Why don't we go out?

[Bailey420]

For those of us who don't venture out into the world dressed up, why not? Is it just not necessary? Is it fear of being "made"? fear of being recognized by someone we know? lack of confidence in our choice of attire? Fear of violence & ridicule?

I know for me it would be a bit of all of the above. I can't see me ever going out in my town, but now that I've come out to one of my buddies and he's cool with it, I could see me going out of town (maybe Montreal) and experimenting with going out dressed, with him as a kind of protection. I really don't think it would matter then even if I was made as a dude in drag, although I'd rather not, lol. Now to figure out what to wear :)

[sometimes_miss]

For those of us who don't venture out into the world dressed up, why not? Is it just not necessary?
Well, as Ronald Reagan once said, there we go again. This topic has been hashed over hundreds of times in this forum, but the search function doesn't work all that well, so I'll just answer the question again, it will only take a minute or so. So, let's get started.
No, it's not necessary.

Is it fear of being "made"? fear of being recognized by someone we know?
Yes, being outed would cause significant problems in my life that I simply don't want to be faced with. I have enough problems in life, I don't need anything making my life more difficult, and wonder why so many people desire to get in the face of people who they know will give them a debate (or worse)about their sexual identity/preference/appearance/behavior.

lack of confidence in our choice of attire?
The female clothes I wear are not 'appropriate for my age'. So yes, virtually 100% of the population would find my crossdressing to be weird and/or perverted.

Fear of violence & ridicule?
Another two things I simply do not wish to invite into my life, and again, don't understand why so may other DO seem to invite into their lives. Perhaps they just like lots of drama.

[Zylia]

All of the above to some extent. I do go out, only not that often and I almost never interact with other people. Anyway, in short, it's something I do for myself and I don't really feel the need to involve other people who don't expect it or ask for it.

[Tracii G]

It can be that way it first but the more you go out the more natural it feels.
I don't worry about being seen by people I might know because they wouldn't recognize me anyway. YMMV.
99% of the stress about going out is in your own mind, nobody really pays that much attention to others.

[Tina G]

I live in the middle of Pitchfork and Torch territory so i have to be careful but on the plus side there are some places 2hrs away that are friendly to tg/cd and i've already been told by my friends recently that when i'm ready they will all go with, 2 of the wives have already said they want to go as well. If it wasn't for my children i would move closer to where my friends are but for now i'm very happy that all, not just a few but all of my friends from childhood to those I made along the way that i've opened up to in the past month are very supportive.

[Milou]

I don't really feel the need and I don't feel the need to make a honest attempt to pass. I'm fine with the clothing for now and with this I would be a really easy target for ridicule. Also, I don't want my secret to be exposed by people who know me.

[Krisi]

To start with, there are different degrees of "out". Some of us sneak out and drive around after dark and call that "being "out". Others proudly walk out their front doors, shop in the mall, eat in restaurants, even fly in airplanes dressed. Most of us, I suspect, are somewhere in between.

So to answer your question, I don't often go out (as Krisi) because my wife is uncomfortable with anyone knowing about my "hobby". I have been out a handful of times but that was when she was out of town.

I share my wife's fear of me being recognized as a crossdresser but I think my presentation is good enough that even if I was read as a crossdresser, nobody would recognize me away from home.

So, given the opportunity, I underdress, take what I need with me, and finish dressing away from home in a large, mostly deserted parking lot. Then I drive to the nearby city and walk in the park or downtown section. I try not to interact with others but I can manage a smile and "hello" if spoken to.

I change back to "boy" mode before I come home.

BTW: The danger of going out dressed in your own town with your friend (or me with my wife) is that someone may recognize them and then you by association. At the least, your friend would have to introduce you and you would have to talk.

[Crissy Kay]

The main reason with me, is that I have no real interest in going out dressed. And that's because with my cding, I should say that I still have no interest in dressing in women's street clothing. Also the fact that I do not pass, and still have no interest in passing. This subject must come up about once a year at least.

[bridget thronton]

Everyone has their own comfort zone - if it is stressful, don't do it

[kymmieLorain]

Well for me I guess I would be just an ugly fat guy in a dress. but what you listed is about right.

I do dream about what I would wear to a specific event. A poodle skirt or cute board shorts when attending a car show.

Kymmie

[BillieAnneJean]

I go out a lot. Always in the general public, daytime to late at night. In clothing stores trying on women's clothes. At Panera Bread. It doesn't matter. Why?

Imagine building an airplane. When you are done with it do you close the hangar door or take it out and use it for the purpose it can be used for? Note I did NOT say the purpose for which it was intended. Only the builder or current owner knows the intended purpose. There are guys who have built planes and never flown them. For those guys the building is the fun part. Then there are guys who are afraid to try flying something that, if they are not careful, if they did not build it well, it may get them killed. And there are guys who do a good enough job putting the plane together, are diligent enough in their early test flights, that they get comfortable with the aircraft of their own creation. They enjoy what can be experienced, but never complacent to put themselves in danger. The guy that does all the work but never gets out the hangar door may pass a lifetime not knowing that there is something he MIGHT have been thrilled with. The guy that never takes his home built plane out of the hangar is really not qualified to render any opinions on the validity, need, or enjoyment of flying in an aircraft of one's own creation. Nor is it necessary, because for some the journey IS the creation. For others the journey is the creation and the exercise of the creation. But imagine that you are a home built builder/owner/flyer and a guy walks down from his hangar with the never flown home built aircraft, just like yours. The never flown guy makes a pronouncement or opinion about the negative, less desirable, or unnecessary flying part of your aviation experience.

You smile to yourself and think: "He does NOT KNOW what he is talking about." And you finish your preflight, pull the plane out of it's protective home, climb inside, taxi to the active, do your runup, get clearance, roll down that runway. And as you lift off the pavement, and begin to see the world in ways that a very tiny percent of the population can, from your own aircraft, thrilled, you exclaim to yourself: "I can't believe that everyone isn't doing this!" Because the unimaginable joy of accomplishment, the difference and beauty of the world from a new perspective, sticks with you every minute you aren't flying. The joy lingers even when you are socked in by bad weather or the radios have a bug.

So CDers that never go out may feel the justification in their pronouncement that getting OUT enfemme is not for them. That it is too risky. That it can't be any fun. Whatever their truly good reason or just excuse. Unless they have never tried, how do they know? Oh sure some are justified. Some know that they can not pass, so go find a group like ours in Grand Rapids and go OUT to an IN meeting. At least try it once. There are student pilots that gave up learning to fly years ago and express their regrets later in life that they did not get their license. I would much rather try something reasonable, determine it is not for me, and have the experience, than always wonder or regret late in life that I didn't try. Those that tried flying their home built aircraft and didn't like it are much better judges of the experience than those who never took theirs out of the hangar.

So find a support group. Let them help you "perfect" your presentation. IF YOU WANT TO TRY IT, go OUT with them. Experience the unknown. Make your OWN decision. Because if we only listen to the guy with the ten year old home built aircraft that never left the hangar, we just MIGHT be missing something we discover we love.

I regularly help girls go out for the first time. This far not a single one has regretted it. Most go on to become regulars at going OUT enfemme. You can't believe the joyous smiles that some how work out of the nervous faces. Do they know something you don't?
IMHO
Billie

[Eryn]

The important thing to remember is that this is not a competition. If you want to go out, you probably will figure out a way to do so. If that doesn't interest you that is perfectly OK!

[RADER]

I wish I could venture be-on the nest, however;
I have a mustache, for over 40 years.
I am a very large person, and hard to look Fem when you look more like a lumberjack.
Every one in my area knower's me; I am the one they call on to fix things around the house.
I belong to 3 Veterans groups; Hold high offices in the groups, again more people know me.
I am afraid of being recognized no matter what I am-wearing.
I am flat out a big Chicken.
I guess there is more excuses on why, but these will do for now.
Rader

[Beverley Sims]

I had girlfriends, good looks and the right environment for my early escapades.

I go out less these days because of my aging looks.

Mostly on holidays and away from home.

Maybe the false sense of security will get me one day... Oh! well. :)

[Lorileah]

:Ze:Doing best imitation of Sinatra....imagine a 40 piece orchestra behind me
I have been "made" I have had fear I have been recognized and didn't have confidence...and I am still here

[Nicole Erin]

Kind of funny how it works.
If you live this full time, yeah it gets boring "going out".
If you hope no one will notice cause they are too busy, why bother looking good?
Yet if people do notice and act rude, it is annoying. Sometimes when someone (usually men) is acting rude or laughing, I tend to assume that even if I were a and they noticed, I would probably be in more danger around these pigs.

And as I said with the full time thing - the novelty wears off.
Isn't much point in doing anything really.

[Karren H]

My first venture out enfemme was when I was 16..... so apparently I either was fearless..... or too stupid to recognize any dangers...

[Monica XO Monroe]

This is a really good topic no matter how many times it has already been hashed out on this site. I am still new to dressing and I always try to make myself as passable as possible. I will take pics look at what I like and make changes to look better next time. My hope is that I will get to the point where I am comfortable with my look and confident enough to go out in public somewhere with my wife. It will probably be at a club somewhere I don't know anyone at all far from my hometown. No one will know who I am regardless of if I can pass or not. It's a girls night out I am looking forward to and that seems exciting to try! If anyone knows a good place to go please do share with me!

[Adriana Moretti]

I was supposed to go out today.....but I was too lazy to do my nails.......so im home in my yoga pants regretting not getting out of bed till 7 pm....

[Lucy_Bella]

All the above......But the biggest reason why I do not go out is because of the way I prefer to dress..Wearing normal everyday feminine clothing does nothing for me,in fact,it's boring as hell and I feel odd and out of place..The normal everyday blending in female clothing is uncomfortable ,sometimes too hot ,blah and how can I express again? Does nothing for me.. Sure I can get out know of many places to go and where to get supports from CDing groups to join ...But I don't ..Why?

[Megan70]

Funny how things work, and you wonder why? Today i went out for 4 hours dressed as an office girl, blouse, skirt, stockings, suit style jacket , ,wig makeup, the whole 'disguise thing. I started at Kmart tried on some pumps, then went to Walgreen's talked to a makeup SA( none the wiser) then the Post office to buy stamps from a Postal clerk, again no problem. So the grand finale was going downtown walking as a business woman 3 blocks, going to cafeteria, ordering a sandwich made,... with dozens of office GG;s in line next to me, sitting at the restaurant enjoying my lunch blending in with the guys and women,then riding the elevator to a top story of the building and using a very elegant ladies lounge to do my business and touch up makeup
Time to go home. Travel down the elevator and in the this same building get 'read' by a woman carrying her lunch walking through the lobby who stops another lady to point me out and laugh whisper and giggle, then they more on. I passed the second lady and in my male voice say" yes its true".Now with three hours of unrecognizable success and confidence I get a bad ending with 30 seconds of nit wits haven't seen the real world or their first transvestite. 'Splain dat'? They got to get out more.:doh:
But for me I thought it was funny and could give a rats arse. I've been going 'out' for 50+ years and a hang nail is worse than today. :tongueout
Get a life I say to them.:D
I will always GO OUT, staying home dressed and playing narcissistic in the mirror is about as fun as watching a fly walk up a drape.:heehee:

[Alice Torn]

I have been out in publice about a dozen times,in 8 years. My huge hands, nonfem voice, and six foot ten in heels, makes me stick out, and get read right away. I am paranoid, and fearful, too. Having to speak up in public is a great fear, and people recognizing me in this small town area, and it getting back to my older brother and sister, and 93 yo dad, would kill me! Someon in this town knows all about me already, from talking my flash storage drive i left at the library. It has thousands of pics, and dozens of videos, and also photos of me in drab. Hoping the person doesn't spread it much. I really want to go out again soon, though, but have overcome the terror.

[Bailey420]

I will always GO OUT, staying home dressed and playing narcissistic in the mirror is about as fun as watching a fly walk up a drape.:heehee:

I agree. I think that's one of the main reasons I'm feeling the need to go out so bad. It seems like an awful lot of work to get all dolled up just to sit around looking at myself in the mirror and snapping selfies, lol

I really don't think it hurts anyone to re-hash these old topics every once in awhile. People's opinions can change, and members that are active now may not have been so much then. We all do what we do for different reasons, and under different circumstances, so the same questions asked at different times over the years will usually yield a different set of answers. And there's definitely some great replies here :)

[sometimes_miss]

That it is too risky. That it can't be any fun. Whatever their truly good reason or just excuse. Unless they have never tried, how do they know?
I know because I'm not an idiot. Same way as I know I don't want to try sky diving, knitting, going to craft fairs, riding bulls, going scuba diving, or even being a slave maid who gets to dress up but then has to spend a lot of time being a servant doing stuff I'd rather not do. Not to mention a whole lot of other things other people enjoy. It's not like trying a new flavor of ice cream. There are lots of apparent downsides to being 'out'. I don't have to try it out, and be stuck with them, to figure out I don't want them. You can't unmelt a snowman.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Bailey, I have a good thing going for me with sharing it with the rest of the world.

[Ashley Lyn]

All of the above to some extent. I do go out, only not that often and I almost never interact with other people. Anyway, in short, it's something I do for myself and I don't really feel the need to involve other people who don't expect it or ask for it.Probably the best answer to 'how I feel'.. I only do it for myself, and try not to involve others!
Besides the fact that I don't like to dress as my age dictates.. I know the 'school-girl' look doesn't fit me, nor the flowing breezy summer sun dresses I love..
I meet the 'look' halfway, so that I enjoy the venture.. To wear jeans and boots to fit in just doesn't make it..

[Allison2006]

I don't go out mainly due to fear of being recognized. There is a bar close by me in Ohio that has a monthly "girl's night out" that I would love to go to. I've talked to girls on another site who've told me not to worry about it. They said one of the girls who does go had recently ridden in an elevator with a guy she had known all her life and he didn't recognize her dressed fem. I can believe that, but it only takes one person who does recognize you and decides to out you to ruin your life.

[Launa]

I do go out when I can because I like it. I figured out that I like to do this and hate being locked in a closet. Sometimes you have to stand up and be counted for.