Are you good observer?

[Mafalda]

Browsing through the forum I wonder how many of us share common behaviours and ways of thinking - even in different continents, let me say - as if being a crossdressers should imply a sort of common way of feeling, or so.
I see that most of us, including me, are incredibly scared by going out en femme because they are concerned about what other people will think, and are really in fear of being spotted. Who is accustomed to going out "en femme" says that most of the time nobody cares about you...
So I thought, since I have always been a really good observer (I have seen it in my scientific work as much as in my hobbies), is it possible that all we crossdressers are very accustomed to watch people on the street, more than most of the other men and women, and because of it we think that every one else is watching and observing us the same as we do? People on the street instead are not so interested!! :doh:
I hope you understand what I mean... :brolleyes: my English is a bit rusty!
Ciao

[bridget thronton]

I think people who are self-conscious always feel people are looking at them - perhaps when we become more at ease in public we see things more accurately

[Nadine Spirit]

I would basically agree with your theory. Oh and I found your English to be quite readable.

Oh and also, I can be a good observer, but I am also quite adept at turning it off and existing within my own world. Which is primarily what I do when I go out in public dressed as a girl.

[Katey888]

Ciao Mafalda, (your English is great!)

I think this is very true - because we do watch people (particularly females, obviously...) we assume everyone else is doing the same. I love to spend time just sipping coffee and watching people go about their day... it is fascinating to watch and try to imagine what is happening in their world. I recently had a little time to spend in a large town and did exactly that - wondering also what it would feel like to walk through a crowded shopping centre en femme...

But most people are just going somewhere, or they are talking to someone if they are not alone - there is always something to distract them from looking at others... but I love doing this! It can be so entertaining, and occasionally - just, occasionally.. - there is a rare beauty who makes it better than entertaining... ;)

My wife tells me I would have made a good detective because I don't miss any small details... but she doesn't know why I am looking... :D

Katey x

[Mafalda]

Thank you all, I see some of us feel the same as me... Crossdressing detectives... looks something like Charly's angels... Seems fine!! :D
Ciao

PS sorry I misspelled the title... :o could you proofread, admin?

[Kate Simmons]

What can I say? Paying attention to detail was part of my job both in the Army and in my civilian career. Now in retirement, it's particularly more enjoyable. :battingeyelashes::)

[Confucius]

Yes, your English is fine. You question whether cross-dressers are typically good observers. Well, I believe that there are some traits that are more common in this group than the general population. Here are a few:
1. Cross-dressers are introspective, (self-conscious, and afraid of what others may think of us.)
2. Cross-dressers easily empathize with people.
3. Cross-dressers often describe their childhood as being, sensitive, gentle, non-aggressive, submissive.
4. During their teenage years they often have a low self-esteem and poor social skills.
5. They don't want to be dominant (alpha) males and they don't admire males who are. (As a child they were more likely to be bullied, than to have been a bully.)
6. They grew up believing that girls have it better in life, and they have never noticed that society values males above females. They seem completely oblivious to the sociological principle of "male privilege".

I am sure that cross-dressers share other commonalities but those are the ones that come to my mind at the moment.

[Teresa]

Hi Mafalda,
you are right we tend to pick up small details, just today in the dentist waiting room a tall slim lady sat down, I immediately noticed her large hands and the way she moved them was very manly I'm sure she was a GG, its because we over read too much!

Confucius I find many of your explanations very acceptable but I'm afraid I don't fit into 4 or 5 of your trait categories , sorry !

[Samantha Clark]

1. Cross-dressers are introspective, (self-conscious, and afraid of what others may think of us.)
2. Cross-dressers easily empathize with people.
3. Cross-dressers often describe their childhood as being, sensitive, gentle, non-aggressive, submissive.
4. During their teenage years they often have a low self-esteem and poor social skills.
5. They don't want to be dominant (alpha) males and they don't admire males who are. (As a child they were more likely to be bullied, than to have been a bully.)
6. They grew up believing that girls have it better in life, and they have never noticed that society values males above females. They seem completely oblivious to the sociological principle of "male privilege".



Wow, yes. This defines me to a "T."

[Karren H]

Apparently I think I'm a good observer but the facts say I'm not... After I notice something and mention it my wife is always saying "that's only been there for 4 years..."

[ReineD]

My SO isn't here to answer, but based on what he has told me I think that most of Confucius' observations apply ... the exceptions are having low self-esteem and being submissive, and also being afraid of what others think. My SO has only felt the latter at times when she was dressed. Also, my SO believes that men and women are each valued equally in our society but for different things in some cases.


I immediately noticed her large hands and the way she moved them was very manly I'm sure she was a GG,

Teresa, I think that only a CDer would think that her hands or the way she moved them were manly. The rest of us would have only thought she was a woman with large hands. Physiognomies do vary a great deal within each gender, and I'm pretty sure that most of us don't even think to assign gender-status to individual characteristics. I also think that CDers might be apt to notice this sort of thing more than non-CDers, because passing and gender issues are a bigger concern.
:2c:

[Adriana Moretti]

yea I think we are great observers....I noticed yesterday no women ( or very few) wear heels to the mall LOL.....

[Beverley Sims]

Mafalda,
I am a bad observer as I do not look at people much, only to interact with them.

[Princess Grandpa]

Your English was fine.

I agree with the premise that most of the public doesn't care. I disagree that they don't notice. I do like to consider myself observant. I frequently go out with a group of ladies here in SoCal. I rarely wear dresses,rigs or forms. I'm just this weird hybrid thing. While we are out and about I occasionally fall off from the group to be able to observe their affect on those around us. They are noticed. They are usually met with acceptance or no reaction at all but they are noticed.

Confucius your list is very accurate to me as well. Some very slight variations to myself but on the whole spot on

Hug
Rita

[Farrah]

Wow, yes. This defines me to a "T."

Its like someone based this on my life...Wow!!

[sandra-leigh]

When I was being bullied and excluded, my response was "Okay, so I'll go find something else to do." This is, to me, not the same as being submissive, as I wasn't being pushed out of anything, I wasn't "giving up ground": I was not getting cooperation so I moved on.


6. They grew up believing that girls have it better in life, and they have never noticed that society values males above females.

The opposite for me. I knew that males were valued more highly and that women were being oppressed in numerous ways, and I wondered what that felt like, how did it feel, how did women cope. I was no-where near "I'm not good enough to be male" or "I want to give up responsibility" or "I deserve to be punished" or anything like that: instead it was, "I don't want to be that person that perpetuates the oppression; how can I truly understand the experience so as to work to avoid it and help end it?" I was rather influenced by "Black Like Me", the story of a white man who dyes himself dark in order to feel for himself how Black people were being treated in the USA (in the middle of the 1900's). There are some things that cannot be instinctively understood by simply reading about them; "You had to be there" -- so I was going to go there.

[kimdl93]

Hyper vigilant might be the term I'd use, especially during those initial forays out into the public. Later, when the threat proves less real we can begin to let down our guard and pay less attention to those around us.

[Christen]

Interesting! I've always had an eye for detail. Like Katie, I've been told I would make a good detective. I've also got very good recall, for some things. Down the street, unfortunately, I'm almost always going over what someone's wearing, giving it a mental critique. And people watching is a lot of fun.

Christen x

[Mafalda]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I had a lot of hints from what you wrote. I certainly agree with Isha "Labels are for soup cans", I didn't want to classify CDers in any way... everyone of us is different!
At least

I'm almost always going over what someone's wearing, giving it a mental critique.
is shared by most of us!

I agree with the premise that most of the public doesn't care. I disagree that they don't notice.
This is really interesting. In Italy it's impossible that people don't care... talking about the others seems our best concern! I hope we will improve...

After I notice something and mention it my wife is always saying "that's only been there for 4 years..."
That really made me laugh... The same happens to me! Wives are always winning!
Confucius your nickname is definitively appropriate!
It' s wonderful being in this forum, thanks! :bighug:
Ciao!

[Chickhe]

I am a good observer... I think its skill, but also when you are paranoid you will be discovered you tend to notice everything. What I didn't realize in feeling worried all the time what others think, I became very shy and reluctant participator. In taking some risk to go out, I learned to ignore other people and just be proud of who I am. Once you get self confidence, you feel a lot better overall.

[Gardener]

I guess that fears and behaviours are programmed into us by experiences some of which we are unlikely to recollect. As a young child I clearly recall putting on Mum's shoes and jewelery and clothes as a play activity. I do not think anyone made a negative comment about it. However I have a sense that when I went out I was dressed in a particular way: decisions were made for me. I don't think that CDing was too common then, but who knows. If we walk down the street now how many men do we pass who may be underdressing to some extent. The same may be true when I was young. However I do feel that society has a tolerance about it now towards difference that it did not have in my youth. The trouble is that these fears and behaviours have been hardwired by time. If one starts tinkering with the wiring too much what will be the consequence?

[KaceyR]

All of Confucius' lines match me to a 't' here... But slight variation on '6'..
A chicken or the egg thing, I've felt that women have it better due to the match to my own personality and experiences/thoughts.
To me the capability to feel, to be empathic, has more priority in an advancing society than being a hunter gatherer and brawn.
However I logically recognize that they don't as a society piece in the world today.

But other than that, I have never been that good at observing and recognizing things.
Oh I might recognize something technical,. But more and more due to my own bit of self conscious introspectiveness and self isolation, I've had a rougher time keying on verbal and body language cues. More of a speed thing. In tests I can do those facial 'match the expression to implied feelings' thing and succeed greatly. Just did one last week... Like 90-95% good. But in real time chatting with someone, I over analyze, I get tied up working up my own responses in conversations,etc and with all that going on, I miss facial and non verbal cues.

So that's one of my issues on it anyways :)

[Charla McBee]

I've always been a people watcher. I think I picked it up from the isolation of some particularly bad bullying in my middle school years. I would imagine myself as an outsider observing the behavior of human beings. That all turned into an annoying complex where I am constantly worried that strangers are judging me.

It's also probably a contributing factor in my most outwardly noticeable and most often commented upon stereotypically feminine trait of being very concerned about my appearance and taking an hour to get ready to go out for pretty much anything.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Mafalda, Birds of a feather stick together.

[devida]

Nice list, Confucius. I will take 1, 2, 3, but not 4, 5, 6. I have always had high self esteem and good social skills, while I am not an alpha male I am certainly alpha something ( or maybe just a top predator), and I always knew just how screwed both men and women were by the dominant power structures in society. As far as the OP's suggestion I simply don't care what other people think about the way I dress and if they would like to say anything about it to me, why that would be just amazing, because all I get is smiles or averted eyes, and the infrequent question from women I hug as to why they can feel a bra! So, no I am not a particularly good observer, I am not hyper sensitive to what people think about me, and, frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.

[StephanieinSecret]

Confucius, you are nearly on the money for me as well. I like to think I'm a good observer, but I think I have good moments and bad like anything else. I do tend to notice a girl's shoes more than usual though- even if they arent heels. Its probably all the time spent browsing shoes for myself expressing itself a different way.

[donnalee]

If you don't learn to watch your back around here, you can seriously decrease your life expectancy. It's a must do, not a choice. I do restrict myself to doing close observation when I'm in a safer area, as this is a city of pockets with the potential of moving one block over and being in serious danger. Why not leave? This is where I live!

[sometimes_miss]

A couple of months ago, one of the members here did an experiment; he went out shopping en femme, and had a female accomplice follow at a distance to see what kinds of reactions the general public had. Well, the results weren't what was expected; most people noticed, and a lot of the comments were not positive; in fact, I don't remember ANY positive comments. Don't let the pink fog fool you; people notice, and they generally don't like us. It's not usually hate; but they'd just as soon you weren't in the same state as they are. NIMBY syndrome. You're fine, the general public just doesn't want you around, anywhere. Don't ask, don't tell, don't exist.

[typhoidmary]

hah, I seem to be the opposite to a lot of people here. If cloud cuckoo land were a town, I would probably be the mayor.