What Have You Gained

[Jules Spirit]

This question is for both cders and GGs- what have you gained by being a cder or what have you gained by being with a cder?

I have gained so much!
- closer to my spouse
- better understanding of my style
- better understanding of my relationship with my body
- more make up knowledge than ever
- take care of my nails and face regularly now
- more outings and fun time
- sex is more varied
- more acceptance of who I am

I guess I could go on but I'll stop there. I hope you can share what you have gained as well!

Hugs!!!

[Di]

Another GG chiming in.

Jules, I agree with all of yours and want to add...... an intimate and close relationship.

[Nadine Spirit]

There is lots that I have gained but what comes to mind the most really has to do with going out and about. I have gained an appreciation for humanity. I used to be very cynical about people, I really expected the worst out of most people I encountered. But now I see people in an entirely different light and I realize how great people actually are.

[Lynn Marie]

I was a homophobe and afraid of getting close to men. CDing cured that silly problem and opened the door for me to have lots of CD girlfriends! What a fantastic treat men can be when we stop trying to prove how macho we are and simply enjoy each others company. By no longer competing with every guy on the planet, I've proven myself confident, attractive, and great fun without even trying. Who knew it could be so easy!

[kimdl93]

I'd have to echo much of what Lynn says, and add that I've grown more confident in myself, now that I've face and overcome my inner demons. I used to be terrified of being discovered, certain that rejection would follow discovery and deathly afraid of admitting even to myself that I might be 'one of them'. Ok, I am one of them and I like this whole person a good deal more than the incomplete version I was before.

[Brenda Freeman]

I have found a whole new me that with experience has begun to blend wonderfully with my old self, with added more confidence, less fear, and more pride in taking care of myself. Thankfully my wife has accepted this other part of me so though we were close before,I can open up and we relate even better to one another. The classic walk in another persons shoes(heels).

[Princess Grandpa]

Oh my I don't know where to begin. I experience life on a whole new level. My wife and I are closer than we've ever been. I have a new understanding about myself. I see the whole world differently. I enjoy shopping whereas before it was a chore best done quickly and efficiently. I have learned the joy of accepting myself for who I am. An already active sex life has grown immensely. I gained a new appreciation for my wife. She has shown herself again and again to be a most amazing woman! I could probably do chapters on this so I will end it with I have gained a whole new outlook on life and people

Hug
Rita

[Beverley Sims]

I have had an enjoyable time being Beverley but I have not gained much lately.

My affinity with women has always been good as other males have always asked me to liase with them business wise as they always seem incapable of talking discreetly and personally with women clients.

[KaceyR]

Pretty much agree with what you stated already Jules...
Definitely a deeper understanding of the technicalities of being a woman..
Minus the relationship and sex stuff though I guess (haven't been in a relationship for 30+ years now :( )
Along with just feeling even more sympathetic to what women have to go thru, it's been an interesting turn in life.
Certainly wouldn't have thought id be doing all this the same time last year...

[Adriana Moretti]

What have I gained?? well I LOST 40 Pounds..so.....I diddnt GAIN anything LOL....
seriously...cding got me healthy again, eating right, and exercising ..it got me to pay attention to my hygene instead of being a dirty boy and take care of myself, it boosts my creativity levels along with my confidence . I also gained a large collection of wigs but thats another story....

[Cheryl T]

Jules, please excuse me for using your list.
To that I just want to add Freedom from the guilt and shame I carried for so many years now that I am out and accepted by my spouse.

[CynthiaD]

Let's see ... About 30 dresses, 20 or 30 pairs of shoes, more skirts and tops than I care to count... Oh wait, you were speaking figuratively weren't you? Mostly self confidence. You can't like yourself if you don't know yourself. I've also become more open and loving. Being in pain all the time tends to make you self centered. It's hard to be loving when the only person you think about is yourself. Accepting myself as transgendered is the best thing that ever happened to me. (Well, one of the best.)

[ReineD]

I'm totally supportive of my SO but I don't believe that in the end, I've gained or lost anything. I see it as just another facet of my SO, without which I would still love and feel close to him … just as I would if his profession were different. In my view it is not what we do or how we present that defines us, it is our ideas, our views, our values, our characters.

I've always been open-minded so this never changed.

To use your list as a guide, in terms of personal style I went through several stages. In the beginning I dressed down when we went out. And in Phase II, I dressed up. But I've been back to normal for several years now. :) We are different sizes so we don't share clothing or shoes. We did each other's nails once in the very beginning when everything was new, but my SO grooms herself and I groom myself, in the same way that female friends each do their own grooming (hair, nails, makeup, etc) when they go out. In terms of intimacy, my SO and I have always shared all aspects of each other's lives, so the CDing didn't add to or take away from anything. As to outings, we do the same things in guy mode as we do dressed, except the former we do in our town, and the latter in the next town over.

We did have ups and downs in the first few years over the CDing. My SO and I were each going through adjustment phases and sometimes we didn't understand each other, which made things difficult. But, this was just a phase and now everything is stable, so even this didn't end up taking away or adding to our relationship.

Maybe it didn't change much in our relationship because I knew from the very beginning. It's just all so normal! :)

[Ressie]

In a way I've always been a CD. I would say that my experiences earlier in life were very limited, but wearing any female garments at all still makes one a CDer IMO. I dabbled in eye makeup nearly 40 years ago and found it exciting. Never tried it again until a few years ago. So….

Wardrobe has increased.
Makeup, Jewelry and wigs!
No spouse, so more freedom.
Becoming more open slowly.
Meeting other CDs during the last couple of years has been enlightening.
Waistline has increased :(

[NatalieBliss]

I am much happier in general and getting a lot closer with family and friends. Even if they don't know about my dressing the slowly growing list of people that do know really bolsters my confidence in just being me regardless of which part of me is showing.

[JennyLynn]

My gain has been mostly a reaffirmation that I'm not weird...I was born this way and it's a comfort to know there are others out there that feel both male and female. Growing up in a small town, you don't get exposed to alot of diversity of sexual identity. I've grown in my wardrobe, my willingness to not be ashamed, but never in my willingness to "come out". It would be disastrous for me. I value the very few friends I've made here, which is prompting me to start my next thread.

Jenny

[Nadia Pinky]

I've gained how deal with girly emotion with feminine of my body realized what my body love to dress and feel and the important thing I got nice friends here in this forum which like wat I love and sharing with them our moments life

[Farrah]

I've gained a lot!! I have found a new best friend--I mean a live in best friend. Our relationship is more open and honest. We were a able to dialogue before, but now, better than ever. We have become more aware of our superficial looks, but we're also more aware of our looks emotionally. I could go on, but I think you get the picture!!;)

[Jocelyn Quivers]

1. My wife, realizing I'm a CD/(non-practicing trans, etc) caused my male side to finally mellow out, and not be so up-tight, and rigid. Making me overall a more relaxed enjoyable person to be around, helping me in gaining my wife's attraction, love, and marriage. Also increasing the amount of bonding, activities, etc. we have be it her stealing most of my wardrobe, make up, and far more enjoyable dinner and movies nights.

2. A close second my health. I was on a clear path to probably having a heart attack, stroke, and everything in between before my self acceptance. My humongous, obsessive, image obsessed ego which demands I try to look my best mandates eating as well as possible, and being physically active. Definitely added a couple of years to my life by coming out of the internal closet.

[typhoidmary]

the main thing I've gained throughout the years of doing this is self-confidence, something I had very little of throughout my teens. It feels good to be able to go out knowing I look good whatever some people say. I get insults shouted at me by strangers (usually men) sometimes, and in the past that would have left me feeling upset and dwelling on it all day, whereas nowadays it doesn't bother me because I know they're only expressing their own insecurities instead of dealing with them. I've still a long way to go but it's really helped me in that way.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jules, What I've gained, Is enough clothes, shoes and accessories to support about a half a dozen wives.

[Jules Spirit]

I am so happy to see so many people responding to what they have gained. I would love to hear from more GGs about they have gained. It seems to me that a lot of people on the forum share their struggles so I happy to see some joy being spread around. :)

[Maria Blackwood]

Sleeping in lingerie broke a multiyear sleep disorder. True story. Now I only have sleep issues if I eat too late or drink caffeine after 1 pm.