pace yourself... savour the opportunity to grow and develop.... and all things in moderation... :)

It need not end in doom... and show me a knowable future and I'll show you a fibber... a both unfortunate and exciting aspect of life is that it can be unpredictable... Enjoy it while it can be enjoyed!

Katey x

[rian]

Dear Taylor ..we all passed through these different phases of uncertain and fear ,,Embrace your Cd self conscious and you will feel so happy that this is your true nature of life ...you had a chance to discover it ....Let time open the realm of it ..

[noeleena]

Hi,

So the reins have been taken off and you are free to run. so how far do you run before you need to check your self and put those reins back on ,

You see, do you do this with other aspects of your life, a time and place for every thing and in moderation . only you can pull the reins back . i owned a few horse's they knew when i needed them and i trained them to my call / whistle . and they would come .

day or night. you see they were free yet i did not have reins on them its called being trained , you need the same.

Okay . you are going to need some help in looking at your self your strengths and weakness's to find where you need to go, the call you hear needs to be sounded when its needed, not all the time,

Put a time in place for dressing and work a time to suit and look forward to it just dont do it in excess. its not different than food or meal time have what you need and thats it..

yes easy to say harder to do yet this is what you .....NEED.... to do.

I can dress in what ever i like when i like and how i like ,plus go where ever i like .......

I dont because i have a balanced life , and i have other detail to attend to.

Dont let this become an obsession,

...noeleena...

[Rachelakld]

I think when we look around us, those that have travelled that path are more isolated.
Option 1, learn to be okay as an isolated person
Option 2, join an airsoft / paintball team
Option 3, ask someone else, I'm an Aries child

[Taylor Ray]

Pace yourself... savour the opportunity to grow and develop.... and all things in moderation...

Thank you for this Katey. It is exactly what I needed to hear!

And like Eryn mentioned....integration can happen!

Thanks for the positive words, all. Very helpful.

[Annaliese]

Let go and see what happens, alone and unhappy, be your self and free.

[Cheryl T]

We are always afraid of the unknown.
Small steps...one foot in front of the other...

[PaulaQ]

If I take this path, I sense that I am doomed to "perpetual failure and isolation"....

Why is it that the freer I am, the more I seem to be sinking into an unknowable future????

Why do you sense "perpetual failure and isolation? And where do you think "this path" Is leading you? If you are talking about transition in some sense, all I can tell you is that it doesn't have to involve failure and isolation. In my case its been quite the opposite. I felt like a failure and so isolated as a man - as a woman, I love my life and have more social interactions of all types. I have a lot more friends now.

If you are just talking about CDing more often, or even being "out" I don't see why that has to isolate you either. You'll be more isolated if you hide who you are and be a failure if you try to fight who you really are.

You'll face hardships too - the world doesn't want you to be yourself.

Which brings me to the part about an unknowable future - nobody really knows the future. And which would you think is better? The safe but miserable future they choose for you, or the one of your choosing where you are yourself, whatever that means to you?

[Beverley Sims]

I think you have too much time for deep thinking.

Stop the self analysis and you may improve.

[Teresa]

Taylor up to now your Cding has been a challenge, now you can just do it some of the buzz has gone. I don't know much about you from your profile but if you think about combining it with hobbies or past times it may give the balance you need. I know would love to combine Cding with my painting, I've tried a couple of times, it's like being on a different planet !

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm with you, sister! I've probably been sinking a little longer than you, but sometimes I feel like I'm still sinking, still seeking equilibrium. This is a "glass half full or half empty" time for you. Try to look at all the possibilities. If big picture is too intimidating, take small slices and enjoy the hell out of them! What did you always with you could do but were forbidden? Try something small and see how that freedom feels.

One of the first things I did when I was newly alone was to color and highlight my hair. A baby step, but it felt awesome at a time when not much was feeling awesome. I probably have more examples of what not to do, but... live and learn.

Personally, I need the structure and the "home base" that I get from my job and my son. Without that there's no telling what I'd be like. It gives me the confidence to explore my freedom, and boy have I explored! It was a long time before I embraced it. Now I do. Good luck!

[Helena Gwyn]

Hi Taylor

I'm somewhat feeling the same thing since I accepted that 'part' of me. "Wow, this is bigger and more profound than I thought" "What does this say about me" "What will I have to do" ... .
As with every change or evolution in life, there's first the discovery and then some time for integration. Take your time, don't overanalyse or question yourself, don't use your head or brain to resolve this, follow your heart and in time answers will follow.


... think about combining it with hobbies or past times it may give the balance you need. I know would love to combine Cding with my painting, I've tried a couple of times, it's like being on a different planet !

And as teresa said, combine, don't seperate. Being dressed or not, it's still you. Do whatever you need to do in the outfit you feel most comfortable in at that moment. Don't force yourself one way or another. I love reading a book or comic dressed on my bed, or sometimes I design or paint/draw on computer dressed as well because it gives extra touches to what I make.

[wilt575]

Perhaps the guilt has faded away. No more SO to worry about. I finally have my own place. The barriers are fading away...I am free to be Myself!

But I am scared to fully embrace this "part" of myself, which seems to me more than just a "part", especially the more I let myself..... be myself...

If I take this path, I sense that I am doomed to "perpetual failure and isolation"....

Why is it that the freer I am, the more I seem to be sinking into an unknowable future???? As had been said before go easy baby steps. Don't go head over heels
over night. My wife and I have DADT thing. She went out of town (350) miles to take care of a sick Aunt (she does home health) for over a year almost two . So I slowly embraced that part of me 24/7 (I'm early retired) and became myself and enjoyed things untill she returned, and had to cut back. Maybe you next SO will embrace both parts of you!

[Karren H]

A little fear is a good thing... keeps you grounded and in touch with reality ... just don't let the fear get out of hand......

[Megan70]

Its too bad you feel you don't have a spouse(SO?) to worry about.She is human.
I wonder if she felt the same way as you "forget about him...er... her"

[Taylor Ray]

Its too bad you feel you don't have a spouse(SO?) to worry about.

I could see how my words could be read that way, but really, what I meant was:

"I am not being restrained or inhibited by complications or communications with my significant other" which, as you know, is a common struggle with many at this site.

I would love to have an SO to worry about!

[rookiemistake]

Wow, this post really spoke to me. I, too, recently let go of my GG Gf of 2 and 1/2 years. I moved into a new place, by myself for the first time ever. It sounds insensitive, but since we split, I've had some of the best nights of CD-ing I've ever had.

It's amazing, really. Not that I was so inhibited before, but everything fell into place for me to try new and exciting things since I started this venture. Tonight I shaved my legs for the first time and I might start shaving them more often than my face!

Best of luck to you. If you need any support, you can be sure the ladies on this site are here to help! Embrace your freedom!

[donnalee]

Look on this as an opportunity to experiment and to find a direction; move at a pace that feels comfortable, but it is important to move, otherwise the opportunity is wasted. If a direction is unclear, try small moves in any and learn how you feel; don't worry, your stride will lengthen with time and experience.

[Adriana Moretti]

. No more SO to worry about. I finally have my own place. The barriers are fading away...I am free to be Myself!

so where is the problem here??? JK....seriously enjoy it.....but like everyone said before just balance it,,,but no matter what ...there are 10,376 girls who wish they were you

[Marcelle]

Hi Taylor,

Self discovery is seldom easy and can seem difficult especially when it leads you down a pathway that can seem daunting and scary. The good thing is that you are discovering a part of you which is natural and normal. Don't shy away, embrace that side, take ownership and integrate her into your life. Once integration occurs you can move a little further down the pathway in whatever direction it takes you. The key is ownership of your self and your identity. The future is always a mystery regardless of whether you are TG or not . . . but that is what makes life fun. If we knew our future, life would be boring.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate Simmons]

If you feel things are getting out of your control perhaps you should seek professional counseling Hon.:)

[bobbimo]

Its time to sit back on a sunny day with a glass of wine, a notebook and a pencil.
Dress as it feels right.
get comfortable, and start to write down what you want to be when you grow up,
Then write down the reasons I want to dress as a woman every day,
Then write down the reasons I want to dress as a man every day.
Look over the list carefully and add the pros and cons of each item.
The more detail you put in here the better answer you will have. You can begin and then come back to add to it. When you all done go back to yor first question, and see if that's changed. What do I want to be when I grow up.
If you find that at the end, you enjoy dressing because its comfortable and fun. Then under dressing and a few quick runs to the drive through are just what you need.
However if you feel that there is more than just getting pretty, then , like Kate says, see a gender therapist to see if your desires are more than just a hobby.
Its a wonderful life so you should enjoy it.
Bobbi