Coming out?

[JuliaC]

Hello everybody,
I have started accepting the fact that I need to transition to be happy. I don't think I can live as a guy and constantly have these thoughts about being transgender in the back of my mind. I need to be able to viewed as a woman by people. I will be so much happier if I am viewed and treated as a woman. Because of this realization I have started thinking about coming out to my family...specifically my parents. I was wondering what advice you ladies would have for me in this situation? What is the best way to come out to them? Any resources that would be good for me to look at first?
Thanks!
Julia

[Rogina B]

Why don't you engage the help of a therapist and get your thoughts together as well as a plan about how best to inform your family?

[Anne2345]

Having read some of your previous posts, you appear to be kind of all over the place on these issues. But that's quite okay, because it's all part of the process of figuring all of this monumentally confusing and confounding junk out.

As for wanting to come out, I certainly understand your desire. But know that if you do begin coming out to folk, it will change everything. And once you come out, there is no unringing that bell.

You have written before that you cannot afford a qualified gender therapist to consult. However, there is nothing cheap about transition. Regardless, before you engage in any life-altering actions, I would strongly encourage you to seek out qualified assistance. Find a way to make it happen. At the very least, find some good, local support groups to attend. There is much you can do to help yourself figure this out.

What I would not do, though, is come out to anyone until you do these things and learn more about yourself. Having come out to my friends and family myself, the experience has not been what I hoped or thought it would be. There is much I regret about having done so. At least in regard to the timing of having done so. And there is much I have lost in so doing, as well. But what's done is done, and I have made my peace with it. Are you in a position where you can do so and still get where you want to be in life? Do you even know where that is right now?

Fwiw, I think you should spend your current resources figuring yourself out before you put yourself out there for your friends' and family's consideration. Because believe me, folk WILL be confused, and they will NOT understand. And if YOU are likewise confused, or are unsure of yourself, how do you think others will respond and react to you? I mean, you ain't got NO shot of earning the understanding of others until you earn it yourself, and can adequately articulate it and express yourself.

So as tempting as it may seem, try not to put the horse before the carriage until you're truly ready for such a big, completely life-altering step.

[Terraforming]

You should find some balance in your life before you do anything too rash. Money is a big hurdle, and you can't necessarily rely on people to help you financially. When I told my mother, I asked for her help. She said she'd always support me, but she wasn't going to throw money at something I might not be certain about. From there I spent two years building up confidence, a wardrobe, and finding a stable enough job to have money to spend on doctors visits and HRT. If I had waited and came out to her when I was stronger, she likely would have helped me. At the very least find a support group and get yourself well oriented to this whole thing. Getting to the point where I could show my face to my friends and family was definitely the most important step for me. I don't get get acceptance, I get a lot more respect than I would have.

To put it briefly, if you look like a mess, people are going to think you're a mess. If you're strong and confident, they'll get the feeling that you know what you want.

[I Am Paula]

I think you need to discover yourself. If YOU, and a therapist, and a Doctor all decide transition is right for you, then begin. You will still have time then to decide when to come out, but I think it's well down the road. Also, it's difficult to come out before you've really begun, because people will look you over, see the same person, and say 'Really?'.
We are all different, and there is no right way. You follow your path.