Please pray for us!

[Suzanne F]

I just wanted my friends to know that I have left my home. I am posting from a hotel tonight. I decided to leave when my wife said she just couldn't take it anymore concerning my gender issues. She has tried to accommodate my needs but it has finally overwhelmed her. I will be looking for a temporary place tomorrow. I feel so alone and things seem hopeless. However I will get up tomorrow and get to it.
Suzanne

[Robyn-aus]

Hope everything works out ok for you Our thoughts are with you Robyn

[Katey888]

Dear Suzanne,

My thoughts are with you and your family - this has to be a horrible thing to go through as you've both tried so hard... :hugs:

I hope there is someone closer that can be there for you as it so helps to have practical support... I wish I could do more but it's all virtual support here, but I hope that helps to some degree, to know that we are thinking and praying for you...

Practical application to a problem sometimes helps - grit your teeth and as you say, "Get to it!" :)

Please come back and let us know how you're getting on...

Katey x

[rian]

Dear Suzanne ...I was really sad to hear this news ,,,,,We CDs who have a supportive wife love them to be part of our lives .....Try to be supportive to her ,,,if this is overwhelmed her then try to find solutions with her.... you have to reach and find a common ground ,,, If you love her ,,,then find a solution ....Do not let bad incident ruin your life with her ........

[Kate Simmons]

As your friends we are always here for you Suzanne. :)

[Amanda M]

Sorry to hear what has gappened Suzane - but your right. Life has to go on, so stay strong.

[mikiSJ]

For those who have not met Suzanne personally, she is a caring spouse, a nurturing father, and a good friend to many of us in the greater Bay Area. Leaving her home will be a very hard emotional event to overcome and she'll need as many friends and support as we can give her.

Suzanne, I'll call you later this morning, but if you are near the City at lunchtime, I will be with Aejaie and Cynthia and maybe we can hook up for lunch. We are here for you!!

[Erica Marie]

Personal issues can be hard to deal with and hard to solve. But stay strong and hopefully in time things will work out for the best.

[stephNE]

Best of luck Suzanne, I'll say a prayer for you. S.

[kimdl93]

Your are in our thoughts.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Suzanne, It is always so sad to read a story like this I hope that things work out for you.
As always when you are here you are at home with thousands of friends.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Suzanne, I was chatting with some other girls last night & for some reason , you were weighing on my mind as someone in need of a friendly hello . After reading your thread, maybe a hello & long distance hug was needed. Maybe this cd is developing a woman's intuition ?

What you described was most saddening , but I was not shocked. You have gender issues that cannot be suppressed. You also have many friends & mental health experts that have been there for you. You have a decision to make & from my vantage point, the decision has been made; it just needs validation. Not being clechish, you have to be happy & love yourself in order to love & make others happy. Find your happiness Suzanne knowing that there will be unintentional consequences for those who we love. I truly wish your heart some peace. Be strong-- mel

[MsVal]

The unspoken message in a four am post about leaving home is much darker than its words.

To leave home with the intent of staying away is a very difficult, very heartbreaking decision. They are often preceded by long hours of unkind words and failed attempts to resolve deep differences. In the end, no one wins, no one is proud, no one is happy. Everyone has to start over, everyone has doubts, everyone wishes it did not happen.

You doubtless will receive a great outpouring of emotional support from your friends. It will be comforting, but inadequate to meet the challenges that lie ahead. I wish you the fortitude to be clear headed and of good spirits when confronting those challenges.

If needed / when needed, your sisters here can provide a sounding board or soft shoulder to ease the pain.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Lynn Marie]

As time passes Suzanne you'll find that your life will be so much simpler and easy. Being alone is not a curse, it holds the joy of freedom. Just be sure to take a year or two off before jumping back into the fire. Learn to appreciate being free.

[Rhonda Darling]

Suzanne. We pray for you and your wife. This may be a big bump in the road, or it may be a cliff. You deserve happiness, and your femme side won't go away. Your wife may well decide that being with you is more important than resisting/shunning your femme side. Or she may be unwilling to change her desire for the man she loves and wants, without Suzanne being part of the relationship. I suspect the latter is no possible, so if her position has hardened to that, then you are on the only course available to you.

Whatever happens as you go forward, this group stands strong to offer up support, encouragement, and advice.

Take slow, gentle steps, and don't burn bridges.

Kind regards,
Rhonda

[JessicaJJ]

Oh my god how awful :( I really hope everything works out ok for you

[Sharon B.]

I hope everything works out for you.

[SabrinaEmily]

I seem to remember hearing that leaving in that way is actually a big mistake and is likely to get you screwed over worse in a divorce, which sounds inevitable. Any lawyers who actually know this stuff, feel free to correct me or elaborate if I'm remembering right.

[SherriePall]

We'll be praying for you and your wife. Many of us know what a rough road it can be when married, especially to a woman who struggles with our "issues."
Don't shut her out of your life immediately. Life can take some funny turns.
Take care.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[bridget thronton]

My thoughts and prayers are with you both

[samantha rogers]

Oh, honey, that just sucks so badly. My heart breaks thinking of what you are going through. Much love and support to you, girl. Stay strong, sweetheart.
Hugs

[larry]

I wish you well.

[mikiSJ]

I seem to remember hearing that leaving in that way is actually a big mistake and is likely to get you screwed over worse in a divorce, which sounds inevitable. Any lawyers who actually know this stuff, feel free to correct me or elaborate if I'm remembering right.

I don't believe that Suzanne has splitting up the assets in mind at this point. She has a marriage and a son who are on her mind.

And, no, you are not thinking rightly.

[Julie Denier]

Be strong and be well ...

[Annaliese]

You are in my prayer Suzanne, you will get through this you will be a stronger woman each day you get up out of bed. You have friend here who care and love you.

[Beverley Sims]

Suzanne,
I know they are powerful feelings on both sides, my thoughts are with you but I always hope for some reconciliation, also don't let the loneliness overwhelm you.

[Tina_gm]

Your recent posts have shown you have you have progressed at an extremely rapid rate within the past couple of weeks or so. Of course that much of a change will overwhelm your wife. You made your gender issues more important that her. I am sorry for the crossroads you are at with your life. It will be a rough time for you and your family. While you owe it to yourself to be yourself, I hope that for you and your family there can be acts of kindness to and from all of you. Your gender issues are now the 1st priority in your life, not your wife. Maybe they need to be for you, but that is not what a good marriage make. I know that this is not among the most supportive of posts here, I do wish you peace. I do hope that you can at least take some time away from gender related issues to bring kindness to your wife who attempted to be supportive of you.

[Tracii G]

Do the best you can to resolve things with your wife if you can.
I will be thinking of you and I hope things work out for the best.

[Nadine Spirit]

Best of luck to you and your family.

[Debra Russell]

Time to regroup and think of a new stratagy - your wife, kids - too important, slow down / think - you don;t want to lose out on all of that and believe me the femm stuff that we all enjoy will never go away and will be there when the time is right..:hugs: ........................Debra

[SabrinaEmily]

I don't believe that Suzanne has splitting up the assets in mind at this point. She has a marriage and a son who are on her mind.

She should. It's on her wife's mind, almost certainly. There are plenty of women who use the divorce court to take men for every penny they can get -- plenty of women you never would have expected to do it. It's financial war, and most husbands don't see it coming. They should prepare themselves.


And, no, you are not thinking rightly.

Do you mean that you are a divorce lawyer, or at least someone with good knowledge of the law and practice of divorce, and that you can state confidently that I am mistaken, and that moving out will not hurt one's chances of getting a good result in divorce court?

If so, that is surprising to me, since this forum for husbands going through divorce warns its members to avoid leaving the marital residence above all else: http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

But if they are wrong, I would appreciate an explanation why.

Or do you perhaps mean that one should not think of such things, that it's not nice to be aware of truths which could cost one an enormous amount of money and property, and priceless time with one's children?

That, I could not disagree with more. Again, divorce is war, and war is hell. There, niceness is not only useless, it is contemptible.

In any case, the OP should not move out until satisfied that this is not damaging her position.

[PaulaQ]

Oh hon, I am so sorry that it's come to that for the two of you. I know what it's like and I know it's hard.

Paula

[Bria]

Suzanne, I'm so sorry to hear that you and your wife are seperated, at least for the moment. I hope that you are able to get back together and resolve the issues. In any event I will keep you both in my prayers.

Please keep us informed.

Hugs Bria

[mikiSJ]

Do you mean that you are a divorce lawyer, or at least someone with good knowledge of the law and practice of divorce, and that you can state confidently that I am mistaken, and that moving out will not hurt one's chances of getting a good result in divorce court?

I am not a lawyer and the last DISSOLUTION (not divorce) I was involved in was 40 years ago. And yes, I can say unequivocally that moving out of the marital homestead will not hurt one's chances in FAMILY COURT (not divorce court) of getting a dissolution of marriage entered into is as California is a 'no-fault' state but it MAY affect other issues attendant to dissolution proceedings.

California, where both Suzanne and I live, is a community property state and we are also a 'no fault' state. Setting aside any issues with child support/custody, the best an attorney can do is find hidden assets, have both parties to a pre-nuptial agreement live up to the bargain, negotiate asset possession and valuations, allocate marital debt and negotiate marital support (how much and for how long).

But of course, you are an attorney who is familiar with marital law in all 50 states and already knew what I posted above - aren't you.

BTW, I had lunch with Suzanne today and to say everything is fine at home would not be correct; but both want to work towards a good resolution (including staying together) as they love each other, are friends with each other and share a child with each other. She is also appreciative of the support most of her girlfriends here have given.
_______________

[GretchenJ]

Suzanne

My best wishes and prayers go out to you and your family. Hoping that things work out for the best

Gretchen

[Marcia Blue]

Suzanne, my heart feels your pain. I pray that all will end well.

[Sheila11]

Best of luck to you. You are living my greatest fear.

[Persephone]

Suzanne,

Sorry to hear of your situation. In reviewing the posts here I can see that you are a wonderful person who has friends who love you very much. Although I am miles away, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs,
Persephone

[MonctonGirl]

Relationships end or become difficult for a variety of reasons.
This one just isn't on Dr. Phil very much so she probably feels pretty alone and possibly embarrassed too.
Sometimes things seem really bad before they get better.

I am happy that you have reached this milestone in your journey.
I am only sad that I don't have a gorgeous off-white sweater-dress like yours. It's to die for!

At the moment you are doing what humans do - looking for someone to blame.
But it is nobody's fault - and the more you think and regret and wonder what if about the past and that relationship
- the more time and energy you waste - which could be put toward a bright future with a pretty good ending for all involved.

[Marcelle]

Hi Suzanne,

I am so very sorry to hear this. I know this is a difficult time and nothing anyone can say can console the pain you must be feeling. I can however offer you my shoulder to lean, my ear to listen and my heart to help you through the darkness back into the light.

Hugs

Isha

[Suzanne F]

Update

My wife came to the hotel crying that she couldn't stand to lose our family. She said to come home and we would keep working it out. I wen to my therapist that morning to discuss my options. She helped me decide to go home and keep trying. That afternoon my wife and I met again. We decided to see a gender therapist together. I did tell her I thought I would eventually transition but down the road. She said keeping our family together was most important thing again. I so appreciate all of the support I received here. I know this is a precarious situation and it could blow up at any moment. However, I want to make sure I have tried my best to stay with my wife and son. Again thanks for all of the support!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Sissy_Michelle]

Good luck and I will light a candle for you and your family. Be positive and never think you're alone.

@--}---

[Katey888]

That sounds like a positive move, Suzanne - be patient, keep talking, keep it slow and steady...

Relationships and families are the most valuable and priceless things we have - they deserve your every effort and every scrap of good fortune... I hope it settles down a bit now...

:hugs:

Katey x

[Jenniferathome]

...She said keeping our family together was most important thing again. ...

Suzanne, I'm mystified by this comment. Your family can stay together AND you can transition. I can only imagine your marriage will end but that does not mean the "family" ends. Is it just a physical presence that is defining family for your wife? I think you two need to delve into what "family" means. Two involved parents who love their kids and respect each other can make family.

Best of luck

[Melissa_59]

Update

My wife came to the hotel crying that she couldn't stand to lose our family. She said to come home and we would keep working it out.

Suzanne, I'm happy that she want to at least try to work things out. It's so easy for people to just give up, families take work. I wish you all the best and I hope it works out. Family is very important to me.

~Mel

[Shara]

Suzanne, I am so very sorry for you. I got a divorced many years ago and I had 2 girls. Got to see them some but they grow up and I missed most of it. They are grown now and I have 2 grand children. But we never was close after divorce.

I'll pray for you and your wife. Try hard to work it out if you can. I'm setting here stressing out just thinking about what you must be going through. But this will pass some day.

[Hell on Heels]

Suzanne I'm so happy that you returned to your home to try and work things out with the wife.
I'm sure you can find some way to make things better between the two of you.
Taking a step backwards, doesn't have to mean moving backwards,
it can just be a change in direction. As always, slowing things down a notch,
will allow her to sort her thoughts.
Best wishes for a peaceful outcome to all of this for you and your wife.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Shara]

Just read your last post that you and your wife both are going to try to work it out. I'm so happy for you!!!!!

[Michelle V]

Wishing you the best in a very difficult situation, I hope you and your wife can come to an agreement and your life doesn't change too drastically, time heals all wounds, I hope in the near future your life is just as you want it, good luck.