Feeling disappointed and a little guilty.

[Christy Diane]

I haven't had a chance to dress since early January and had been planning on getting to this weekend. My wife and kids had planned on going out of town. She knows and accepts this side of me, but I don't fully dress in front of her and I keep everything from the kids. Yesterday she had to cancel the trip due to my sons science project deadline being moved up a week. So instead of playing with makeup and changing outfits I'll be gluing and cutting for poster boards.
I'm feeling a disappointed and these always makes me feel guilty. I always want to put my family first and that's the main emotional aspect that I still wrestle with. In order to crossdress I have to give up time with my family. I know it's not rational and that this is the only time that I'm not with my wife and kids(my wife reminds me of this when I express these feelings to her).

[Ashley Lyn]

Go thru it a lot when schedules change, or something 'comes up'.. I'm an 'over-planner', and hate changes.. especially when it concerns my chance to 'dress'..
SO is supporting, but I feel guilty when I think about expressing my feelings when something changes..
She always says "we'll make up for it some other time".. never seems to be enough time for it, tho'..

[Leslie Langford]

Don't beat yourself up too much over this, Christy. Most of us here who are either in the closet or have a DADT relationship with our spouses or SO's and face the same dilemmas and feelings of guilt and shame.

Unfortunately, this is part of the baggage that goes along with being a crossdresser, and engaging in an activity that society still looks upon as being somehow deviant, "weird", and generally unacceptable. Somehow, it is generally perfectly O.K. in most peoples' eyes to participate in, say, a Civil War re-enactment organization, dress like a biker and tour the countryside with one's buddies on a Harley on weekends, or else be a Shriner and dress like a Middle Eastern potentate of old while participating in their activities, but donning women's clothing from time to time because of the exhilaration it provides us with...not so much.

We all need a safety valve to release our stress. For some, it is golf or tennis, for others, it is running or some other, more acceptable hobby such as woodworking or fishing. In more extreme cases, it manifests itself in drinking or other types of substance abuse. In our case, our particular poison is crossdressing. Same principle; different types of execution.

The important thing here is that you still put family first and that your crossdressing - while an important part of you that will not be denied - does not define you. You are still a devoted father and husband when all is said and done, and that is what counts. Just ask yourself how many "normal" males have failed so miserably at the same task, and what their excuse is?

If anything, being able to have the occasional "me" time is actually healthy and beneficial, and makes all of us - including "regular" folks - happier, more grounded, and less resentful of the challenges that life has presented us with. This sense of well-being is not only therapeutic, it also manifests itself in the positive manner in which we then interact with others, and they, in turn, benefit from that as well.

Yes, maybe sometimes our wives and SO's (and families) are the proverbial "golf", "hunting", or "fishing" widows because of the way we address our particular needs, except in our cases, those terms are replaced by the word "crossdressing". Different strokes for different folks, but still the same underlying concept, and in the greater scheme of things - not only healthy, but also nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about...

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Christy, it's understandable to be disappointed when our cd window of opportunity suddenly closes on us. Been there tooooo often. You should not feel guilty as January was a long time off from last enjoying being en femme. You must be a good husband & father... remember that. Peace, Mel

[Julie Denier]

Family first, always. Be well ;)

[sabrinaedwards]

Leslie, you responded perfectly and I agree completely.

[Sharon B.]

Although I am not married or have kids I can understand what you are feeling. I have been wanting to dress as a woman but every time I have planned it something has come up or needs to be done. The close I will get will be this evening when I go to the bank and I will be underdressed as a woman with some makeup and perfume on. At least I will be going to the ATM. Hopefully Monday I will be able to indulge in it.

[Christy Diane]

Thank you ladies. It's so nice to have this forum. Before finding this place I felt so alone sometimes.
My wife is wonderful and our relationship is beyond DADT. She knows I dress and gives me time. She just doesn't understand what this is all about. I can talk to her If I need to, but I know it makes her uncomfortable. Sometimes it's just nice to talk to people who understand. Once again thank you ladies. I'm feeling much better.

[Princess Grandpa]

It's ok to feel disappointed. You are doing what needs to be done at the expense of your own desires. That is something to be proud of. Don't beat yourself up because you wish everything went as planned. I hope you find some time foe Christy soon.

Hug
Rita

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Christi, The Crossdressers Hand Book ha a whole chapter on that, It basically says ((Family First)).

[Christy Diane]

I totally agree Blue. My family always comes first. My wife and kids a the most important things in my life. I truly could not imagine my life with out them.

[MeganDay]

Christy, it's understandable to be disappointed when our cd window of opportunity suddenly closes on us. Been there tooooo often. You should not feel guilty as January was a long time off from last enjoying being en femme. You must be a good husband & father... remember that. Peace, Mel

I agree with Melissa here. In our lives, we have many roles. For people like us, the additional role of "girl" is there, too. Yes, for many of us it's a need that drives us, and there will always be things that come up that prevent us from fulfilling that drive. Disappointment is normal. It's ok to be sad when we miss out on something we had been anticipating.

But think of this. Assume for a moment that you're a golfer (I have no idea if you are, but work with me :D) You're planning on playing in a big tournament this weekend, but the exact same thing happens. Your son's science fair is moved up. You have to miss out on the tournament. You feel disappointed. Would you feel guilty over your disappointment in that case? I'm going to guess no.

If the only reason you feel guilty is because of WHAT you were going to do that you're missing out on, then the guilt is, in my opinion, misplaced.

[Beverley Sims]

Christy,
Don't feel guilty, you are putting your family first, this way you can enjoy your moments even more.

[SherriePall]

This happens a lot to us "part-timers." Something either disrupts our plans or interfers somehow. Years ago when one of my sons was younger and in school, I had just finished my makeup and had just put on my hair when his school called that he was sick and had to be picked up.
Back to drab for the trip, with no chance to return to femme once we got home.
We all do what has to be done.
Maybe, that is one reason we really savor and cherish each moment we get en femme.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Don't beat yourself up too much over this, Christy. Most of us here who are either in the closet or have a DADT relationship with our spouses or SO's and face the same dilemmas and feelings of guilt and shame.

Good insights Leslie.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Don't beat yourself up too much over this, Christy. Most of us here who are either in the closet or have a DADT relationship with our spouses or SO's and face the same dilemmas and feelings of guilt and shame.

Good insights Leslie.

[Alice Torn]

A lot of good post here!