came out to my wife

[hope springs]

Double post. Sorry


UPDATE:
I think my phone or the forum is messing with my posts. Some arent showing up. So ill try again.

The wife volunteered to take me shopping. It was her idea. To say she is being supportive is an understatement. We have talked more about the psychology of my femme side and she seemed to get all of it. In several ways it was a relief to her (coming out) because it explained some things about our relationship. Someone mentioned communication. We are talking more than i expected about my femme side, and am happy to share what i can about it.

She will meet my femme self very soon. I would really appreciate any advice for this first meeting. For tgose with accepting wives im sure you remember your first introduction. I just want to make it as smooth as possible for her. I was hoping her doing my makeup ( which she volunteered for) will help transiition her to that first meeting. But any advice is welcome

[Melissa in SE Tn]

I am SO happy for you . Please keep us posted as many of us , including myself , are approaching that reveal with our spouses & every fresh experience tid bit is most welcomed . I truly hope that you both will be happy . Peace , mel

[Sandra]

Ok now you've come out to her take it real slow because if you don't and you try and rush things then she may just turn round and say that she can't accept that part of you. If you keep talking and both listen to each other then hopefully things will be ok just don't expect her to be over the moon every day.

One other thing we have a private section here called FAB just for wives/partners, it might help her if she joined and then joined FAB where she can gain support should she need it.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Hi Hope,

I second Sandra's comment about going "SLOW". Then go slower!

I know it'll seem as if you're standing still but to your wife things will seem to be moving at the speed of light.

Communications is key. As long as you both keep talking about it things will progress.

Good Luck!:thumbsup:

[mykell]

hi hope,
and welcome to the group, was the hardest thing iv ever done in my life,
do not bull rush her with this thing, please be patient with her, you had all your time to deal with this, its uncharted territory for her,
answer all her concerns, set your boundaries and expectations for the future of this, she may not want to see or participate, her choices must be respected,

also read up on the threads already written about this they have a wealth of knowledge for you, if she is comfortable talking about this offer her a membership for herself,
there is a section geared to her here, i hope for the best outcome for you both,

as you are still new, when you get your ten posts in and wish for advise please feel free to PM me...

[Beverley Sims]

Hope,
Sounds nice, seems like a good outcome.
I do suggest not pushing the issue too hard and let your wife get her head around what is a new idea to her.

[PaulaQ]

Congrats on coming out, hon. Don't be discouraged or defensive if this is a bit of a rollercoaster ride at times, with some days her being cool with it, and some days her being upset about it. It takes people time to process their feelings, and being in a relationship with a CD brings up all kinds of issues she's probably never deeply thought about. Don't be surprised if there's some YOU need to think about too!

Best of luck!

[Monica XO Monroe]

That is the best thing you could have ever done! Living a secret life away from your spouse can destroy your marriage but sharing with your loved one the side you need to express will only strenghten what you already share! Definately be sensitive to her feelings and give her time and room to process, ask questions and learn to accept. I am proud of you for being truthful and honest and that is what is most important in a relationship always!

[samantha rogers]

I would echo what others have said. Go slowly and don't do too much too quickly. It will take time for her to get used to this and the last thing she needs is to be overwhelmed. Good luck!
BTW, I went through the same thing in January...so far so good.:battingeyelashes:
Hugs

[linda lynn]

Ditto for me too, its something I always think about when I have to un-dress.

[Confucius]

First of all you need to tell your wife that you love her and you greatly appreciate her understanding.
Tell her that you want to be a good man, a good husband, and you are still her man.
Tell her that you do not know where this will go, and you want her to tell you whenever you go outside her tolerances.
Encourage her to set your boundaries and then do your best to live within her boundaries.
Keep the lines of communication open and honest. Encourage her to research the subject.

For myself, my wife would never let me cross-dress in public or before children.
I was not allowed to join clubs or organizations that encouraged cross-dressing. I do not make friends with other cross-dressers.
My cross-dressing was to remain private and limited.
She always approved of my purchases or did the purchasing herself, and always let me know when it was disturbing her.

Always express your love for your wife with words of encouragement, gifts, quality time, acts of service and physical touch.

[hope springs]

Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words. I am trying to take it slow. I completely understand this is an emotional bombshell for my wife. I explained in great detail to her why i feel this way. I also assured her that i am still her man and find her attractive as a woman and my wife. After much discussion along these lines she seemed re- assured. She is definitelt trying. She asked me what outfit of hers i wore and which i liked. She also said she could be down for doing my makeup, she LOVES makeup. I am hopeful for our future and so far encouraged by her questions.
Its an amazing feeling to be out. I havnt dressed very much. But when i did i felt sensual and very in touch with myself.

[hope springs]

update

My wonderful wife asked to take me shopping. It was her idea. Im in shock of her level of acceptance but at the same time so grateful.

We have talked some more and she said she understood it was just part of who i am. Her only caveat was that she may get resentful if i got nicer things (clothing wise) than her. Which i totally undsrstand. She will get to meet my other self soon and am hoping for the best. I will update again after her introduction to my femme side.
What i would like is any advice for that first meeting. For those that are out to accepting wives im sure you remember that moment. Any tips would be truly appreciated

[kimdl93]

It's early yet and her response was encouraging. As others will counsel, please take it easy. Don't take silence as consent and don't overwhelm her. Remember this is even newer to her than it is to you and the innate fears she has may not express themselves right away. So first, second and third, do all you can to reassure her of your commitment to her.

[Michelle V]

Hi Hope

First of all congratulations, secondly I will emphasize what's been said before, "Take it slow". Don't rush it too much, after all you have been waiting all your life and ten years of married life to come out, don't push it and enjoy the ride. It will be amazing if you keep being honest and adhere to your wife's rules, if you don't have any rules yet you may see them soon. Me and y wife have boundaries and often it helps me stay grounded.

Best of luck to you Hope

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Hope, It sounds like you have a wonderful wife, Just remember that the ball is in her court don't overwhelm her.

[Athena_]

Great news Hope!

As others wiser than myself have suggested, take it slow and try your best to read the signs from your wife. I am certain that she is going through a big change as well. You need to continue to cultivate this new part of your relationship, with communication as the key factor. I earnestly hope for the best for you and your wife!

[hope springs]

Thanks guys.
I am trying to stay grounded. She is the one volunteering. For instance, she was surfing on her phone and i asked her sge was looking at. She said breast forms. I think your a D cup. Later she was surfing for shoes for me. I ... I.... ummm.. well.... what can i say, she is great. She and i have agreed boundaries are needed and that she has ultimate veto power over the femme expression of myself ( in terms of time nd what not).
As a further example of her suport she was looking up bars that cater to CD and transgender. I guess she wants to go out sometime? I didnt ask or even hint i wanted that. But if she is willing, so am i

[Paula_Femme]

...she was surfing on her phone and i asked her sge was looking at. She said breast forms. I think your a D cup. Later she was surfing for shoes for me. I ... I.... ummm.. well.... what can i say, she is great.

Hi Hope

This sounds fantastic, your wife seems to be VERY enthusiastic, and viewing this as a great adventure for the BOTH of you, congratulations!!! :)

But as others have said repeatedly, "communication" is the key here, and just as you're both in this together, so the communication has to be two way.

Keep the communication open and honest, let her know there are no subjects that are off limits, and be prepared to answer her questions as fully and as candidly as possible, even it that means saying, "I don't know..."

Congratulations to you both! :)
Paula

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Golly, you are one blessed girl to have such a wife!!! You're on your way girl to en femme heaven . Use good judgment & don't fall from grace. We still want updates . Peace, Mel

[reb.femme]

Hi Hope,

You've overcome the biggest obstacle in telling your wife and it is magic that she is supporting you. However, as Sandra stated, ".........just don't expect her to be over the moon every day."

My wife's attitude moves between supportive and disinterested, which I hasten to add is not a criticism, merely an observation. Basically, she married a man and well, what more can I say? Only that she is great anyway. Take it slow, expect a complete 180 degree turn in her attitude here and there and if that situation never materializes, then you are in a very select group where the SO is totally accepting. Wishing you many happy years together.

Rebecca

[stacey.eyes]

Hope, when my wife first encountered Stacey, I asked several times to make sure she was prepared and willing to meet. She had already seen everything in my closet, and I had tried some things on to show her, which all went fine. What I found really made a difference was adding makeup, and even more so, a wig. She looked for a few minutes, and then said, "You look cute." It felt very good to me. But later she made the observation that I had seemed much more feminine than she expected, going beyond just looks to voice and mannerisms. I think those were harder for her to see. So yes, I would reiterate the need to do this incrementally.

[hope springs]

I ageee there is no way to predict how my SO will react to my femme self. Her support now doesnt necessarily translate into unthusiasm later. As you said stacy, i expect her attitude to change over time. We all do. Hell, i just made one whopper of a change. My wife is the love of my life so i will accomodate her every way i can.
Your advice and support ladies has meant a great deal to me. This is a very private and intimate aspect of myself and to hear from others means alot. Im scared. Im excited. Im confused. Im hopeful. Im a bundle of nerves. But one of the hardest parts is over, telling my love.

Ive got so many questions. Thank goodness this and other forums exist to help our journey. Escpecially for someone like me who has been "out" for three whole days

[KittyD]

Sounds like your wife is pleased you felt you could talk to her about it, which in turn would make her feel apart of the other you. Takes great strength to open up to loved ones...
Letting her take part in transforming you is a great idea, builds a stronger bond between the both of you and she will feel more apart of you :)

[Marcelle]

Hi Hope,

As others have said it is now about communication and not just about CDing but everything as CDing will impact your life. While it is wise to take it slow as some have suggested you know your wife better than we do. I would get her take on it and how much she wants to see and then go from there. While some SOs may be reticent to see anything others (my wife for example) are fine with the whole product . . . best to get an understanding from her rather than use our experiences to paint your journey. Boundaries are a two-way communication IMHO and you do need to lay what you are both willing to live with and live without . . . it is not a one way street. If you are going to deny yourself something that is going to effect your positive emotional state (i.e., make you miserable) then your relationship will still suffer . . . be honest in what you hope to achieve then reach an accord with your wife.

Hugs

Isha

[DonnaT]

update

My wonderful wife asked to take me shopping. It was her idea. Im in shock of her level of acceptance but at the same time so grateful.

We have talked some more and she said she understood it was just part of who i am. Her only caveat was that she may get resentful if i got nicer things (clothing wise) than her. Which i totally undsrstand. She will get to meet my other self soon and am hoping for the best. I will update again after her introduction to my femme side.
What i would like is any advice for that first meeting. For those that are out to accepting wives im sure you remember that moment. Any tips would be truly appreciated

Go shopping at a thrift store. That way she'll think of the clothes as being cheaper than hers.

Also, when you first appear enfemme in front of her, say, "Go ahead an laugh."

[BillieAnneJean]

Be very sensitive to her feelings about how much time and how many times per month you do this. I would be very careful to avoid her thinking or worrying or wondering that you enjoy CDing time more than guy/girl time. I have made every effort to not decrease our guy/girl time with my SO. We do a lot together as guy/girl and I find that it has become even more delightful because she (finally) realizes that she is still number one in every way and (hopefully) finally realizes how magnificent she is. We certainly spent enough time working on these over the last decades and very intensely the last year or so. I find that the time in guy makes the time enfemme all that much more sublime. Oddly the CDing makes the guy/girl time more sublime too. Can't explain that unless it is just because she is realizing how fantastic she is and carrying herself as such.

[hope springs]

Donna, that is a wonderful idea and probably a tension breaker.

BillieAnnJean - i am trying to be ever vigilant about guy/ girl time. Im so new i am still working out what part of my femme self and male self overlap and in which ways. What i have noticed so far:

1. Im paying much closer attention to my wifes mindset and feelings
2. More general interest in being a particpant in her life. I know that sounds weird. But i have been really emotionally repressed for a long time. Being en femme has opened the floodgates and new emotions are surfacing
3. Im being far more considerate of everyone around me. As a guy i was somewhat ego centric. Im finding that attitude fading fast.

In a couple of hours from now we are going shopping. The usual stuff: bra, panties and shoes and hopefully a nice nighty. I never gave two craps about shoes as a guy. Now its the thing im most excited about.

We talk every day about my femme self. I carefully read her body language to test her level of comfort. Some things she is happy to discuss. Others not for now. Those things that i see make her uncomfortable i immediately back off from. I did find something about my femme self i did not expect or even imagine. My femme side is multi-orgasmic. Which of course is awesome.

Love you gurls... your thoughts are invaluable and appreciated

[DollMaria]

Sounds like a wonderful wife. Wish I was in the same situation myself!!

[ReineD]

If she's looking at breast forms and shoes for you, and she has offered to do your makeup, then I think it's pretty safe to just do the best you can with your presentation and show her. Then you'll both know what there is to work with and you can start from there. If you feel uncomfortable doing this, then you might describe what you plan to wear including makeup and wig if any, and ask if your wife will think it is too much for the first meeting.

I understand your wife's objection to getting all the nice clothes for you and none for her. I went through this. Prior to my relationship with my SO, I was the sole recipient of clothing and jewelry gifts and when I wasn't, it was because my ex bought them for another woman. So initially when I kept seeing all the packages arrive for my SO, it kinda felt the same even though I understood rationally that the things were for my SO. If this makes sense. It took awhile to readjust my assumptions of certain gender role aspects in a relationship.

[hope springs]

BIG UPDATE

The wife and I went shopping. We went to payless where i got a great strappy high heel and a sensable pump. There were people of all ages and nationalities walking past me. I was very conscience of their presence but decided to block them out and focus on those fabulous shoes. Then it was off to Fredrick's of Hollywood. My heart was beating outside my chest. In that store i was so focused on the clothing I dont even know if there was any other customers. My wife helped me try on a waist cincher. This was her first time seeing me. She didnt flinch, offered helpful advice and allowed my preferences to shine through. She was wonderful.
Then it was my turn to treat her. I took her to Saphora. The mecca of makeup. She was like a kid in a candy store. I stood back and just enjoyed my wife being girly. I gave her advice and she taught me alot about skin tones, foundation, blending etc. I could care less who was listening. This was a very private moment for me and my wife. Just sharing
my first shopping ever and I am definitely pleased. I feel her and I have made a postive step forward. Oh, and IM DYING to try my new clothes on. But alas all good things must wait

Love you girls!

[TxCassie]

:daydreaming: That's wonderful Hope!

Why should it bother anyone, a husband with his wife spending time with each other. So, you are close enough and interested in her enough to talk makeup, and beauty tips. Who's business is it what goes on between a husband and wife. Least we constantly say as a society that we need to connect more with our spouses, then when we cross traditional lines, we stress over the violation! Bullywhack!

Congrats! Indeed! She sounds wonderful and so do you!

Cassie :daydreaming:

[Wildaboutheels]

I would slow down if I was you, especially considering your "other" question. You are on very thin ice.

[hope springs]

Wildaboutheels - that is sage advice. This is all happening very fast. I truly feel free but too much, too fast could be as bad as never discovering this aspect of myself. Baby steps, communication and patience. My femme self lept right out of me, perhaps keeping her on a shorter leash would be wise.

Could you be more specific about the nature of this thin ice im skating on? All insight is useful.

Txcassie - good to see a fellow texan on the board. Thanks for your kind words

UPDATE

I took the wife shopping for mothers day. We hit four stores and she got some great new dresses. I tried one one and she lamented i looked better than her in it. She then spotted a purse that made her literally drool, so of course we picked that up as well.
Later we talked for a bit while i had a nice nighty on. It was our first conversation with any type of femme clothing on. If she was uncomfortable she didnt let on at all.
We continue to have almost daily conversations surrounding CD issues. Her main concern is losing " her man". Ive really stepped up in other parts of our relationship to assure her this can be a net positive for both of us.

[Mimi]

It sounds like you are on a positive path! Stepping up in other parts of the relationship is really key--make her feel like you are totally worth the additional complications from CDing. Making sure that she got something she really wanted on the shopping outing--that was definitely the way to go.

[Teresa]

Hi Hope,
I don't want to spoil you progress but I'm thinking like Wildaboutheels that it's happening very fast, from my situation would probably expect my wife to hit the buffers ! I guess your situation is something that may never happen for some of us, I posted a thread a while ago called, "calling your bluff ". I posed the question that after getting fully dressed your wife asks, "so what do you do now? " It's a very hard question to give a rational answer to. I hope you keep carefully moving forward and don't regress to a situation like that.
Sorry I sound cynical but I do wish you a happy future with your Cding .

[Barbie Anne]

The most important thing as I see it is that your main concern here seems to be that you want it to go easy for her.
Very commendable that you're concerned with her well-being more than your own. She'll notice this, believe me.
Have fun and enjoy the ride dear girl, you're going to love it. I know some of the happiest times my wife and I share now is doing girly stuff together, whether it be shopping or nails or bubble baths or w/e.........live love and be happy........Barbie