I Am Paula
05-04-2014, 07:03 AM
Yes, today is my birthday, but this is not about turning 56, or about Star Wars.
One year ago today, I had a messy breakdown that caused my dear sister to intervene. It finally came out, all the gender issues, and what a disaster my life had become. I had finally reached the end of a very long rope.
In an attempt to quiet the demons that were taking over, about 16 months before this I had starting living as a woman as much as possible. I still presented male from time to time for family events. This was a disaster. With my body saying female, and my testosterone fueled mind saying something else, I came unglued.
My sister made me realize that the pipe dream of changing sex was going to have to become reality, for my sanity's sake. She pushed me to see a Doctor. As luck would have it, my GP had no idea the the Endo he referred me to was the GO TO guy in the transgender community. He quickly got me on the right track, tho' I didn't start hormones til' July.
Now, one year to the day later, I realize-
My sister saved my life.
Gender issues are way too important to try to shelve, and denial is a VERY BAD thing.
Once you have the bull by the horns, transition is not as out of reach as I thought.
Even if you think your life is half over, it is never too late to enjoy living authentically.
This has been the best year of my life. Once transition was under way, no time to sit around and wait for things to happen. While I could have been passively waiting for my boobs to grow (they did) I have spent my time organizing the rest of my life. Name change, ID and gender change, hair removal, coming out, more coming out, booking surgery, some facial work, finally fixing my teeth, a million things I needed to do to merge with the real world traffic.
Am I done? No. But I am fully integrated into the real world, and never spent a moment looking back. WTF moments? A few, but pretty well passed now.
Time to just enjoy the rest of my time on earth. Life is good.
One year ago today, I had a messy breakdown that caused my dear sister to intervene. It finally came out, all the gender issues, and what a disaster my life had become. I had finally reached the end of a very long rope.
In an attempt to quiet the demons that were taking over, about 16 months before this I had starting living as a woman as much as possible. I still presented male from time to time for family events. This was a disaster. With my body saying female, and my testosterone fueled mind saying something else, I came unglued.
My sister made me realize that the pipe dream of changing sex was going to have to become reality, for my sanity's sake. She pushed me to see a Doctor. As luck would have it, my GP had no idea the the Endo he referred me to was the GO TO guy in the transgender community. He quickly got me on the right track, tho' I didn't start hormones til' July.
Now, one year to the day later, I realize-
My sister saved my life.
Gender issues are way too important to try to shelve, and denial is a VERY BAD thing.
Once you have the bull by the horns, transition is not as out of reach as I thought.
Even if you think your life is half over, it is never too late to enjoy living authentically.
This has been the best year of my life. Once transition was under way, no time to sit around and wait for things to happen. While I could have been passively waiting for my boobs to grow (they did) I have spent my time organizing the rest of my life. Name change, ID and gender change, hair removal, coming out, more coming out, booking surgery, some facial work, finally fixing my teeth, a million things I needed to do to merge with the real world traffic.
Am I done? No. But I am fully integrated into the real world, and never spent a moment looking back. WTF moments? A few, but pretty well passed now.
Time to just enjoy the rest of my time on earth. Life is good.