interested

[Inna]

As the title of the forum spells Crossdressers, and the section titled Transsexual seems an add on or if you will a latter consideration.

As I always believed that only a small fraction of CD's are simply fetishistic and even then most of their experience is surrounded with sexuality because of subconscious mechanisms preventing the true spectrum of self to emerge.

Question would be, how many former CD's from the site are now TS, either in consideration, during transition or already there?

[Stephania]

In transition. Been on HRT since January.

[DeeDee1974]

Almost 4 years in transition. As a defense mechanism I used to claim to be CD, but always knew there was more to it. I never walked away from dressing feeling satisfied.

Finding the TS section of this site was a huge help. I finally felt like I could relate to others.

[I Am Paula]

For years I considered my self just a really hard core CD. It was all denial of course. The nature of GD is that it builds. One day the dam burst, and I knew it was transition or die.
Now that I'm not A CD, I don't need to wear five inch pumps out to breakfast anymore.
I've been a happy woman for over two years now, and on HRT for 11 months. Relief.

[GabbiSophia]

3 weeks on hormones and starting out. Thought I was an intense crossdresser .. come to find out that isn't true..

[Cheryl123]

This brings to mind the old question:
"What's the difference between a cross-dresser, and a transsexual?"
Answer: "About two years."

That's humorous because there is a lot of truth in it. I think most transsexuals at one point in their lives considered themselves to be "only" a cross-dresser even though deep inside they knew there was something more to it.

That was the case with me. I've been on HRT and in a (slow) transition for about 9 months and am very happy to be on this road.

[Michelle M]

7 months in, and never looked back!

[arbon]

When I came to this site it was with the intention to be able to get to a place where I could enjoy occasional crossdressing and the hope that that would relieve some of the intense pressure / conflict going on inside me. But I found I could not really connect or relate to the CD section very well (I don't think I have ever talked about cloths on here or felt compelled to run around in high heels and panty hose) - crossdressing for me was not fun I did not want to be a man crossdressing I hated the it made me feel thinking of myself like that. I did not want to be a man.

I related more to the TS section.

added: But I did crossdress. My first thoughts about it were around 4-5 years old wanting to be dressed like the girls in the neighborhood and wanting to be one of them. The first time I actually did cross dress was at 12, one of my moms dresses (probably her only dress - they were not her thing). It fit because my mom is small. I put it on and looked in the mirror and saw a girl and I was excited! So excited I ran into the living room to show my brother who freaked out! I was so ashamed and thinking I was such a freak for feeling like I felt. Later in my teens I would get into girl cloths - friends and a roomates, not with their permission. My one roommate found out and abruptly left. Later when I was married I would sometimes get into my wife things.

So I did crossdress. I did not understand why I did it, I did not like that I did it - but it was much more then the cloths to because I wanted it to be real.

[Megan G]

I think most transsexuals at one point in their lives considered themselves to be "only" a cross-dresser even though deep inside they knew there was something more to it.


So true, I always thought I was "just a crossdresser" but knew there was something more to it. As Paula said it the GD just kept building and building until I snapped a year ago. I have been on HRT for 9 months now and realize I was deep in denial for all those years.

Megan..

[Cheyenne Skye]

As you can see by my join date, I've been around a while. Mostly just reading. Starting in the CD section. The panty of the day threads just didn't make sense to me. But you would also notice that my post count went up dramatically after joining the transsexual forum. As of this past Tuesday I am out at work and "full time" as some would say. No more compartmentalizing my life.

[Shapeshiffter]

HRT 3 1/2 years. Full time 2 1/2 years. GRS this fall.

[Terraforming]

As you can see by my join date, I've been around a while. Mostly just reading. Starting in the CD section. The panty of the day threads just didn't make sense to me. But you would also notice that my post count went up dramatically after joining the transsexual forum. As of this past Tuesday I am out at work and "full time" as some would say. No more compartmentalizing my life.

It was similar for me, though I had another account before this one I forgot the password to. I saw a lot of the threads and just didn't feel any kind of resonance with the things most of the members would talk about and feel. Eventually I read a page on a different site that was basically a very harsh rebuke toward crossdressers thinking they could become transsexuals. I don't really agree with the message or tone, but a lot of the things she said finally connected with me, even though the general slant was that life was all going downhill from then on.

I definitely would not say most, or even a lot of crossdressers are actually transsexuals. But there are definitely a decent number who haven't figured it out yet.

[Starling]

Both posts of my double post were deleted. Bummer, as I devoted a great deal of thought to my response. Oddly, the other reference to double-posting was also sent to the Twilight Zone. Briefly though, I came here as a CD and realized I was MTF trans after not too long. And yes, I think CDs who are really TS develop defense mechanisms against discovering their true nature. Arrivederci!

:) Lallie

[Barbara Ella]

When this all started for me, out of the blue two and a half years ago, all I could find that described what i needed to do at that time. So I was a cross dresser. As things developed, there was no way the simple definition of cross dresser fit, and even my wife could not accept it. As i discovered what being a transexual entailed, and i delved more deeply into my life, I knew what was meant to be, and even my wife accepted my being transexual easier. Been on self prescribed HRT for 18 months, and will finally begin a doctor's prescribed hormone regimen this Monday.

I believe many at first have no idea what is driving them, or cannot fully explain, and it does take some time to appreciate and accept. That acceptance is much more significant to your life than any other you may make.

Barbara

[Anne Elizabeth]

Well I always new I should be a woman. I joined hoping to find myself or maybe to learn why. Now that I have found myself I believe that my whole life went to heck. I guess I was hoping I could find denial answers but between this, many books, tons of soul searching and a few years of counseling I have found the answer but still deny and am having a hard time finding the guts to fully change my live and body. Never was a guy always a woman but just doesn't make sense.

Edit- I guess I joined thinking that maybe I was just a cross dresser but really deep down really knew the real answer.

[noeleena]

Hi,

As this ? has another meaning for me ill answer , to day/ night on an other UK forum iv been a member for some years, i was asked why did i join a crossdressing forum well i gave my answer and no dougbt its much the same why i joined some 15 forums concerning dresser's and Trans people.

Why would a female like myself come here in the first place, more so an intersexed female, yeap i wondered why. over the years, some 8 years,

To learn to understand and maybe get to know others who were or are dresser;s and Trans people, of cause this goes back some 21 years though i knew very little then , now i think im up with the play and reasons because some detail is very similar to myself though in many aspects quite different,

I have met over 200 dresser's and some 30 trans people and had long talks with quite a few,

...noeleena...

[BOBBI G.]

Been on HRT since October and am finally close to peace with myself.

Bobbi

[Rachel Mari]

When I found this site, I came into it as a CD. For many years I was pretty much alone with this as I never met anyone the same way as me. It surprised me how many people had the same experiences in their lives as I did and I wasn’t alone anymore. Sure, some of the threads never made sense to me but others I could relate to very well. The main thing I got out of that section was to go find a gender therapist, which I did within a month of joining.

At first the TS section seemed too serious and scary and I couldn’t go there yet. When I finally did start really reading the posts, I realized how much more I could relate to what was being said than the CD section. Too many things made sense and I had to confront what was always there but denied and suppressed.

Since then, I’m still in therapy and have been on hormones since the end of June 2013 (just switched to injections of E two weeks ago). I’ve come out to most, if not all, of the people close to me or that are important to me. My wife and I will eventually divorce (no hurry on either side) but she works out of town about six months of the year. When she is here, I move to a condo we have downtown and experience getting out and about as I am. In the process of doing that, I’ve never felt so honest or true in my life. It’s like I’ve only existed (I never knew who I was) before and now I can learn just who am I.

Recently there was a thread on doubt. It really rang my bell. For the first time (it made such an impact on me) I was able to understand the difference between real doubt and fear. So many of the doubts I had about myself were based on fear rather than how I saw myself.

I am TS, of that I have no doubt. I have fears that I now can identify and deal with. I don’t fear what other people think of me anymore (especially strangers) but I still worry about the impact I have on others that are very important to me. There is some form of transition in my future, all transitions being somewhat unique.

It’s a long process for me, but I’m just taking one day at a time.

[StephanieC]

I have always had troubles with the labels. Even now, I don't know if I'm supposed to answer the posts with "for TS only". When I first came to the forum, I knew "what I was" and "what I could be". So there was alot of experimenting and I guess you could say there was CDing...if you consider the 4in heels and my teenage-like choice in clothes. It was a time of bony butts and skinny legs. But I went from herbals to hrt, clothes became less important (what the heck do I DO with all that stuff that I can never wear again?) and I became more ME.

Last night, someone complimented me on my smile and another on my being "always put together". Considering I had to learn to smile, I consider both an acknowledgement of how far I've come. And yet, I have so far to go.

For me, I'm on a journey and I don't always know where or when I'll get to the end.

-stephani

[Sephina]

As was stated at a few different times earlier in this thread, I think that all of us at one point are only CD, or try and fetish ize it, that was me, although ive seen alot of accounts to the contrary, some on here would suggest that if you realize you are possibly TS and still experience sexual arousal from dressing then the consensus has seemingly been people say your not TS. However i have been all around the internet to various forums and watched several videos and follow a few transitioned women and men who do say that at 1st they did have feelings of sexual arousal even after they figured out there were TS but that eventually subsided.

I guess what im trying to say this is me personally, i am TS and i am currently working towards transition but i still do find it exotic to dress and to be out in public, but its not really sexually driven in nature alot, its largely that its exciting to finally be able at least in some small part to be yourself, at least that my feelings/ rational on the matter.

[Rianna Humble]

When I joined this site, I didn't want to admit that I was Trans* although I was already having second thoughts about the denial (as you can read in my intro). I tried hard to be a cross-dressing male, but some of my early posts show the anguish that this caused me. So, technically, I count towards Inna's census but from another point of view, I was already TS just trying not to admit it.

[Sara Jessica]

So true, I always thought I was "just a crossdresser"...

I always hate hearing the phrase "just a crossdresser". And Megan, I totally get where you are coming from so this is no dig against you.

Probably about five years ago, I was in the last Los Angeles area TG boutique, Countessa's Closet (since closed with a whimper). I was there with my friend Christine and Countessa referred to moi as "just a crossdresser". Aside from the fact that Christine corrected her rather abruptly, it made me think of several dear friends I have who are "just crossdressers" and many of them exude more natural and radiant feminine energy than some who I have met who are fully transitioned.

This thing of ours shines from what resides in our hearts, souls and minds. It can evolve in some, or better put, awaken under the spell of knowledge and understanding. I accept labels as a means to describe who we are and our place on a spectrum. I reject labels as a means to marginalize anyone who struggles with gender issues. I accept labels in the description of our journey. I reject labels as a superficial way to categorize who should be a friend. Given the richness and diversity of friendships I have enjoyed during my own personal renaissance, these things have served me well.

As such, I reject the theory that there is some sort of repression going on that is preventing most in CD'er land from full-on feminine self-actualization. Some guys just like to dress up, there's nothing wrong with that.

[Rachel Smith]

[QUOTE=StephanieC;3509446 Considering I had to learn to smile, -stephani[/QUOTE]

I too had to do that Stephanie.

Now for the subject at hand.

For years I wouldn't "dress" because I just felt it wouldn't end there. Then when I did start dressing again I told myself I could just go this far. Kinda like quitting smoking when you tell yourself just one is OK but knowing full well once is to many and a million is not enough. I couldn't watch shows that even delved into the discussion of someone being TS. The whole subject scared the hell out of me, knowing what I knew deep down. I was "only just a crossdresser because that's what society was willing to accept. Society has not changed but as I got older my attitude towards what society thought did.

[Marleena]

Like Rachel, I tempted fate too. I sound like a broken record but when I first started here I thought was on the far end of the TG spectrum but never thought it would escalate. I had buried all thoughts of my former bout of GD in my twenties as a way of surviving life. Halloween of all days triggered the GD again. I had finally got my makeup right and looking in the mirror made me realize I had been hiding my true self for a very long time. It progressed to outings and a wonderful vacation as Marleena in Vegas that finally convinced me it was time to see a gender therapist. It was like a floodgate opened and I had my truth and there was no denying it anymore.

BTW at some point we'll here that someone here never crossdressed (like it's a bad thing).


*Edit*

Now that I think of it... technically if we were dressing as women we weren't crossdressing at all.:)

[Michelle789]

I feel like the TG spectrum has a very wide varieties of gender identities and gender expressions. The TG umbrella term separates gender identity and gender expression and you can be TG if either your gender identity or gender expression (or both) differs from your assigned birth sex. You don't have to identify as either male or female, and you don't have to express as male or female either. You can switch from day to day too, depending on the masculine and feminine energies you have.

I like to think of gender as a rainbow, and similar to using RGB to make colors on a computer screen. All colors on our computers are made up of a combination of shades of red, green, and blue, and I like to think of gender as the same way, where we have different combinations of gender identity, gender expression, and anything else possibly related to gender too.

I personally believe (and I could be wrong) that some cross-dressers are in fact TS in denial, some cross-dressers have a milder form of gender dysphoria that requires them to CD and pass as a female occasionally, but not strong enough to actually transition. Other cross-dressers are male identified but like to dress in women's clothes. Most have no need for a female name or wig and just like to wear dressers, skirts, hose, makeup, nail polish, or other items of women's clothes. Some will take on a female name on a forum because they don't want their male identities to be outed. Others are in fact gender fluid, bi-gender, or dual-gender. Some identify or present androgynously. Some are genderqueer and will happily present publicly as a dude in a dress.

Many TSes start off thinking that we're cross-dressers, but we know there's something way deeper too. I always thought I was a cross-dresser but I felt something way deeper too. When I read about cross-dressing, I never identified with the fact that most cross-dressers are male identified or have strong male identities, and do not wish to transition or be women. I felt like hearing stories or seeing documentaries about transition always struck a raw nerve with me. I felt like I identified with these people and deeply wished I could transition myself. Once I saw a documentary, "Her name was Steven", and after I saw it I literally freaked out that if I don't stop cross-dressing that I will end up transitioning and being TS.

Well, guess what, I never stopped cross-dressing, and I'm seriously considering transition. I even came out to a friend the other day (my ex-next door neighbor, a young female, who just moved out today). It went really well, I will write another post about it. She saw me dressed for the first time and we said hi to each other, although I didn't want to disturb her from her moving activities (she was speaking to the movers) so I didn't attempt to further any conversation.



I always hate hearing the phrase "just a crossdresser".

I hate that phrase too. Cross-dressers have every right to cross-dress, publicly and privately, whether they decide to pass as women or present as a dude in a dress. Cross-dressers have their share of problems too with public acceptance, SO and family acceptance, and finding time to CD while balancing it with their normal lives.


Probably about five years ago, I was in the last Los Angeles area TG boutique, Countessa's Closet (since closed with a whimper).

I attempted to go to Countessa's Closet last August, about a week before I joined the forum in September. I discovered that she was closed. I found her phone number and called her up and left a message. By some miracle, she called me back. I heard great things about Countessa and thought she could help - I emailed her saying I was interested in wigs and shoes - although I never had the courage to walk into her store when she was open. I used to be a regular customer at neighboring Reno's Pizza and I would see the sign to Countessa's, but I got scared to go in. I guess I was afraid my co-workers or someone else I know might see me walk in or out haha. Once again, caring WAY too much about what others thini. She told me that she was closed. I assumed she closed just recently. Only later on did I find out that she was closed for well over as year (probably June-August, 2012). She told me about a fire in her shop and the neighboring sushi restaurant. I also heard rumors about two fires at Reno's. I later confirmed all three fires by speaking to people at Reno's and a neighboring vacuum shop.

Countessa said that she was going to re-open, but didn't know when. I kept checking her website and eventually it was taken down. I found her to be very unreliable. Also, she told me by email that I should pick a prettier name. WTF, telling me that she doesn't approve of my name. I'm so glad I don't shop with her and I personally don't care if she ever re-opens. I find her to be extremely rude, and your experience with her calling you "just a cross-dresser" proves how rude she really is, along with her judging my choice of name. And she obviously doesn't care about her customers either because she has been closed for almost two years even though she says that she's going to re-open.

[spandexgirl188]

I started at a young age, at age 11 wearing my sisters clothes and grew from there. i got good at CDing but it wasnt good enough, i wanted to be accepted, i wanted to feel and have my body look and feel like a GG's. So it started with cd'ing and then progressed from there for me :) and no, i wont tell you how long lol cuz youll know my age :P

[Dianne S]

Yes. Like others, I came here thinking I was "just" a CD, but after a while realized I'm TS. I'm just at the very beginning of transition: Started on hair removal a few months ago and hope to get on Spiro this month and HRT ASAP.

[Shy_Confusion]

I joined this site, because even though I hadn't crossdressed in over 20 years since my teens, I felt compelled to dress. I couldn't figure out where any of those feelings came from. So I came here looking for answers. I didn't know ANYTHING. I'd never heard of TS, TG, I didn't know what the gender spectrum was. So in my mind I was a crossdresser. It didn't take me very long to figure out I didn't feel the way crossdressers do. The idea of crossdressing was just the rabbit hole to the deeper issues. I stopped posting on this forum, but occasionally would "ghost" in to the TS forum, and read too many things I identified with.

I don't personally identify as anything, because I'm still a babe on this whole journey of self discovery. All I knew is that I had a large female part of my make up that I've spent almost 30 years trying to eradicate, deny, and over compensate for.
I built a huge super-macho facade and bought into my own BS. Now that I'm learning to sift through the truth and the false front with a gender therapist; I'm giving serious consideration to transition. I wouldn't have known there was such a thing as a Gender Therapist or what WPATH was without this forum. So I thank you all.

[becky77]

Growing up it was all a dark dirty secret, I didn't have access to the internet. I spent most of my life wanting to be female/hating being male. When I could CD it was always to look as good as possible the full works, just wearing a dress gave me no satisfaction. When I finally discovered the word transvestite in the dictionary it was a mini revelation. To be in the dictionary meant it was a known condition of some kind, however the rest of the description didn't sit right.
I met a TS when I was a young teen, no disrespect to anyone but she freaked me out. False sounding high pitched voice, over exaggerated mannerisms, and dressed poorly.
People pointed her out and didn't want to serve her. I'm not proud of that but I was young and impressionable. TS scared me, so I think part of my brain rejected it, I'm well aware its classic denial.
So after much purging and self hatred, I just tried everything to live a 'normal life'.
About 15 years ago I had to discover more of who I was and found out about a transgender club, it was one of a few I went to over the years and I just didn't get on with it. I felt more alone in those places and yet I had come to find people similar to me, I just couldn't find my place and felt alienated from what was my own community? So I locked it all down and buried myself in work and hobbies for ten years.
But in the end I felt so bad I had to seek therapy, whilst in therapy I met another TS, this time she just seemed normal and between the two I managed to finally accept who I was.
I have always felt different, joining forums like this helped me connect with other's that are struggling with these issues.
Sometimes there are threads and I just didn't understand, the total fascination with pantyhose for example, and numerous others like them.
I've tried to be a CDer its an easier place to be, my mind shut out anything TS related, far too scary. But in the end you can only lie to yourself for so long.

So the long winded answer is, yes I definitely came here as a CD, but then I didn't know there was differences, different labels.
I had no idea of the difference of identity and liking the clothes.
It was a revelation to me that other CDers didn't hate being male, I had never heard of gender dysphoria before.
Problem is I had spent so many years trying to hide and bury it, I had never tried to learn about it all.

[Carlene]

Have never felt like a crossdresser, though I understand that is part of what was happening, but for me, it is more about feeling right about myself than anything else.

[FurPus63]

It's amazing to me how many times something I've struggled with or thought about ends up here on this forum. When I first joined this forum, I joined as CD. I couldn't accept that I was TS. There have always been so many negative things connected with the term "transsexual." We're all aware of them. So those things stopped me from accepting myself as TS. Somewhere along the line, it just hit me and I had no choice but to accept it. I was not satisfied just dressing as a girl, I knew in my heart I wanted to be a girl, a woman, and always had. It took therapy (as it often does) and a lot of inner soul searching and reflection to reach this conclusion. Even then, even as I began my full-time transition (two years ago) I still would tell others, "I'm a transgender woman...." It took living my life as a woman for several months, and reading posts here (writing a few and responding to a few) before I finally began to tell people that I am TS (if I had to tell them anything).

I live my life as a woman, and don't tell anyone I'm trans unless they confront me on it (this is what I've been advized) but I no longer feel the shame and guilt associated with it that I once did. I'm now more ashamed of the fact that I was ashamed. LOL! Denial and repression are strong things we all have to deal with. I'm glad to read here, I am not the only one who dealt with these feelings.

Paulette

[Aly Cat]

For all my life, I never had put a term to what I was. I didnt know anything about crossdressing, transgenderism, transsexualism, etc. I thought I was alone. I didnt even know that you could change your gender through hormones, surgeries, etc. until I was in my 30s. (Yes, I was sheltered.) When I found this site, I spent the first several months just thinking I was a crossdresser. I made friends, had many deep conversations with those friends, and after talking with them, realized there was more to it than just crossdressing. I had expressed my feelings about myself, how I felt inside, and what this all meant to me. Through those conversations of self discovery, I began my journey to start transitioning. Its been a long 6 months, but I have finally started transitioning. I have been on HRT for one month as of this upcoming thursday. It has been a very difficult journey with lots of ups and downs and sacrifices. I wouldnt change it though. I finally feel like I am myself.

[Suzanne F]

I am trans. I wanted it to just be crossdressing but it is so much deeper than that. It is causing so much havoc in my life right now. However, I do feel authentic some days. What a gift!
Suzanne