The Acceptance Of A Significant Other

[melissacd]

Those of us who have been on this board for a while know that there have been both positive and negative stories about gaining the acceptance of their significant other. I being one of the ones who has yet gained that glorious state am always looking for ideas on how to achieve that.

What I am looking for from both the cross dressers and their spouses are positive stories, stories of success. I realize that they may not have started that way, however, I am interested in the process, the good points and the not so good points that took you from "Honey I have something to tell you" to reaching a level where cross dressing is accepted as a part of the partnership.

Hearing all the positive success stories in one thread (hopefully) will be a real life model for the rest of us to learn from. I appreciate on behalf of the group any and all responses.

Huggs
Melissa

[Amanduhrob]

Well my Ex never "accepted" it, with her it was "out of sight, out of mind", although I did tell her I dressed well before the wedding, and dressing had nothing to do with the divorce.

Ever since then, I've come to realize that any person whom I might have a relationship has the right to know as soon as possible, so I usually tell them after the third or fourth date, but since the divorce, I've been looking for more than a girlfriend, I've been actively searching for a Dominant.

With my current Fiancée, things are different, she's a Dominatrix, and although "feminizing" her boy isn't her thing, she doesn't mind if I dress, wear long nails, paint my nails...etc, as long as I have no plans of living as a woman, or having the operation.

[Jenny Beth]

Being one of the extremely fortunate CD's with an accepting and supportive partner, the "process" as you put it was more of a learning experience for both of us. The most important thing for me was a willingness on my wife's part to try to understand why I had the urge to dress. At the time I didn't have very many answers and it was as confusing to me as it was to her. We never fought or argued about the issue but she was uncomfortable with it. Simply put, over time she realized I was the same person and my dressing was not a threat to our relationship. Every woman has her own set of values and they are not easily changed, so what works for one couple may not necessarily work for another. In short, there is no real "process". It will always boil down to what a woman can accept and she can not be faulted for what she can't accept in a relationship.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Melissa

I was lucky from the get go because my wife is just so awesome. I not only told her that I crossdress, but that inside I was really a woman named Karen, so she was shocked by it all. After thinking about it for a few days, she went out of town on a trip that was already planned, she basically came home, rolled up her sleeves, and started studying the situation.

She had tons of questions and demanded firm answers, it felt like an interrogation to me, but I held nothing back and was totally truthful. She googled "transgender" and did lots of research, that's how we found this place. She read several books on the subject, do a search on crossdressing at Amazon. What convinced her the most that I was the real deal came after she sat me down and made me up to see what I'd look like. I had never really had the time to do make-up before, and when I saw myself when she was done, I saw the real me for the first time, and I cried. When she saw the look in my eyes at that moment, I don't know, it just sealed it for her. She saw that I was still the person she fell in love with and wanted to live the rest of her life with.

She has taught me so much, about make-up, clothes, shopping, everything. She taught me that it was okay to love myself, that I deserved it. She took me out dressed for the first time, I can't put into words how wonderful that felt. We go out together all the time now, two girls having a good time. I stayed hidden for 50 years or so, because of her strength and support I've since been able to tell my kids, close family, and friends about me.

It wasn't a cakewalk for us, so don't get that impression. We had some tough times and issues to deal with, and it was hard, took a lot work, but we both kept at it because we love each other so much, we didn't want to lose. I took hold of her hand and swore I'd never let go, it took a while for her to believe me and trust in me, but I think we're finally there. We're on a good stretch of highway, got a full tank of gas, cruise control on, and we'll see where we end up, together.

Just a little advice that worked for us; once you come out you can't go back, so be totally honest about everything, hold nothing back. Once you knock a wall down, you have to clear away all of the rubble, otherwise you might trip on it, if you know what I mean. You'll be counting on her to be there for you, just make sure you do the same in return. Make sure that you hold on to each other tight, and always show her that you're still the same person she fell in love with. Last, but not least, flowers! Buy her lots and lots of flowers, and cards, and candy (her favorites, not yours), go ahead and be a sap, it's fun! Best of luck to you.

GypsyKaren

[sparkle]

My life started out without any inkling of being a CD’er. I was forced/coerced into female clothing by my friend’s older sister and 3 of her friends at age 14 as I was just beginning my late puberty. Long story, but they saw my lack of development, challenged my man-hood, etc etc etc. (I have done enough internet reading to know that nobody believes such stories, well tough, it happened!).

I then suppressed the whole episode for 35 years. My experience was related to full skirts and petticoats and anytime I saw such an outfit, (formal shop window, square dancer, etc) I got that internal sense of a nameless something is wrong but avoided actually thinking about it. During the 35 years there were two failed marriages, problems accepting/understanding my sexuality including related performance problems, and the development of a great talent in suppressing past trauma.

Five years ago, I married again. A few months into the marriage she jokingly make a comment about men in dresses and made some comment about me in a dress, I felt threatened inside but laughed it off. This triggered me to have dreams related to cross dressing (first time I ever had such dreams). I sometimes talk in my sleep and I was very worried that I would say something related to the dreams and have a lot of explaining to do.

So, I told my new wife about my history, the first time it was ever told to anyone. Without a word, she went into the bedroom and returned carrying a skirt and said, “Put it on”. After a bit of prodding and discussion about how it is just cloth and how I needed to get over the past hurt and how it was the people that hurt me, not the clothing, I put it on. In the safe environment of her understanding, it felt good.

There was a lot of experimenting, exploration, discussion. I now cross dress regularly in full view of my wife. I do not ever try to pass or go out, just “put on a dress”. After a while I even tried the much feared petticoat and enjoyed it. Best of all, I now have a very satisfying sexual relationship with my wife.

So she appeared to have accidentally outed me and then worked with the result.

[Reana]

I've never been married but have had a steady succession of long term relationships with ggs. The acceptance level in those relationships has ranged from marginal tolerance to complete support and participation. My first ever makeup was applied by a SO, at her suggestion. This was one of two that fully supported and accepted. Most of the others merely "went along" with my dressing and footwear fetish because they had enough emotional connection to me to allow them to "overlook " it. No relationship ever ended over the dressing. All, with the exception of the present, were introduced to my dressing desires gradually so were not traumatized. The introduction of this piece of information to the present was not handled properly at all by me but that is something for a different thread. The present, however, does tolerate what I call "casual femme" (women's jeans, femme tops, and ballet slippers) in her presence. She has no present desire to see either pics or me in person in full dress with makeup and wig. I have no problem with that and consider the present situation a fair compromise on her part. :cool:

[RenaCD]

Great Question Melissa My story is very much the same as Karen's except for the going out in public. And also~ To Sparkle, I had much the same experience when I was Young so don't let anyone PO-Ho it.
Back to the subject at hand.
I've been Crossdressing in Secret for 40+ years and keeping it well hidden in my very pretend macho world of Carpentry,Firefighting, and all the rest.
Now keep in mind that it has been a fact in my family that all the men never see the age of 50 so of course I did Purge my wardrobe at 49and a few months getting all ready for the big event and my next life,which I'm sure will be Female. Nothing happened~Then it occurred to me my Mother gave me something else her genies for long life.
It also occurred to me that it was long overdo to finally be truth with this lady that has put up with all my life's shanagons for so long and still managed to love me.
So just about a month ago one evening when things were fairly quiet I sat her down and with so very many good suggestions for this Forum told her I was a Crossdresser and the whole story,from beginning to date, we cried,we laughed ,we talked, We laughed and cried some more, but as always we did it together.
You could have bowled me over with a feather when she looked at me and said Why didn't you tell me earlier we use to be the same size we could have shared a wardrobe.
I really not sure whats down that long stretch of highway with the full tank of gas(as Karen puts it) but we will be traveling it Together an really enjoying the trip and all it has to offer.
I know now that the best part of my Feminine Wardrobe is my SageGG and she's all mine.
Once again great question Sorry if I got off the path a little.

Big Huggs Rena

[Jenny Beth]

Wisdom......me? I failed grade five. I forgot to mention though that we have been together for twenty five years, more than twenty of that with me dressing. I think time has a lot to do with acceptance.

[Nikki Dee]

Sorry to embarass you again Jenny Beth...but your words are wise words...and say it all. A very similiar situation to myself other than my "confession" was only a few years ago. We have a great balance in our marriage now...but when I look at the hard work, patience and emotions that went into our journey I feel we earnt it.!
Love Nikki. x

[katewithcurves]

This conversation makes me realize what stupid things we do in our youth. I have an ex-gf who not only accepted my CDing, she'd have sex with me pretending I was female and even wake me up in the night to caress my breasts or have sex with me just like a man would do to his lover. She is as straight as a female can be but did this because she knew it made me happy. I had the perfect partner and I dumped her for a hot blonde in one of my college classes.